My noggin is hoggin all kinds of thoughts. Adam Yoggin is Yauch and he's rockin of course.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Like every red-blooded American my expectations were sky high for "Blackwater." So high I fully expected them to not be met. By God(s) I was wrong. What an episode of television! That’s right a motherlovin’ exclamation point!

Terrific idea to throw us right into the throes of battle with Stannis’ fleet approaching and then the greatest drumline ever. The fighting nearly beginning internally with a strong scene between Bronn and The Hound. It must be fun for George R.R. Martin to write some scenes for characters who have blossomed more on the screen than the pages of a book like Bronn.

As great an episode as it was for the battle itself, it wouldn’t have been an A++ if it wasn’t for Lena Headey’s drunken, innuendo-laden, half-advice, half-mocking behavior in the Red Keep. What a delightful bitch. Not that that’s news, but wow she gets such pleasure out of her torment.

I think everyone was curious to see how they were going to use the wildfire and the answer was “awesomely.” I thought it was a clever use and it looked really good as it blew up a lot of the fleet and sent Davos flying through the air. Liam Cunningham has really crushed his scenes as Davos. I just wish there was more throughout the season.

Hound hate fire. Fire burn Hound. Hound no fight.

Tyrion – “Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let’s go kill them!”

HALF-MAN! HALF-MAN! HALF-MAN!

Tyrion – “Oh fuck me.”

Peter Dinklage probably just sewed himself up another Emmy with that scene that sports teams need to start figuring out how to use at their stadiums. My only problem with Tyrion was that unless you read the books I think it was difficult to figure out who that was who sliced him. In the books Tyrion had Kingsguard fighting by his side and Ser Mandon Moore was one of them and when he turned against Tyrion it was a holy crap moment, but unless you paid really close attention to when Joffrey told Ser Mandon to fight in his place you didn’t know the significance of who that was. Now we do know who Podrick m’f’in Payne is. I think you also had to be paying close attention to realize that it was Loras Tyrell sweeping in with Tywin Lannister to finish the fight Tyrion took to Stannis.

King Joffrey and the man who would be king, Stannis, have so much in common. Stannis is the first up the ladder while Joffrey is the first to leave. They both have awesome sword names like Lightbringer for Stannis and Hearteater for Joffrey. Seriously, Hearteater. How very Joffrey of Joffrey. #redsmile

Bravo Game of Thrones. Bra-f’n-vo.

--Jaguar, but at what cost? Another holy crap Mad Men. Holy crap how does Pete Campbell sit in chairs with all that slime all over him? I guess you could say that about all the boys this week. Just terrible. I’m not sure if I’ve drawn a line between Joan’s prostitution being simply heartbreaking or simply out of character. Joan has grown stronger and stronger each season that I find it a little hard to believe that because the refrigerator is broken and so on and so forth she’s going to so quickly think that blatantly whoring herself out is her only option. However you feel about Joan the character’s actions, Christine Hendricks the actress was fantastic.

Don wanted no part of the pimp plan, but he had his share of stupid man behavior when he tossed that cash in Peggy’s face and wouldn’t give her the pat on the back that would keep her from exploring her options. Hate to see Peggy go and surely she’ll still be on the show in some way. We already had the punch to the gut knowing that Joan went through with it and then Don and Peggy’s goodbye with Don holding onto her hand kissing it was the 2 of the 1-2 punch. Then again it was nice to see Peggy smile at the elevator. The gang continues to fracture and I assume we’re not done. Is Megan going to get a part that takes her away for months? Is Joan going to breakdown? More importantly is the refrigerator going to breakdown again? Is Lane going to be found out? Is someone going to slap Pete for ignoring lovely Trudy? Is Roger going to take Bert to a Ravi Shankar concert?

--Paralyzed from the waist down?! Damn, Paul Williams, damn.

--You know how you hear stories where a guy goes into the hospital for a kidney stone and the doctors tell him that despite his external package he has internal female sex organs? No? Well apparently that shit can happen. That’s one enlightening kidney stone, especially for the guy’s wife and children.

--This “Camp Esquire” you speak of, where may one apply?

--Move over Ima and Boss I have a new favorite Hogg. Nice history lesson from The Houston Press.

--The “South Beach Cannibal” sounds like it was pulled from Dexter’s writing room. Damn you bath salts! I knew the cause of the inevitable zombie outbreak was already among us.

--How many cars do you think you’d have gone through by now if you rammed it into a fast-food place every time the restaurant forgot something in your order? Michael Smith of Ohio is probably leading you 1-0. I would put this all on Michael, but what person can be held responsible for their actions when shorted a taco at Taco Bell. I mean you can’t exactly buy another one or try to rationally explain you were shorted a taco. He really had no choice except which wall to go through.

--Modernist Cuisine at Home coming out October 8th? I’m down.

--Good luck to Pepper Jack's as it takes on the tough task of being a downtown restaurant.

--As I was nibbling on some chips at Ninfa’s on Navigation, still full from my breakfast tacos at Villa Arcos, satisfied by my decision to go for the tacos instead of something for breakfast at Dona Marie, and wondering if I should finally hit Merida like my mom keeps telling me to I thought to myself, “Self, this street could really use a Tex-Mex restaurant.” So obviously I’m glad East Downtown’s prayers have been answered with another El Tiempo.

--Until yesterday I had never heard of the Astros Walk of Fame, but J.R. Richard really does deserve to get his number retired.

--Yeah, @BaxFootballGuru blows up your timeline, but it’s an easy scroll through to me if it’s in bunches and it does catch my eye (eyes?) sometimes. The last five seasons looking at NFC West records. So 20 opportunities for teams in there to finish above .500. How many times in the last five years do you think any NFC West team finished above .500? Rams = 0. Seahawks = 1. Cardinals = 2. Niners = 1. Four times in 5 years has a team, ANY TEAM, in the NFC West finished over .500. Wow.

--You don’t honestly expect me to believe Shaun White and Bar Rafaeli, right?

--Screw you David Stern.

