Bass From The Back Of My Car Feels Soothing. Eight Bazookas Is What I'm Using.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Archer with an A+ ending this week as Sterling and Lana figured Malory’s looooooong con at the end. I need to be invited to a fancy dinner party where everyone talks like Cheryl or at the very least there’s someone who looks like Lana in a maid’s outfit, the sullen wench.
Malory – “Once again, you’re faced with the classic Irishman’s dilemma: Do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?”
And holy crap, Krieger when he shushes Malory, “Shh…You don’t wanna know. But you do probably wanna go wash your lips now.”

--It’s officially a season of Justified when Winona tries to quit Raylan because of his job. The Dewey Crowe “end of times” stuff was funtastic except not very gripping because ain’t no way they can kill off of that cockroach Dewey. He’s too much fun to play with.
Dewey – “You mean I’ve got four kidneys!”
No fun to be had when Boyd and Quarles traded quotes. For the love of God somebody please pat down Quarles’ arms!
Gotta love references to jamcake and Pappy Van Winkle bourbon.
Solid Justified drinking game from Vulture.com. Sip every time Raylan winces will get you drunk as hell.

--Archer and Justified were the TV highlights for me this past week thus far. Even Parks and Recreation wasn’t up to its usual standards. Maybe it’s just to hard for me at this point to see Louis C.K. and not think I’m watching Louie, but that didn’t seem like the Officer Dave I remembered. At this point I think I can say I’m not gonna like anything about this Tom and Ann relationship. Seeing Tom humbled once in a while is fine, but his actions are coming across as pathetic instead of oddly endearing which I think is what they’re going for and I can’t fathom Ann dating him at all. Either way Ann is currently the biggest slut on TV, right? Andy, Mark, Chris, The Douche and now Tom? One thing I’ll never tire of is Duke Silver.
April – “I’ve heard of him. I hear he makes the mature women swoon when he plays.”

--Yeah, I guess it was too much to hope for back-to-back weeks where The Office would entertain me.

--Angry Boys has come and gone without making much of an impact. No, it didn’t make sense for all the “legends” to show up to Nathan’s party, but it was a nice moment made better by the photos during the credits. I expected a lot more out of Angry Boys and Chris Lilley, but I’ll settle for just an okay show and once again applaud Chris Lilley’s ability to transform himself into compelling characters. In particular, Gran. More Gran, less Blake would have been nice.

--Do what you gotta do when it comes to role playing, but when part of it is being abducted, bound, gagged and stuffed in a trunk in public then don’t be surprised when the cops start looking for you. This Valentine’s Day role play happened for a Portland couple over the weekend so while nine cop cars were searching for the supposed kidnapper’s car the “kidnapper” drove his “abducted” girlfriend home to finish their little fun. Instead they were charged with second-degree disorderly conduct and sent to jail with the best Valentine’s Day story ever.

--So long Milo, I’ll miss not knowing the score of the game. And if you’re lonely please take Clyde with you.

--Jamie Oliver may not have skinnied up America, but finding lost Joy Division and New Order master tapes while building his new restaurant is good enough for me.

--If you’re wondering what the going rate is on paying off an MIP from 17 years ago it’s $125. Oh and six months probation. Probation. For an MIP. 17 years ago. How exactly am I going to possibly get busted for this same offense again sometime in the next six months? Still seems like this should have come up at some point in the last 17 years before I simply tried to renew my driver's license. Without this stupidity though I wouldn't have had the pleasure of spending 3 and a half hours at the DPS office. Never, I repeat, NEVER go to the DPS office at 3 o'clock on a Friday. You know it's a bad trip to the DPS office when not once, not twice, but three different times the state trooper had to kick out people because the office was over the occupancy limit.

--Must be fun driving down a street every day that has a school zone sign like this. Like things aren't hard enough in Detroit.


--Hell, you try to get through your kid’s Valentine’s party at school without the use of Hydrocodone, Oxycontin, and cocaine. Meet Emily Rosenberger, this week’s candidate for Mother of the Year. Emily must be quite the loud snorter if school officials could hear her outside the restroom. That or she didn’t snort while running the faucet or flushing the toilet in which case she deserves the punishment. Okay, she deserves the punishment either way. Must have sucked to be her parents or the grandparents of her 8-year-old little girl and get called down to the school to pick up your grandchild because her mother is in the principal’s office and on her way to guidance center. Never did a single word strike more fear into me in elementary and junior high than “Guidance.”

--The latest in the long line of awesome guest stars on Community will be none other than Giancarlo Esposito who you may remember as Gus from a little show I like to call Breaking Bad.


--Don’t particularly care for Coach Taylor to have “Mike Leach parallels” as far as getting wrongfully terminated in the Friday Night Lights movie. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be there on premiere night should it actually come to fruition, but that doesn’t sound all that great. I know it’s going to be Coach and Mrs. Coach-centric, but now I’m thinking let’s just leave well enough alone. Texas forever.

--Hopefully that’ll be the worst 8 o’clock hour we get from the combination of Modern Family and Happy Endings. Probably my least favorite Happy Endings ever.

--Okay, now you can officially term your restaurant the Heart Attack Grill. Only there could a man suffering an actual heart attack likely boost business.

--Wait, Top Chef "Texas" takes the final four out of Texas and out of the country and then they’re going to drag it out over three episodes?! If ever a season needed to get over quickly it’s this one. I thought this week was a joke. Sarah and Beverly skiing and shooting in a “culinary biathlon” was just dumb.

--Too hilarious that Anheuser-Busch asked Hay Merchant to stop making fun of Bud and Bud Light by using their 40 oz. bottles as water bottles on tabletops.

--We’ll know we’ve made it technology-wise as a society when the SI cover is not a still picture, but simply KateUptonDancing.com.


--I was having a really bad day and then I looked at the Hall’s cough drop I had just unwrapped and it said things like “Conquer today,” “Be resilient,” and “Put your game face on” and it inspired me to be the best I could be. Thanks Hall’s!

Questions, comments or if you’re not sure when Sunday became the cool day to get married, but you’re going to @The_Raheel’s and @SeanyeBest’s two of the next three Sundays…