Things get hectic quick. From the satellite dish to your joy stick.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The first thing I’m looking forward to once we hit New Year’s Day? Chris Lilley’s Angry Boys that New Year’s Night on HBO. Vulture talkso the man, the myth, the Lilley.


--Pro Bowl voting isn’t worth getting upset about like say your meringue mushrooms not piping out of the bag in mushroom-identifiable shapes, but no one on Houston’s offensive line going to Hawaii is just ridiculous. Pretty funny that, as @ProFootballFocus pointed out, four players have been named Defensive Player of the Week after playing the Jets. But oh yeah, that team has two Pro Bowl offensive lineman.

--Finally saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes and one thing is for sure. James Franco’s neighbor has the worst luck. Also watched about six minutes of Apollo 18 which was about six minutes too much.

--Drunk of the Week comes to us from Riverside, Illinois. ‘Twas there that 19-year-old Howard Brundage first got his drink on, before then getting his burglar on. At about 2 AM a woman awoke to find Howard trying to break into her home. The police chased him, but lost him in the woods. This despite setting up one of 24’s patented “perimeters.” Search called off only to begin again hours later when Howard broke into a house. Howard must’ve been tired from running from the cops earlier because cops found him sleeping on the couch. He didn’t remember the break-in. So what was the last thing he does remember? “Drinking marshmallow-flavored vodka.” Sounds about right.

--By my calculations at this rate the Lakers will hit the All-Star Break about January 15th and the Rockets will hit the Break sometime in April.

--You know it’s a slow week for even the Internets when you come across the “Former Fresh Prince star verbally smacks Will Smith” story no matter what site you’re visiting. And calling the woman who played Aunt Viv a “star” is a stretch, no? What did she average? 35 forgettable seconds an episode?

--Moving Violations comes off of Netflix’s Watch Instantly on January 1st. You’re welcome.


--Couldn’t agree more with SI’s Richard Deitsch’s selection of Mike Mayock as his Sports Media Person of the Year. Although listing Joe Buck and Troy Aikman as Honorable Mention for his Announcing Team of the Year is highly questionable or maybe speaks to how much Aikman carries Buck. Best News Feature on a Sports Program went to E:60’s “The Wrestler” piece on Scott Hall. If you haven’t seen it then I’m not sure what you’re waiting for. It’ll make you reminisce, cry and not think about drinking another drop of alcohol...for at least two hours. A fascinating look at a man whose moves I still use whether it’s flicking a toothpick into the trash, pointing the arms and index fingers a la Hall and Nash or a simple “hey yo.” How that dude hasn’t died yet is beyond me, him and everyone who knows him.


--I’d like to think I’d try to return money if I found it. However, if I would ever invoke the overriding law of finders-keepers-losers-weepers it would be at the airport in Vegas. However, Mitch Gilbert is a better man than me. He found a couple of Caesar’s Palace envelopes at the airport and for some reason didn’t open them until he got home to Colorado. Once he did open them, bam! $10,000. He wanted to teach his kids a moral lesson and blah, blah, blah. The guy who lost the money reported it missing to the airport so he got his $10,000 back and better have given at least a 10% finder’s fee.

--Paula Patton is Alan Thicke’s daughter in law?!


--Congratulations to Kyrie Irving for establishing the worst field goal percentage for a number one overall pick in his first professional game. Kyrie went 2 for 12 (.167) in the Cavaliers opening loss. Kenyon Martin had the old record.

--In The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same news…Kelly Pavlik with a DUI on an ATV no less. Sad.

--Tim Duncan played in his 15th straight Spurs season opener. The only two streaks playing in one franchise’s opening game that are longer belong to Karl Malone and a Hakeem Olajuwon who between them have two rings.

--Wall Street Journal with a look at Olive Garden among other casual food chains. Interesting, if not sad, stuff.
"We don't use the word authentic," to describe the Olive Garden experience, Mr. Caron says. The chain prefers "Italian inspired."
Terms like “too culinary forward” to explain why a new dish can’t get on the menu is awesome.

--If you find yourself in Japan rest assured you can get a Wendy’s foie gras burger for $16.

--Did we really need a study to discover people are more likely to lie when texting than when face-to-face? However, we definitely needed whatever research went into finding out honeybees not only have emotions, but are generally pessimistic. New favorite insect. Wired with more of 2011’s Top Scientific Discoveries. Still no scientific word on why JJ Watt gets flags thrown at him without cause.

--I like the question Eater Houston posed to restaurant industry types on their dining standbys for 2011. A lot of El Real, Huynh, and Kata Robata in there. Mine for the past year were Café TH, Xuco Xicana, Kata Robata and pretty much any place with $2 Lone Stars. Places I expect to see on my personal list a year from now definitely include Pi Pizza Truck.

--“Exploding churros are newspaper’s fault, Chilean court rules.” In this, our South American portion of the Diatribes, we’d be remiss if we didn’t also mention how explosions are affecting Venezuela. So much so that its government is offering women free breast implant removals to avoid possible ruptures. Brazil is undecided whether to help or just let women pop until they drop. In a completely unrelated story I really need to watch Bus 174. I just hope there's a character named Lil Ze or Rocket.

--Damn you Heat! What have you done to our Shane Battier!?!? If you must see their intro here ya go.


--In hardly surprising news, prescription drugs have surpassed traffic deaths as America’s leading cause of death.

--Top 25 most brutal finishes in MMA from the past year? I'm in. Like the way they group them by categories. My favorite being "The Gruesome Submissions." If you hadn't heard Jon Jones is a bad man.


--Bravo to Braylon Edwards for outperforming Michael Scott when promising money to kids. In 2005 Braylon promised 100 8th graders that if they graduated with a 2.5 GPA and did 15 hours of community service that he’d give them $10,000 each. Seventy-nine kids met the goals and Braylon made good and then some to the kids. The Niners rewarded Braylon for his generosity by waiting until after Christmas to cut him.

Questions, comments or if your family knows you so well that you got a Los Pollos Hermanos T-shirt and an Arnold Rothstein biography for Christmas...