--Oh so putting 90 Lyrica, 37 Adderall, 50 Valium, 43 Trazadone, 10 Ambien, 26 OxyContin pills and four bags of heroin in a condom and sticking said condom where the sun don’t shine before you walk into jail is frowned upon? Ugh, life has so many rules. Andrea Amanatides will have plenty of time to learn the rules. In her defense she was going to prison for six months so clearly she needed her own pharmacy. Now she’s got to rough it. Obama’s America.

--Am I supposed to be surprised Kathie Lee Gifford asked Martin Short how he and his wife (deceased since 2010) still make each other laugh after all these years? Oh yeah, that’s surprising. Almost as surprising as Marcus Jordan tweeting to the masses instead of DM’ing a porn star about how he has more $ for her.

--Anthony Bourdain certainly won’t hurt CNN’s ratings once he moves over there next year. I still need someone to explain to me what Piers Morgan's appeal ever was.

--Our “Then What’s the F’n Point” Headline of the Week: Scientists invent ‘cannabis without the high.’

--Hell yeah, if this James Kirkland vs. Canelo Alvarez fight happens in September.

--RIP Johnny Tapia.

Questions, comments or if you don’t think it’s a coincidence you started paying attention to the Astros and they promptly dropped six straight…

More Adidas sneakers that a plumber got pliers. Got more suites that Jacoby & Meyers.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I have never heard Rebecca Black’s “Friday” and have no idea what “Call Me Maybe” is. Now I’m starting to question if I even exist.

--I finally finished some none-Thrones, none-Walking Dead reading material. "The Big Bankroll: The Life and Times of Arnold Rothstein." A much more interesting book than I was expecting. That era in New York with Tammany Hall and all the gangsters who played their gangster roles and all the judges and cops who also played gangster roles. Such vast corruption that made the 1919 World Series fix look like small potatoes. The only difficult thing about reading the book is that it has soooo many characters to keep track of that it’s easy to get lost in a sea of names and nicknames. Of course being a Boardwalk Empire watcher I kept track of the names most interesting to me – Lucky Luciano, Meyer Lansky, Harry Daugherty, and Waxey Gordon. Then there are the names that you know from history – Roosevelt, Thomas Dewey, John McGraw, Fannie Brice, Jack Dempsey, etc. Rothstein had a hand in every pocket while rarely reaching into his own. He was worth millions and lost his life over a $51,000 debt. His Boardwalk Empire character barely scratches the surface of A.R., but his mannerisms and personality seem to be spot on with what’s described in the biography. I’ve said it before, but I’d love for Tammany Hall to get a Boardwalk Empire-style treatment someday. Fascinating time. The book is full of priceless quotes, but toward the end when the book does a sort of “where so and so ended up” there’s this snippet of an interview with party girl Lillian Lorraine after her party years were over.

“[Ziegfeld] had me in a tower suite at the Hotel Ansonia and he and his wife lived in the tower suite above. And I cheated on him, like he cheated on [his wife] Billie Burke. I had a whirl! I blew a lot of everybody’s money, I got loaded, I was on the stuff, I got the syphilis, I tore around, stopped at nothing, if I wanted to do it I did it and didn’t give a damn. I got knocked up, I had abortions, I broke up homes, I gave fellers the clap. So that’s what happened.”

“Well Miss Lorraine,” came the response, “if you had it to do over would you do anything different?”

“Yes,” said Lorraine. “I never shoulda cut my hair.”

--Starting Friday June 8th Starz is going to start showing every Spartacus from Gods of the Arena to Blood and Sand to Vengeance. If for some strange reason you have not seen then I highly recommend. They’re showing them chronologically which will be odd because the first few episodes of Blood and Sand weren’t exactly, you know, good as the show was still finding its footing.

--I love this quote from Dr. Rami Khoury regarding that 14-year-old who bit into his Arby’s junior roast beef sandwich only to find a finger, “If a person chews or finds in food a small human dismemberment, the risk of infection is almost zero.” See, no biggie.

--The Game of Thrones cast cleans up pretty well. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Joffrey and not wanted to risk jail time for murder. It’s hard to recognize Dany too as a brunette and without her going through her trademarked “I am Daenerys Targaryen…” spiel.

Dany?  Is that you? 

--I think I had to read "The Great Gatsby" twice for school and neither time I liked it, but then nothing could ever top "Where The Red Fern Grows" as school reading assignments go. However, the book didn’t have Kanye doing music for it which I think was always a big regret of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s.

--So much negativity and cynicism in the world so let’s get to a warm fuzzy story. In Cleveland John Davis saw a panhandler in a wheelchair and, having a brother who’s paralyzed himself, John thought he’d give this guy a couple bucks. So John rolled up a couple of bills and as he approached he handed the man the money. The down on his luck man dropped one of the dollars, but bent over and picked it up. Nice story. Don’t know why I decided to put it in the ‘Tribes. Wait, oh yeah, John was pulled over by a cop and ticketed for “littering from a motor vehicle.” More specifically the ticket says “throw paper out window (money to panhandle).” When asked WTF? the cop was kind enough to reply “take it up with the courts.” What a sweetheart. I don’t know why cops have such a bad reputation?

--We all know money rules the world, especially the college athletics world. A Stanford donor, um, donated money to get the school to now recognize the offensive coordinator as the Andrew Luck Director of Offense. I like it though I'm not sure it knocks off Astros Director of Decision Sciences as job title of the year. 

I’d have called you crazy six weeks ago if you told me I’d be looking at the NL Central standings every day come late May.

--There I was writing about Lost earlier this week not knowing it was two years ago last Wednesday since the finale aired and Jack started drinking and punching female bus drivers in their female bus driver private parts. I think I’ll pop the tops on some Dharma beers this weekend and cherry pick some episodes to re-watch starting with “The Constant.” Penny + Des 4evs.

--Two more thoughts on Maxim’s Hot 100 that I neglected to share earlier this week. One, I had no idea Adrianne Palicki was in GI Joe: Retaliation so I was wrong about saying she hasn’t been seen lately. Though that movie’s release has been pushed to 2013 so sucks for you if you picked it in your summer movie fantasy league. Two, Alison Brie wasn’t in it. AT ALL. Neither was Joel McHale for that matter.

