Friday, January 15, 2010

I Said Root Down, It's Time To Scoot Down. I'm A Step Up To The Mic In My Goose Down.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--He may not have been killing in the ratings yet, but Conan is one classy ginger.

--How awesome have Conan’s shows been this week? The only thing better was Jimmy Kimmel going on Leno and just destroying him worse than Joe Rogan destroyed Carlos Mencia.

--Those of you who don’t have DirecTV or aren’t following online Friday Night Lights will return to the CPOD known as NBC on April 30th.

--I’m shocked, shocked I say to find out that special White House Iron Chef America didn’t actually use vegetables from the White House garden. What’s this? Mark McGwire took steroids?!

--Fort Walton Beach is where our Quote of the Week comes from. ‘Twas there a cop was passing by and saw a guy beating the crap out of another guy in a car. The driver had blood all over him because his passenger had an open wound on his hand and said hand was smacking the driver all around. The driver’s explanation to the cop, “This is the way gay couples fight.”

--Good for Gail Simmons who is gonna host Top Chef: Just Desserts. Always been solid on Top Chef. Masters starts the first week of April 7.

--McSnack Wrap?! Good luck with that.

--Great line from No Reservations the other night: "Chinese food tends to get shinier the farther west it goes."
And yeah, that was a helluva lot of coke Bourdain was wading through.

--Need a nearby taco truck? There's an app for that...

--Also saw 500 Days of Summer. Good stuff even though Joseph Gordon-Levitt was whining the whole time. Dude, she laid at the rules at the very beginning. And I like Zooey Deschanel (Summer), but I'd much rather spend 500 days in Autumn (Minka Kelly).

--As if my Netflix queue isn't backed up enough The Hurt Locker and Moon are out this week. I checked out Big Fan which was released on DVD and Watch Instantly. I thought Patton Oswalt was perfect as the disturbed, weird, did I mention disturbed, man who puts the "fan" in fanatic. I liked those NFL sheets...until he defiled them.

--They're already winners...Tom has Giselle and Wes Welker has Anna Burns - Miss Hooters International 2005.

--Colt proposed to his girl via the D.K. Royal Memorial Stadium scoreboard. This coulda been you and Street, Lyla, but nooo you had to ditch the crippled quarterback for Riggins then dump him for Jeter.

--Maybe Antonio Margarito (that whole getting his license back) and for sure Alfonso Gomez in undercard fights on the Pacquiao card is nice. Anything on a freakin' boxing PPV undercard is nice. Oh and the best decision of the week belongs to Jermain Taylor who is taking a leave from boxing.

--Damn Charlotte, I’ve seen better attended basketball games at Hofheinz than what you had on Tuesday.

--Not that I was waiting with baited breath (whatever that is), but Spider-Man 4 has no Tobey Maguire or Sam Raimi directing. However, it will be more of a teenage, high school story which I can only assume means vampires, werewolves, or some new hybrid of the two created to destroy box office records.

--If you take one psychedelic enhanced trip to the movies this year should it be Avatar or Alice in Wonderland?

--Nice Chuck cliffhanger NBC that you wasted by immediately showing the previews for the next episode that showed naaaaah, no one died. How awesome did Ellie look?

--I wish NBC would post online only the Ricky Gervais parts of the Golden Globes on Sunday.

--Whoa, the National Enquirer actually verified its initial Tiger story with two sources? The National Enquirer has sources?!

--There’s classic and then there’s Michael Cera hanging with the Jersey Shore crew.

--Sure the Texans didn’t make the playoffs, but on the plus side we have the worst food stamp program out of the 50 states!

--UFC Fight Night usually delivers. This week, eh. Aaron Simpson and Evan Dunham made some incredible comebacks to get wins and Amir Sodollah looked good, but other than that, like I wrote, eh. What a joke it’d be if Gray Maynard gets a shot at BJ Penn. I’d like to thank Spike for showing that brief clip of Blue Mountain State to confirm my initial thought that it wasn’t worth 1 much less 30 minutes of space on my DVR.

--There’s delusional and then there’s McGwire thinking steroids didn’t help him hit home runs.

