Ad Rock Don't Stop, Just Get On The Mic With The Tic And The Toc

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Yo, that’s “Rati!”  Am I right fellas?



--I haven’t watched Girls, but I’m thinking it’s not for me.  Veep, on the other hand, is right up my alley. You had me at Julia Louis-Dreyfus, but kept me with Anna Chlumsky and Tony Hale.  Julia is now 51-years-old.  51!!
Mike’s two cents on how the VP saying the word “retard” could possibly get overlooked by the media – “What if Tom Hanks dies?”



--Famous Last Twitter Words…
 









                     You’ll never guess, but yeah Pearland police with the help of Lamar University police got this 20-year-old idiot.  Not only did she have the aforementioned warrants, but it was discovered she used her sister’s name when previously stopped by Houston cops.  What a delightful young lady.




 --Shitter is a brilliant idea.  I mean who doesn’t want to wipe their butts with their tweets or better yet the tweets from someone else’s account (looking at you John McClain)?



--It’s not like I watch the show religiously, but I do catch and enjoy the occasional House with the exception being any scene with Charlyne Yi. 


--Finally caught some of Frozen Planet and I’ll be catching the rest now too.  Love shows like this that teach you valuable, pretty to look at lessons like how killer whales attack in gangs.  I’m pretty sure that segment will be the coolest thing I see on television this year unless Robert Evans and Jack Nicholson guest on Archer.  Seems a little excessive for eight killer whales to use calculated tactics like creating a wave to break the ice underneath a fat seal.




--If you’re keeping track put another mark down for Heart Attack Grill.  This time it was a 40-year-old woman who was chomping on a double-bypass burger when she collapsed.  She’s okay now so hopefully she can throw down more burgers until she reaches that magic mark of 350 pounds.  That’s when you can eat for free at Heart Attack Grill.  Classy place ya got there.


--Writing of disgusting.  Cheeseburger crust pizzas and other all kinds of wrong from Pizza Hut Middle East.  How Pizza Hut U.S.A. hasn’t outdone Pizza Hut Middle East is beyond me.  Where’s our national pride in all things gluttonous?   

--Oh sure, I fire you and NOW you want your kidney back.  Maybe you don’t know how “no takebacks” works.


--If teenagers want to drink hand sanitizer why are adults supposed to have a problem with it?  I’m not saying ALL teenagers are bad, but if they’re drinking hand sanitizer to get drunk do we really need those particular ones?


--Bad news guys.  Sinead O’Connor has cancelled her 2012 tour.  I know. 


--There’s douchey then there’s naming your sunglass company Helen Keller.


--Things Dr. Dre should never have to say:
“I won’t be touring with Tupac’s hologram.”


--Best part about New Girl this week was that Jess and Nick didn’t start slobbering on each other after having that passionate argument.  I know it’s inevitable, but I’m also kind of dreading it.
If Fox wants to spin Cece and Nadia off into their own show I’m down with that.
Nadia – “I like salad bar.  Despicable Me.  Tosh two point o.  Freedom of speech.  I like yo mamma jokes. Sidewalks.  Ice skating for fun, not to save life.”

Schmidt and Cece 4evs

--The A/V Club walkthroughs are pretty much required reading.  This time around it’s Archer.  Sploosh.


--Dogflipper.  Yeah, that’s a thing.  A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing.  Worst part is we can’t even point and laugh at Florida since it happened in our backyard.


--Drudge Headline that we’ve all become numb to:
“More than 30 Women Involved in Massive Street Brawl Over Facebook Comments”


--Lone Ranger may have Tonto wearing a silly-looking dead bird on his head, but Jack White doing the score is a major plus.


--If you never watched Rome I highly, highly recommend it.  And because I did the news of Pullo/Ray Stevenson joining Dexter is good news or at least as “good” as news can get around that downward spiraling show.


--Joining the long list of people I don’t need to hear on ESPN any longer:  Bill Polian.  Hugh Douglas.


Questions, comments or if you’re pissed off you’re not watching Rockets-Spurs this weekend…

I Said Root Down, It's Time To Scoot Down. I'm A Step Up To The Mic In My Goose Down.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Before I get into the serious discussion that you came here for let me first say STFU to Philadelphia writer Reuben Frank for his b.s. piece about how, “Philadelphia has embraced DeMeco Ryans more in a month than Houston did in half a decade.”