Oh and I’ll spare you the AARP Sexiest Over 50 list seeing as how Madonna is on it and Julia Louis-Dreyfus isn’t.

--I’ll be taking my shrimp in humitas form for a while. This from Samba Grille’s new happy hour menu. Three of those bad boys for $7 and you’re set.

--The headline “Man with zebra, parrot in truck charged with Operating While Intoxicated” seems odd until you look at Jerald Reiter’s mugshot. Then it all makes a lot of sense.

--Most times those loud, obnoxious people in movie theaters deserve a punch. It’s one of the main reasons I only go to the theater for Christopher Nolan or Tyler Perry movies. 21-year-old Yong Hyun Kim had enough and so threw his drink at someone and punched him in the face. Good for you Yong. The person he punched was a 10-year-old boy. Oh. Yeah, that might have been an overreaction Yong. How bad the 10-year-old and his two friends were acting is up for debate. Now for the important part. Care to guess which movie these youngsters were watching? Titanic 3-D, which apparently has much broader appeal than I gave it credit for.

--Kix and Reese's Puffs are pretty much crap cereals so this is by far their biggest contribution to humanity.

--Look Astrodome, I love you and all, but half a billion to improve you and construct a new Reliant Arena is just dumb. Not as dumb as paying the consultants who came up with this $500,000 but still pretty dumb. And how exactly is there still almost $30 million to pay off from the 1987 renovation?! Since when is Reliant Arena any kind of priority?! I’m beginning to come around to the same revelation that John Royal has here. It might be just time to Old Yeller it. It’s not as if creative, logical people are ever going to be put in charge of deciding what to do with it.

Oh and Bob McNair now’s not the time to mention not having “adequate funds” for Reliant upkeep. If you feel you’re short $5.5 million well look in your f’n couch cushions.

--Drudge Report headline I don’t see myself clicking on: “Japanese artist cooks own genitals, serves to diners.”

--Probably going to bring the thunder down on you if you show up to your high school wearing all black and carrying a duffel bag. Nicholas Fout and another student at an Ohio school did just that. In the bag was everyone’s worst nightmare. Yep, chickens. They started releasing the chickens to cause the chaos that only poultry can so at that point every student’s safety was in God’s hands. Well until the students got a hold of the cuddly, cute chickens and started showing them off to each other. Nicholas only released 7 of the 12 chickens he brought before realizing the chickens weren’t turning themselves into feathery missiles of havoc. Yeah, Nicholas was charged with disorderly and inducing cuteness…I mean panic.

Questions, comments or if you woke up at 6 and read two hours of worth of fantasy football crap…

Only 24 hours in a day. Only 12 notes a man can play.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Seems like I should have seen Paul Kinsey – Hare Krishna coming. Nice episode for Harry. Yeah sure he did cheat on his wife, but he helped out a friend so that makes up for it right? No? Oh, okay.

Finally we got some Joan and Don time. I think I could watch an hour of them just having drinks at a bar. Sex-hey. Thank Hare Krishna that Don finally got the necessary kick in the ass from Joan and Megan to make him care about his work and want to work like the old Don to try and land Jaguar. You can see SCDP getting Jaguar and it being the new Lucky Strike or you can see SCDP not landing it and things spiraling out of control.

I wonder if the LSD awoke Roger’s consciousness to all the little gray-haired Roger Sterling babies running around New York. I imagine all of Roger’s illegitimate kids born in the 60’s forming a terrifying gang for Warriors.

Aren’t you smarter than this Lane?

I think we have three more episodes left in what has been my personal favorite season.

--Not a huge fan of this week’s episode of Game of Thrones because it just felt like last week’s breather was simply extended with more little pawn moves instead of having the consequences to the build-up from two weeks ago. At least this Sunday we know we’re getting the Battle of Blackwater written by George R.R. Martin. I was hoping we’d get Dany to the House of the Undying, but I guess that’s one of the next two weeks. This week Dany might as well have not been shown. Stannis and Davos should have been shown much, much more this season. It seems like they haven’t been seen in weeks and they’re vital players to the game that viewers aren’t getting a full picture of at all.

The casting for this show has been on point for the most part. Two exceptions though to me are Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane and the Lord of Bones (Jon’s capturer). Last season’s Mountain was a Mountain. I pictured Lord of Bones as skinnier, slyer in the vein of Dickie Bennett. In reading the books I never pictured Ygritte to be so damn cute, but I’m not complaining. Not complaining about Ygritte’s looks. Am complaining about Jon Snow being turned into a wuss. I was willing to wait most of the season for the action beyond the wall to be as good as it was in the book, but it looks like that ain’t happening.

“Blackwater” and “Valar Morghulis” can’t get here soon enough.

--Breaking Bad returns July 15th for eight episodes before taking another year off for the final eight episodes. Cannot wait.

--Now we wait to see which Houston burger joint tries to pull off Beefsquatch a la Bob's Burgers. “Bruschetta-bout-it Burger.” “Poutine-on-the-Ritz burger.”

I didn’t care much for Tina and boy Tina/Nathan except for this exchange.

Nathan: “Nice dish tub.”

Tina: “Hey.”

Nathan: “So do you want to go out?”

Tina: “Wow. You must really like dish tubs.”

--I stop when I see the word Tron. Probably because of the video games, maybe because of Bruce Boxleitner. Either way I’m down with TRON: Uprising on Disney. Obviously Bruce Boxleitner and Reginald VelJohnson are the headliners of a cast that also includes Elijah Wood, Lance Henriksen, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Paul Ruebens, Tricia Helfer! and Mandy Moore. Now why all the programs have such long legs is something I’ll need Clu to explain to me.

Elijah has a career I envy.  A show where he does voice work for Tron and a show where he gets high with a dog.  L-I-V-I-N.

--Jonah’s fondness of seeing a “fuckload of bread” in a basket and “primordial” heavy metal were the highlights of Veep for me this week.

