Thursday, October 01, 2009

Four and three and two and one What up! And when I'm on the mic - the suckers run (Word!)

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--That Raiders offense has really done well the past few drafts. For example, Darren McFadden had more fumbles last week alone (3) than this year’s top pick Darrius Heyward-Bey has receptions (1). Jamarcus Russell’s passer rating is a thing of beauty going from 47.6 in the first game to 46.0 and finally to a robust 22.6 last week. Combined those add up to 116.2 (maybe I didn't use a calculator), which is less than the season total of both Drew Brees and Peyton Manning.

--You ever want to scare a friend, but they’re pretty hard to scare so you can’t come up with any good ideas. That’s not a problem for 49-year-old Darrel Vandervort of Lakehurst, New Jersey. When he wants to scare he’s gonna scare you one way or the other. Not scared if he jumps out behind a curtain and yells “Boo”? How about if he takes pliers, starts pulling out his own teeth, spraying blood everywhere in the process? Yeah, what’s up now biya? Apparently his girl…friend didn’t think it was funny and called the cops. That’s when he got mad and started breaking stuff…beyond his teeth.

--In what sounds eerily similar to the final season of The Wire, the Alexander County Sheriff’s department in Illinois lost 5 police cruisers after the bank repossessed them. Oh yeah, they also layed off 75% of its entire work force a few weeks ago. Good times.

--This tells you all you need to know about the heavyweight division in boxing. If Evander Holyfield wins his fight against a not yet confirmed opponent a month from now then he very well could face Vitali Klitschko. Oh yay.

--Of all the coaches in NCAA-land wouldn’t Mike Leach be one of the last you’d pick that would ban twitter for his players?

--Peter’s character has improved dramatically on Heroes. There is no bigger yawn or waste of time than the Claire/Madeline Zima relationship. Why must Claire be unkillable?

--Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are back together?! Reggie Bush plays football, right

--I haven't seen a second of SportsNation (maybe it's two words, but I'm too lazy to open a new tab to google) seeing as how I don't really like Colin Cowherd, but now I have a reason to turn that dislike into hate. Apparently that one-hour show is going to gun for a Guinness record for the most mentions of the name Brett Favre on a TV show. Guinness is researching what the current record is. Ugh.

--It is damn good to have Californication back. It has its similarities with Hung, but is so far superior in every way. Not to mention I don’t wish cruel death upon Becca like I do the kids on Hung.

--Qaddafi wants to abolish Switzerland. Yeah, that’s about right.

--That was the perfect way for Kimbo to lose if he was going to lose. So unconvincing, so still a big draw for UFC.

--Kristin Chenoweth took all of Jane Lynch's screen time on Glee, but damn she didn't waste a second of it.

--Is baseball over yet?

--I think it’s a given by now that one of these days the animals will rise and work with the robots to enslave the human race. Which is why we don’t need people like Amanda Padwa from the Binghamton Zoo helping speed things along. She took offense, on behalf of her zoo’s animals, to comparisons of her zoo to the Binghamton basketball team which has had its share of behavioral problems lately. So she fired off a letter:
“Not one of our tigers has been arrested with cocaine. No otter knocks over old ladies to shoplift condoms. Our bear doesn’t have temper tantrums and storm off his exhibit. You won’t find any of our lemurs busted for smoking pot. So, please, stop insulting zoos by comparing those criminals to us.”
And just because the lemurs weren’t “busted” for smoking pot doesn’t mean it’s okay for them to be smoking. Mmmm….smoked lemur…

--I, for one, would like to salute Alando Tucker for losing his bet and having to grow a rat tail a la Eddie Murphy in Coming to America. And how can you not appreciate the Abraham Lincoln tat on Deshawn Stevenson's neck.

--Six of the 10 poorest cities in America have NFL teams?! You'll never guess who is # 1. Oh, yeah, Detroit, how'd you know? After repeated viewings of The Wire I would not have guessed Houston has a higher poverty rate (#24 overall) than Baltimore (#26).

--Apparently the National Science Foundation had a little problem with looking at porn while at work. Yeah, looking at porn on government computers might get you in trouble. Well unless you have a brilliant excuse like someone offered up. One person spent 25 days out of a year NOT looking at porn. The other 331 days, oh yeah, he was doing it all including chatting online with semi-nude women. His excuse? An investigator wrote, "He explained that these young women are from poor countries and need to make money to help their parents and this site helps them do that." So there ya go.

--Didn't think that come Week 4 Houston would have allowed twice as much yardage as Denver or four times as much rushing yardage as Baltimore or twice as much rushing yardage than 14 teams. On the plus side at least opponents aren't converting 3rd downs OVER 50% of the time...just exactly 50% of the time.

--Wait, in Raleigh you have to have a permit to panhandle?! To Raleigh's credit the permits are free.

--I don’t know about you, but when I find myself covered in feces I immediately try to find water. In Florida (shocking I know) Robert Higgins did just that and, of course, he was arrested. The 21-year-old was nude and covered in crap for reasons unknown when he decided to break into a neighbor’s pool for a quick skinny, crappy dip. When the neighbor came out Robert grabbed a towel and took off. Eventually a K-9 tracked him down and Robert blamed his escapades on beer and vodka (like they’ve ever hurt anybody). No word on if he had to pay to get the pool cleaned.

--Because Bravo obviously needs more reality television we’re getting three more series built around Bravo “stars” of the past. Bethanny Frankel who was a Housewife from somewhere (I feel smarter just by knowing I’ve never watched a second of those shows). Christian Siriano who was a Project Runawayer. And Fabio Viviani from last season’s Top Chef. Fabio: A Catered Affair will follow his restaurant/catering adventures in L.A.

--Interesting read in NY Times from back in 1968. A review of the Beatles’ White Album along with a review of the Stones’ Beggars Banquet. Me, I happen to love the White Album. Rocky f'n Raccoon.

Questions, comments or if you’re pretty sure the highlight of your October was going to be U2, but now may be your interview on Southbound Food with Rick Bayless...oh yeah, 11am on 1560 and yes Lance asks Rick when the exact moment was when he began to hate his brother Skip...

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