Four and three and two and one What up! And when I'm on the mic - the suckers run (Word!)

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Saul – “That’s what the kids call epic fail.” Double epic fail for Gus this week. He’s got Hank after him, the non-negotiating cartel and maybe some ricin with his name on it. In other words, Gus is screwed. Great monologues in this episode, first from Jesse, shocker. Then Hank’s meeting with the DEA higher-ups. You knew Hank was going to Pollos for something and you knew what as soon as he asked for that refill. As much as Hank has been through physically it was nice for him to get a little moment where he controlled the room once again and could give his little dramatic “except” to introduce Gus’s fingerprints. When the DEA initially called Gus “a reach” as a suspect I wondered if all those police donations above the table also meant some under the table. I can’t tell whether that would be Gus taking care of future obstacles or if it would be Gus being sloppy. I can’t wait, and yet I can, to see if Gus goes down in one of the last two episodes or at least reveals to Hank that his hospital bills are being paid by Heisenberg. Hell, Gus can tell Hank that he was the one who gave him the heads up on “The Cousins” that probably saved his life. And surely Gus can Gus his way through an explanation of how his fingerprints came to be in Gale's apartment. What I’m saying is I can’t wait to see Hank and Gus sit down over a bucket of chicken.
Misdemeanor trash burning. Awesome.
And if there’s a show with a better opening scene every week I haven’t seen it. If Rage actually cut in the image of Gale being shot every once in a while then I’d probably be forced to buy it. Liked how we also got another example of vegan Gale. Fermented lentil bread joins vegan s’mores in Gale’s cookbook, the non-meth one.

--Just in time for Labor Day a $140 at Costco and you can get a Guy Fieri Marinated Meat Variety Pack that includes 14 pounds of Flavortown. Oh the joy.

--Screw Flavortown, it’s getting close to Frytown time with the Big Tex Choice Awards from The State Fair of Texas. The 8 heart attack inducing finalists:
Buffalo Chicken in a Flapjack – very simple, flapjack wrapped chicken strip coated in jalapeno breadcrumbs and fried.
Deep Fried Pineapple Upside Down Cake – yawn
Deep Fried Texas Salsa – finally. Salsa dipped in masa before being rolled in tortilla chips and fried. Like I wrote, finally.
El Bananarito – banana rolled up in a flour tortilla before hitting the fryer. Eh.
Fried Autumn Pie – also eh.
Fried Bubblegum – that’s what I’m talking about. A bubblegum flavored marshmallow fried and topped with some icing and powdered sugar. I can’t even imagine.
Hans’ Kraut Ball – yes, it has sauerkraut.
Walking Taco – essentially a frito pie. Bo-ring.

--In other disgusting cooking news, by now you’ve probably heard of the 21-year-old Russian chef who killed a man because he wanted to taste flesh in the form of meatballs and sausage. The full story here. Two things that jump out for me. One, “Nothing like this has happened in Murmansk in 20 years.” Uhhh, that’s not a lot of time between cannibal chefs. Two, “The accused faces up to 15 years.” Wait, murder and cannibalism is punishable for only up to 15 years?! What a country!

--Don’t know how I missed all these last week, but thankfully @bcstagg brought this tumblr to my attention.


--Props from Lost? Sweet. Props from Entourage? Uhh. Writing of Lost it sounds ol’ drunk, get back to the island Jack is back. Seriously Matthew Fox. How ya gonna take a swing at a female party bus driver and then proceed to get smacked by said bus driver?

--Will I buy Lay’s potato chips just because Coach Taylor does voice work on their commercials? Well, duh.

--A Blues Brothers TV pilot? No, thanks.

--I give this A.V. Club battle of LCD Soundsystem “All My Friends” covers between Baths and Tokyo Police Club to Baths. Being able to embed was the tiebreaker.

Baths cover LCD Soundsystem

--Danny Pudi showing up on Chuck at some point was a given.

--I’m not saying Texans fans are overconfident, but I was in a fantasy draft and the first defense off the board was Houston’s. In the 8th round.

--Did not expect the University of North Texas to have the nation’s first all-vegan, full-service cafeteria. Nice. I’d have spent more time on UH’s campus if it had a Radical Eats.

--You are missing out if you're missing @airelav2's monthly music reviews on Ape Donkey. I can almost fake my way through a music conversation.

--It’s very important when you have an argument with someone to actually end said argument and not leaving it hanging in the balance. Bonus if you get the last word. This man in Virginia accomplished both of those. The New York Daily News with the details:
“They were talking with the ex-wife when a deputy saw a white Ford Explorer towing a utility trailer. The trailer was on fire, and a man identified as her ex-husband was behind the wheel. Firefighters arrived, and authorities attempted to get the man to exit the SUV. That's when they noticed a cable tied to a nearby tree was wrapped around his neck.
Officers pleaded with the man to surrender, but instead he hit the gas. He was pulled from the vehicle, and his head was yanked clean off his body.”
A win’s a win...except when you Ned Stark yourself

--How has this not happened yet?


--Powers Boothe in on History’s Hatfields and McCoys miniseries is all I needed to know. Tom Berenger and Red Dawn writer Kevin Reynolds is just icing. Nice of History to broadcast a little something from, you know, history.

--90 minutes of Sons of Anarchy next week. Yes, please.


--I was getting my Sporcle fix in the other day when the category of Best Selling 2011 NBA Jerseys by Team came up. Some were easy like Kobe for the Lakers or Rose for the Bulls. For the longest time though I couldn’t answer for the Rockets. It ended up being none other than Shawn Shane Battier. There was zero chance I was ever going to guess Jonas Jerebko for the Pistons. I’m still not even sure if that’s a real person.

