You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop. Mike D Come On And Rock The Sure Shot.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Oh Texans, you’re incorrigible. Oh and can someone please slap the Tebow taste of out of the mouth of Don Criqui?
As for this rumor of Gary Kubiak out while Rick Smith stays, well, uhhhh, that’s just f’n stupid. Maybe Rick Smith is the greatest ass kisser of all-time, I don’t know. All I know is he was hired by Kubiak and he’s done nothing to distinguish himself or justify allowing him to select this franchise’s next head coach.
Stephanie Stradley pointed out Rick Smith's bio on HoustonTexans.com and yeah, let’s look at the second sentence.
“After inheriting a two-win team, Smith has helped guide the Texans to 31 wins since 2006, giving him the most wins for a general manager in franchise history.”
Wow, what an accomplishment! But wait there’s more…I mean seriously we’re going to point out on Rick Smith’s bio that Matt Schaub was a Pro Bowl MVP? Sure why not. I mean the bio also takes pride in the fact that in 2009 the franchise had its best ranked defense (13th) yet.
Please just wake me when this nightmare is over.

--Our Stupid Pardon of the Week comes to us from New Mexico where Governor Bill Richardson is deciding whether to pardon Billy the Kid for one his murders. Click here for outrage from people who need better things to do with their time.

Rick Smith: "Hey, Gary how come they ain't firing us?"
Gary Kubiak: "Cause we're in the spirit world asshole, they can't see us."
And yes, Frank Bush: "Did you guys see the size of that chicken?!?"

Sean with his awesome as usual blog for the Houston Press tells you what Frank Bush was doing at 2am last Sunday.

--Until finding this article I had no idea about the scourge of paper airplanes threatening Cleveland Browns fans in 1974. Thankfully we have the complaint and greatest response from an NFL team’s general counsel ever. Gotta love “Cc: Arthur Modell.”

--Because I thought I was in the mood for something like Iron Man 2. I watched Iron Man 2. My bad. I seriously don’t think I found one redeeming scene or actor in the entire movie.

--If you’re keeping score at home the Patriots have now gone seven straight games without committing a turnover. They’ve committed nine on the year. Record for fewest in a season is 13.

--Vikings face the Lions on the road next week so I don’t know what weather-related disaster Detroit is in for, but something has to be coming. I’m not saying God hates Minnesota. I’m just saying he’s not a fan.

--So Rachel Weisz has moved on from Darren Aronofsky to Daniel Craig?

--And after 14 minutes in four games Steve Francis’ basketball career in China is over. Apparently things came to a head when Steve decided he wanted to take Christmas off to spend time with Cuttino his family instead of practice. Now please Steve come back to America and eat something.

--Manny from Modern Family (Rico Rodriguez) has his own clothing line?!

--Hugh Hefner is engaged to someone 60 years younger than him? Your move Jeff Goldblum.

--Manny Pacquiao and Shane Moseley. Bravo boxing, brav-o. I mean c’mon Manny. C’mon Bob Arum. I refuse to pay for this crap. Even I have standards…and like I said I just watched Iron Man 2.

--My man crush on Josh Freeman grows every week. It must be a cool to have a young, stud quarterback. How lucky did Tampa get that Tennessee left LaGarrette Blount unprotected? Titans fan can’t be nearly as pissed about that as Jets fan is about cutting Danny Woodhead only to see him immediately go to the Patriots back in Week 2.

--Congratulations to Matt Schaub for becoming on the second quarterback in NFL history to have four straight 300-yard passing games that coincided with four straight losses. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again Matt Schaub doesn’t look nearly as good as he did a year ago, but he’s far down on the list of problems with this franchise.

--Kansas City (10-5) and St. Louis (7-8) have each surpassed their respective win totals from 2009…and…2008…and…2007…combined.

--Natalie Portman is engaged and pregnant and I'm not the fiance or the father despite what rumors you may have heard. You know the rumors, it all started years ago when I mentioned to a friend that I thought Natalie was cute in Garden State. So word somehow got back to her and she started doing all these Star Wars movies because she heard I liked the first few. But Hayden Christensen was so awful in the second trilogy that I kinda cooled on Natalie a bit. Then she was clearly throwing herself at me in Closer.

You're only embarrassing yourself Natalie.
Sad, really. Then she heard I liked Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall so she tried to make me jealous with Black Swan especially with one specific scene. Now she's all "oh, look at me Danny! You got engaged and I can too! Pay attention to me!!!!" Oh Natalie, I hope someday you find your true love like I found mine.