--Getting high with Peggy was already on my to-do list, but now it gets underlined.  Trip with Roger Sterling joins the list as well.  Why acid makes cigarettes burn like that is one of life’s greatest mysteries.  Nice little journey for Roger that crystallized his mind regarding a divorce though had it been my mind I would’ve forgotten about that silly divorce the moment I saw Jane in my bed.  A terrific episode from the direction to the acting to the drugs to the orange sherbet.  Hopefully the combination of the orange sherbet fiasco and Bert Cooper give Don the kick in the pants he needs to get his work life together again.  This Don who gets downright giddy when giving Megan her first taste of orange sherbet is not a Don I want to see.  The Don I want to see gives the Peggy speech telling off Heinz.  Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go find some LSD and a bottle of Stoli.

--Since reading that part in the books I was wondering how Game of Thrones was going to show Melisandre’s birthing of the, the uhhh, shadowy, smoke monster-y, thingy.  Answer?  As graphically as possible.  We have to let it play out, but I wonder if that is going to turn off a lot of people from the Red Priestess angle.
Note to Game of Thrones:  We can’t hate Joffrey anymore than we already do so there’s really no need to show him abusing whores.
Tyrion: “Now that is a threat.”
I thought Harrenhall looked every bit as bleak as it is described in the books.  I guess now we know why they call him “The Tickler.”  Tywin Lannister be praised, at least momentarily, for rescuing Arya and Gendry.
Robb and Jeyne sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love then comes marriage then comes…
Then comes Instagrammed wedding!!!

--Jon Jones is still a bad, bad man. World Peace wish he could throw elbows like Jon Jones.


--It’s nice to have Pawnee back in my Thursday night life even if I didn’t get all the West Wing references.  Andy putting dog biscuits on the table to try to get the dogs to sit there and play poker was all I needed.  Plus I saw the cat from Boogie Nights.
Jennifer:  “I’m not saying she’s a dog murderer per se.  I just think her actions raise some questions, like ‘is Leslie Knope a dog murderer?’”
Ron makes “spinning cone of meat” sound so delicious. 


--I think it was probably a polarizing episode of Community, but I thought it was well done and Alison Brie and Danny Pudi delivered some nice performances considering how much green screen time they had.  And any episode that pushes Troy to the brink of tears or beyond is a good episode to me.  “I didn’t get Inception….There’s so many layers….”
I’d really like to see a webisode of the Dean’s trip to the bank and subsequent lunch.  His good news/bad news outfit was fantastic.
Things we need:  Blazertag.  DancePants.
The Today Show is struggling in the ratings and yet they still haven’t come back from commercial with Troy and Abed in the Morning.  Idiots.


--I could watch Stacey Keach Kouchtown commercials all day.  I lost my sh** when he spit into the camera.



--I finally got to the Bob’s Burgers food trucks episode.  As awesome as expected what with truck names the likes of “Ain’t Muffin to It” and “Something to Taco About.”
Gene – “It’s not a lie if you lie to vegetarians.  You taught us that!”


--Love Netflix releasing all ten new episodes of Arrested Development at the same time. 


--Way to f’n old to be going to shows that don’t start until 10:45 on a Wednesday night.  But for Sleigh Bells I’ll make an exception.  Connor Barwin is quickly climbing up my list of favorite Texans hitting shows like Sleigh Bells and Childish Gambino.  If I see him at M83 next month obviously he’s stalking me. 


--A Between the Two Ferns special on May 6th with the likes of Tina Fey and Jon Stewart? Sweet.


--Wait, drinking two liters of Coke and smoking 30 cigarettes a day can call you?!


--An all-male My Little Pony fan club?  Yes.  Sorry Houston, but your chance to meet with your fellow "Bronies" was last weekend at SRO.

Nice of the Ponies to give Tori Spelling some work.


--Dumbass of the Week and likely the year is Cedrick Barnes of South Carolina.  Apparently Cedrick had a bunch of pot on his hands and couldn’t find any takers.  So he started randomly calling numbers in his cell phone including the number of one Carlos Raines.  That would be the same Carlos Raines that was the former probation officer for Cedrick not that Cedrick could remember.  So yeah, Maj. Carlos Raines set up a meet and then got one of the easiest arrests in South Carolina history.



