I seen him get stabbed I watched the blood spill out. He had more cuts than my man Chuck Chillout.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Ron holding two dozen egss – “Are these all the eggs you have?”
Donna – “Yes. What are you making?”
Ron – “Eggs.”
Looks like Parks and Recreation is just going to pound away at Ann and Tom no matter how little it makes sense. There’s still no reason I’ve seen why Ann would date Tom. When they were talking about breaking up I was surprised because I assumed they were never actually together because I’ve seen Ann do nothing but rebuff Tom time and time again. At least this time he got to have second thoughts about her because you have to have second thoughts about anyone who doesn’t know who Ginuwine is or doesn’t take more time to think about sheet thread counts.


--Ultimate Bum Shock Fights. Yes.
I need an episode of Archer that is zoo-related so he spends the whole time talking to animals because Archer + animals = gold.
Archer to chicken – “Don’t judge me . . . food.”
Nice to hear Archer was renewed for another season. I mean once you hit the cover of Out Smart I guess a renewal was a foregone conclusion.
Randy – “You drank too much.”
Archer – “That’s a thing?”


--Eastbound & Down looks as promising as it has in a while. Kenny and a kid has some potential.
Kenny to Toby – “Hello young boy. How have you been? April? We’re kind of running out of sh** to say to each other here.”

--I didn’t know what to expect from Life’s Too Short, but I liked the first episode. Warwick Davis is basically Ricky Gervais in Extras right down to an incompetent agent accountant. Ricky and Stephen Merchant as straight men on a week to week basis is promising if the rest of their appearances are as good as seeing Liam Neeson work on his improv comedy. Holy crap, that was some good stuff.


--So Rick shoots Tony and Dave during the daylight two weeks ago, but it’s nightfall this week and they leave town during the night, but it’s back to daylight by the time they reach Herschel’s? Got it. I liked the first half of The Walking Dead this week, but then they all started talking, or as in Carol’s case not talking but just standing there, and if there’s one thing we know about these survivors by now it’s that they don’t do talking all that well. Lori planting the “kill Shane” seed in Rick is interesting except it’s Lori and she’s the most annoying character on the show which is saying something.
I hate what they’ve done with Daryl.
And I guess John Hawks isn’t going to be The Governor. Instead it’s going to be British actor David Morrissey who was in The Reaping and Red Riding which I’ve always wanted to Netflix out, but still haven’t.

--I admit it. I laughed at SNL last weekend. Nicki Minaj and Bon Iver at Beyonce and Jay-Z’s killed me. I don’t think there’s much worry in that when Lindsay Lohan hosts next month unless there’s a Mean Girls reunion. Jack White seems like the most anti-Lindsay Lohan music guest possible. Sleigh Bells was okay during SNL, but I don’t think you can accurately convey the barrage of sounds of Sleigh Bells on television.

--Thursdays become Thursdays again starting March 15th when Community returns. Of course that Thursday also happens to be the first day of a little thing called the NCAA Tournament because NBC wants to see just how low it can drive Community’s ratings. Well played NBC, well played.

--A three-way dance between Boyd Crowder, Limehouse, and Quarles? Nice and that’s without Raylan trying to cut in and we all know Raylan will try to cut in. Especially now since his girl has left the dance. At least she’s hopefully left the dance because I don’t want to see Quarles get his psychotic hands on her. It’s going to be hard enough to watch him torture or do whatever to Arlo now that it looks like Arlo is rolling down the road to senility. I loved when Wynn was describing the chaos at the pill clinics and Quarles giddily replied with an “Awesome.”

--If Magic Johnson’s new television network shows re-runs of The Magic Hour I am so in, like actually call my cable provider in. Late night television just hasn’t been the same since he left. Why there isn’t a Magic Hour DVD collection is beyond me.


--I don’t know the name of Sarah Hyland’s new boyfriend (also real-life boyfriend) on Modern Family, but I’m pretty sure I’ll always be Team Dylan.

--Lance? Lance Berkman? Is that you?


--I can’t believe I’m actually looking forward to watching Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey this weekend. It’s streaming on Netflix now if you’re searching to find replace contempt for the guy who made Elmo into your child’s television parent.

--Our Florida Story of the Week comes to us from, well you know. Cedrick Mitchell decided to approach a couple of guys in a hotel room. Cedrick asked for pills and the men said they didn’t have any. Cedrick did what any of us would do when we got an answer we didn’t like. He pulled out a gun. The guys started fighting with him, spraying him with pepper spray and Cedrick dropped the gun and ran out. Once Cedrick caught his snap he decided to go back and offer to pay the guys $40 to get his gun back. The guys responded with more pepper spray, which is an unusual reply yet effective reply to a business proposition. Cedrick is now in my favorite jail, Manatee County. Sounds like a Sea World attraction.

--Time to finish Paul. And what the hell was that Top Chef? You have three chefs left and you tell Sarah she’s in the finale and make Paul sweat until telling him he won the challenge?! Shouldn’t it be if he won the challenge then his fears should be alleviated first?! Either way if Sarah wins over Paul…let’s just not think about that.

--Among other things we discuss this week on Southbound Food such as Syria and Obama’s corporate tax plan we talk with Lea, Steve, and Dimitre from El Gran Malo. It took me far too long to make my first visit there, but trust me, go once and it’ll quickly be in your rotation. Gastrocantina, part dive bar, part modern Tex-Mex, part luchadore hangout, it’s impossible to describe in a few words. The quickest summation I can come up with is it’s just a cool place. A blueberry jalapeno cilantro margarita, a Lone Star or two or three and a couple of shrimp tacos on the patio and I’m set. I hope my friends are ready for a lot of beef jerky tequila micheladas.


--Fish McBites? Uhhh, no thanks McDonald’s. Has anyone ever had their fried fish sandwich twice? I do wish Chick-fil-A would expand to a Fish-fil-A.

--Routine traffic stop in Florida that turned into a one-person marijuana competitive eating contest? Oh, how I’ve missed you Elijah Dukes. The, ahem, well-known rapper and former ballplayer was pulled over about 1 in the morning when he knew that being Elijah Dukes meant the cops were going to eventually search the car so he unsuccessfully tried to eat all the pot he had in his car. Things like this just happen to Elijah. I mean driving around in a yellow Camaro at 1 am with a bag of pot and a suspended license is normally so inconspicuous. I wonder if Florida cops have a pool on which will be the next to bust Elijah Dukes.

--Mike Tyson a one-man show in Vegas?! Maybe. I’d still rather he just randomly pop up on stage in Cirque shows like Beatles Love.

--I liked the old Bully with Michael Pitt and Bijou Phillips. I’m sure I’ll like the new Bully documentary for entirely different reasons. Just watching the trailer has me pissed off and shaking my head.


--The Heat is going to win it all aren’t they?

--Yeah, I don’t think anyone wants to see these words together…Sinead O’Connor. Playboy. Apparently, being in Playboy is on her bucket list. Hopefully it’s after things like growing hair, losing weight, going out in the sunlight and shedding about 20 years.

Questions, comments or if you must be missing something because you just can’t see how 610’s morning and afternoon shows can possibly be in the top five for men 25-54…