--Kerry Collins is one of those names you need to remember when answering a Sporcle on all the QBs who’ve thrown for at least 40,000 yards. 98 more yards and he’ll go past Johnny Unitas on the all-time passing list. Wow.
I’m gonna venture to say that none of the other 11 quarterbacks ahead of him on that list have ever concussed a teammate on the sidelines before with an errant pass like Collins did to DE William Hayes on Sunday.

--Your Florida Story of the Week comes to us from Daytona Beach. 61-year-old Lawrence Gauthier has made it a habit of dialing 911 and that’s a no-no. Sixteen times he’s called since November. Why? To ask for business cards and check up on deputies. Oh and to tell them he wanted “the media arrested.” Yeah, he went to jail. As did Cynthia Colston who had a dispute with an employee at a nail salon. Colston called 911 three times and even when a deputy was there trying to resolve the dispute she decided it would be a good idea to call 911 a fourth time. She was wrong.

--Nice job America, $34 million for Little Fockers. Let’s take a look at some of the Rotten Tomatoes reviews for this movie that scored a miraculous 10%:

Mike Ward - Richmond.com: “I'm guessing there will be a fourth and a fifth Meet the Parents sequel: "Stepfockers," and "Tween Fockers" or maybe even "As Long as She's Your Second Cousin, You Can Still Focker." Who knows, or cares.”

Jason Goodyer – Little White Lies: “Just when you think things can't stoop any lower, Owen Wilson performs acrobatics in blue lycra.”

Colin Covert – Minneapolis Star-Tribune: “I thought it would take years for Owen Wilson to appear in a movie worse than How Do You Know, but he has outdone himself.”

Kyle Smith from the NY Post with my favorite movie review of the year which includes:
"Little Fockers may not be the worst, most vulgar, most pathetic and least funny picture of the year. But it's a strong contender for second place behind the picture Brett Favre allegedly sent over his cellphone.”
“De Niro and Harvey Keitel, as a lazy contractor, come face to face and . . . yell boringly at each other about a hole in the ground that isn't supposed to be there. One wonders at what point, on the set, Harvey and Bob caught each other in a gaze that said, ‘You know -- we did Mean Streets and Taxi Driver together.’ More likely: They simply averted their glances in shame.”
“Little Fockers, which is as funny as the two heart attacks suffered by Jack, sprints past ‘unfunny,’ is still going strong when it reaches ‘disaster’ and easily reaches ‘cautionary tale.’ Director Paul Weitz has made three straight movies (including American Dreamz and Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant) of such boundless ineptitude that I'd rather watch student films, or even Glee.”

--You’ve been missing out if you haven’t been following the four-part 24/7 on the Capitals and Penguins before their Winter Classic on New Year’s Day. Great stuff and I always enjoy it when coaches drop f-bombs as often as teenage girls use the word “like.” By the way, the latest weather report calls for temps in the 50s and rain. Yeah, that's not good. They could push it back to later on Saturday night or Sunday.

--Remember former Top Chef winner Stephanie Izard? Food & Wine talked to her recently and she provided a recipe for a mushroom ragout that you can find here. I link to this because if you like mushrooms then you’ll love this. I’ve made it three times in the past two weeks and it’s money to put on anything though my weapon of choice is udon noodles.

--Jeff Bagwell Hall of Fame love courtesy of Peter Gammons.

--Uhhh, Donte’ Stallworth did drive under the influence and end the life of a fellow human being, right? So why then did his Baltimore teammates select him as the Ed Block Courage Award winner for the team? For the courage it took to spend 24 days in jail? For the courage it took to come back from a year-long suspension? I’m not saying Donte’ should be held in contempt forever, but an award for “courage” 20 months after killing someone seems a little much.

Questions, comments or if you started P90x and you hope to regain the use of your legs someday…

She robbed us blind - she took all we owned. And the boys blamed me for bringing her home.

In Memoriam

December 19, 2010. Boom goes the DVR.

Once I saw the red "X" I knew that my DVR library was only a vegetable who didn’t recognize my face and was in more pain living than it would be if I just let the always funny folks at AT&T wipe it clean. And wipe it they did. When the technician turned to me and told me what had to be done I assured him (lied to him) that I had made my peace with it before his arrival. And with that there went my Christmas vacation viewing.

Terriers – I never had time for you and that’s on me. I let your first and, sadly, only season get away from me for too long before I made up for it last weekend watching four straight episodes that got me down to the final two. I’ll miss you the most.

Awesomely crazy episode.

Community – I really wanted to start a Christmas Eve tradition of watching your stop-motion animation classic full of Jeff-in-the-Box, metaphor for Lost, humbugs and "Sad Quick Christmas Song." There’s always next year, well unless you get Parks and Rec’d.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians – You did this to my DVR didn’t you! You f’n attention whore! Yeah, I’m looking at you Scott, you ass. Look at what all of you turned Olympic legend Bruce Jenner in to. My DVR never had a chance against the 12 of you monsters recorded on it.