--Interesting list of the 10 fastest-growing industries in America.  Number 1 – generic pharmaceuticals.  Drugs!  Pilates and yoga studios check in at 4.  Hot sauce production at 8.  If I could combine those three things into an app (social network game development 7) then I could die a drugged out, spiced up yogi like I always dreamed of.


--If you’re keeping score at home or drinking alcohol in Alabama.  Fat Bastard wine and Raging Bitch beer are okay to sell.  Dirty Bastard beer, on the other hand, is not because somebody is finally thinking of the children.


--You wanna break into Sea World to swim with dolphins, okay, you’re young, knock yourselves out.  But you start stealing cute little penguins and there will be hell to pay.  I’m not sure what hell the three guys who broke into Australia’s Queensland Sea World are in for, but I suggest what’s good for the penguin is good the robbers.   They released the penguin into a waterway known for its sharks.  So I think a visit to the shark tank would save a lot of time and money.


Questions, comments or if you wanna see how things play out first before committing to having a smoke monster baby with Melisandre…

Yes Yes Y'All And Yes Yes Y'All. I'm Always On Time Never The Less Y'All.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Terrific episodes of Community the last couple of weeks.  First off anything having to do with Blade is fine by me because it is a fantastic kick-boxing vampire movie.  Who didn’t hear Blade and instantly want to watch the movie?  At least that opening scene.  So we had Britta’s carnie Blade who has “it” and Jeff wanting to know what “it” was so that gave us carnival time.  Then we had Abed and Troy just trying to watch Blade while Annie was on Britta lockdown.

Abed – “Annie subdue your guest.”

Abed also with a killer, “I need help reacting to something” when the dean shows up to hang out and meekly try to convince Troy to go to the A/C school.

Of course there was a Charlie St. Cloud poster in Annie’s room.

Troy – “She was born in the 80’s!  She’s using her phone as a phone!”  Awesome and now Troy’s sweet text to Britta becomes one of film and television’s mysteries like what was in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction.  Sweet moment at the end there even though it won’t change how mustard tastes.

Donald Glover guesting on the live 30 Rock sounds good to me.

--Parks and Recreation is back this week!

--Hey Margaery Tyrell, what’s up girl?  I’m not sure what the over/under was on minutes from the moment we’re introduced to Natalie Doermer to the moment she disrobes, but five minutes sounded like a good number.  Good stuff with her, Renly, and Loras who got worked over by Brienne.  Brienne looked like a freakin’ giant out there in what looks like another nice bit of casting.  Nice of Catelyn to give Renly a kick in the ass.

Theon has been getting his ass kicked since he stepped foot “home.”  Screw ‘em.

The two stand-out scenes for me were Tyrion (shocker) and his little game to find out who is loyal to the queen via montage and Arya and Yoren’s little talk before Yoren went out like the BMF he was.  Now Arya can add “getting Needle back” on her growing to-do list.

I liked the episode, but it goes to show just how vast this cast and world is when we get nothing from Dany, Stannis, or Robb.

Saturday Night Live with a pretty strong Game of Thrones skit that would explain a lot.

--Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson.  I’m listening.  Eight-part cable series.  Still listening.  17-year hunt for serial killer.  Now I’m really listening.  Written and executive produced by Nic Pizzolatto from The Killing.  Damn, you had me.  Can you imagine the quality of the pot they’d have on set?

--A few weeks ago it was the appetizing term “pink slime.”  Now you can add the yummy sounding “tuna scrape” to that.

--This Sunday Fox is celebrating its 25th year anniversary.  They’re having a big television special and airing the 500th episode of The Simpsons.  That all sounds well and good, but airing the Married With Children pilot before all that is a fantastic idea.  Writing of The Simpsons, aren’t we a little too old and beyond the point of caring about where exactly Springfield is?

--Seriously had my mind blown at Uchi the other night while Paul Qui was in the house.  I’ve had a lot of great meals, but none that I’ve replayed the flavors over and over.  I was looking forward to the sunchoke dashi the most as that was what won him that mentor challenge on Top Chef.  It was fantastic and probably only the fifth best thing I had all night of the 17 or so courses.  Oh yeah, 17 courses so it wasn’t cheap, but damn if it wasn’t worth every penny.  The tomago congee was sublime.  Houston Press with a solid look at those Top Chef dishes.

