Saturday, December 17, 2011

Dropping science like when Galileo dropped the orange

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Somehow I forgot to post the new Game of Thrones trailer in my last post. After reading all the books Clash of Kings seems like ancient history. Ancient history I can’t wait to revisit. Game of Thrones graphic novels?!

--At this point it is beating a rotting horse corpse, but this past Dexter was the low point of the show. Calling in poisonous gas threats that are enough to get Homeland Security involved, but not enough to, oh I don’t know, track down the phone call tip?! So let me get this straight, this cold-blooded maniac Travis was all set to shoot Batista, but Quinn pulls up so suddenly Travis decides to start a fire around Batista?! Shouldn’t Deb have made Dexter take one of the numerous ambulances to the ER after the gas attack? And what the hell is up with a fancy dinner date mere hours after said attack at your own police department? Yes, Matthews and Deb I’m looking at you. When Matthews started out with his “you wouldn’t understand” spiel I nearly rolled my eyes so much they got stuck in the back of my head. Yeah, what does Deb know about loneliness what with two of her last three boyfriends being murdered. She has no idea how rough you have it Matthews. And Matthews somehow not realizing it might have been LaGuerta and not Debra screwing him over is just beyond me, but really it all is. If it wasn’t for Colin Hanks’ unintentionally hilarious “acting” I probably would have stopped watching a couple episodes back.
“Hello whore.”

--Best Christmas lighting I’ve ever seen.

--When Donnie Simpson used to close each Video Soul with, “Shoot for the moon because even if you miss you’ll be among the stars” I don’t think he was speaking to Chyna about her escort rates. I mean seriously $20,000 for a weekend with She-Hulk is so ridiculously overpriced I’d expect to see it in Neiman Marcus’ Christmas catalog. $3,500 for an hour?! Here's a SFW link that has her profile and by SFW I mean it's Chyna in a bikini so it might not be SFEyes.

--Not so shocking news…There’s a manhunt in Thailand for Junie Browning. Apparently Junie was involved in a bar fight and then a fight after he was taken to the hospital. In other words business as usual for Junie.

--“The Protestor.” Seriously, that’s what you’re going with Time? It’s only fair to release my ballot which they obviously didn’t consider. In order, TJ Yates, Jesse Pinkman, Gustavo Fring, Saul Berenson, Ron Swanson, and Ned Stark.

--You do not want to play f***, marry, kill with this photo.

--‘Tis the season for desperation as the threat level is orange for “loss prevention specialists” around our country. At a Fred Meyer store in Seattle an employee saw a guy try to steal several items. So the security guard tried to stop him. The robber decided he’d have a better chance to get away if the security guard was decapitated. So out came the hatchet and down went part of the security guard’s left ear. The robber temporarily got away as police do know his identity. No word on if they’ve dubbed him Mr. Blonde.

--This is the best link you’ll click all week if you ever watched Lost. Awesome. I miss that crazy island.

--Toys for lap dances. What took so long? Everyone wins.

--First, there actually is a University of Vermont. Second, it actually has fraternities. Fraternities are pretty much the same I guess wherever they may be. Sigma Phi Epsilon sent out a survey with such tasteful questions as “If you could rape someone, who would it be?” For some strange reason they’re in some trouble for that.

--Not that anyone cares about the Screen Actors Guild Awards, but seriously leaving Claire Danes AND Damian Lewis off for their respective drama categories is a joke. Bigger joke? Dexter nominated for dramatic ensemble. Uhhhhh…
Then again maybe that’s not nearly as insane as leaving Parks and Recreation off comedy ensemble. Worse, is that Glee is included.
Of course the Golden Globes couldn’t be left out of such foolishness. Drama Series and American Horror Story and Boss get in over, oh I don’t know, Breaking Bad or Friday Night Lights?!

--HBO Family must have heard I was planning to watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes tonight because it's doing an Apes marathon today. I watched the first two and seriously what in the hell was going in Beneath the Planet of the Apes?! As soon as I thought okay I'm following they start peeling their faces off. Thankfully Linda Harrison/Nova kept her face.

--Julianne Moore is a nice looking actress. Julie Ann Moore is an Amarillo teacher. If you get them confused just remember Julie Ann is the one who allegedly had sex with a 15-year-old during halftime of a high school football game. There, now you can tell them apart.

--I don’t think there should have been any doubt, but The League is getting a fourth season.

--Pitchfork, Hitfix and Stereogum sneak onto my Christmas card list for putting M83’s “Midnight City” at the top of its 2011 Song of the Year lists.

--Russell Brand a late-night talk show on FX. Yeah, that won’t last long.

--Top Chef recap up here on Ape Donkey. I found it interesting that in the photo album on for the episode they show the chefs drawing knives to divided into two-person teams for the Elimination Challenge. Of course what we saw was some b.s. your partner is standing next to you crap so the producers could get Heather and Beverly on the same team. Weak. And if the producers were willing to do that did you think for a second they’d kick off the drama couple? Of course not.

--Why wouldn’t you click on a “Where Are They Now?” for 90210 bit players? It’s a slideshow? Oh, well that’s a good reason. But how else would you find out that Steve’s editor at The Beverly Beat is married to that Aussie food guy Curtis Stone? How did I not put it together that two former 90210’ers were in Starship Troopers - Casper Van Dien and Dina Meyer. Had no idea Casper married a real-life princess and did a Lifetime show about it cleverly titled, I Married A Princess.

--Our Florida Story of the Week comes to us from, um, Florida. 27-year-old Jonah Troutman is homeless, but thought he had some good luck after finding a credit card on the side of the road. So Jonah did what I think we’d all do if we were homeless and found a credit card. Right, he went to nearest nail salon and got a pedicure. For some reason when Nancy’s Nails ran the credit card it was declined. Whoops.

--Death by wisdom teeth surgery does not sound like fun. Until reading this I had no idea that wisdom teeth extraction was part of the dental game that could be the subject of a Michael Moore documentary. Sounds like a bunch of bs. That’s why I haven’t been to the dentist in 15 years. That and obviously I’m an anti-dentite (you knew that was coming).

--Which is more stupid: trying to get through airport security with marijuana or tweeting about it afterwards including pictures of said marijuana along with what was essentially a get out of jail free card from the TSA? Rapper Freddy Gibbs is the lucky idiot. I do like how the TSA wrote “c’mon son” on the notice of baggage inspection they gave him. Pretty sure whoever wrote that will get a promotion. But seriously you’re going to tweet all that?

--You’d think a fatal stabbing of a woman by her husband at a Wal-Mart would be reason to close down for a few hours or the day. Ha ha ha ha, yeah right.

Questions, comments or if you finally hit up Pi Pizza's truck for the 420 slice (tomato sauce, cheese, corn chips, bbq sauce and spicy wing sauce) and loved every second of it...

1 comment:

  1. First calling that 15 year old "the victim" doesn't compute. Secondly, no way he lasted 10-15 minutes. Try selling that somewhere else kid.


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