--The Houston Press turned me on to this place and you are seriously missing out if you live in or near Pearland and don’t hit up Thanh Phuong.

--Our Florida Story of the Week comes to us from Arizona. ‘Twas there 21-year-old Jessica Callaway was dealing with her crying 10-month-old daughter. And by dealing I mean yelling at her to shut up and slapping her. For some unknown reason that didn’t work so she decided to revert to her more natural motherly instincts which led her to blow marijuana smoke in baby’s face. Thankfully mommy’s roommate got the police involved. When asked what the hell she was thinking mommy said she was having a bad day and was having difficulty picking out an outfit for the night. Been there.

Questions, comments or if you’re pleasantly surprised Matthew Stafford is your common denominator among your fantasy teams…

You're caught now by the skin you're in. In a bind now your thoughts go to all your sins

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I’ll never get tired of this…


--Top Chef: Just Desserts is back with several contestants with Texas ties including Rebecca Masson and Vanarin Kuch. I’m posting full recaps on Ape Donkey like I did with Food Network Star.

--Louie gave us an hour in Afghanistan and it couldn’t have been simpler or better. I mean seriously only Louie can go from a beginning filled with personal testicular descriptions and by the end be the sweetest hour of television I’ve seen this summer. Great stuff from the cheerleader to the country singer to the ducky. Louie has talked a lot about how much he enjoys the shooting process, different lenses, lighting, etc. and it’s all on display here. Just a beautiful, thoughtful hour of television that is more memorable because of what you felt watching it than for funny lines you remember from it. Well except for, “Can I keep just one duckling?”
Louie blogged about his trip and the section about his first show in Kuwait is a good place to start. He got to take one person with him and he chose Starburns as he and Louie are apparently best friends. Lots of hipster lens talk too if there’s such a thing as hipster lens talk. Also stories like:
“They explained that it was local custom to drink tea before any important meeting and to have small talk. I liked the tea. It was minty. Thats' the most boring thing I ever wrote.”
Couple of You Tubes of his USO shows here and here.

--Wilfred – “Are you kidding? Favorite music: All types. This chick must be like, an expert in music!”
Dwight Yoakam with a nice turn as a crazy who also sees and hears Wilfred. The show gets darker and darker the more we head down Ryan’s crazy lane.
Wilfred – “Angelique is an alcoholic blowjob machine..and you’re welcome.”

--Flavorwire.com came out with a list of “10 Songs That Have Been Ruined Forever by Advertisements.” It’s a slideshow so I didn’t click through. However I may kill someone if I hear that freaking “Opportunity. Opportunity. Knocking at your door…” again.

--Saw this one Eater and it is awesome. More of "Hipster Barista" here.


--If you feel like a good cry might I suggest these pictures of a Navy SEAL’s dog standing by his owner’s coffin.

--Grantland with a long piece on David Flair’s dad, guy by the name of Ric. Yeah, it's not a happy story. Lots of divorces, bad decision and debt. A whole lot of debt.

--Detailed rundown of the offerings at Minnesota’s State Fair, but being Minnesota they probably should have just left chocolate covered jalapenos alone. Especially if it only consists of taking a raw jalapeno dipped in low-grade chocolate. Seriously, $6.50 for three of those nasty things.

Yeah, no thanks.

--You’d think a guy who tried to use his foot as a brake for his truck and then proceeded to hit four cars would be drunk. No, he was sober and people actually saw him test out his Fred Flintstone brake system before he decided it was effective enough to attempt to drive. He was wrong.
That’s only the second craziest car accident of the week. Britni Morrison got high on bath salts before going on a demolition derby rampage in Indianapolis. She rammed everything from cop cars to a landscaping boulder before eventually getting trapped and yanked out of her car. She was laughing uncontrollably and spouting gibberish, but she managed to tell doctors she was using “bath salts.” I had no idea you could get high on bath salts.

--In blast from the fantasy past news, Larry Johnson is in Dolphins camp.

--I expect Wahlburgers out of Mark, but not you Donnie. C’mon.

--The most entertaining Sandra Lee has ever been.

--Good read from The AV Club on long-running fantasy series like a little story I like to call "The Song of Ice and Fire." Completely agree with the final line: The great paradox of the long-running fantasy is that we can’t wait for a conclusion, but we never want it to end.

--We may not have an In-N-Out or an upcoming Top Chef visit but McDonald’s knows what’s up with Houston. We’re the test market for its English Pub Burger which sounds like a regular bacon burger except with those English staples - American cheese and Dijon mustard.

--Approved.


--I hate Brian Kenny leaving ESPN for MLB Network and not just because I have no idea what channel MLB Network is. Who the hell is going to carry the boxing banner for ESPN now?

--This is the article you want to print out and anonymously post on the office’s bulletin board or your boss’s door because it contains quotes like, “Browsing the Internet serves an important restorative function.” It also contains words like “salubrious” which I don’t think I’ve even heard Charlie Palillo ever use.

--Writers from Friday Night Lights and Spartacus. The Rock. The 80’s. Wrestling. I won’t get my hopes up.

--This week on 50 Documentaries to See Before You Die it was 20-11 being spotlighted. I definitely need to watch Capturing the Friedmans. Touching the Void was solid. At 18 was Food Inc. Loved it even though my grocery bill has been higher ever since because ain’t no way I can buy regular ol’ eggs again. On the show though I could have done without them replaying the scene with the little chicks. I’ve seen Newark Mayor Cory Booker on Brick City, but didn’t know there was a doc featuring his initial run at mayor against what appears to be an incumbent straight from The Wire. Street Fight is that doc. I’m embarrassed to say I still haven’t watched Bus 174. City of God is an all-time favorite of mine, which makes my non-viewing of Bus 174 even worse. Fog of War is also a personal favorite of mine so I'm happy to see it break the top 15. Bowling for Columbine was 12. Looking forward to seeing these top ten. Mostly I'm looking forward to having the time to watch all these docs I never made time for before.