--This interview with Justified creator Ned Yost with The Wrap drops some hints about who may be joining the cast next season.  He mentions Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family’s Cam) and Jeff Goldblum and, "Anyone from Boomtown, anyone from Band of Brothers, anyone from The Pacific.”  Sounds good to me.  Also sounding good to me?  Another walkthrough from AV Club.  This one with the aforementioned Mr. Yost.

--Sin City: A Dame To Kill For.  As long as I get me some Carla Gugino I’m in.

--Kind of hard to tell, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Dan Gainor of the Culture and Media Institute was not a fan of Angry Boys.  Dan says, “HBO's new show Angry Boys includes one episode so foul that they have a little girl drinking from a giant cup made from a replica penis. Oral sex 'humor' involving a young child shows precisely where the left's mind is really at.”  Can't wait until Dan makes it to the S.Mouse doing grandmas song.

--Answer:  Florida.  Question:  Which state had to close down a park because of raccoon attacks.

--What hacker doesn’t wake up each morning and say to themselves “today is the day I finally hack Jabar Gaffney’s twitter account.”

--Contrary to popular belief you can go ahead and tug on Superman’s cape and feel free to spit into the wind, but you best not even think about relieving yourself on the Alamo.  Daniel Athens did just that and up to two years for felony of damaging a public monument sounds pretty good to me.

--Damn, I thought things like this only happened in the movies.  Unfortunately this happened in the small town of Greenland, New Hampshire.  A police chief was eight days away from retiring and now you know how the story ends.  He along with other officers were trying to serve a search warrant as part of a drug task force.  Cullen Mutrie was the person to be served and he answered their warrant with bullets that killed Greenland Police Chief Michael Maloney and injured four other cops.  The town has or had seven policemen in total.  At some point the bad guy and his woman shot and killed each other or committed suicide.  Terrible.

--Brett Favre consecutive starts streak.  Yawn.  Charlie Batch getting another one-year contract for the 2012-2013 season.  Wow.  The most surprising part is somehow he’s still not 40.

--Why wouldn’t eight of the most expensive ingredients in the world include bird saliva and coffee beans plucked from dung?

--It took me far too long to finally knock out Luck’s season/series finale.  Good stuff.  It was nice to see Dennis Farina even if it was for only nine episodes.  Now let’s get Kerry Condon on Game of Thrones.

--Colin Cowherd gets his own show starting next year because of your sins.  Happy now? 

Questions, comments or if you’re hitting Sleigh Bells on Wednesday…

I'm mad at my desk and I'm writing all curse words. Expressing my aggressions through my schizophrenic verse words.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--If you haven’t been watching the Rockets you’ve been missing out on some fun times. Khal Dragic has been fantastic and lifted up everyone’s game. Well, lifted up almost everyone.


--Awwww, Don Draper wants a happy wittle life with his young and beautiful wife and would resort to killing in his dreams to achieve it. What a little sweetie. On the other end of the spectrum we have Dr. Harris who I hope we get to see eat it over in Vietnam. The f’n rapist. Go to hell good doctor! Joan and I don’t need you!
As for Richard Speck, I hope he’s still burning in hell for being the cause of Sally Draper to start hitting the pill bottle…oh and what he did to those nurses. I didn’t know much about this sicko, but you can read up on his wiki here. It seems like 41 arrests in Dallas are kind of a lot. Hell, how this guy committed as many sick acts of violence before the Chicago nurse murders without being tossed in jail for years is beyond me. Interesting wiki read. The UT Tower shootings happened a couple of weeks after this Chicago massacre so we’ll see if it gets any mention on the show. Crazy times.

--You’ve probably seen those Lifetime spots for Jennifer Love Hewitt’s The Client List. It debuted on Sunday to 2.8 million viewers or the same number who watched Mad Men. This is why “SMH” was invented.