--Charlie Sheen and Brett Myers haven’t thought of this one yet. In the always fun Manatee County Lance Ziegler was getting ready to sit down to dinner when his wife told him she was leaving him. So he grabbed the meatloaf he’d been looking forward to all day and meatloafed her face. Apparently they were out of paper towels and water because she called the cops. When they got there, “they found his wife’s face slightly red with a small amount of sauce.” Oh the horror. Evil LZ was arrested for domestic battery.

--You ever blindly reach into your desk drawer and accidentally pick up and apply Anbesol to your lips instead of Vaseline Lip Therapy and spend all morning talking like Mushmouth? Oh, me neither.

--How does Chris Johnson not get a single vote for MVP and yet wins Offensive Player of the Year in a landslide?!

--Drudge Headline of the Week: "Sheep Gives Birth to Human-Faced Lamb in Turkey."
Move over Turducken.

--Gotta love the idiots who return to the scenes of their crimes. In this case a crime of passion, self-passion. Basim Abdul-Rahim was at a Seattle bar when the bartender noticed Basim's eyes weren’t leaving her. She quickly realized Basim was playing a little five-on-one behind the bar. So she called the cops and Basim ran. Two days later Basim returned to the bar, but this time the cops got there in time. In time to discover Basim’s petroleum jelly coated hands.
No, you put the cuffs on him, no you.
Anyway Basim busted out the ol’ excuse that he just got done having phone sex with his wife. The cops called his bluff and for good measure called his wife who didn’t have her husband’s back. Burn! I assume Basim then cuffed himself.

--Greenlee and The Bachelor Bob no more? I assume this is because she found out Ryan is dating Erica.

Questions, comments or if someday somebody’s gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye. Until then baby are you gonna let them hold you down and make you cry? (Enough with sports highlights set to Muse. Can we get some Wilson Phillips love?)


  1. Anonymous12:53 PM

    Please don't make us bring politics into this blog. We all want needy people to be helped, but at the same time we don't want people gaming the system. I will say that If you've ever lived in some of these apartment complexes on the SW side (come visit me on Spice Ln...I dare you) and seen the "food" that gets purchased with the stamps then you'd agree that fraud needs to be handled.

  2. No political intentions. I just like state rankings in whatever and if Texas is ranked at an extreme I'll link to it, that's all.

  3. Team Coco all the way. I think Zucker, Ebersol and Leno are the only three people on earth that don't think this is one of the slimiest TV moves ever. I would love to see Conan end up on Comedy Central in a lineup that includes Him, Stewart and Colbert.

    Leno would kill at NBCGeriatrics

    Very good news that Gail Simmons and her breasts are getting their own show.

    FYI sending back the wrong netflix movie can put you in a bad mood, especially a new release that you'll have to get back in line for.

  4. Comedy Central would kill with that combination and would probably have to sell nothing but infomercials the rest of the day to pay for Conan. This whole saga has been the best and worst thing for late night talk shows in a long time.

    I hope you sent back Paranormal Activity.

  5. I saw someone on TV saying that before they brought back Leno at 9 Conan was beating Letterman. Afterwards the audience was split and both shows suffered. I like Leno but Conan is so much better, expecially when he does the odd stuff that seems like it is only geared towards making him and his writers laugh.
    You realize that we have yet to hear from Triumph on this situation.
    Comedy gold.
    I do not see how they can re-boot, that is what they will end up doing, Spidey when the first movie is still so fresh in everyone's memory. Disaster.
    I saw It's Gonna Get Loud and was disapppinted. There are a couple of cool scenes but not as interesting as I hoped.
    The food stamp thing is beyond sad on so many levels. It is making the exceptions the rule which Mr. Anon does not seem to get.

  6. I just hope Triumph goes with Conan wherever he lands since NBC is going to keep hold of a lot of Conan's skits as its own intellectual property.

    Haven't seen It's Gonna Get Loud yet, but watched Paranormal Activity the other night and it lived up to the hype as far as I'm concerned.

  7. Danny,

    What would you rate midgets vs mascots tomatometer wise? Just got the dvd in and was wondering if you have seen it and what your thoughts were?

  8. Didn't see it but I imagine the rating is close to my shoe size. I mean surely the Pippen fight is the only worthwhile scene


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