--I’m going to have to start watching Awkward on MTV aren’t I?

--The fact that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett are splitting is surprising, but not nearly as surprising as Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry lasting as long as they did.

--Nice little Where Are They Now? on the 15th anniversary of our introduction to the Camdens.


--There are bad ideas. There are terrible ideas. And then there’s remaking Romancing the Stone with Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. Wow.

--RIP Uncle Frank.

Questions, comments or if you spent all week doing mock drafts which sounds like a waste of time, but you also used the past five draft boards to create a chart listing tendencies noting variables such as drunkenness and, wow….I’m going to go reevaluate some life things…

Phone is Ringing, Oh My God.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Walt – “A guy opens his door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks.” Heisenberg laying the smacketh down.
Skyler - “Someone has to protect this family from the man who protects this family.” Even the Sklyer haters have to give her a little credit for playing the hard ass “bitch mom” role for the good of the family. I mean, it is true. Walt opening his drunk mouth two weeks ago at Hank’s was stupid and buying a flashy car for Walt Jr. wasn’t too bright either. Always talking about being a professional, just go to work and do your job Walt. Stop being a delusional drama addict who constantly has to prove how important and hardcore he is. Marsellus Wallace would say that’s just pride f'n with you. Don’t let pride take you down.
You think we’ll see Jesse make one of those drug runs guarding the blue buckets of Pollos Hermanos? Jesse has always needed a father figure and as square peg-round hole as it seems Mike is filling the role nicely. Love the way Gus is manipulating Jesse and Walt’s relationship. Although his job is made infinitely easier by Walt’s actions.
Just a fantastic episode from beginning to end.
By now I’m sure you’re aware that after this season we’ll have 16 more episodes of Breaking Bad and that’ll be that. Perfect. Storylines like this can’t go on forever without becoming weak and/or stale.

--I liked the back-to-back Wilfred blasts we got last week. The first one we got a little like mother like son complete with mom’s humanized cat, Mittens. Wilfred – “Mittens? Seriously? Yeah, keep walking Mittens.” Wilfred also helped Ryan understand bonding, “I had a similar situation with my penis and a vacuum hose. I had to cut the tube just to break free…” We needed to understand a little more about how Ryan got to be Ryan and this helped.
Wilfred vs. the neighborhood warlock disguised as a kid was awesome. The tag at the end with Wilfred failing to mimic the fake throw was the biggest laugh I had all week.
Bonus: Eric Stoltz, Mary Steenburgen and Rhea Perlman.

--I would say something about the Anthony Bourdain vs. Paula Deen/Rachael Ray beef, but it’s everything we heard from Bourdain several months ago and what he’ll repeat several months from now.

--If Words With Friends Got Specific. Hilarious.

--Oh how I missed thee Leon. Leon dropping knowledge left and right, “Bats and balls run the f'n world. Gloves can’t catch gloves.” And I hope this week on Top Chef: Just Desserts we see @sugar_fairy make a croissant filled with champagne that we can simply call "The Leon."
The only other thing that worked for me was seeing David Canary as the performance enhancing dealer. His Adam and Stuart Chandler is a first ballot soap opera hall of famer.

--Apparently things are not going well for a couple of oldies, but goodies from the wrestling world. New Jack and Terri Runnels had something going on for over a year, but it ended with I presume a 187 from New Jack off of a balcony. Apparently Terri took offense to New Jack running smack on Facebook and he’s also got some nude photos he says he should be able to share with the class. Craziest part of the story is New Jack occasionally does stand-up. I had no idea. Also how is New Jack even still alive?

Happier times. Ms. Runnels with quite the spectrum between Goldust and New Jack

--After some furious reading over the past few months I’m finally caught up on "The Song of Ice & Fire." Now I wait for book six. And wait. And wait. And wait. I don’t know how you people waited for six years between books 4 and 5. "A Dance with Dragons" was good and I liked it more than "A Feast for Crows," but it was no "Storm of Swords." It’s just amazing how vast of a world George R.R. Martin has created.

--Look what you’ve done now America. A live tour of The Real Housewives. Hope you’re happy.

--Chynna Phillips and Tiffani Thiessen on Dancing With the Stars?! It’s like all my early to mid 90’s dreams come true. Kristin Cavallari also in and I assume will be the one with the obligatory “celebrity” that has more than a dancing relationship with her partner.

--I’ll give credit where credit is due. Just when you think Weeds could not make you care less about Shane’s storylines they come up with his this season.
Silas vs. rival pretty boy/girl pot dealers – more of this.

--Thanks to Falling Skies I know that hitting a flying target with an RPG with zero training is A LOT easier than you might think it is. Aliens best think twice before coming down to this motherf’n planet.

--This R2-D2 Planetarium is outstanding.

Death Star included. Alderaan probably not.

--Disgusting Headline of Last Week: “So Many Flies at Burger King, Inspectors Wouldn’t Open Mouths.”
In happier Burger King-related news, the creepy BK King is dead.

--Always a big fan of the Camdens so I’m happy to see Stephen Collins get a role on The Office as Nard-dog’s dad.