--Oh Harlan County, don’t ever change. The scene before the credits with Raylan interrogating Wynn Duffy via Russian roulette was outstanding and I like how the audience didn’t get to know whether or not Raylan had palmed the bullet or put it in a chamber. In a show full of schemers Limehouse takes no backseat to anyone. Of course now I need to go find a salt shaker with those raised squares on it so I can try and balance it like Raylan did. Great scene with Limehouse showing his guns are never more than a raised voice away. Very cool to see Vic Mackie’s ex-wife even though she unfortunately met Mr. Quarles. We finally had Quarles’ quick draw pistol meet Raylan and what’s Raylan’s reaction? “That’s cute.” This after Quarles asked Raylan for some ibuprofen. Gotta love/hate that Quarles. As for Arlo, wow. Senile or not he’s had it in for Raylan for quite a while, but just when you think he can’t hurt Raylan anymore than he has Raylan finds out that Arlo thought he was shooting him to protect Boyd. A great reveal, well a shitty reveal for Raylan.
"Disarmed him"

Alan Sepinwall with the creator Graham Yost. Good stuff there with a lot up in the air for next season. Is Limehouse still going to be a player? Is Shelby going to be a problem for Boyd? Will Tim and Rachel get more time on the screen? Will they bring in anyone who can top Dickie Bennett and Boyd Crowder’s hair?
Finally my tip of the Stetson to Neal McDonough who was fantastic as Quarles. Margo Martindale was so incredible as Mags last season it was impossible to have a combination of a character and actor come close to filling those shoes, but McDonough delivered. Hell, everyone delivers on this show from Timothy Olyphant to Walton Goggins to Jere Burns to Joelle Carter to up and down that cast.  Whichever awards show rewards Best Ensemble should take a hard look at Justified.

--Hey Melisandre, what’s up girl?
I’m going to be interested to see how the show works in the white walkers because it seems like they want to give them a little more run than they get in the books. Fine by me. The Wall storylines work for me though I hate that sonuvabitch Janos Slynt taking the black. Great scene though with Tyrion sending him off and putting Bronn in Slynt’s place.

Tyrion – “I’m not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I’m denying its existence.”
Tyrion was also dead on about Cersei’s gift at tearing up papers.
Strong introduction to Balon Greyjoy and the Iron Islands. Stupid Theon. Stupid, foolish Theon.
Why in only 10 episodes where every scene is precious we had to have Littlefinger’s talk taking up time is beyond me.

--Love the idea of a summer movie fantasy league. I’d rather watch summer movies than baseball. Although I might have fielded one of the worst possible teams yet. A movie’s score is based on its box office gross and rotten tomatoes score. I had the 5th pick in a 6-team draft and went with Savages first and no, not just because Riggins is in it. Okay, mostly.  Need a big showing from you Piranha 3DD!!

--Houston among the worst drivers in the country is about as surprising as Houston among the fattest cities in the country.

--If I had one sitcom wish right now it’d be that Happy Endings and New Girl did a crossover because Alex and Jess could be besties and we’d get to put money on how long until Jane killed Jess. Also Damon Wayans Jr. could be on both shows and just wear a hat or something when he’s Winston because this Winston hasn't done much for me. I ran through every New Girl episode the other night starting from when Lizzy Caplan joined the fun. Major improvement over the first couple I watched that were just okay. Still crossing my fingers that at some point Dermot Mulroney smokes pot and tells Jess that her roommates can’t see them because they’re in the spirit world.

--Oral History of Friends? I think I’ll pass. Now a Freaks and Geeks walkthrough? Gimme, gimme, gimme. Shia Lebouef was up for Neal?!

--The next couple of weeks the documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi will be playing at the Museum of Fine Arts. If you’ve got some free time I highly recommend checking it out and really the museum should’ve tied ticket sales into automatic reservations at Kata Robata or somewhere because you will crave sushi afterwards. It’s a beautifully done documentary about 85-year-old Jiro, his family and his philosophy on life and sushi. You gotta love any movie that has a tuna expert who brands himself as “anti-establishment.”

--Yeah, if someone had left me a box of $12,000 in cash as a tip I don’t think the first thing I’d do is call the police. That’s what a woman with five kids did and what she’d get for her trouble? Well the police held the money for 90 days because someone might claim it. When nobody did the police said we’re going to hang onto it anyway because we think it’s drug money.

--Four terrifying words: Hot Dog Stuffed Crust.

--Nobody brings the energy, even in a walking boot, like Childish Gambino. He put on a helluva show last Friday at House of Blues. Although my presence really skewed that average audience member age. On the plus side, nobody is in line for beers. I didn’t realize until about halfway through the show that Connor Barwin and Brooks Reed were right in front of me. I tweeted some sarcastic joke about seeing Connor and possibly @sonofbum (Wade Phillips’ account) there. The next morning @sonofbum himself replied back saying it wasn’t him and that he was in Dallas. He even signed his tweet – Wade. All kinds of awesome.