House – Yeah, two seasons of worth of House. Eh, not exactly shedding a tear.

Ricky Gervais Out of England 2 – HBO On Demand will have my back although why Lombardi isn’t On Demand is beyond me.

Run Ricky Run – I was gonna watch you again, I promise. But now that I think about it...Run Ricky Gervais Run would be the better show.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Christmas Special – You were gone before I ever got a chance to visit you. Merry Christmas to me.

Undeclared – IFC has given us the gift of quality re-runs like this and Freaks and Geeks. I watched the first four Undeclareds and almost stopped tripping every time Charlie Hunnam/Sons’ Jax came on the screen as Lloyd with an English accent.

Lost series finale – I probably would never have watched this again, but dammit! we need to go back to the island!

Game 5 of the 1980 NLCS between the Astros and Phillies – I recorded you for trips down memory lane, but was waiting until at least one Houston sports team was respectable to revisit those dark Philly memories.

Jersey Shore – I watched the first two of the last season, but had the rest recorded not that I was ever going to get around to watching them. RIP Angelina.

South Park - Damn, I wanted to see that Crème Fraiche episode.

Perfect Couples – You have the waitress from Sunny and Olivia Munn on so I was really looking forward to seeing them and wondering how long until Mary Elizabeth Ellis was back on Sunny and Munn was on to her next try.


Men of a Certain Age – You had good reviews and Scott Bakula and Andre Braugher. I missed your first season, but wanted to watch this one. Yeah, that’s not happening.

Mad Men - “The Suitcase” and “Tomorrowland” were some of your best episodes ever…that I’ll never see again.

Parenthood – My fiancée liked you and you weren’t half bad even though I’m not a big Craig T. Nelson fan after he got upset with Stevens and Pruett that one time. Yeah, I hold grudges for a long time. Still you had Lauren Graham and that was worth something.

Sons of Anarchy season three finale - What you lacked for during the season you made up for in the finale. RIP SOA finale. I hope one day to get the satisfaction again of seeing Opie’s final scene with Agent Stahl. That and Chibs drinking a Jameson’s juice box on the school bus.

Blais Off – Top Chef’s Richard Blais has a new show on Discovery Science that started last Friday. I’m expecting a molecular gastronomy version of Good Eats.

RIP DVR 7/10/2009 – 12/19/2010

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Bernard Pollard: “It’s embarrassing to us, our fans and our families.”
Yes it is.

--I wasn’t sure I was going to like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World until I saw the credits roll and the cast it had. Kieran Culkin, Aubrey Plaza, Brandon Routh, Jason Schwartzman, Anna Kendrick and so on. Great cast and fun movie. I never read the comic books so have no idea how true it was or whatever, all I know is I liked the comic book/video game feel it gave off and the music was strong too.
“Bread makes you fat?”

Brandon Routh as the vegan ex was awesome, “I partake not in the meat, nor the breastmilk, nor the ovum, of any creature, with a face.”

--Good to hear Jack Huston/Richard Harrow in Boardwalk has been promoted to series regular next season.

--Finally got around to watching Lombardi. Damn fine work. But I couldn’t find it on U-verse On Demand. They have about 10 two-minute trailer/teasers, but not the actual program. That's AT&T for ya.

--Also checked out the 24/7 on the Penguins and Caps. 24/7 could make the Texans/Broncos feel like the Super Bowl is about to be played.

--Hey Giants, wanna trade punters?

--Surely you’ve seen it by now, but a hundred times is never enough. Anthony Pettis, who you may have seen on World of Jenks, with this video game kick…


--Somehow with possibly the worst/most inexperienced WR corps in the league Sam Bradford has gone over the 3,000 yard passing mark. The only other rookie quarterbacks to ever do that? Peyton Manning and Matt Ryan. Writing of Matt Ryan, he currently has 63 TD passes which is tied for 4th most for a QB in his first three seasons of play. The three guys ahead of him are Dan Marino, Peyton Manning and take a guess. Wrong. Jeff Garcia.

--Tony Romo and Candice Crawford 4evs!

--Wait, the NFC West lost all their games in the same week for the third time this season? That can’t be right. Yeah, one of those craptastic teams will host a playoff game. Makes perfect sense.

--Maybe you want to read about Dexter’s new showrunner or maybe you don’t. It’s like a Choose Your Own Adventure!

--I think the celebrity roasts have had their run, but to each their own. Next up? Donald Trump. Only way I’ll watch is if his apparent good friend Mike Leach gets a turn at the mic.