--For the same reasons I waited to watch Waiting for Superman I kept putting off watching The Tillman Story. I knew it would just piss me off. Mission accomplished and that was only five minutes into it. By the time you work your way through the Jessica Lynch spin and the embarrassing display from the military brass in front of the timid House Oversight Committee you're . The truth. That’s all that was needed. The simple truth. And it would have been cool if you stuck with Army regulations and told the family as soon as you found out it was fratricide instead of waiting an additional 35 days. It wouldn’t have made Pat Tillman’s death any less meaningful. It would have given more of an ugly face to the war, but we’re big boys and girls. We know war isn’t pretty. So if you’re in the mood to get angry then I highly recommend The Tillman Story.


--Yeah, I think I’ll pass on the True Blood cookbook despite how tempting “Tara’s Bewitching Banana Souffle” sounds.

--Ridley Scott is going to take another run at Blade Runner?! Interesting. Equally as interesting is the prospect of Tony Scott at the helm for a remake of The Wild Bunch. It’s been far too long since I’ve revisited either of those.

--On the other side of the spectrum we have War Games being redone. There can be only one Joshua.


--I’ve barely followed the last few seasons of The Ultimate Fighter, but once it’s on FX and showing the preliminary fights live every Friday, well I’ll be back. I’m interested to see how UFC gets Fox-ified. Will that cartoon gopher Digger have a matcam? Dancing robot? Joe Buck? Okay, I’m sorry. It’s not cool to even joke like that.

--Former lingerie league football players are popping up everywhere. NASCAR has Maryeve Dufault who was also a former Price is Right model.

And Mikayla Wingle is from the upcoming season of Survivor.

Greatest #10 in LFL history? Debatable.

--Domino’s Artisan Pizza? Umm…am I supposed to be impressed each box is autographed?

--I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The new Thundercats is awesome.

--Awesome twitpic from New Orleans with Jason Momoa (Khal Drogo/Conan) and Michael Raymond James from Terriers.

--This sounds like some Final Destination stuff. A couple of NYC construction workers were doing their thing at the Staten Island hotel. The elevator they were using to haul construction supplies started going haywire perhaps because of the thunderstorm outside. If you are reading this in the state of Texas you may have to google “thunderstorm.” Eventually they got the elevator to go to the basement which unfortunately for them was filling up with water. Once the elevator hit the water it started to sink. Uh oh. The door wouldn’t open, water was rising, but they managed to call 911 except they weren’t sure of the exact address and then the, presumably AT&T, cell signal was lost. Sonuva! A couple of firefighters responded to the call and fortunately heard these guys screaming while they were standing on carts in neck-high water inside the elevator. Yeah, that wouldn’t be a good way to go.

Questions, comments or if your fantasy drafts centered around Ryan Williams in the late rounds…

Go upstate and get your head together. Thunderbird is the word and you're light as a feather.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--There’s really no replacing Lance Zierlein at 1560 or on Houston radio for that matter. I could go over all the reasons why, but you listened, you know why. 1560 hasn’t been 1560 in a while to me. I have a feeling that goes for most of you as well. I don’t think Lance can really grasp how much he’ll be missed in the mornings. He and Granato were there every morning for us for years and years. They were taken for granted when all the shit went down at 610. Remember how awful morning sports radio was for those months while we waited for the reunion up the dial? I like Granato, I like John Harris, I like Justice, but how is anyone supposed to listen to 1560 in the morning and not think, “This would be a lot better with Lance.” I also think a lot of listeners just straight up feel betrayed by a station that was supposed to be for the listener, by the listener and of the listener. Instead it couldn’t make it to a 4-year anniversary without turning into a CPOD. Such is life. I hope Lance finds a new home on the air soon because Houston radio wouldn’t be the same without him and his cast of characters. Seriously, without him people are going to start remembering just how long their drives in to work really are.

--The artist formerly known as JayDirt1560 (now @JayDirt_) is not taking this well…


--No one watched because there was football on Thursday night, but that was a brutal loss for the Little League kids from Pearland. Up 7-4 in the final inning, one out away from Williamsport and then the kids did their best Astros impression. Tough.

--In other, better Little League-ish news, if I said one of the Bad News Bears is running for Congress who would you guess it would be? Of course you’d guess Rudi Stein. David Pollock is the guy and I like what he surmised would have been Rudi’s career path, “He probably became an attorney specializing in children’s sports injuries.”

--I would be glued to my television for Stark Week.


--“Napoleon masturbated, Gandhi, Joan Jett, Shakespeare … ” What a shock. Another well done episode of Louie. Liz Holtan who played Ellen, the Christian Against Masturbation, was really good. The episode wouldn’t have been half as good without her eloquent delivery of words that on paper probably just read flat or silly. Hopefully the next time I hear classical music it won’t remind me of Louie sitting in his pleasure chair.
Elevator chick - "It's just, like, there are zero dicks in there."

“I have only the courage for a perfect life. Anything below perfect, I don’t want it … I don’t even wanna be cold in the winter.”
Word. Masturbation and suicide episodes go hand in hand on Louie.

--After Wilfred vomits, “Just leave it. I’ll eat it later.”
To me there were not many other highlights than that. I don’t know if I just don’t like Kristen the actress or her part. Probably a little of both. All I know is things just come to a screeching halt whenever she’s on the screen.

--AV Club takes an interesting look at Sid and Marty Krofft and one of my personal favorites, Land of the Lost. Every once in a while you just have to throw in a Land of the Lost DVD to sing along with the theme song, laugh at Chaka and remember Sleestaks, not zombies, are our biggest unseen enemy.