--I’m not the biggest Jason Sudeikis fan, but I do like his Mitt Romney.

--Jimmy Smits to Sons of Anarchy as a “Latino gangbanger”?! So Jimmy Smits is a gangbanger and Danny Trejo is a cop. Got it.

--I'd feel sorry for Scott Hall but I think he's probably had more than his share of pity?

--Now there’s only one question for the newly retired Antoine Walker to deal with. Yep, whether he’ll go into the Hall as a member of the Celtics or the Idaho Stampede.

--I feel safe in saying Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day book will be much better than the movie. The book is a classic. The movie will have Steve Carell so it has that going for it, but, yeah, this is unnecessary.

--I was bored during a Masters commercial break and watched five minutes of Green Lantern. Wow, it looks like they started out to make a piece of crap and then really went for it. Gotta admire conviction like that.

--What do you get when you mix 5 a.m., a relationship status on Facebook, two groups of ladies and Waffle House. Awwww yeah, SHOTS FIRED! This was in Augusta, Georgia over the weekend. I’m guessing Tiger Woods wasn’t involved, but we are talking about a greasy spoon and relationship status problems.

Questions, comments or if you weren’t a fan of piercings and then you saw Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and you still aren’t a fan of piercings unless the piercee is one Rooney Mara…

With the sound delight we rock all night . And yes we're gonna party for the right to fight

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Have y’all heard of this Game of Thrones? I was just a little bit excited about the premiere of season two. That excitement compounded when Dragonstone appeared during the opening credits. Probably need to relax a little if I’m getting uber excited about opening credits. I thought it was a solid, solid premiere that set the stage for the season about as well as you can with a cast as large as this one. This looks like Tyrion’s season to shine and he came out firing with both barrels as Hand of the King. Like any normal person the only character I loathe more than Cersei is Joffrey so it was nice to see him get the five fingers to the face treatment from his mother. Cersei’s “power is power” response to Littlefinger’s “knowledge is power” was all sorts of awesome.

It looks like the show has once again hit it on the cast with newcomers Melisandre, Stannis and Davos. It had to have been hard to keep up with the goings on at Dragonstone for those who haven’t read the books. Carice van Houten as Melisandre looks like a keeper.


--I don’t even know what to say about the season finale of Spartacus except *?);*^%$!*#;***^;^@#%#@;*!!!!
That was one fantastic ride this season. A ride that’s over for some really outstanding characters.
I hated to see the Egyptian giant get over on Oenomausa second time. RIP Oenomaus.
I really hated to see Ashur go out at the hands of Naevia. I know Ashur isn’t as skilled as Spartacus or Crixus, but he did take down a gang of Glaber’s Roman soldiers and now freakin’ Naevia kills him?! Ashur was played perfectly byNick Tarabay. RIP Ashur…not really you were a piece of sh**.
As for the show’s matriarch. When Lucretia let herself fall off the cliff with Ilythia’s baby in tow, I mean, what. a. scene. Bravo to Lucy Lawless for a flawless performance in all three seasons of the show. The show wouldn’t have made it this far without her name and performance. RIP Lucretia.

A major highlight of this season was Spartacus’ girl, Mira. She was awesome as Spartacus’ right hand woman with just the right amount of sex appeal combined with an insatiable appetite for violence. She will be missed. RIP Mira.
A really good in-depth interview with the show’s creator, Steven S. DeKnight, from The A.V. Club. Can’t wait to see Crassus and a young Julius Caesar enter the fray next season.
av club link

--Has anyone recorded “Heinz Is On My Side” yet? Fat Betty was an interesting twist, but the fat suit or whatever they did to add the weight seemed odd to me. I’d like to see Harry go on to become the creator of competitive eating.

--Chevy Chase and Community creator Dan Harmon aren’t exactly peaches and cream. Chevy left a nice little voicemail for Harmon. This voicemail followed a back and forth between the two which led to what sounds like one awkward wrap party.
Chevy:  "You're not funny....You're okay."

--And I thought the Florida teenage girl who picked up three DUI’s in three weeks was impressive. However, two DUI’s in a matter of 17 hours is above and beyond.  Wait, he was a school bus driver and his first DUI was while driving 142 students?!  Bra-vo.

