--Like every red-blooded American my expectations were sky high for "Blackwater." So high I fully expected them to not be met. By God(s) I was wrong. What an episode of television! That’s right a motherlovin’ exclamation point!
Terrific idea to throw us right into the throes of battle with Stannis’ fleet approaching and then the greatest drumline ever. The fighting nearly beginning internally with a strong scene between Bronn and The Hound. It must be fun for George R.R. Martin to write some scenes for characters who have blossomed more on the screen than the pages of a book like Bronn.
As great an episode as it was for the battle itself, it wouldn’t have been an A++ if it wasn’t for Lena Headey’s drunken, innuendo-laden, half-advice, half-mocking behavior in the Red Keep. What a delightful bitch. Not that that’s news, but wow she gets such pleasure out of her torment.
I think everyone was curious to see how they were going to use the wildfire and the answer was “awesomely.” I thought it was a clever use and it looked really good as it blew up a lot of the fleet and sent Davos flying through the air. Liam Cunningham has really crushed his scenes as Davos. I just wish there was more throughout the season.
Hound hate fire. Fire burn Hound. Hound no fight.
Tyrion – “Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let’s go kill them!”
HALF-MAN! HALF-MAN! HALF-MAN!
Tyrion – “Oh fuck me.”
Peter Dinklage probably just sewed himself up another Emmy with that scene that sports teams need to start figuring out how to use at their stadiums. My only problem with Tyrion was that unless you read the books I think it was difficult to figure out who that was who sliced him. In the books Tyrion had Kingsguard fighting by his side and Ser Mandon Moore was one of them and when he turned against Tyrion it was a holy crap moment, but unless you paid really close attention to when Joffrey told Ser Mandon to fight in his place you didn’t know the significance of who that was. Now we do know who Podrick m’f’in Payne is. I think you also had to be paying close attention to realize that it was Loras Tyrell sweeping in with Tywin Lannister to finish the fight Tyrion took to Stannis.
King Joffrey and the man who would be king, Stannis, have so much in common. Stannis is the first up the ladder while Joffrey is the first to leave. They both have awesome sword names like Lightbringer for Stannis and Hearteater for Joffrey. Seriously, Hearteater. How very Joffrey of Joffrey. #redsmile
Bravo Game of Thrones. Bra-f’n-vo.
--Jaguar, but at what cost? Another holy crap Mad Men. Holy crap how does Pete Campbell sit in chairs with all that slime all over him? I guess you could say that about all the boys this week. Just terrible. I’m not sure if I’ve drawn a line between Joan’s prostitution being simply heartbreaking or simply out of character. Joan has grown stronger and stronger each season that I find it a little hard to believe that because the refrigerator is broken and so on and so forth she’s going to so quickly think that blatantly whoring herself out is her only option. However you feel about Joan the character’s actions, Christine Hendricks the actress was fantastic.
Don wanted no part of the pimp plan, but he had his share of stupid man behavior when he tossed that cash in Peggy’s face and wouldn’t give her the pat on the back that would keep her from exploring her options. Hate to see Peggy go and surely she’ll still be on the show in some way. We already had the punch to the gut knowing that Joan went through with it and then Don and Peggy’s goodbye with Don holding onto her hand kissing it was the 2 of the 1-2 punch. Then again it was nice to see Peggy smile at the elevator. The gang continues to fracture and I assume we’re not done. Is Megan going to get a part that takes her away for months? Is Joan going to breakdown? More importantly is the refrigerator going to breakdown again? Is Lane going to be found out? Is someone going to slap Pete for ignoring lovely Trudy? Is Roger going to take Bert to a Ravi Shankar concert?
--Paralyzed from the waist down?! Damn, Paul Williams, damn.
--You know how you hear stories where a guy goes into the hospital for a kidney stone and the doctors tell him that despite his external package he has internal female sex organs? No? Well apparently that shit can happen. That’s one enlightening kidney stone, especially for the guy’s wife and children.
--This “Camp Esquire” you speak of, where may one apply?
--Move over Ima and Boss I have a new favorite Hogg. Nice history lesson from The Houston Press.
--The “South Beach Cannibal” sounds like it was pulled from Dexter’s writing room. Damn you bath salts! I knew the cause of the inevitable zombie outbreak was already among us.
--How many cars do you think you’d have gone through by now if you rammed it into a fast-food place every time the restaurant forgot something in your order? Michael Smith of Ohio is probably leading you 1-0. I would put this all on Michael, but what person can be held responsible for their actions when shorted a taco at Taco Bell. I mean you can’t exactly buy another one or try to rationally explain you were shorted a taco. He really had no choice except which wall to go through.
--Modernist Cuisine at Home coming out October 8th? I’m down.
--Good luck to Pepper Jack's as it takes on the tough task of being a downtown restaurant.
--As I was nibbling on some chips at Ninfa’s on Navigation, still full from my breakfast tacos at Villa Arcos, satisfied by my decision to go for the tacos instead of something for breakfast at Dona Marie, and wondering if I should finally hit Merida like my mom keeps telling me to I thought to myself, “Self, this street could really use a Tex-Mex restaurant.” So obviously I’m glad East Downtown’s prayers have been answered with another El Tiempo.
--Until yesterday I had never heard of the Astros Walk of Fame, but J.R. Richard really does deserve to get his number retired.
--Yeah, @BaxFootballGuru blows up your timeline, but it’s an easy scroll through to me if it’s in bunches and it does catch my eye (eyes?) sometimes. The last five seasons looking at NFC West records. So 20 opportunities for teams in there to finish above .500. How many times in the last five years do you think any NFC West team finished above .500? Rams = 0. Seahawks = 1. Cardinals = 2. Niners = 1. Four times in 5 years has a team, ANY TEAM, in the NFC West finished over .500. Wow.
--You don’t honestly expect me to believe Shaun White and Bar Rafaeli, right?
--Screw you David Stern.
--Oh so putting 90 Lyrica, 37 Adderall, 50 Valium, 43 Trazadone, 10 Ambien, 26 OxyContin pills and four bags of heroin in a condom and sticking said condom where the sun don’t shine before you walk into jail is frowned upon? Ugh, life has so many rules. Andrea Amanatides will have plenty of time to learn the rules. In her defense she was going to prison for six months so clearly she needed her own pharmacy. Now she’s got to rough it. Obama’s America.
--Am I supposed to be surprised Kathie Lee Gifford asked Martin Short how he and his wife (deceased since 2010) still make each other laugh after all these years? Oh yeah, that’s surprising. Almost as surprising as Marcus Jordan tweeting to the masses instead of DM’ing a porn star about how he has more $ for her.
--Anthony Bourdain certainly won’t hurt CNN’s ratings once he moves over there next year. I still need someone to explain to me what Piers Morgan's appeal ever was.
--Our “Then What’s the F’n Point” Headline of the Week: Scientists invent ‘cannabis without the high.’
--Hell yeah, if this James Kirkland vs. Canelo Alvarez fight happens in September.
--RIP Johnny Tapia.
Questions, comments or if you don’t think it’s a coincidence you started paying attention to the Astros and they promptly dropped six straight…