--Numbers 40-31 of the 50 Documentaries to See Before You Die were this week. At 40 was When We Were Kings which was really good stuff. More than any other sport boxing is perfect for movies/documentaries. Biggie and Tupac at 39. I thought it was fine. @Fidoz from ApeDonkey with much more on it and all these. I never saw March of the Penguins at 38 because I never joined the penguin propaganda parade. Inside Job at 37 was really good. It's embarrassing how financially ignorant I am, but this movie explained things in a way that even I could understand. The interviews were perfectly described by Henry Rollins as the filmmaker Charles Ferguson turning the screws slowly on his subjects until they got all pissed and huffy. So much fun watching these guys finally get called to the carpet. I’m thinking I need to watch number 36 Taxi to the Dark Side. Paragraph 175 at #35 and Tongues Untied at #33 don't do much for me. In between those is Brother's Keeper which looks fascinating enough to make my next watch since it's on Watch Instantly. #32 is another all-time favorite for me that has the best rewatch value of any doc I've ever come across, Dogtown and Z-Boys. It's basically an origin story of skateboarding set in the Santa Monica area when a bunch of teens and pre-teens took their surfing moves to the streets. I can't imagine any documentary ever producing a better soundtrack. Hendrix, Zeppelin, ZZ Top, Aerosmith, Bowie and the list goes on and on. Like The Kid Stays in the Picture it's remarkable how much still photograph material they have to play with in putting this together. In this case "they" is subject and director Stacey Peralta. If you've never seen this or feel like you have because you watched that crappy Lords of Dogtown do yourself a favor and watch the doc. I can't recommend it enough. I've known for a while that I need to watch Jesus Camp which is 31. Morgan Spurlock's meeting with Levi only reinforced that.

--I haven't kept up with the HBO documentaries this summer like I planned, but I loved this week's Superheroes. It tells the story of real-life "superheroes" who go around fighting crime in their own unique ways with their own unique costumes and names. The first guy we meet is Mr. Xtreme. What kind of fighting discipline does he employ? Glad you asked. It's a "super extreme death metal fighting system." Yeah, you're pretty much hooked from that point. Master Legend is a personal favorite out of all the heroes we meet because Master Legend has good crime fighting tips like, "When a man whips up a whopping thirst. That's what quenches it. Not some Kool-Aid." He's referring to the Busch Light he just chugged out of the back of his van. We're introduced to Conundrum who tells us he's a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu with six years experience of free running, parkour and gymnastics. He promptly counters that with a clumsy fall. The Vigilante Spider describes his superhero life which includes a girlfriend so the director asks, "So you have a girlfriend?" Awkward pause. Vigilante Spider, "Ehh, I was speaking metaphorically."


--Because Bobby Flay doesn’t have his own channel yet he’s joining Worst Cooks in America not to be confused with Food Network Star.

--Aaron Sanchez is fine on Chopped, but the other Amazing Race-ish show wasn’t good and this Heat Seekers isn’t much either. Anyway Aaron will be in Houston in September to help transition the House of Blues restaurant into Crossroads. Apparently all HOB’s are getting a food makeover.

--Tinker from Friday Night Lights is going to be Mercedes’ boyfriend on Glee?! How did I never notice Tinker’s name is actually Tinker.

--I like this list of apps local chefs use. I'm a big fan of Ratio.

--The NFL is back, at least in preseason form, but the Tackle of the Week belongs to a police dog in Cedar Rapids. ‘Twas there that UW-Milwaukee point guard Kaylon Williams was getting pulled over while driving a friend’s car. He tried to be slick. It wasn’t a good idea. Kaylon pulled over and then when the cop got out of the car Kaylon took off again and was off-road and occasionally on-road driving before slowing the car down enough to take off running. Kaylon lost the cops temporarily and when they spotted him again they released a police K-9 on him. Yeah, the dog “tackled” him shortly thereafter. The dog couldn’t have taken much pride in it though considering he later found out Kaylon was nearly three times over the legal limit. There’d probably be less crime if the police had direwolf units to deploy.

--Uh, no thanks Big Lead. I have no desire to click on a headline that reads, “83-year-old great grandma gets breast implants.” However I will click on DearPhotograph.com. Very cool.

Questions, comments or if you're watching way too much preseason football...

He drinks where he lies. He's covered with flies. He's got the hand me down Pumas and the tie dyes.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--In never take a renewal for granted news…FX renewed Sunny, Louie and Wilfred. I watched the first four Australian episodes of Wilfred and the more things change (boy-girl situation) the more they stay the same (Wilfie-Bear situation). The music is different and I actually like it more. Other than that it’s bizarreness as usual.
Wilfred - "I pride myself on having an answer for everything. You ask me any question."
Adam - "Okay I'll ask you a question. What is the domino effect?"
Wilfred - "Dunno. Next!"
Despite being a dog in Australia Wilfred has a good handle on nachos.


--Terrific opening scene from Breaking Bad with Mike in the back of the truck fending off would-be hijackers. Although Mike seems a little old and too important to be a guard in the back of a delivery truck.
Gale doing karaoke. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Of course Gale has a recipe for vegan s’mores. I paused it when they showed the recipe and that has to be the most trouble to go to ever for a freakin’ s’more. I didn’t even know “vegetarian gelatin” was a thing.

Jesse is the definition of not. giving. a. fu**. He needs some tough love which I imagine is the only love Mike is aware of. Hopefully wherever Mike is taking him a new Jesse will emerge from the other end because a smile before the end of the season would be nice.
Walt – “Where’s the I slept with my boss bulletpoint.” Yeah, Skyler can be overbearing and annoying, but the details are her thing and she feels pressure to make sure Walt has the details down despite his nonchalant attitude. Just like Walt feels pressure to make sure Jesse has the details down despite his whatever attitude.

--Curb was just gold this week and it was a great way to get Larry to New York. Way to see the lie through Larry. The “chat and cuts” and “pig parkers” were great, but the most hilarious part was the final shot of Richard Lewis at the restaurant waiting for Larry.
Also hilarious when Vance was trying to tattle to Susie and Jeff’s defense consisted of nonsense like, “HOSE? I don't have a hose! Your helicopter ride? Why would you tell us about that now?”