--By the way I’m finally caught up on reading The Walking Dead (I know you were dying to know). Helluva ride. Fifteen volumes of the graphic novel out. Coming up to the third season of the television show and we’re on volume three. What I’m saying is for the love of the undead pick up the f’n pace next season! I would love to see the fan reaction if in the first five minutes of next season’s premiere Rick suggests heading back to Hershel’s farm.

--I guess Matthew Fox is getting ready to face the smoke monster? Writing of Lost, Michael/Walt’s Dad/Harold Perrineau is joining Sons of Anarchy. I really don’t like the Tig/ angle that is going to be a big part of next season because it was such an unbelievably dumb play by Tig.

--I don’t think even Daniel Cormier’s mom bet on Daniel winning the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix when it began many moons ago with the likes of Fedor, Josh Barnett, Alistair Overeem, and Fabricio Werdum among others in it. I’m interested to see what Cormier can do against UFC heavyweights.

Gilbert Melendez and Josh Thomson put on a f’n show for five rounds. I could have seen either guy getting the decision, but to be the man you got to beat the man and Thomson didn’t clearly beat Melendez. I’m not sure if it gets Fight of the Year consideration because I honestly haven’t watched a ton of MMA this year, but it’s the most entertaining scrap I’ve seen.

--Lost isn’t the example for how long-running shows want their series finale to appeal to its fans. House’s finale, on the other hand, was pitch perfect. I watched occasionally, but never made it appointment viewing until I was bored on Monday nights this season. Good stuff and I liked House mentioning Dead Poets Society considering his co-star Robert Sean Leonard. If there had been a Swing Kids reference I would’ve lost it.

--I mentioned last week that since Donald Glover is rumored to be appearing on Girls so I’ll probably start watching. However Donald, I do have limits so don’t ask me to follow you to Hip Hop Squares on MTV2 which apparently still does exist as a network. Though I don’t think people are going to be scrambling to find it tonight for the likes of Nick Cannon and noted hip hop influence Bam Margera.

--I watched about 10 minutes of The Billboard Awards on Sunday. That was just long enough to know the Dunphys shouldn’t be hosting awards shows, there’s now such a thing as a Social Artist of the Year Award, and The Wanted…well I’m not even sure what to say about The Wanted.

--You can win at blackjack, but you usually have to grind away at it and that’s so boring. So Michael and Carlos came up with a new system to “win” at a Bellagio high-roller blackjack table. The system involved spraying all the players at a table with pepper spray, taking their $5,000 chips and running like hell. It worked for Carlos. Michael not so much which is a shame because he did it only to help his sick grandparents. What? You don’t believe him. When did you become so jaded man?

--How far down the list of states would you have gone through before naming which one has a man in it who has 30 kids by 11 women? You couldn’t have gone too far down the list to guess Tennessee. And to think the guy, Desmond Hatchett, is only 33. Get ready for a Hatchet-ville to pop up Tennessee. How’d you have so many kids Desmond? "I had four kids in the same year. Twice." Uh, yeah that’ll do it.

--You know how when you mow the lawn you sometimes drop your gun? No? Wait. You mow the lawn without being strapped?! Not my man here in Colorado Springs. This guy, we’ll just call him Plaxico, was mowing his grass with a loaded handgun in his pocket when it fell out and yep, shot him in the leg. This guy is either a dumbass or went with a really elaborate and painful plan to get his kids to mow the lawn.

--The relevance window for Maxim’s Hot 100 has been closed for a while, but this year the results were all from reader’s votes. Readers still waaaay overestimated J-WOWW at 74. Sofia Vergara down there at 71 is a joke. Miley Cyrus one spot ahead of Stephen Colbert at 69 is laughable. Off the strength of House of Lies Kristen Bell deserves a fate better than 61. I like Zooey Deschanel and all, but a spot ahead of Brooklyn Decker (42) and eight spots in front of Emmy Rossum? Jennifer Love Hewitt at 20 is nearly 20 spots ahead of Kate Upton so I think we call it a day looking at this. Wait, am I even looking at the right year? Because my girl Tyra from Friday Night Lights is 10th.

Connie Britton probably shoulda placed in the 100 as well. 

--Gotta love Rainn Wilson asking the LA Kings via twitter if he should buy playoff tickets only to have the Kings send him some in Jell-O. Awesome. My hopes aren’t high for a Dwight Schrute spin-off, but it can’t be any worse than the last couple of seasons of The Office.

--With each trailer I’m amazed by how terrible That’s My Boy looks. The only good thing about Adam Sandler's crappy movies is that they usually don’t spawn sequels…he said as he sees the news about Grown-Ups 2 next year.

And stop enabling him Chris Rock!

Questions, comments or if you guess you’ll watch one more horse race this year…

And then the man upstairs well I hope that he cares. If I had a penny for my thoughts I'd be a millionaire.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--So Dan Harmon is done as showrunner of Community? Wow. Not really sure I see the point of going on with the show without its creator, however controversial he is. I am intrigued that a couple of writers from Happy Endings are coming on board. Still, a big, big loss especially since now the cast can no longer use the word “sensational” for whatever reason.

Abed - “This looks like a multi-player gaming interface.”

Troy - “I’ve heard enough”

The video game episode seemed out of order, but it was also very Community-y with its 8-bit gimmick. It worked for me, but maybe mostly because Troy kept jumping all the time. I hope we get some Giancarlo Esposito next season as well.

Group - “Copera!” Pierce - “Policical”

Goth Britta. Yes, please. I hope that was Chang’s last stand or at least we phase him down to only one or two of next season’s thirteen episodes. How Community has gotten to this point without a heist-style episode is beyond me.

The last episode of the season could have easily been the last episode of the series. Troy becomes the A/C messiah he was always meant to be. Abed acknowledges Britta is the best help he can get. Shirley and Pierce get their sandwich shop. Everyone realizes they’re better for being part of the group yet strong enough to strike out on their own when need be. Just a really nice way to close things out this season. Love these characters. Love this show. Love that we get 13 more episodes. Love the below GIFs from AndPop.com.

--I’ve yet to watch Girls, but if Donald Glover is going to appear I guess I’ll have to give it a shot.

