Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I can drink a quart of Monkey and still stand still. What's the time? it's time to get ill.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Let's start with the Texans. Just kidding.

--When I heard Community was going to do a stop-motion animation Christmas episode my first thought was “awesome.” After watching it “genius” comes to mind. The animation was incredibly well done from Troy Soldier to Jeff-in-the-Box. The story gave Abed a chance to flex more than his pop culture muscle although his best line was by far when he opened the gift to find season one of Lost, “a metaphor for lack of payoff.”
Chang was in it very briefly as a snowman who only wanted Abed to finish working on that third button. We got a Christmas pterodactyl, humbugs and a Paddington book reference. I wasn’t doubled over in laughter this whole show, but I was smiling the entire time.

--“Get out of my way, broken water, there is a baby inside of me running out of water.” – Dee
Solid episode and all, but damn I was kind of looking forward to adding a baby to the gang even if the kid already did “ruin a perfectly good sewer conversation.” And nice touch at the end of the episode showing the little one that Rob McElhenney and Kaitlin Olson had in real life (whatever that is).
Loved how we got to see everyone from Lil’ Kevin, to the ever emotional Ben to the bus boy and even, briefly, Cutty from The Wire.

--The Office was…funny and entertaining. Weird.

--Amir Khan and Marcos Maidana put on a helluva show that nobody watched on HBO Saturday night. Amir proved he could handle a big puncher. The 140 pound division ain't no joke.

--This season of Dexter was pretty much a throw away season. I wrote last week about my low expectations for the finale and because I'm a glutton for punishment so I decided to watch the finale after getting home from the Ravens/Texans. Yeah, disappointing night.
There were so many problems and the show just rushed right through them with hurried explanations. I mean it's television and all, so suspending reality every now and then is fine. But WTF, oh it's not Liddy's blood on Quinn's shoe so let's forget about his prints on the van, the voicemails, the forged surveillance equipment request. And let's party now and worry about finding a cop killer later?!
And Quinn lets Dex slide on not only Liddy, but the pictures Dex and Lumen found at Quinn's that showed them all suspicious on the boat?
I'm okay with Deb letting the vigilantes slide, but let them dispose of the body?! Not curiously ask to see them? This was a chance to finally let Debra in on Dexter's little secret or at least give the audience a sense that she might know about Dexter's dark passenger. But nope, business as usual. Oh and what in the hell was La Guerta congratulating Deb for on "solving the barrel girls case"? What did she solve exactly? I won't bother getting into the awesomely fast efficiency of the usually step-behind Miami PD when a Spanish-speaking roadside fruit seller calls the cops about a noise he heard from a car's trunk.
And oh yeah, what the hell ever happened to the Fuentes brother who got away at the club in the middle of the f'n season!
Michael C. Hall's performances week in and week out were great. I hope next season he gets some writing that matches them.

By the way, Dex and Deb are getting divorced.

--So much for Jen Carroll making it to the final five. She had moments where she was about to lose it during her season, but that came at the end. Her crash and burn came at the beginning this time. I’ve never seen a cheftestant (yeah, that’s right cheftestant) lose it like that at the judges’ table. Awesome, except for the whole part about her going home while two-stitch Jamie stays on. Hell you could have made the case Tre should’ve gone because all he did was make a sauce that nobody liked and he served it knowing it wasn’t good. I only wish Bourdain had been there for all the fun. He did blog about it on Bravo’s site and used references from The Wire so yeah, that might be worth your time.

--Rafi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh how I missed thee what with your murder boners and dating tips.
The AV Club interviews Paul Scheer about the industry and Scheer’s time on Meet Dave which was apparently an Eddie Murphy movie. Scheer with an awesome quote:
“You have to be careful. There are so many shitty things where you think, ‘I really want to get this part,’ but later you go, ‘Did I really need to be in The Tooth Fairy?’”

--I finally made it out to Piola in Midtown. Pizzas didn’t blow me away, but certainly weren’t disappointing and you can’t beat a happy hour at the bar from 4-7 that gives you free appetizers the entire time.

--Spartacus: Gods of the Arena teaser. It premieres January 21st. Love seeing the likes of Batiatus and Crixus back in action.

Very much looking forward to Jamie Murray/Lila from Dexter being in this.

--Ryan Gosling and Blake Lively?! The other Ryan, the one with the awful-looking Green Hornet is getting divorced from Scarlett Johansson. And Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are done?! I'm starting to think true love doesn't exist. Well except for Hayden Panetierre and Wladimir Klitschko of course.

--Bacon is so 2010. And in 2010 you can get all of these bacon-y delights. I’d like to announce the end of the bacon era. Ladies and gentlemen, bacon-flavored envelopes or Mmmm-velopes as it were. Peanut butter bacon cups sound absolutely disgusting. This is a page only Ron Swanson can love.

--That’s what I like about Jeff Goldblum’s girlfriends. We get older they stay the same age. The 58-year-old went from 22-year-old Tania Raymonde/Alex from Lost to 22-year-old Lydia Hearst who does some modeling or something.

Keamy and Alex right before the rules are broken.

--First Terriers and now A&E has taken The Hasselhoffs off the air. WTF?!

--So uhhh, the Patriots are good, yes?
Five straight games without a turnover including this week’s game in about as bad of conditions as you can get.

--81 straight passes from Mark Sanchez without a TD.
268 straight passes from Tom Brady without an INT. Six straight games with 2 or more TDs and 0 interceptions. What I’m saying is Tom Brady is good at quarterbacking.

--Warming Glow put together a Top 10 list for “Worst Characters on the Best TV Shows.” I agree with most from True Blood’s Tara to Treme’s Sonny to Boardwalk Empire’s Angela Darmody (HBO’s triple threat) to #1 Dexter’s La Guerta. However, I cannot agree with the inclusion of one Buddy Garrity though. His son, maybe, but not good ol’ Buddy.

--Oh the joy of senior citizen newlyweds. We head to (you’re never going to believe this) Florida! Deloris Holley and David Marion are starting their new lives together and apparently hadn’t spent a Monday night together before. She wanted to watch The Closer. He wanted to watch Jets/Patriots. He wouldn’t give up the remote. She wouldn’t stop stabbing him until he did. Tough sonuvabitch took seven stabs including one that punctured his lung. He finished the game in the hospital. She probably missed The Closer in jail.

Questions, comments or if you're resigned to seeing Gary Kubiak on the sidelines next year instead of someone qualified like Coach Taylor or maybe a combination of Jenny and Taco...


  1. You didn't even mention the stolen wrecked car left on the Camp Jordan premises that happened to come from the same area Liddy's body was found. I don't know where the last 8 minutes came from.

  2. Yeah, there's no reason to follow up on that at all. It's not suspicious in the least. I'm sure Deb called a tow truck for the vigilantes and their wrecked car. This season was so disorganized.

  3. Anonymous6:51 AM

    Office found a way back machine and made a funny episode again. What happened?

    Oh... and 6 pages for a top 10 list. Fuck you Warming Glow.

  4. It was a Christmas miracle!

    6 pages is ridiculous.

  5. Ryan Reynolds is Green Lantern not Green Hornet. i hope that was not a nerd test. Hornet looks horrible. That sucks that Terriers got canned. Really good show but FX screwed them with a bad name and misleading advertising.
    I cannot believe how The League went to front of the line DVR watching. Such as great show every week plus Rafi needs to come back next season. Adding him and Rob Riggle would be the shiznit.

  6. In my defense it's hard to make it to the end of the trailer to see which Green character he is.
    Rafi has to be back every once in a while. Rob Riggle would be a perfect addition.


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