--If you didn’t go out of your way to watch UFC 133 last Saturday, good move by you. Everyone knew Rashad would handle Tito, but Tito did give it his best shot and it was entertaining. In the end though Tito just fought five weeks ago, he’s too old and oh yeah, he’s not nearly as good. Other than that the fact that the banana hammocked Dennis Hallman was the talk of the night tells you what kind of card it was.

--Finally Mary Beth is out of our Food Network Star lives. I never understood why the judges liked her so much since she couldn’t, you know, cook. Seems like that’d be a high priority. I think Vic gets eliminated in the opening camera challenge next week because cameras aren’t kind to Momma’s Boy. That’ll leave Susie and Jeff. I think it’s a toss-up, but Jeff gets a show out of this either way.

--George Clooney and Stacy Keibler?! I remember the days when she was just a young Nitro girl in this mixed up crazy world that pitted the nWo against WCW. Writing of, great sporcle the other day that wanted the 43 nWo members. 43?! I got 25 and was pretty happy because there’s no way I was going to get the nine or so Japanese members or guys like V.K. Wallstreet or Rodman. Hadn’t seen Nick Patrick’s name in a while. Completely forgot about Fake Sting.

I expected to hate The American when I flipped it on out of boredom the other day. My expectations were so low that they were actually surpassed. Still if I was wasn’t working out at the time I probably would have fell asleep during it.

--Office meets Dallas opening credits is gold.


--Emeril is a new judge for Top Chef Texas?! Did I miss something? Obviously it’s ridiculous for Top Chef to visit three Texas cities without any of them being named Houston. On the other hand maybe I don’t want Top Chef coming to town with Tom Colicchio on a horse and Padma wearing a cowboy hat the whole time. Well actually Padma in a cowboy hat is fine. But you know what I mean.

--Fast Times at Ridgemont High is now out in Blu-ray as if the Phoebe Cates swimming pool scene couldn’t get any better.


--Roy Williams the safety is in Storage Wars?!

--The Big Picture, as you might expect, has some insane photos from the London riots. I'm not sure what the hell the guy is doing in #16.

--The question isn’t why is Gordon Ramsay trying to trademark “Fat Cow” in the UK, but how doesn’t he already own it?

--The new season of Sesame Street (No. 42 if you’re scoring at home) is going to have Mila Kunis, Sofia Vergara, and Joel McHale among others?! Glee and Deadliest Catch spoofs as well. Those have to be better than the True Blood spoof, “True Mud.” A full list of guest stars here. The new season begins September 26th. Neither of the two athletes on the list are Arian Foster who would be outstanding on this show. Drew Brees and A’mare Stoudemire are the two.

--I’ve said it before, but I’m pretty sure the second season of Boardwalk Empire is going to kick the crap out of season one.


--If you were randomly flipping through channels Monday night and heard a woman say “cut his balls.” That was Basketball Wives. Yeah apparently Erik Williams is persona non grata among his ex and her friends.

--Seth Rogen on the The League should be good and since he’s Raffi’s friend Seth’s airtime shouldn’t cut into Raffi’s and I think we can all agree we need a little more Raffi this season.

--William Goetzee of New Orleans had a suicide wish. Trying to take a gun from a federal agent didn’t work so after some mental health evaluations he was put on “suicide watch” in the Sheriff’s Office psychiatric tier in an LSU hospital. “Suicide watch” implies that the subject will be watched. Apparently no one watched William literally eat toilet paper to death.

--Teacher/student sex stories have become so commonplace over the last 10 years that there’s not much new ground to break. Mrs. Brittni Colleps formerly of Kennedale High in the Arlington, Texas area tried her best though. To start with she has possibly the dumbest spelling of Brittni ever. She’s married. She has three children. She’s charged with not one, not two, but five counts of an improper relationship. Five different male students all on the same day. She’s special, this one. Her husband is standing by her, at least for right now. Something about sleeping with five teenagers in one day seems like the start of “irreconcilable differences.”

Questions, comments or if you don’t know how you got here…

To Send My Rhymes Out To All Nations. Like Ma Bell, I've Got The Ill Communications.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Morgan Spurlock’s five-part series of 50 Documentaries to See Before You Die started this week with 50-41. At #50 was the awesome Spellbound which should have been higher up than Madonna’s Truth or Dare. I also think #48 should have been much higher up. That was The Kids Stays in the Picture. Robert Evans remains the coolest. That’s probably in my top five docs of all-time. Loved every second of it the five times I’ve seen it. Numbers 47-44 I had never seen. Those included One Day in September, Little Dieter Needs to Fly, Decline of Western Civilization: The Metal Years and Burma VJ. Little Dieter sounds like a Netflix add. Spike Lee’s When the Levees Break was 43. 42 was Catfish which I didn’t like as much as most people and I don’t really consider it a documentary. At number 41 was the classic King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters. As Morgan ran down the list he was heading to Orlando International Airport to meet the man, the myth, the Billy Mitchell. In the four years since King of Kong was released Billy has changed exactly zero. Same haircut, same tie, same arrogance. In other words, awesome. Billy has his own little arcade in the airport, but it doesn’t even have Donkey Kong or any classic game for that matter. It does, however, have Billy’s famous hot sauce in bottles as a prize in the claw game which is so Billy. Billy maintains he’s never seen one second of King of Kong. Yeah right. A man with that ego has that bad boy running on a loop somewhere inside his house. Good stuff so far from this show and now I know where Current TV is located. It’s in that mysterious land that holds many channels I never knew I had because they don’t end in HD.
@fidoz of ApeDonkey with a more comprehensive review.

