Monday, December 12, 2011

Saw the convertible driving by. Loaded up the slingshot and let one fly.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Thanks Texans. There’s still work to be done, but just thanks. Oh and STFU Jamie Dukes. “Act like you been there Texans fans.” Huh?

--Keep up the good work NBA.

--Community definitely went out in style. As soon as I heard it was doing another Christmas special I thought there was zero chance it could live up to last year’s animation episode and then I heard “Glee spoof” and I thought instant classic. I need to watch it three or four more times because those hilarious lyrics were coming fast and furious. We had “Jehovah’s Secret Witness,” “Baby Boomer Santa,” and of course my personal favorite Annie’s “Teach Me How To Understand Christmas.” Wow. Annie took it from funny to sexy to awkward to “What’s a diminwishin weturn?”

Troy – “Glee literally means glee.”
I wanted an Abed and Troy tag before the hiatus, but “Carol of the Bells” with the Dean, Magnitude, Chang, etc. was strong.
Damn I’m going to miss this show. It’s been my personal favorite comedy since they figured out early on what worked and what didn’t. I just hope NBC NBC’s all over itself so Community will be back for a fourth season.

--If you didn’t cry at the last five minutes of Parks and Recreation this week you have no soul. Also I’m pretty sure that if you don’t make marshmallow Ron Swansons then Santa isn’t coming to your house.

Leslie - “Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose.”
“Strawberry margaritas! Another use for salgar.”
Jean-Ralphio – “So I just leave by the same door I came in, right?”
Raffi or Dennis Feinstein I guess – “Treat him like you would treat a person in another country that you paid $25,000 to hunt.”

--Ronald McDonald. I can’t believe it took seven seasons before we found out Mac’s real name. And if any television show or movie needs a fantastic lushy girl then Mary Elizabeth Ellis/The Waitress/Nicki Potnick is your girl.

--Balls. I think that sums up Boardwalk Empire’s season finale. You gots to have big TJ Yates-sized ones to put a bullet or two or three into Jimmy Darmody’s head. I guess it had to end that way after everything Jimmy did or tried to do to Nucky, but to kill off everyone’s favorite or second favorite (after Richard) was just something I did not see coming. And to have Nucky pull the trigger while Jimmy is telling him everything he felt after his first kill. Fantastic scene, at the war memorial no less. Terribly sad to see Jimmy give up like that and resign himself to his fate when we all know it should have been Margaret in front of the barrel of that gun. Well maybe that’s harsh, but I really hate seeing Jimmy go. The guy was manipulated from day one and enlisting in the war didn’t exactly help his mental health. We liked the bond he had with his fellow veteran Richard and I really wonder where Richard goes from here. I wonder where everything goes because this show just got a lot less interesting to me. Yeah, watching real-life players like Capone, Luciano, Lansky is entertaining and Van Alden in Capone’s backyard of Cicero has possibilities, but I don’t know. Jimmy’s death feels like a punch in the gut right now.
That punch to the gut aside it was one outstanding hour of television that had the storyline power to go along with Boardwalk’s requisite great acting, direction and sets. Terrific montage with Esther’s opening statement backdropping all the action she’s completely unaware of that is unraveling her case as she speaks.
Solid interview by Alan Sepinwall with Boardwalk creator Terrence Winter. Happy to see that Manny will be back.

--Based on the short previews I think it’s safe to say I won’t be watching Veep or Girls on HBO.

--Brody strapping on a bomb vest prepared to send people to their deaths? Interesting. Brody making my Carrie cry last week and then tattling on her this week. Brody, you sonuvabitch!! Now you’ve gone too far.!! This show has done such a great job with these characters that watching Carrie fall apart the last couple of weeks has been brutal. Watching Saul find out just how fine a line there is between semi-crazy Carrie and full blown crazy Carrie gave Saul a look of “well that explains A LOT” on his face the entire time. I’m not sure what the hell is going to happen in the finale or what characters will even be around for a second season, but I can’t wait to find out.
Carrie – “I wrote a 45-page manifesto on how I reinvented music. The professor I handed it to escorted me to student health. I wasn’t in his class.”

--Always love the holiday shows Anthony Bourdain does and so if Monday’s Holiday Special has Christopher Walken in it, all the better.


--Kind of like this idea I saw someone tweet Matthew Berry about…putting the non-playoff teams in a loser bracket for the following year’s #1 pick.

--If you were somehow unaware Jon Jones is a bad man. A very, very bad man. I guess that’s what Lyoto Machida gets for actually touching Jon. A year of beating on Bader, Rampage, Shogun, and Machida is a pretty damn good year. Hard to imagine that he’s only going to get better. UFC 140 was a solidly entertaining card that had everything from Jon’s incredible performance to a 7-second knockout by Chan Sung Jung of Mark Hominick to Tito getting his body cracked on to Frank Mir’s out of nowhere kimura on Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira.

--Hiding $140,000 worth of meth inside of big cans of nacho cheese sauce and jalapenos? How very Los Pollos Hermanos.
In Florida Oklahoma we get another enterprising meth cooker. Elizabeth Halfmoon was kind of broke so she did what I think any of us would do. She went to Wal-Mart at noon and for the next six hours tried to cook meth right there in the store. Eventually security caught on and she was busted right after mixing sulfuric acid and starter fluid. Admittedly she said she’s not very good at making meth.

--Time’s James Poniewozik ran through his Top 10 TV Episodes of 2011. It’s a slideshow, but I’ve saved you the trouble. Merry Christmas.
Really not a lot to disagree with as it hits on an episode from each of my favorite shows with the exception of Homeland. Game of Thrones’ finale was at 10. Man I can’t wait for April. “Bloody Harlan” at 9. Apple pie. The Bill Buckner episode of Curb at 8. Probably would have made room for something else here. South Park’s “You’re Getting Old” at 7. I don’t watch every episode of South Park, but really liked that one. Next up “Fancy Party” from Parks and Recreation. I probably would’ve gone with “Harvest Festival,” but what I’m going to complain about April and Andy’s wedding? Community’s awesome “Remedial Chaos Theory” is at 5. Obviously there could have been a few different episodes of Breaking Bad on this list, but he limits it to one episode per show and his one Breaking Bad is “Crawl Space.” No argument here except I would have put it before the next two. Louie’s “Duckling” episode at 3. Lifetime achievement award for The Office with “Goodbye Michael” at 2. Personally I liked the episode he proposed to Holly better. And the top episode of 2011? The series finale of Friday Night Lights, “Always.” I teared up just typing that.

--American Psycho needs to be remade because???

--Jason Lane was signed by the D-Backs as a LHP?!

Questions, comments or if you need divine intervention from Marshawn Lynch and Seattle's defense, but you traded Tim Tebow so you're probably just SOL…

“Boopy Doopy Boop Doop Sex.”

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