--If you had told me a year ago that the Texans would be coming off a season in which they won a playoff game at Reliant I would have said you're crazy. If you had told me a year ago that over a 2-month span I’d see Connor Barwin lead a #BullsOnParadeConcertSeries to Childish Gambino, Sleigh Bells, and M83 I would have asked for your smoke connection. Never thought I’d see Antonio Smith at an M83 concert. Of course I never thought M83 would create a wall of sound that would not only rival but surpass Sleigh Bells. M83’s albums sound so dream pop-y that I wasn’t sure how they’d be live. They were OUTSTANDING. So outstanding that I went ahead and bought tickets to their next show in Houston in October. M83 and a Sunday night home game against the Packers. Not a bad week.

--The 10 Best Time Travel Movies of All Time from i09.com. I would never argue with Timecop being on any list. It’s at 10. Star Trek IV – eh. Never saw Time After Time about Jack the Ripper in the 70’s but I’m intrigued and it does have Malcolm McDowell. Bill and Ted at 7. Never heard of The Girl Who Leapt Through Time. Don’t recall ever seeing Twelve Monkeys which seems odd to me. Back to the Future at 4. Mayor Goldie Wilson, I like the sound of that! Terminator at 3. Never heard of Primer, but I’m game. I only saw #1 as a kid and barely remember anything except a bunch of little people. Time Bandits is in the top spot. So yeah, had I known this list wouldn’t have Donnie Darko or Timecrimes on it I probably wouldn’t have clicked.

Never get tired of watching this scene.

--It usually takes me forever to watch a movie and it took me forever to watch Midnight in Paris. I had heard good to great things so my expectations were high, yet still exceeded. I didn’t know the plot and I think that’s the best way to go into this one. You can get to take the trip with Owen Wilson who was absolutely perfect for this role. Clocking in at just about 90 minutes was nice although it forced me to Wikipedia for about another 90 minutes afterward so I could get a quick Paris history lesson. On a scale of 1 to 5 Frank the Bunnies, I’m giving it the full 5 Frank the Bunnies. I can also say I have a new favorite Woody Allen movie. Although I’ve only seen maybe two or three Woody Allen movies.

--Houston Press Chef Chat with Ronnie Killen of the aptly named Killen’s in Pearland. Love Killen’s and loves that Ronnie gives love to another love of mine Thanh Phuong. I recommend all three of the chats. Ronnie is one interesting dude.  Full benefits for employees who work at least 20 hours a week?  Who does that?

--Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar in Times Square. Yeah, that sounds about right.

--Now that’s a food truck.

--There’s good news and then there’s Landry from Friday Night Lights joining the cast of Breaking Bad. Sweet.

--I like me some Children’s Hospital so I’m definitely down with their Newsreader segments spinning off into its own show.

--If we can’t get Floyd vs. Manny then I guess Jack White vs. the Guinness Book of World Records isn’t a bad alternative. Jack wants the record for the shortest concert for the one note he and Meg played in Newfoundland several years ago. It was on the White Stripes documentary Under Great White Northern Lights. Jack may not have that Guinness record so his next attempt is most metaphors at a concert. Because. Well, because.

--You thought Dr. Pepper 10 was idiotic. Yankee Candle has “Man Candles.” I don’t know what “First Down” smells like, but it sounds pretty f’n stupid. 2 x 4? Riding Mower

--You thought you did something dumb this week…

--The three major leaguers who have pitched shutouts this season at least eight seasons after their previous shutout. Barry Zito, Kevin Millwood, and Jerome Williams.

--I could look at old LIFE photos all day. In this case old photos of Vegas as it looked in 1955. It’s been seven months since my last Vegas trip and I’m seriously starting to get the shakes.

--Boondocks back on Adult Swim? Sweet. Television Christmas episodes don’t get much better than a Huey Freeman Christmas.

--Octavio Dotel picked up a save for his ninth, NINTH!, different team the other day. He’s a Tiger now if you were wondering.

--I think this is the first time I’ve seen fast food violence arise out of a lack of onions on a McDonald’s burger. We head to Tennessee for the nonsense. Apparently Christopher and Sean weren’t happy with the amount of onions on their burgers. Their collective anger grew as they drank more and more beer and realized they had to put a stop to this madness before some other innocents were shorted of their rightful amount of onions. Masterplan time. Their plan was to throw a slab of concrete through the window. Brilliant. That’ll show ‘em. The concrete busted through the window injuring a couple of employees. High-five! They took off running, but Sean tripped and busted his ass and couldn’t get up because his body was presumably lacking in the nutrients only an onion could provide.

--Wait, Anne Burrell hasn’t come out yet?

--Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Questions, comments or if your ears are still ringing and you anticipate enjoying M83 concert aftershocks all weekend long…

Equinox symmetry and the balance is right. Smokin' and drinkin' on a Tuesday night.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--That sound you heard Sunday night was every book nerd climaxing upon hearing, “You know nothing Jon Snow.” In our defense it was set up and delivered beautifully. We’ll see how it plays out.
Enjoy Winterfell while you can Theon you sonuvabitch.
I like David Lynch directing the Qarth scenes. Dany’s television arc is far more interesting than it is in the books and the House of the Undying sounds like a fun summer trip.
I’m going to hate when we’re done with Arya and Tywin scenes and I assume we’ll be done with those sooner rather than later.
Really good stuff from Lena Headey as Cersei was humanized (or as close as possible for her) in her scenes with Tyrion and Sansa.
Nice to see Jaime Lannister back, unless you’re in a cell with him.
Three more episodes left and after this week’s mostly set-up we should be getting some haymakers the next few Sunday nights.