--Bret of Flight of the Conchords doing some of the songs for the upcoming Muppet Movie is great f'n news.

--Matt Dillon as an ex-boyfriend of Claire’s on Modern Family? Works for me.

--Just as we suspected it’s Rebecca Budig vs. Bethenny Frankel in the finals of Skating with the Stars. Apparently Bethenny is the new Bristol Palin among Stars voters. Go Greenlee!

Greenlee, Ryan and Kendall...those were the days.

--Bernard Hopkins, was that you in an entertaining fight over the weekend? Crazy. 45-year-old B-Hop and Jean Pascal fought to a majority draw in a fight that saw Hopkins hit the mat twice in the early rounds though they weren’t the most convincing knockdowns. One of my favorite radio moments was getting to interview Hopkins and trying to interpret B-Hop-ese on the fly. Something about the fans wanting to him grow wings and fly out of the ring. It made perfect sense at the time.

--Top Chef’s Casey Thompson is opening a second Brownstone restaurant. This one in Dallas. The first one is in Fort Worth. Casey explains the difference between the two, “It will have Dallas food, not Fort Worth food.” Uhhhhhhh, okay….

--If you’re keeping score at home it’s 15 straight double-doubles for Kevin Love.

--A movie about a fan suffering from the Madden cover curse. Is that something you’d be interested in? Of course not. Of course that won’t stop it from getting made.

--Blake Griffin put together three straight 20-point, 15-rebound games before having it snapped with a weak 22-point, 10-rebound effort Monday night. There have only been four other rookies who have done 20-15 in at least three straight games and two of them are Rockets? Guys named Tim Duncan, Shaq, Dream and Ralph Sampson.

--It’s good to be quarterback, any quarterback. Matt Flynn is a quarterback. His girl is Lacey Minchew who just happened to be Miss Louisiana in 2009.


--There’s really not much to add to this story from Morning Call (mcall.com):
“Court-ordered to undergo drug tests, a Monroe County man was caught wearing a fake penis and bladder used to cheat screens. But Raymond Hartley Jr. had a good excuse (naturally) for strapping on the Whizzinator, he told a Northampton County judge last week: The probation officers kept making fun of the size of his real penis."

--Heat is now 5-7 against teams currently over .500.

Questions, comments or if you made it through another Christmas without having to go to the mall for anything...

Went outside my house I went down to the deli. I spent my last dime to refill my fat belly.

Sigh

Oh yay, Bob McNair addressed the team. Thank you Mr. McNair for bringing football back to Houston, but kindly STFU until you either (inevitably I’m afraid) confirm Gary Kubiak will be around for more mediocrity or you clean house. I mean do professional football players want to hear their owner wax poetic about how close other owners think his team is? Who the hell cares what other owners say about you? Are these grown men supposed to take solace in that?! God, I hope not. I don’t know what the point of telling them that even is. Provide them motivation? Isn’t that what the coaches are for? Isn’t that what pride is for? And oh yeah, paychecks?
McNair - "The level of respect that they have for our team and how close they think we are to really being not just a good team but an outstanding team, it was nice to hear your peer group say that about you.”
Oh well congratulations on another year of other owners saying you’re REALLY close to being outstanding. You’re f’n 5-8, THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE! Let’s deal in reality and not in Inception where you try to plant the seed of oh-we’re-so-close-and-look-other-owners-even-say-we-are-so-it-must-be-true. You are what you are. 5-8 with a historically bad passing defense and losses in ways that even Friday Night Lights wouldn’t write for Coach Taylor’s opponents.
McNair - "I think what it does, it's sort of an affirmation that we're on the right track. Clearly, we have to do better, because what we've done wasn't good enough. But (it affirms) that we're on the right track, and I've felt that way all along.”
Stop giving a shit about what your fellow owners say because last I checked you’re competing against all 31 of the other owners for a Lombardi trophy not Miss Congeniality. All those other owners also fired their head coaches or made their playoffs since Kubiak has been here. We’ve had enough of being nice, of not holding coaches or players accountable, of having prices raised year after year, of 8-8, of “oh we’re so close.” Fu** that. Why don’t you listen to someone other than a fellow owner? Like oh I don’t know someone not connected to Kubiak or Smith or Denver? Like a real GD football mind?! Give us the impression you hold players and coaches accountable. Give us something, anything. Just not this same damn speech again.
McNair - “But you know, it's like life. I mean, does everything work out in your life? I doubt it. You don't quit, do you? No, you just suck it up and go on.”
You make some motherf’n changes is what you motherf’n do! How can you be so good at the business of business, but so bad at the business of football?!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Nothing much to say about Yao except the possible finality for him and the franchise is something I’m glad is on the horizon.

