You pops caught you smoking and he said, "No way!" That hypocrite smokes two packs a day.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The only 30 in 30's I've watched I've liked. USFL is always gonna be good stuff. The Ali/Holmes piece was great if not freakin' sad as hell. Pretty telling watching the way Larry Holmes hit that speed bag in the present day contrasted with the way Ali struggled with the speed bag in his training nearly 30 years ago.

--Seth Green, Robin Williams, John Travolta and Disney. What's not to like about that? Oh yeah, Seth Green, Robin Williams, John Travolta and Disney.

--Nothing better than getting an hour back on Saturday night/Sunday morning.

--I forgot how much I missed watching the Rockets. 1-1 with a brutal 3 game stretch coming up. Work in progress? More like baptism by fire. And really NBA, starting off the season with a back-to-back is ridiculous.

--I hope Ed Wade is more creative with his roster than he is with nicknames. I mean in one sentence going “Clarksie” and “Millsie” sounds idiotic. Hey Ed, leave the terrible nicknames for Milo.

--I’m actually surprised Harvard didn’t already teach a class around The Wire.

--If Natalie Portman didn’t have those vegetarian restrictions I’d want her judging Top Chef every week. Who am I kidding? I want her judging every week regardless of what she puts in her mouth. And I could listen to her and Padma exchange double entendres all day.
Monica Pope is going to be on Top Chef Masters?! ‘Bout time we get some Houston representation.

--Monday was the anniversary of the White Sox championship sweep of a certain local team. Point being Game 1 of this year’s World Series was still two days away from even starting. Geez, it’s been all of 4 years since that sweep and the schedule has been pushed back this much in just 4 years?! Ridiculous. Seriously it took the Angels 22 days to play their 9 playoff games. Huh? This is baseball, right? Usually one day off every couple of weeks? Okay, just checking.

--Corey Feldman and his wife are getting divorced?! If a marriage on Surreal Life can’t last forever what chance do the rest of us have?

--ABC was going to publicize V with V sky writings over major U.S. landmarks. Apparently they’ve decided against it because it’s not environmentally friendly. Weak. I’m always in favor of practice runs for alien landings.

--Although who needs to worry about alien invasions when we’re dealing with our own nemesis right here on Earth. Yeah, that’s right. F’n raccoons. Their reign of terror against those over the age of 50 is continuing. This time it was up in Detroit and you know Detroit raccoons don’t play. 92-year-old Frederick Braga had a problem with his chimney and went down to the basement, he never came back up. Apparently a kamikaze raccoon made its way into the flue pipe from the furnace to the chimney and got stuck. So Braga went to check it out, but was overcome by smoke and fumes. You live to be 92 in Detroit and what takes you out. A bleepin’ raccoon.

--Melissa Joan Hart went at the king and missed…


--You’re never going to guess in what city an off duty cop pulled a gun on a Haunted House character. Nope, not Detroit. Yep, Baltimore. The cop and his family were there and as they were leaving it was time for the final scare so out jumped Leatherface from Chainsaw. The cop noticed Leatherface brought a non-working chainsaw to a gun fight and so stuck his gun in Leatherface’s chest. Yeah, his fellow cops charged him with assault. They said McNulty Sgt. Janik appeared to be intoxicated. Ahh, drunken times at haunted houses. The good ol’ days…

--Sticking with the city Barksdale built, the Hereford boys cross country team was all set to celebrate back to back Baltimore county titles when one of the stupidest rules I’ve ever seen stopped them cold. One of their guys finished fourth, but was disqualified. Not because he was wearing black compression shorts underneath his uniform pants, but because his compression shorts that had “visible white stitching.” Huh?! Someone actually came up with Rule 9, Section 6, Article 1b in the National Federation of High Schools rulebook: "Items displaying seams stitched on the outside of the garment in a visible contrasting color to the undergarment will be illegal beginning with the 2009-10 school year." Illegal stitching, wow. I just hope everyone made it out of that meet safely without any harm done by those damn white stitches.

--Not that I thought I wouldn’t, but I’m liking The League. Gotta love the guy whose wife runs his team. And the Keyshawn pick had me rolling.

--Ricky Gervais is hosting the Golden Globes, which I understand are still televised. Promising.

--Number Five was alive. Now I assume he’s dead since they’re remaking Short Circuit. For shame. At least it’s in good hands, yeah the director from Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Hopefully they keep the over the top stereotype Indian guy. And surely they can carve out a role for Steve Guttenberg.

--I really don’t get why football doesn’t keep its Sunday night game when a World Series game is scheduled for that night. Sundays belong to football.

--Jennifer Esposito and Mark Philippoussis engaged?!

--If you liked The Goode Family (what’s wrong with you) then watch for it on Comedy Central.

--Abed as Batman on Community was outstanding. Batman voiceover ending and just his Batman voice overall was high-larious.

--Favre-cam on Sunday. Ugh.

--I’m not sure which is the more gullible body the LAPD or the ATP. We had the story about Richard Gasquet testing positive for cocaine which he said he got second hand from kissing a girl who had been using coke. The ATP lifted his suspension upon hearing that excuse. And now we find out Andre Agassi tested positive for crystal meth back in the day. He told the ATP he accidentally drank his assistant’s meth spiked drink and the ATP swallowed that one too. ATP = worst parent ever.

--Not that this will get anyone to watch, but Brandon Marshall is hosting Sports Soup next Tuesday.

--As bad as JaMarcus Russell’s QB rating is and it’s bad (47.2) it’s still higher than Derek Anderson’s (40.6). Those awesome Browns have given up the second most yards while gaining the least in the league.

--Ummm, Californication you forgot to let Eva show off her Amurris this week. That is all.

--Oh Utah, is there anything you won’t arrest people for? Four teenagers were at a McDonald’s when they decided to imitate bad television commercials and YouTube videos and rap their order. The drive-thru person didn’t think it was funny and asked them to leave. They did. No harm, no foul, right? Wrong. The worker got their license plate number and called the police. And surely the police laughed at them and chalked it up to boys being boys, right? Wrong. The police found the teens in the parking lot of a high school volleyball game. They all got citations for disorderly conduct. Another job well done Utah.

--If you’re keeping score at home it’s now 7 severed feet that have washed ashore British Columbia’s coast over the last couple of years. If The Shield taught me anything it’s that Ronnie got screwed. Oh and Armenians sever feet.

--Sad, but untrue rumor….Layla Kiffin in SI’s Swimsuit Issue.

Questions, comments or if you’re hoping for a Mexican Halloween this weekend…