--Writing of haymakers I miss me some Lane Pryce. Not that Mad Men hasn’t been outstanding without our favorite English pugilist. Ugly and selfish episode this week what with fat Betty wasting whipped cream and trying to use Sally against Don and Megan. It doesn’t get much better than Bobby telling his mom to wait to eat so they can give thanks first and Sally responding, “She’s hungry Bobby.” And damn, Henry, a big ass steak at midnight sounds about as enticing as a glass of whiskey at 10 in the morning.
Don, you’re better than that. Doing Ginsberg like that was just wrong. Although it did allow you to bust out, “I don’t think about you at all.”
Gotta love Roger acknowledging it’d probably be wise for him to start carrying around less cash. Team Gray Hair with Roger and Bert should be interesting.
Roger – “How Jewish are they? Fiddler on the Roof: Audience or cast?”
You can call Pete Campbell a lot of things, but you can’t call him a bad daydreamer.

--I’m just as surprised as you that a show with Nick Cannon, Howard Stern, Sharon Osbourne and Howie Mandel doesn’t have the ratings it expected. Mind-blowing. 

--I guess I’m happy Community is being given 13 more episodes, but sticking it on Friday nights after f’n Whitney seems harsh what with everyone being laughed out from Whitney. And if Dan Harmon isn’t kept on as showrunner then I’ll be glad it’s only 13 episodes.

--I checked in and out of Once Upon A Time, but watched the finale. It was in between eh and okay. I just wish Starz had a hold of this and could Spartacus it up. I think it’d be outstanding with that kind of treatment.

--HBO. 80’s Wall Street. Funny or Die. Rob Riggle. Okay, you get a shot.

--“This is the White House, not the Yellow House.” Another solid Veep this week. I will never not laugh when Jonah, who isn’t even his mother’s favorite Jonah, says "POTUS."
Selina – “That door should be half its height, so that people can only approach me in my office on their goddamn motherfucking knees.”
It’s been nice to see Buddy Garrity in a couple of episodes. Gotta find a reason for him to show off one of his Dillon state championship rings. While we’re talking about Dillon’s glory days we got Coach Taylor’s answer to Mrs. Coach Taylor’s “y’all” YouTube.


--Prom of the Week comes to us from Colorado and it doesn’t involve marijuana. Weird. There were a couple of lovely moms chaperoning the Manitou Springs prom. Moms who didn’t appreciate the “dirty dancing” of the high schoolers. We all know there’s only one way to deal with dirty dancers. Yep, spray them down with Lysol and call them “sluts” and “whores.” It’s the only way they’ll learn.

--I’m sure there’s some good stuff on Grantland.com, but I haven’t checked it out that often. Maybe that’ll change with some of the 30 for 30 shorts, podcasts, etc. it will be hosting. The series starts back up in October. A short about Pete Rose titled “Here Now.” If you haven’t seen him at Antiquities then you haven’t been to Vegas enough.

--I never did get around to watching the lovely Krysten Ritter (Breaking Bad’s Jane) and the lovelier James Van Der Beek on Don’t Trust the Biya in Apartment 23. I think that’ll change on Tuesdays in the fall when it follows Happy Endings on Tuesday nights.

--LMAO at this elementary school in Georgia where teachers made kids sign pledges not to use acronyms when signing yearbooks. ROFLMAO at the parents who described this as “bullying.”

--Whoops of the Week comes from Florida where burglars stole some medical equipment from an enclosed trash area at a medical clinic. The equipment is worth $500,000 which sounds good, but then there’s that whole it was contaminated with flesh-eating bacteria thing so, yeah, whoops.

--I’m not going to pretend I saw every rookie in the league this season enough to make an informed judgment, but it seems Chandler Parsons should’ve finished higher than 9th in rookie of the year voting.

--Saw this make the twitter rounds so its accuracy cannot be questioned. 1.5 million buys for Mayweather/Cotto. All four of this year’s UFC PPVs combined = 1.7 million buys. A LOT closer than what I would have thought.

--I write a lot about bad parents, but there are lots of great ones out there. For example…

Beastie Boys - Sabotage / MCA tribute from James Winters on Vimeo.

--How does everyone in the country know what a stupid waste of time and money this Roger Clemens trial is and yet it proceeds? I mean when two different jurors fall asleep during the trial then maybe there’s nothing to see here.

--Senior Citizen of the Week comes to us from Oklahoma. Mary is in her 70’s as the article isn’t specific because a lady doesn’t reveal her true age. So Mary hears commotion at her door and they’re demanding she open it. She calls 911 and asks the operator if she can put down the phone long enough to get her gun. Awesome. The guys break down the door and start yelling about “Donnie.” She doesn’t know any Donnie and Mary picks up the story from there, "That ain't right to be looking for somebody else, kick in someone's door in to get that person. And here you've got two warrants out on yourself and your friend with you." Yeah, that’s right these no doubt professional bounty hunters had their own warrants to worry about. Mary is still a little shaken up because that “scared the liver out of here.” Never heard that one before.

Questions, comments or if you’re hitting M83 on Thursday night and you hope you hear about this frog…

Riddle me this brother can you handle it. Your style to my style you can't hold a candle to it.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--It wasn’t quite like last year’s Community clip show, but it was close and that was more than fine with me. It wasn’t quite full of rapid-fire shotgun blasts of hilarity, but the story around the clips fit better and in with the progression of this season. First off where do I sign up for “Ladders” or “Can I Fry That?” Secondly, John Hodgman was the absolute perfect person to play the fake psychiatrist. Thirdly, the MVP was Donald Glover. Holy crap, from his dismissive, “It’s all-terrain, dummy” to Annie to his worry about parking in front of a meter. Or maybe the MVP was Abed for his outstanding Don Draper impression alone that Warming Glow was kind enough to put in a GIF.

Or maybe the MVP was Dean Pelton who had a great package of clips especially his line at the insane asylum, “I want to see what happens if we confiscate one of their pens.”
Britta – “How long does peyote last?”
If you couldn’t tell I liked this episode. Now we get three next week to wrap up a season that has had its ups and some downs, but when it connects like it did this week it goes yard. And hallelujah we get at least 13 more episodes next season. Whew.