--I bet if Jennifer Carpenter/Debra Morgan had it to do all over again she would have arrested the vigilantes on site. At least shot a little lower and to her right.

--Pony Excess was another solid 30 for 30. However, I don’t think it was focused enough, had too many interview subjects and no new information. It really needed an interview with Sherwood Blount or Eric Dickerson to admit to something everyone accepts as fact anyway. What I did like about it was how even 20 years later the players and boosters are still all smirking about what they did. SMU assumed everyone was cheating and pretty much everyone was, but no school was as brazen about it. The media angle was interesting with the two Dallas papers and Dale Hansen all trying to scoop each other. I’d put Pony Excess third among the college football 30 for 30s behind The Best That Never Was and The U.
(INSERT PICTURE OF SCOREBOARD SHOWING 95-21 UH WIN HERE) - I'll take Houston sports highlights wherever I can get them these days even if they were 20 years ago. Hell I'm gonna go watch Clutch City right now.

--Mr. Skin released his top 10 nude scenes of 2010. The full SFW list here. I’m not sure how anything involving Amanda Seyfried and Julianne Moore can’t finish #1. Cable television represented well with Paz de la Huerta from Boardwalk Empire and of course Mary-Louise Parker from Weeds.


--‘Tis the season for year-in-review type lists and Twitter is no exception. The overall top trend was “Gulf Oil Spilll” which surprised me. #2 is what I expected to be #1, “FIFA World Cup.” Incep-BWAAAAAARRRRMMMM-tion was #3. The only person as a top 10 overall trend? Justin Bieber of course. The only sea-dwelling creature in the top 10? “Pulpo Paul” who you might remember as Paul the Octopus.
In sports the overall top trend was some guy named LeBron. Then Wimbledon and Manchester United because apparently a lot of English people use Twitter. Slightly surprised Brock Lesnar finished 4th just ahead of the Celtics. Perfect gentlemen Brett Favre and Tony Parker at 6 and 7. No Manny Pacquiao, but Antonio Margarito was #8. Antonio Margarito’s eye did not finish in the top 10. However, Blake Griffin and Mike Vick did.

--I can’t believe I might have to see three movies in theaters this month. The Black Swan, Tron: Legacy and True Grit. Though on review I read compared Tron to Speed Racer so uhhh.


--I have way too many dreams where zombies are involved. Probably because I watch videos like this.


--Call me weird, but I wouldn't want to own Dale Earnhardt's number 3 made out of the asphalt of Daytona's track. You know, the track where he died! NASCAR offering it up on its store if you're interested.

--Fight of the Week last week was Amir Khan and Marcos Maidana. Fight of the Week this week was in Akron. The Morris brothers, Tony and Thomas, are 37 and 41 respectively so you’d think fighting would be a thing of the past. Nope. Not when fried chicken is involved. Tony tossed a piece of fried chicken Thomas’ way because he thought Thomas had taken a bite of it and put it back in the frying pan. Thomas said let’s handle this like men outside and charged out the door before slipping on ice. Yeah, that was the opening Tony needed to start whaling on his brother with a crowbar. Somehow Thomas still managed to get back up and run to his neighbor’s to grab a snow shovel. Moms called 911 and of course later admitted she was the one who took a bite out of the chicken.

--Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode III on Adult Swim Sunday night? I’m in. How can you not watch something in which you’ll hear the voices of Billy Dee Williams and Donald Glover?

--DeMar DeRozan is DeGood at DeDunking.


--Big Picture from the Boston Globe has unveiled “2010 in Photos.” It’s three parts of mesmerizing, incredible photography.

--Pretty sure I’ll like The Fighter. Pretty sure this I’ll die laughing when this scene comes up.

--Wow, my apologies Florida. I was about to drop the Florida Story of the Week on you, but this was in California. Malcolm King is a convicted drug dealer at an Orange County jail where apparently they served a lot of salami. Malcolm decided to use religion as a means to get kosher/salami-free meals so he claimed Festivus. Somehow this actually worked for two months before somebody who has ever watched Seinfeld caught on.

--The Golden Globes like pretty much every other awards show is lame except this one is SMU-ish in the way it basically hands out awards to the highest bidder. The Screen Actors Guild Award nominations also came out this week. I saw the Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series included Dexter where approximately one person is an “outstanding actor” while shows like Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy were left out.

Then I saw Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series included Hot in Cleveland and didn’t include Community or Parks and Rec or pretty much anything that highlights my Thursday night (30 Rock and Office don’t highlight my Thursday night). What I’m saying is the voting bodies for television and movies both suck and blow simultaneously.