--Damn, I'm loving watching these Rockets.

--Smart move by Borgias not attempting to premiere opposite Game of Thrones. Hopefully this season is a little more even than last.

--I swore off The Killing after not really feeling it last season and then that debacle of a finale. I may be wrong, but I think I heard they’re not revealing the killer until this season’s finale. Yeah, even if that’s your intention why on Earth would you let your audience know that?!

--Matthew McConaughey on the season premiere of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives is about right or rather about aw right, aw right, aw right, aw right.

--Elias points out that Rajon Rondo’s fifth triple-double of the season is more than Dwyane Wade has in his entire career and is the same number that Isiah Thomas had in his career.

--It is one thing, albeit a foolish thing, when you don’t tap in an octagon. It’s another thing to not tap in a living room. Stephen Arceneaux was watching WrestleMania with friends and family in Destrehan, Louisiana. The 24-year-old had about 4 inches and 100 pounds on his 14-year-old cousin. They were rasslin’ when the kid put Stephen in a rear naked choke. Apparently Stephen wouldn’t tap, so after 30-40 seconds Stephen’s face started turning blue which is the international tap, I think. Stephen stopped breathing and sadly never started again.

--I like oysters. I like Kate Upton. I like Kate Upton and oysters.



















I like following @si_vault

--Escargot food truck? Hell yes.

--There are a ton of reasons to be excited about Seth Siegel-Gardner and Terrance Gallivan finally finding a spot for their restaurant(s), The Pass and Provisions. Very high on the list is that Annie Potts will take your reservations…at least according to this Vimeo that Seth created.

--When you’re a cop and you roll up to a possible prostitute and you proposition her and she responds that she’ll do the deed as long as you get her a couple of double cheeseburgers off the McDonald’s value menu, then, can’t you just buy her a burger, tell her to get off the streets and let her go on her merry way??? Nah, let’s take her down!!! Crime everywhere else has been solved!!!

--Fresh off his sweep of the Razzies comes word Adam Sandler is looking to remake Summer School. Zero chance this has a quarter of the amount of entertainment provided by Mr. Shoop, Chainsaw, Anna-Maria, Shawnee Smith and the lovely Courtney Thorne-Smith.

Questions, comments or if you’re going to Childish Gambino Friday!!!!

Now here's a little story I've got to tell. About three bad brothers you know so well.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I can’t believe Game of Thrones premiere Sunday is upon us. I tore through the books last summer so I’m very much looking forward to a refresher on what seems like ancient Westeros history. Look for Peter Dinklage’s name to be the first to appear when those awesome credits start to roll. For some reason Sean Bean’s name no longer appears.

--When the only thing you have on Thursdays now is Community there’s a lot of pressure. Unfortunately, this week was one of the weaker episodes in a while. Gillian Jacobs was great and “Britta Unfiltered” took me way too long to get, but everything else fell flat. Jeff and Annie’s subplot was one of the most forgettable the show has ever done. Hopefully Troy and Abed’s fort wars will make up for all this next week. Either way Childish Gambino needs to come out to the stage from a blanket fort at his concert here next Friday.
Magnitude – “Pop. Pop. Captain.”

--Megan was the only person in the world who thought a surprise party for Don Draper was a good idea. Don Draper was the only person in the world who thought Megan singing Zou Bisou Bisou was not a good idea. Clearly Don was wrong. So nice to have the Mad Men and women back. Two hours of goodness where we checked in on everyone with the notable and welcome exception of Betty who I assume was busy eating her own placenta? It is weird to see Don about as happy as Don can be. A Don who didn’t smooth talk Heinz into Peggy’s bean ballet. A Don who isn’t 100% all work all the time, but then again who can blame him when he has the hottest wife/maid/singer on television.
Pete is Pete and weird that he hasn’t exactly changed over the course of the show, yet I like him more and more. He’s the workaholic keeping the firm afloat. The only –holic Roger is the alco variety.
Jane: “What time is it?”
Roger: “Shut up.”

KeepItClassy has all your "Zou Bisou Bisou" gif needs covered.

--Lily Tomlin was one helluva pick for the woman who birthed Kenny f’n Powers. The sweetest mother-son moment I’ve ever seen was when they exchanged and chatted about the various drugs they had in their possession or maybe I’m just a sentimental softie like that. I’m liking Mexican Stevie more and more. Two more episodes left in what has been a bounce back season as far as I’m concerned.