--By the way, NBC has also renewed Parenthood which is good news. What the holdup was on Parks and Recreation I have no idea. To me it’s the best combination of comedy and accessibility to a wide audience on television right now.
If for some moronic reason Parks and Recreation had not been renewed that season finale totally works as a series finale. Leslie Knope has achieved a lifelong goal, Ben gets to work in Washington, Ron stays Ron, Andy might become Officer Dwyer, Tom and Ann are moving in together? Well, it wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty close. I mean anytime you roll with a Jermaine Jackson ballroom and a Jean-Ralphio appearance you start with a grade of A. Not to mention Andy listing “Winterfell” and “New Caprica” as places to live.
Ron – “I still get my milk delivered by horse.” “Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”

If there’s been a sweeter moment on television this season I haven’t seen it.

--There’s research that is necessary like cancer and AIDS research and then there’s research that’s NECESSARY like determining how many bullets have been fired at James Bond through the years. 22 films and 4,662 non-lethal bullets for Bond, James Bond.

--The best part of Between the Two Ferns I saw last Sunday night was the priceless clip from Will Ferrell’s appearance shown during the Comedy Awards. Ferns was nominated for Best Sketch or Alternative Comedy. I think that’s what it was I mean Louie was in that category along with Tosh and Children’s Hospital so I’m not sure what was what. All I know is Louie won a lot. As for television debut, eh. The Comedy Awards themselves, however, were much better than last year.


--Schmidt tried to White Fang Cece. Classic. Although that whole thing seemed rushed, but the whole season finale of New Girl did. I would’ve been happy with an episode or two or three of Nick moving in with Caroline and Thomas Lennon from Reno 911! working his way in as a roommate. But thanks for not having Jess and Nick get all kissy kissy. I know it’s inevitable, but I like the show when it’s not Jess & Nick will they or won’t they angst. Solid season overall despite a shaky start to the season. No Justin Long next year, okay? Okay.

--I had high expectations for The Muppets movie and they were still surpassed. Jason Segel and Amy Adams were great. It was great to see all the Muppets from Kermit to Fozzie Bear to Foozie Bear to Lew Zealand to Animal to Sam Eagle to The Newsman to my personal favorite Rowlf. The songs were fantastic and sounded very Flight of the Conchords-y. Well deserved Oscar for Bret McKenzie and his “Man or Muppet.” A proper homage to the Muppets, which is one of the few shows I remember playing outside until a minute before it came on. So crazy that kids used to play outside.


--Fascinating look from GQ at the hacker who hacked Scarlett Johansson among other celebrities and a look at the Hollywood hacking industry overall. Hacker Chris Chaney on reading personal emails between Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett after their break-up, “It was almost too personal.” Uhhhh, ya think? And to think all he did was plug in celebrity names into gmail and then research pet, school and other common passwords to gain access.

-- Word -- @ChrisSolis – “I’m going to give credit to John Travolta for the term ‘reverse massage.’”

--Good news! For the first time in a decade Disneyland is opening membership to its super exclusive restaurant Club 33. All you need is $25,000 and $10,000 for annual dues which you’d spend on cokes for a family of four weekend there anyway. You also get to go to its new little lounge, 1901. The waiting list which was closed years ago has over 800 names on it so even if you have the means (and you’re here so you don’t) you might not want to promise the kids anything just yet.

--Terrific story involving an injured Gulf War veteran, yoga and one Diamond Dallas Page.


--Will Ferrell and Usher hosting SNL this weekend. Is it 2012 or a re-run from eight years ago? Only one way to find out. Yep, check Twitter Sunday morning to see if anything hit.

--DVR Alert: Louis C.K.’s stand-up, Live at the Beacon Theater, airs on FX Saturday night. It’s the one that he made available online for $5. The one I have no excuse for not watching yet. That’ll change this weekend.

--ATTENTION PARENTS! I know we’re coming down to the end of the school year and it’s report card time, which means it’s also creative punishment time. A mom and dad in Minnesota have helped us knock one potential punishment off this list. Yes, if you were thinking about forcing your 12-year-old daughter to dress in a tank top and diaper and run up and down the street, DON'T. There is a very high chance the cops will arrest you even if you tell the cops that the daughter is picking up trash as well. Because I guess trash pick-up is only for good for community service and not bad grades. The poor girl had a crowd of about 50 people and will either turn her school grades around and excel despite her obvious crappy parenting or she’ll just accept her role and go through life as a diaper wearer. There’s really no middle ground for someone with parents like that.

--You had me at Emma Stone.


Questions, comments or if you set a personal record at Central Market and it’s all because you just had to have a pound of langoustines...

And This Is Me Y'All, I M.C. Y'All. My Name Is M.C.A. And I Still Do What I Please.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--F’n Theon, what a punk ass bitch. I was hoping Bran would get to unleash one smack upside Theon’s head. Dumbass can’t even take a head off with one whack like a proper lord should be able to do. RIP Ser Rodrick.

The show has ventured from the books, but it’s worked for me. Tywin and Arya’s scenes are gold and Jaqen H'gar is somehow even more of a bad ass than in the books.

The attack on the royal procession was well played even if it seems a little odd that the royal family, in the middle of a war no less, would march out in the open like that without horses or a carriage. Still you can never get tired of Joffrey getting slapped or the Hound taking care of Hound business. I’ll say this for Joffrey, he REALLY knows how to react to getting slapped.

I’m very interested to see where they’re going with the dragon-napping. My guess is not too far. Mother of dragons don’t play.

Hey Robb, she’s a Lannister spy. I don’t know how much more obvious she can make it. Oh and you’re betrothed. Yeah, it sucks to be getting a Frey, but a deal’s a deal.

--Mad Men is on a roll right now even as Don Draper’s grip on the reigns of the world gets weaker and weaker. The whole elevator shaft and Megan’s departure shook the formerly unshakeable. The old Don would’ve saved that Cool Whip spot somehow, someway. This Don just let Peggy screw it up and now they both disappointed Mr. Belding. For shame. “Tomorrow Never Knows” was a great choice off of Revolver and perfect for a little montage. I’m curious to see how Don’s work life goes now that Megan is out of the office.

Nice to see Pete or any of the philanderers on that show get played like Beth played him. Pete doesn’t seem to be having much fun this season after showing up Roger. Writing of, all Roger gave us was “and I got to see that” when Pete fumbled the skis and just that little Sterling was gold. I’m sure there’s a Mad Men death pool around somewhere. I’ve gotta think that Pete and Megan are up near the top.

