--You were there or you watched on TV. Nothing else to add to the below…
--Actually I lied. One more thing. Where in the hell did “Whoomp There It Is!” come from at Reliant?
--I think Paul Qui is tired of taking names because he seems fully devoted to kicking everyone's ass on Top Chef Texas. Right now it'd be an upset if he doesn't win.
--A Bobby Flay and Giada morning talk show? The best compliment I could give that is I think it’d be better than The Chew. I think. I did try some of that Guy vs. Rachel celebrity cook-off or whatever. Five minutes in and I heard Taylor Dane refer to Lou Diamond Phillips as LDP and a sickly Aaron Carter work on a jalapeno popper macaroni salad. I know what you’re thinking and yes it is pretty amazing I made it through five minutes.
--Thanks to Happy Endings for this line next time I’m in an awkward conversation, “So, stamps went up again. Unbelievable.”
No thanks if they’re going to down an Alex/Penny/Dave love triangle.
--Guys please stop exposing yourself at Chipmunk movies and/or maternity stores. Seems like I shouldn’t have to say this.
--No thanks Tostitos talking bag.
--Nick Offerman writing an episode of Parks and Rec this season is good. Paul Rudd guest starring as Leslie Knope's opponent is great.
--Horrible Bosses is getting a sequel because uhhh, you know, nobody died during the filming of the original?
--House of Lies has Kristen Bell, Don Cheadle, Kristen Bell, Jean-Ralphio (likely not his real name, but he can’t forget anyone calling him by his real name), and Kristen Bell so obviously I’m in. I didn’t have high expectations, but it was all right. I’m not a big fan of talking to the camera unless you’re name is Ferris Bueller or Zack Morris so we’ll see how that plays out. Now how many more episodes until we see Kristen Bell dancing in her panties like she does in the preview teaser? And how did I miss that she's been dating Dax Shepard for years and they're engaged.
Oh God, and they're happy. Disgusting.
--Do yourself a favor and read how awesome this proposed Frank Darabont season two premiere of The Walking Dead could have been. That would have kicked ass.
--Gina Carano is in some surely terrible movie called Haywire with former respectable actors, but more importantly Gina Carano is in GQ.
--Summer Heights High, Angry Boys isn’t. I couldn’t have less interest in the surfer Blake’s story. But I’m loving the brain and skateboarding skills behind GayStyle Enterprises.
--Oh, so these aren’t good math questions for third-graders?
“Each tree had 56 oranges. If eight slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?”
“If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in one week?”
Some 3rd grade teachers in Georgia were trying to do some cross-curriculum activities and since the kids just learned about Frederick well there ya go.
--Less Frank. More Fiona. Thanks Shameless.
--It’s the start of the next rom-com, no doubt. Cop pulls over girl. Cop gives girl a ticket. Cop feels bad. Cop leaves note on girl’s car asking for a date. Girl files lawsuit. Wait. This goodness out of a Chicago suburb. Probably not a good idea to get a date by using your job to gain access to the love of your life’s home address. Girls are weird about the whole stalking thing. We need the entire contents of the note, but the article does give us this:
“It’s Chris…that ugly bald Stickney cop who gave you that ticket. I know this may seem crazy and you’re probably right, but truth is I have not stopped thinking about you since. I don’t expect a girl as attractive as you to…even go for a guy like me, but I’m taking a shot anyways. I did cost you $132 – least I can do is buy you dinner.”
No word if he added a :) at the end of that. I can only assume he did.
--Of course Toddlers & Tiara moms use Pixie Stix as “pageant crack” and mix together “go-go juice” for their kids. But don't worry as this six-year-old explains go-go juice is pretty awesome, "Go-go juice makes me laughy and play-ey, and makes me feel like I wanna pull my mommy's hair."
--Amazing Race meets Top Chef meets Curtis Stone meets Cat Cora. No thanks.
--Jim Rome doesn’t really make $30 million a year on radio, right? Right?
--Eastbound & Down is a little more than a month away. The trailers suck so let's just get a f'n speech from the man, the myth, the Kenny P.
--I’ve been seeing chatter (you don’t “see” chatter dumbass) about Floyd Mayweather against Robert Guerrero but thought it was just people being sarcastic about the type of fighter Floyd would take on next. But that was Monday. On Tuesday Floyd called Manny out on Twitter. What’s in store for Wednesday? I don’t know, but if I know Floyd he will tweet a picture of another $200,000 betting ticket because that’s what people with IRS issues and multiple lawsuits who are awaiting jail time do.
Questions, comments or if you can’t wait to start recording Southbound Food again this week...