Monday, September 28, 2009

And we're puttin' it on wax. It's the new style.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--At least we have the Coogs. From such a high to such a low damn low. Thanks Texans. Just when you think…and now a Raiders team comes in with their solid defense and completely dysfunctional offense. Of course the Jags offense was pretty crappy and 31 points later, well.

--Don’t worry Titans it’s not like a team has never started 0-3 and still made the playoffs. It just hasn’t happened since 1998.

--The women of Dexter. How I could not put together Syl Prado was on True Blood as the vamp who was also in love with a human is beyond me. John Lithgow is going to be fun this season although two a** shots of him in the first episode is overkill. We get it John Lithgow has a cute butt, no one was saying otherwise. Sheesh.

--In former Coogs news we have Kevin Kolb as the first quarterback in NFL history to throw for at least 300 yards in each of his first two starts.

--Jemaine is kidding when he says there’ll be three Flight of the Conchords songs on the next Rock Band, right? Pretending it’s real (best way to live) “Business Time” is a shoo-in. “Most Beautiful Girl in the Room” and “If You’re Into It” would round out the three I’d like to see with “Too Many Di**********” and “The Humans are Dead” narrowly missing out. Apparently it's all true.

If my sister is reading this you had better believe when the twins are another year older they will be Hiphopopotamus and Rhymenoseraus for Halloween.

--Look we’re all tired of Kubiak’s standard “It’s on me. It’s my fault. I didn’t get the players ready…” But at least Gary isn’t delusional like Jim Zorn. I mean Coach Zorn your team just lost to a team that went 0-16 last season, so what's up? Zorn, “We’re getting better.” Huh? Losing to the Lions is “getting better.” Last week you barely beat a team that had lost its last 12 and this week you lose to the Lions. Wow. That must be something new you’re smoking because the best smoke in the world wouldn’t lead someone to say that.

--This Bengals team is really bleeping good. A bs play away from being 3-0 and that team that beat them was the 3-0 Broncos. Whatever is in Cincy’s water obviously agrees with Cedric Benson. I don’t know if there’s been a bigger fantasy steal yet than taking him in the middle rounds. He has been a sure-fire RB1 for not only this season, but down the stretch with the Bengals last season.

--Week 4 is lining up to be kind of a good week….Ravens at Patriots, Jets at Saints and then the prime timers are strong with Chargers and Steelers Sunday and Monday we get Packers at Vikings. Thankfully Kornheiser won’t be there to stroke Favre not that ESPN won’t handle that business itself.

--Did anyone really think Eric Mangini was a good hire for the Browns? Seriously, who fines a player $1,700 for taking a $3 water bottle from the mini-bar and not paying for it? And really Cleveland nine games since you’ve scored an offensive TD? Nine?!

--How in the bleep is Robin still on Top Chef? How in the bleep does she actually have a Quickfire win?

--Um, there’s a need for a second Ghost Rider movie? Okay, who’s the wise ass who went and saw the first one?

--The good news is that V’s first part airs next month. The stupid news is that V’s second part airs next March. That makes sense. Bravo ABC.

--I don’t know about you, but an aw hell yes for FlashForward from me. Looks like a fun season and the more Jane/Peyton List the better. The beginning was great, the end intriguing as hell.

--Qaddafi’s speech last week in front of the UN was the epitome of brevity, clarity, intelligence and common sense. The normal hack politicians were allowed 15 minutes to speak, but because Qaddafi doesn’t come out to play so much he spoke for over 90 minutes. He had to speak that long. How else was he gonna work in an “our son Obama” a clever play on words like “U.N. Security Council? Should be called Terror Council.” BURN U.N. Security Council! He also enlightened the world by telling us swine flu was either a military accident or just another scam from capitalist companies. He also brought up Jack Ruby, JFK and MLK in ways that any sane person would understand. You know your speech is going long when they have to go to the translator bullpen during your speech. I can’t imagine how Cecil Cooper-like overworked the bullpen must’ve been in 1960 when Castro rattled on for 4 and a half hours. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, “I think it was Qaddafi being Qaddafi.”