The story behind the song that my like of turned to love of the first time I watched Beatles Love.By the way, the cost of doing business to use “Tomorrow Never Knows” from the Beatles catalog? $250,000.

--Girl Scout candy bars? Nestlé is helping out with the three candy bars ranging from Caramel & Coconut to Peanut Butter Crème. I’m not big on Girl Scout cookies, but just for your own safety don’t stand between me and a Nestle Crunch Thin Mint.

--$70 for a fight in HD is just ridiculous. Having said that Floyd Mayweather and Miguel Cotto put on an entertaining show. Cotto caught Floyd a few times, but the fight never seemed in doubt because Floyd was never close to going down. You’re not going to out-point/out-box Floyd for 12 rounds. Good stuff and we’ll see if this more humble Floyd sticks around or will be history after he spends his summer in jail.

--Most interesting story I read over the weekend was this from the LA Times about those people who own/owned lifetime airline passes. Back in the olden days on 1560 when there was a Seinfeldian Mock Draft a couple of lifetime airline passes would have been a decent late selection.

--I finally got around to watching Bridesmaids. It wasn’t as laugh out loud funny as I thought it was going to be, but overall it was as good as most everyone said. A role like that must be a lay-up for Jon Hamm. Melissa McCarthy was good enough to make me watch Mike & Mol…eh, maybe not, but she was great.

--I can’t decide whether Newsroom looks good or not.

--Bob’s Burgers gave us a couple of burger specials this week with the “If Looks Could Kale” burger being the winner. And we got an homage to Mr. Blonde’s ear cutting scene from Reservoir Dogs with the deadly wet willie. Fan-f’n-tastic!

--Out of the three we’ve seen that was the best Veep.

Catherine on scene-stealer Jonah: “Are we seriously going to let the guy with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do?”

--Intent is so hard to determine. For instance, to the uneducated eye it might have looked like Andres Martinez was trying to run over a cop during a low-speed chase, but Andres later explained that wasn’t the case whatsoever. He was merely trying to roll a joint and also call his friends to let them know he was going to jail. That’s all. See, just a big misunderstanding.

--My DVR has to be wondering what the hell is up with me asking it to record PBS multiple times in one week. First there’s the new Sherlock Holmes. Second there’s the documentary Johnny Carson: King of Late Night that airs next Monday night. Johnny was the best.

--Apparently you can blacklist the word “blacklist.” I guess the obvious question is whether you can blackball “blackball.”

--Give me a cast that includes Nathan Fillion, Kevin Bacon, Linda Cardellini and Bubbles from The Wire and you know I’m in. Super was basically an even darker and much more graphic Kick-Ass. I’m not complaining. It’s been playing on Showtime 2 lately so if you have an hour and a half and you want to see Kevin Bacon as a drug dealer and Ellen Page put the moves on Rainn Wilson then by all means…

“Shut up, crime!”

--AlphaNail.com. Roger Huerta-tested. Roger Huerta-approved. It’s like the Dr. Pepper 10 of male nail polishes. From their website:

"For those of you with a flair for style, our colors are so sick Dr. House can’t fix them. The revolutionary matte collection provides an uber-masculine and fashion forward satin finish, and our metallics shine like candy paint in the summer time. What’s more, our unique click pen applicator does away with those dainty little brushes and girly nail polish containers. Just click, paint, put the cap on, and its ready to go for another round."

Uber-masculine.

--Will somebody please take Matthew Fox back to the island already before he drunkenly kills or crotch punches us all?  Damn I miss that island.

--You’ve probably seen the story about the four kids strapped to the hood of a car in Indiana. No surprise either way that the kids were strapped onto the hood in front of a liquor store. Crazy, but where in the hell is our picture of this moment! The logistics of being able to strap kids onto your hood and then drive, even if for only a short distance, is fascinating to me. C’mon cops. Instagram that shit.

--Am I the only one who never read “Where the Wild Things Are”? Maybe, but I did watch Maurice Sendak on The Colbert Report. Now if you’ll excuse I need to go find my huffing markers.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Grim Colberty Tales with Maurice Sendak Pt. 2
www.colbertnation.com

--Cole Hamels is a dumbass with the only dumbasser thing to come out of his unprovoked plunking of Bryce Harper being the 5-game suspension. Ooooh, you have to have an extra day of rest. What a joke.

--I was probably more surprised to find out Jack White had never been part of an album that got to #1 on Billboard than I was to find out the album he topped was Lionel Richie’s country album. Either way I’m really liking Blunderbuss the more and more I listen to it. “Sixteen Saltines” is not only my usual dinner accompaniment, but sounds like it came off of Get Behind Me Satan. There’s definitely some White Stripish-songs, but a helluva lot more instruments.

I totally get this video.

--Four delicious words: Michelob Ultra Light Cider. Wait…

--Bloomberg headline that sounds about right: More Than 40% of US May Be Obese by 2030, Study Says

--While I’m happy NBC is picking up a Justin Kirk (Andy from Weeds) comedy I’m not happy it’s letting Parks and Community twist in the wind. What the hell? Kirk will be in Animal Practice in which he’ll play a vet who loves animals, but owners not so much. Promising?

--My new favorite television critic is Linda Stasi from the NY Post who reviewed the awful-looking Around the World in 80 Plates. Cat Cora and Curtis Stone host and Linda used those magic phrases that want to make you watch a show. Words like “forgettable,” “truly terrible,” and “incredibly annoying,” and "kill me."

--Maybe if Denver school officials came out and said they were suspending a 6-year-old boy for liking LMFAO it would be understandable. But they’re suspending him for reciting the lyrics not his poor taste in bands. “I’m sexy and I know it,” got the kid suspended. 

--I work with a lot of good people I like. That doesn’t mean I’m jumping into a vat of acid should one of them clumsy their way into said vat of acid. Rob Nuckols is a far better man than I.

Questions, comments or if your summer movie fantasy league is over because you didn’t get The Avengers…