--Finally South Park tackled our most pressing issue, even more pressing than the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Cats and their plotting. Oh sure cat breading looks innocent enough, but they’re evolving and South Park did its part to try and open our eyes. Three terrifying words: Oh Long Johnson.

                You're not fooling me with that sh**.  First they get the bread, then they get the power.

--The Luby’s over by UH now has migas and menudo in the mornings because Luby’s menudo screams great idea.

--Well done Keith Olbermann. Well done. There will never be another Bert Randolph Sugar.

--Glad to see Bully is being released unrated.

--Cast of Glee on Inside the Actors Studio. Uh, okay.

--Chicken and waffles latte syrup? No thanks, I’m good.

--There aren’t many good commercials around, but I like The Cosmopolitan’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” bit. If you prefer you’re “Bohemian Rhapsody” sung by a drunk guy in the back of a police car then here’s where you go.


--Our Florida Story of the Week comes to us from 18-year-old Kimberly McCarthy. Kimberly is an achiever. Over what sounds like a fun three week span Kimberly was arrested not once, not twice, but three times for DUI. Each time she was busted she had marijuana on her because she’s 18 and it’s Florida. Her defense is she was never drunk on those stops, but was only high each time. She probably needs to work on her defense.

--Michael Damian going back to The Young and the Restless? Always thought dude was going to make it big after “Rock On.” Still it is part of one of my most favorite soundtracks, Dream A Little Dream. I haven’t watched it in at least three years so I’m probably due for a visit with the Coreys and my Laney.



















--Wait, the Mallrats Magic Eye poster was not a freakin’ sailboat?! I don’t know what to believe anymore.

--Ten volumes of The Walking Dead down for me. Love this non-spoiler line:
“The thing about smart m’f’ers is that they sound like crazy m’f’ers to stupid m’f’ers.”

--AMC. Football drama. Tommy Lee Jones. I’m in.  Twins sequel.  I'm out.  Arnold, DeVito, and Eddie Murphy.  I'm running out.


--Most people are poring over NFL draft rankings when really the best rankings to pore over are the rankings on Jezebel.com of the P90X supporting cast from worst to best. Completely agree on that f’n plyo showoff Dom jumping around like a gd Italian jumping bean. Piss off Dom. Sophia made the top 10 buy my favorite dentist is number 1 to me.


--“Iranian female ninjas are suing Reuters.” If I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen that headline. But seriously ninjas how ya gonna sue for defamation because their report used the term “ninja assassin”? You’re a ninja, words like assassin come with the territory.

--That’s only the second silliest court case over political correctness. We have Albinos suing Earl’s restaurant in Canada. Why? Because it created a beer called Albino Rhino and Albino Wings. I.K. Ero with an idiotic explanation, "You go into a restaurant and someone says, 'Can I get a palsy? Give me a palsy,'" she said. "And what it stands for is a cerebral palsy cocktail. I don't think that would fly well at all with anybody with cerebral palsy, or their families, who have to live with the condition.
"So how does it work, in [the case of albinism] that you can market food with a medical condition?"
Because. That’s Why.

--I don't know whether I'm more happy I won't be subjected to anymore once Monday's game is over.  The Jim Rome promos or whatever commercial the Neon Trees are a part of.

--Our Drunk of the Week comes to us from Montana. ‘Twas there that Arly II couldn’t hold his liquor, but then again Pomeranians are notoriously light drinkers. Oh yeah, Arly II is a 20-pound dog. Todd Schrier is the a-hole owner. Some people at a bar saw Todd give his dog vodka in a to-go cup and they worried about the dog so they called police. Police came and took the stumbling drunk dog to a vet. Arly II’s BAC was an amazing 0.348. A 0.4 level can be fatal to those of us who walk on two legs. Arly II is now at a Humane Society while the case plays out seeing as how Todd was charged with animal cruelty. I say we just force Todd to get his BAC to 0.4 and then we just play it by ear. 

--I’ve heard a lot of stupid things this week (can’t make up my mind on Dog Valet), but none more so than the “Nacho Grabber.” You got to be f’n kidding me.

Questions, comments or if it’s the next freakin' Sunday and you still can’t get "Zou Bisou Bisou" out of your head…not that you’d ever kick Jessica Pare out of your bed…