--Writing of docs I enjoyed the four NFL docs on the new Hall of Famers though by far my favorite was Ed Sabol’s. It’s actually a little silly it took this long for him to be inducted. I don’t think you can overestimate the impact he had on the league while it was struggling for America to notice it. Great insight into how and why he wanted to show faces, slow motion, have John Facenda voiceover, etc. Deion Sanders’ was pretty good as well. So many good highlights and stories from his competitors and teammates. And how can you ever forget those M.C. Hammer “2 Legit 2 Quit” days? Hammer talked about how he and Jerry Glanville “connected.” Shocker.

Oddly no mention of Deion's music career.

--Nothing surprised me more this week than hearing Matt and Adam discuss how Seth Wand is in Raiders camp. What. The.

--I was wondering how Dane Cook was going to work in on Louie and I should have known it would be honest and brilliant. Great segment with both guys stating their arguments with both making good points, but Dane still seems delusional to the idea that he may have accidentally used jokes he’s heard in the past. Credit to him for doing the show. That can’t be Cook’s real security team, right? That’s more than Goldberg had for his WCW entrances.


--Chrissy Teigen is pretty much awesome. Looks, wit, common sense and cooking skills all on display in Esquire.


--I’m down with this American Horror Story upcoming on FX and not just because Connie Britton is in it although that certainly doesn’t hurt.

--Wilfie – “Now that I met Raffi how can I go back to bear? I mean sure Bear paid my way through obedience school, but does that mean I have to be unhappy for the rest of my life?” Wilfred flashing Monopoly money to Raffi was classic. He was on fire with his courtship of Raffi and relationship turmoil with Bear. I hope I never have to hear Jane Kaczmarek talk about her “wabbit hole” again.
Wilfie – “Jobs are for immigrants.”

--Cool look at how some of the special effects of Game of Thrones were shot. I’m now halfway through the latest book and I seriously don’t know what I’m going to do with my time after I turn the last page. Oh yeah, football, whew.


--Andie MacDowell looks fantastic for 53. I can’t believe she’s old enough to have a 21-year-old daughter, but I can believe that said daughter is hot.


--Obviously this Rachael Ray vs. Guy Fieri Celebrity Smackdown is among the worst Food Network ideas ever. I just hate to see favorites from long ago like Cheech and Lou Diamond Phillips in this debacle. Other “celebrities” include Joey Fatone, Aaron Carter, Summer Sanders, Miss USA 2011, Taylor Dane? and Coolio. Oh the joy.

--Hey are you gonna eat that?

Uhhh, nevermind.

--No offense HBO, but I’d rather have Scott Bakula and Andre Braugher than Ed Burns and Michael Rappaport.

--My initial thought was why the fu** would I want to read an interview with Joe Piscopo? Then I read it. Good stuff.

--Not solely because Major Winters from Band of Brothers is in it, but Homeland looks pretty strong.


--Why wouldn’t Val Kilmer have a Tumblr? He owned Jim Morrison and Doc Holliday like nobody ever will again.

--Someday when I’m rich I’m going to hit Revival Market a few times a week. I had some “filet” of watermelon the other day and it was damn good. Sticky, sweet goodness with the look of watermelon jerky. Best aftertaste to have lingering during this slightly hot summer.

--Interesting read in The Hollywood Reporter on AMC’s woes. Why you’d ever ask Breaking Bad to cut a season down from 13 to six or eight episodes is beyond me. @bcstagg told me last week critics didn’t like the Hell on Wheels pilot and the article echoes that sentiment.

--Oh so now it’s frowned upon to try and split atoms in your kitchen. Pft, whatever.

--Only two parts and four hours worth of the wedding of the century between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries on E!? I think as a nation we deserve, nay, demand more coverage.

--Legos + LCD Soundsystem + All My Friends = Awesome.


Questions, comments or if you didn’t think you’d be DVR’ing All My Children again, but then you didn’t think David Hayward was keeping all the people who’ve died over the years alive…

Don't step out of this house if that's the clothes you're gonna wear. I'll kick you out of my home if you don't cut that hair.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--This Breaking Bad was for all the haters because if you didn’t hate Sklyer before this episode I’m sure she had you screaming at her through the screen tonight. What with her stubbornness about the car wash which was kind of cool to see how she slyly appealed to Walt’s pride to get him on her side. Her freaking out over the black eye was a little much for me though. It’s a black eye. It happens. Especially if you’re cooking meth for a living. And you’re really going to pitch a fit over a bottle of champagne paid for in cash while you’re somehow paying for Hank’s exorbitant medical bills?! Look I’m not nearly as anti-Skyler as most viewers, but she was working my last nerve this week.
Ladies’ Night continued with Marie who went back to her klepto ways. I’m not sure if in the past they included such elaborate lies, but her breakdown was coming. Clearly she’s lost it if she’s confusing the ch-ch-ch in Cheetos with the fr-fr in Fritos. Besides what sane person would want Fritos over Cheetos anyway? Not Hank that’s for sure. I think every fantasy football player smiled when Hank chastised her for buying a “useless” fantasy football magazine when the draft is still two months away. Oh the magazine days of fantasy football.
I’m not sure what’s left to say about the road Jesse is going down except to say I’m scared and those must be some hella sound proof walls if the neighbors haven’t called the cops once.
It sure was nice to have Saul back, “Can Huell use your bathroom? He’ll be quick. He’s got a stomach thing.”

--It sounds like the Coach and Mrs. Coach-centric Friday Night Lights movie is a go. I keep going back and forth over whether or not this is good thing.