--Uhhh, Vikings you’re 5-8 and you’re stadium is basically condemned so you’re not going to allow alcohol at your Monday Night game at the University of Minnesota?! Good thinking.

Questions, comments or if you want to congratulate the Zierleins on completing their dream of fielding a starting five…

I can drink a quart of Monkey and still stand still. What's the time? it's time to get ill.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Let's start with the Texans. Just kidding.

--When I heard Community was going to do a stop-motion animation Christmas episode my first thought was “awesome.” After watching it “genius” comes to mind. The animation was incredibly well done from Troy Soldier to Jeff-in-the-Box. The story gave Abed a chance to flex more than his pop culture muscle although his best line was by far when he opened the gift to find season one of Lost, “a metaphor for lack of payoff.”
Chang was in it very briefly as a snowman who only wanted Abed to finish working on that third button. We got a Christmas pterodactyl, humbugs and a Paddington book reference. I wasn’t doubled over in laughter this whole show, but I was smiling the entire time.


--“Get out of my way, broken water, there is a baby inside of me running out of water.” – Dee
Solid episode and all, but damn I was kind of looking forward to adding a baby to the gang even if the kid already did “ruin a perfectly good sewer conversation.” And nice touch at the end of the episode showing the little one that Rob McElhenney and Kaitlin Olson had in real life (whatever that is).
Loved how we got to see everyone from Lil’ Kevin, to the ever emotional Ben to the bus boy and even, briefly, Cutty from The Wire.

--The Office was…funny and entertaining. Weird.

--Amir Khan and Marcos Maidana put on a helluva show that nobody watched on HBO Saturday night. Amir proved he could handle a big puncher. The 140 pound division ain't no joke.

--This season of Dexter was pretty much a throw away season. I wrote last week about my low expectations for the finale and because I'm a glutton for punishment so I decided to watch the finale after getting home from the Ravens/Texans. Yeah, disappointing night.
There were so many problems and the show just rushed right through them with hurried explanations. I mean it's television and all, so suspending reality every now and then is fine. But WTF, oh it's not Liddy's blood on Quinn's shoe so let's forget about his prints on the van, the voicemails, the forged surveillance equipment request. And let's party now and worry about finding a cop killer later?!
And Quinn lets Dex slide on not only Liddy, but the pictures Dex and Lumen found at Quinn's that showed them all suspicious on the boat?
I'm okay with Deb letting the vigilantes slide, but let them dispose of the body?! Not curiously ask to see them? This was a chance to finally let Debra in on Dexter's little secret or at least give the audience a sense that she might know about Dexter's dark passenger. But nope, business as usual. Oh and what in the hell was La Guerta congratulating Deb for on "solving the barrel girls case"? What did she solve exactly? I won't bother getting into the awesomely fast efficiency of the usually step-behind Miami PD when a Spanish-speaking roadside fruit seller calls the cops about a noise he heard from a car's trunk.
And oh yeah, what the hell ever happened to the Fuentes brother who got away at the club in the middle of the f'n season!
Michael C. Hall's performances week in and week out were great. I hope next season he gets some writing that matches them.

By the way, Dex and Deb are getting divorced.

--So much for Jen Carroll making it to the final five. She had moments where she was about to lose it during her season, but that came at the end. Her crash and burn came at the beginning this time. I’ve never seen a cheftestant (yeah, that’s right cheftestant) lose it like that at the judges’ table. Awesome, except for the whole part about her going home while two-stitch Jamie stays on. Hell you could have made the case Tre should’ve gone because all he did was make a sauce that nobody liked and he served it knowing it wasn’t good. I only wish Bourdain had been there for all the fun. He did blog about it on Bravo’s site and used references from The Wire so yeah, that might be worth your time.

--Rafi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh how I missed thee what with your murder boners and dating tips.
The AV Club interviews Paul Scheer about the industry and Scheer’s time on Meet Dave which was apparently an Eddie Murphy movie. Scheer with an awesome quote:
“You have to be careful. There are so many shitty things where you think, ‘I really want to get this part,’ but later you go, ‘Did I really need to be in The Tooth Fairy?’”

--I finally made it out to Piola in Midtown. Pizzas didn’t blow me away, but certainly weren’t disappointing and you can’t beat a happy hour at the bar from 4-7 that gives you free appetizers the entire time.

--Spartacus: Gods of the Arena teaser. It premieres January 21st. Love seeing the likes of Batiatus and Crixus back in action.

Very much looking forward to Jamie Murray/Lila from Dexter being in this.

--Ryan Gosling and Blake Lively?! The other Ryan, the one with the awful-looking Green Hornet is getting divorced from Scarlett Johansson. And Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are done?! I'm starting to think true love doesn't exist. Well except for Hayden Panetierre and Wladimir Klitschko of course.