--If you didn’t keep up with Brick City you missed out some quality real “reality” television. Great stuff from The Sundance Channel. Keep an eye out for it. It is real-life Wire, which I'm three episodes into the final season. RIP Butchie.

Is that you D'Angelo?

--Nice job Curb. You kicked Vivica A. and family to the uh, curb without sacrificing Leon. Great episode and next week we start going Seinfeld reunion. Beautiful.

--I think I’ll just reprint the first line from this article posted on NBC LA’s site. It sums up the story quite well without getting into the messy details. “In an ill-conceived attempt to increase the size of his member, a man placed his penis through the ‘hole of a steel, ring-shaped dumbbell weight fastener.” Long story short, it didn’t work and they cut through the metal with a saw. Shake it off boys, shake it off.

--Apparently Screech’s Saved by the Bell tell-all relates stories about different members of the cast hooking up and even them smoking pot. Holy crap?! What ground breaking stuff that will surely affect all of their careers for years to come.

--If you haven’t marked down a date in your Outlook or Google calendar today and you’re bored mark down January 22nd for the premieres of Caprica and Spartacus. If you need a Battlestar fix before then the movie, The Plan, comes out October 27th on Blu-ray. It’ll be on Syfy (this rebranding Sci-Fi will never make sense to me) next year.

--Ken Jeong on Community is fan-freakin-tastic!

--Not only is there gonna be a Scream IV, but it’s gonna be the start of a new trilogy?!

--Rumor I have zero interest in finding out if true or not: Mackenzie Phillips’ dad sleeping with her.

--Kimbo v. Roy Nelson on next Ultimate Fighter? Nicely done.

--I know you were wondering this, but no Shazam doesn’t identify songs played while you’re at a concert. At least not when I tried in it Vegas for The Killers. Next try: U2. Can’t believe it’s almost here.

--We haven’t had a good furry story in a while (like there’s such a thing as a “bad furry story”). A 45-year-old woman in Fort Collins went to a furry gathering with her I’m-ready-take-me cat ears on and she was tooken. Unfortunately for her the animal of her dreams ended up being a 16-year-old boy, but really with a teenager wearing an Andy Panda costume how the hell are you supposed to know he’s a teenager?

--Yay Vitali Klitschko dominated Chris Arreola Saturday night. Of course you didn’t know about it or give two sh***. Isn’t the heavyweight division the most exciting it’s ever been? came out with its projected wins based on win shares. The only 50+ win projected teams are the Lakers, Jazz and Cavs. At 42.7 the Rockets are projected to finish 9th in the West. Phoenix would be the team to jump into the playoffs to take Houston’s spot with the other 7 teams remaining the same from last year. Can’t agree more as far as those 7 being in and then it being up to the Suns and Rockets for that other spot. Of course I’ll take Houston. That Houston projection projects next to zero time for Yao and a lot of Tracy time.

--Don’t worry America Ryan Seacrest said, “I’m seriously thinking about it” when asked about producing a show featuring Khloe and Lamar. Of course the Khloe and Kourtney show paid for this million dollar sham wedding. Did I say “sham”? Okay, good.

--Note: If you plan on proposing in Hilton Head, South Carolina check to make sure you’re not going to kill federally protected loggerhead sea turtle hatchlings. The other night a guy set up candles in bags to make about 150 luminaries. He placed them on the beach and then proposed. She said yes or no, but either way they went up to their room and let the still lit bags be. Well about 60 sea turtle hatchlings climbed out of their nearby nest and apparently candlelight puts them in seizures the likes we see only from anime. So 60 sea turtle hatchlings dead. That’s not good. The couple paid the ultimate price though, they got a good talking to. Cops told them they were disappointed in them and they should have known better.


  1. Have you tried to get shazam to work with television commercials? I've yet to get it to work.

    Exactly what I was thinking at the end of curb.

  2. Shazam on commercials, how the hell haven't I tried that.

  3. Anonymous9:28 AM

    No questions, comments or....??? What the...

  4. Your sister was reading and, as long as you're taking the twins trick-or-treating next year, you can pick the costumes.


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