--The Strikeforce card didn’t do much for me Saturday until Dan Henderson and Fedor Emelianenko met in the center of the cage. I’ve always been a Dan Henderson guy and was happy that Fedor was whiffing on his big punches early while Dan was countering. Then Dan got caught slightly and also sort of lost his balance. How Hendo managed to get up off the mat with Fedor on top of him and get behind Fedor to unleash a fight ending back to belly uppercut is beyond me. Crazy finish.
At what point can we get someone, anyone else to announce Strikeforce cards. I like Gus Johnson, but he’s terrible in MMA and always has been except in the past he used to somewhat acknowledge his newness. Now he’s trying to be authoritative and it ain’t working. Mauro Renallo has never not been annoying on broadcasts.

--“11 Amazing Radiohead Remixes”? I’m in. I'm partial to Mojib's take on "Videotape."

--Parks and Recreation paper dolls?! Breaking Bad?! Gimme.


--“Two things about Big Dog you need to know. I am clean and I am fair.” – Big Dog
Not the best Curb this week and nothing close to last week, but I did like Harry Hamlin and the “sorry window.” But no Leon and no Funkhauser was not cool. You have to have one or the other one each week.
Nice to see Steven Keaton who sometimes goes by the name Michael Gross.

--The best show I watched all weekend was the new Thundercats. Seriously. It was an hour premiere an it actually had a damn good plot to go along with the biggest breast implants you could imagine on Cheetara. Snarf doesn’t talk which is nice. Wily-Kat and Wily-Kit are juvenile delinquents. This isn’t your childhood’s Thundercats and that’s a good thing.


--I had been wanting to watch The Source Code and liked it a lot for a while and then we got to the end. Ummm, no.
Jake Gyllenhaal and Michelle Monaghan were very good.

--If you were wondering whatever happened to Samaki Walker. Apparently he drives around with 10 grams of marijuana, prescription drugs and liquid steroids for fun now. At least until he gets pulled over and then he frantically tries to eat said 10 grams of marijuana.

--Samaki not quite good enough for Dumbass of the Week. No, that goes to Micah Calamosca of Pittsburgh. A police detective was sitting in an unmarked car looking for a suspect in an assault when someone decided to open his passenger door and join him. That someone was Micah who told the plain clothes cop to beat it. The cop opened his door to allow himself room to draw his gun since Micah resembled the assault suspect. Micah was quick on his feet though as the cop later explained Micah’s excuse, “[Micah] said that he was just filming the movie [Batman] and that him taking my vehicle was part of the script.” Well done Micah. After the cop’s laughter died down Micah was arrested. This never gets old.


--Gotta find what channel Current TV for the multi-part 50 Documentaries to See Before You Die that starts tonight (Tuesday). Also looking forward to these Hall of Fame inductee docs on NFL Network this week. I like hearing Bunk/Wendell Pierce narrating the Sharpe one.

--I really want to see this Being Elmo doc. Grover rules the street known as Sesame even if my nephews won’t acknowledge how awesome it is to have "The Monster at the End of This Book" on iPad.

--Drunk of the Week comes to us from Louisiana. Billy Joe Madden was driving from Mississippi to Dallas over the weekend, but dumbass got hammered during the drive. Like most responsible drivers he had a designated driver on hand for such an occasion. Sure the designated driver was his 8-year-old son, but what would you have him do? Ask his 4-year-old daughter in the backseat to drive?! Pssh, we all know how women drive (joke ladies, just a joke). Clearly this was the best option as Daddy passed out and son drove over 100 miles before the cops pulled the summer vacationers over and Daddy got in big trouble. I assume the 8-year-old got some kind of award for driving 100 miles without crashing at some point.

--That’s a good father, but Billy Ray Cyrus is a GREAT (if not delusional) father. Here’s what he had to say about Miley Cyrus covering Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”.
“I saw Miley's cover of "Teen Spirit" in South America. The crowd just went crazy. And I thought, "How beautiful, man," because I do believe Kurt's spirit is very much still on this earth, through his fans and his music. I did have a very surreal moment watching my little girl do their song, realizing, "Wow, these kids are singing along to this in English, every word. And I'm sure that Kurt loves it”

--Good little preview from Maureen Ryan on the next edition of Spartacus. It’s a long f’n wait, but hey we have a trailer!

--Heylia James was dropping one-liners on Weeds this week like Galileo dropped the orange.
Heylia – “Get your ass off my counter. This ain’t Family Ties.”
Martin Short got the other good lines. The one after Nancy’s sappy voiceover montage was nice, “What the fu**? That’s not even a story.”

--Listen Cameron Crowe, you can’t be teasing about a Say Anything sequel. Just make that m’f’er already. We need more rhyming down at the Gas and Sip.
Lloyd - “I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.”

Lloyd – “I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.”

--Jeremy Schaap had a nice little E:60 piece last week on the rise, fall and attempted rise of Kelly Pavlik. This week Kelly is dropping out of his Saturday fight because he doesn’t like the $50,000 he’s due to make in a fight against Lucian Bute later this year. This Saturday’s fight was going to be against Darryl Cunningham in Pavlik’s home of Youngstown. Weak, weak, weak.

--Despite his balls fetish in the middle of the season Jeff looks like a lock to win Food Network Star and have his own show that will run at least 4 or 5 Saturday mornings. Either way it’s a joke for Food Network to once again have Penny and Mary Beth as teammates next week. I’m just supposed to think that was just by chance?

--30 years of MTV in three minutes. Worth the click.

--The El Bulli episode of No Reservations this week was pretty f’n cool.

Questions, comments or if your P90X Plyo DVD is missing and your top two suspects are your right leg and left leg…