--Bacon is so 2010. And in 2010 you can get all of these bacon-y delights. I’d like to announce the end of the bacon era. Ladies and gentlemen, bacon-flavored envelopes or Mmmm-velopes as it were. Peanut butter bacon cups sound absolutely disgusting. This is a page only Ron Swanson can love.

--That’s what I like about Jeff Goldblum’s girlfriends. We get older they stay the same age. The 58-year-old went from 22-year-old Tania Raymonde/Alex from Lost to 22-year-old Lydia Hearst who does some modeling or something.

Keamy and Alex right before the rules are broken.

--First Terriers and now A&E has taken The Hasselhoffs off the air. WTF?!

--So uhhh, the Patriots are good, yes?
Five straight games without a turnover including this week’s game in about as bad of conditions as you can get.

--81 straight passes from Mark Sanchez without a TD.
268 straight passes from Tom Brady without an INT. Six straight games with 2 or more TDs and 0 interceptions. What I’m saying is Tom Brady is good at quarterbacking.

--Warming Glow put together a Top 10 list for “Worst Characters on the Best TV Shows.” I agree with most from True Blood’s Tara to Treme’s Sonny to Boardwalk Empire’s Angela Darmody (HBO’s triple threat) to #1 Dexter’s La Guerta. However, I cannot agree with the inclusion of one Buddy Garrity though. His son, maybe, but not good ol’ Buddy.


--Oh the joy of senior citizen newlyweds. We head to (you’re never going to believe this) Florida! Deloris Holley and David Marion are starting their new lives together and apparently hadn’t spent a Monday night together before. She wanted to watch The Closer. He wanted to watch Jets/Patriots. He wouldn’t give up the remote. She wouldn’t stop stabbing him until he did. Tough sonuvabitch took seven stabs including one that punctured his lung. He finished the game in the hospital. She probably missed The Closer in jail.

Questions, comments or if you're resigned to seeing Gary Kubiak on the sidelines next year instead of someone qualified like Coach Taylor or maybe a combination of Jenny and Taco...

All the fly ladies are making a fuss. But I can't pay attention 'cause I'm on that dust .

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I got gold, I got funky. I got the new dance they call the Brass Monkey.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--"The Nuño and Raheel Morning Show at Night" had a truly epic night last Wednesday that I was fortunate to be part of. If you were unaware after every Rockets home game @Shrekxican and @Willinthe713 work their asses off to get the guys players for post-game interviews. It’s a hurried process because you don’t want to hold up the players so normally it goes reporter asks player who then tells @TheProducerMatt which player it is before handing cell phone to said player. Lots of room for miscommunication especially in a noisy locker room and if you have an accent like Shrekxican. So Matt hears “Luis Scola” and tells us in our ears it’s “Luis Scola.” We think it’s Luis Scola. Raheel introduces him as Luis Scola.
And now you click here to hear.
I didn’t even ask a question I just thought it was a prank Shrekxican or someone else was playing. Plus hearing the words “Chuckwagon” and “freeballing” together your mind tends to shut down. Well played Ron Artest, well played.

--The Sons of Anarchy finale was so damn good it made up for a lot of what I didn’t care for this season. This episode was all about the club in Charming, its machinations and finally exacting some permanent revenge on Agent Stahl and Jimmy O with the ol’ quadruple-cross. Opie/Ryan Hurst crushed that scene with Stahl just like he did when he told her “the outlaw had mercy?” This time it was, “This is what she felt.” Then to see her brains literally blown out like that, well damn! I literally jumped off the couch that scene was so good and finally ding-dong the witch was dead!
Chibs slicing up Jimmy was pretty f’n sweet as well though I’ll miss Titus Welliver as Jimmy.

Poor Titus can’t find a show where people want him alive.
A lot of us SAMCROniacs were pretty sure those letters were coming back in the final 10 minutes of the show to set the stage for next season and the next stage of Jax vs. Clay and that’s what happened. This season Gemma took crazy up a notch a bit too far for me, summed up with the gun to the nun’s head, but maybe it was to plant the seed in the viewer that she’s capable of something as insane sounding as being part of a plan to kill Jax’s dad. One of the best scenes of this crazy episode was Gemma’s conversation with Stahl in the jail cell.
While Katey Sagal deserved to not only be nominated, but win an Emmy last year Charlie Hunnam deserves a nomination in my mind this year. Or maybe I’m just blown away that Jax is the same guy who was Lloyd in Undeclared.

I pray for next season for Tig to throw a fist in the air and shout “Wolverines!” before wasting some Russians who I have a feeling want their $2 million.
When did Robin Weigert/Sons lawyer (also Deadwood and Lost) get hot?
Nice to see the show’s creator, Kurt Sutter, reprise his Big Otto role for this finale.
One good thing about Jimmy being gone is hopefully no more Irish accents except for Chibs. I couldn’t understand half of what was being said in Belfast, but thankfully people were maimed or killed so I got the gist of it.
Next Sons 90-minute finale though I’m recording because there are entirely too many commercial breaks that seem as long as the program’s segments.
Sons had its usual outstanding soundtrack all season long with a little Irish twist thrown in a few episodes, but the music in the finale was pitch perfect especially the closing song which was in my head through the morning. Battleme covering Neil Young’s “Hey Hey My My.”
Thanks for a helluva finale Sons.

--I haven’t started in on this season, but apparently USA is moving forward on its Burn Notice movie with Bruce Campbell. Nice.

--Inception out on DVD next week. Looking forward to that. And how did I not know about Dora: Inception?


--Like JJ Abrams. Liked the two episodes of Lone Star. Liked Sarah Jones as Zobelle’s daughter in Sons. Like Jorge Garcia. Like Alcatraz. ght? So Fox’s Alcatraz is a sure thing, right?

Apparently Juice doesn't hold a grudge against Zobelle's daughter.

--Washington Post lists its Top Cookbooks of 2010. Robb Walsh’s “The Tex-Mex Grill and Backyard Barbacoa Cookbook” is included. I highly recommend it. Great history lesson as well as standard cookbook.

--I caught most of Glee for the first time in a long time and seems like I haven’t missed much this season. After the second half of last season the only episode I wanted to watch this season was Britney. I think that was a wise decision. I mean, of course there’s a tie in Sectionals. Beyond that the old people should have won for “The Living Years.” Who votes against old people who summon the energy to get up on a stage much less sing?


--Sugar Land went with "Skeeters" for its minor league baseball name? Wow, the other choices must have really sucked. Pun intended, point intended. But congratulations you got mentioned on Deadspin.
Also a local story making Deadspin is Dumbass of the Week Jeffrey Paul Siebert who kicked a police horse on his way out of Reliant last Sunday. Bravo.

--I know Evander has to be hurting for money, but how much can he possibly make as a 48-year-old fighting a 45-year-old Brian Nielsen?! Terrible. Too much of stuff like that and too little of stuff like last Saturday night with Juan Manuel Marquez and Michael Katsidis. I mean there was no way you could get those two in a ring and not have an awesome fight. If JMM wants another piece of Pacquiao then I’m down with that. At least JMM has done enough to earn a shot, much less another shot.

--A 37-year-old Texas woman and now convicted sex offender known as “Mama Bear.” Sometimes everything just falls perfectly into place.

--Lone Ranger remake? Eh. Johnny Depp? I’m in.

--Also in for A Tribe Called Quest documentary directed by Michael Rapaport. I'd post the trailer, but Rapaport don't play that.

--There’s a Grammy Nominations Concert now?!

--I’ve talked about how awesome IFC has been with showing Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared. It continues to be the cooler younger brother or grandson of TV Land. In January it reruns The Larry Sanders Show (Hey Now!) three nights a week. Also we get the goodness of Mr. Show with Bob and David. And to a lesser extent The Ben Stiller Show and Action.

--The Walking Dead is pulling in sick ratings so why wouldn’t Frank Darabont fire the entire writing staff?! Makes perfect sense. Can't wait for the finale Sunday night.

--It's getting hard for me to take Days of Our Lives seriously anymore.

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Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election March to Keep Fear Alive

--There are shockers and then there is Tom Brady endorsing Uggs for men.

--If you were wondering whatever happened to Antoine Walker. Well he’s in debt, playing in the D-League and his former fiancée is now engaged to Ochocinco. There, now you’re caught up.

--Man, they're still trying this "Riled" Up segment on ESPN?! Let it or him go already.

--If I put the words “masturbation,” “Wal-mart,” “children’s toy aisle,” and “SI Swimsuit Issue,” together what state first pops into your head? Yep, we’re going to Florida.
William Tyler Black (ever notice public masturbator go by 3 names) is the 28-year-old who couldn’t help himself. First off SI’s Swimsuit Issue?! They still make physical copies of that? Anyway, yeah was busted back in September and made a plea deal that bans him from Wal-Mart or “any store where children’s toys are sold.” He also received two years of community control. Wanna know how he cleaned up his mess? Didn’t think so. Star Wars lightsaber and his shoe. Wanna guess what job he has or I assume had? Yep, substitute teacher.

Questions, comments or if all you want for Christmas is to learn how to play Kanye’s “Runaway” on keyboards or maybe key-tar…