He said, "Can I get some?" I said, "You can't get none!"

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Every year since ’97 the ‘Stros have had a better post-All Star break record than pre. It'll probably happen again this season. That's just ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as the boys have been lately. FanGraphs.com is a great site and had a convoluted way of determining the luckiest teams at the All-Star Break. I love numbers, but sometimes things happen that can be quantified.

--Last week it was Esquire with some fantastic Mary-Louise Parker pictures. Now Esquire UK with Starbuck who will no doubt betray and kill Jack Bauer next season.


--If you're keeping score at home Kimo Leopold not dead.

--Damn TJ Houshmazoo you’re a freakin’ 91 and you’re gonna boycott Madden?!

--It just does not get any better than Brian Williams on The Daily Show.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Brian Williams
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Joke of the Day

This was only slightly better than TDS segment over rival iPhone apps battling over a fart app.

--What happened to Erin Andrews was obviously repulsive and that piece of crap who did it should spend some time drilling holes in prison walls. The NY Post’s coverage is pretty damn ridiculous with all the still shots they’ve been running. But hell CBS and (shocker) Fox News actually ran some of the video. How do they decide to air this stuff that should never have been recorded much less made the rounds online? I haven’t seen a lot of female sports journalists’ opinions on this, but Christine Brennan offers one: “I wish it didn’t happen to Erin, but I also would suggest to her if she asked (and she hasn’t) that she rely on her talent and brains and not succumb to the lowest common denominator in sports media by playing to the frat house.” Playing to the frat house? Huh? Are you implying she had it coming?

--I’m no expert on 13-year-old girl AAU teams, but I think one with the daughters of Ken Griffey Jr, Antonio Davis, Dee Brown and, last but not least, Delino Deshields on it may be unbeatable and at least give the Grizzlies a run for their money.

--Tony Romo and 43-year-old Michelle Williams (Blame It on Rio) who used to be married to Matt Williams?!

--If you weren’t paying attention, and why would you, the Nationals got an honest to God shutout from one of their pitchers. How long had it been since their last shutout? Well it was thrown by Pedro Astacio if that gives you a clue. 2006. Why does Washington even bother?

--Shawn Chacon woulda beat this dude’s ass. By the way, you’re doing a great job Mets. Great job.

--Sam Raimi is gonna direct a World of Warcraft live-action movie?

--It’s that time of year again. Time when college football players dream about an undefeated season and a future in the NFL if only they can avoid the dreaded zebras, the ones without the whistles. Unfortunately Pittsburg State’s Joe Windscheffel has already had his dreams dashed. He was on a farm and had to move some zebras (never heard “zebras” in Old McDonald had a Farm) to paint a fence. The male zebra bit his arm and that sumbitch wouldn’t let go until Joe’s friends came to his aid. Just a bit too late though as Joe suffered a compound fracture in his left forearm and is gone for the season. Zebra -1. Pittsburg State – 0.

--This is something I see Bubbles and Johnny doing... Apparently a couple of guys in Miami were carrying around a roughly 6-foot-long shark to a bunch of different fish markets in the hopes of finding a buyer. No such luck even with a special discount to just $10 for Jaws Jr. Still no biters though. So they just left it in the street. Yeah, the cops have a problem with that. Resident Keith Smith with the money quote, "It was a relief that it was a shark. When I first saw it, I thought it was a body because of all the shootings that have been going on." Whew, I thought it was another body, but it's just an abandoned 6-foot shark. Ho-hum.

--You're already on the edge what with the Summer of Death and then you hear about Gidget, yep, Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua. There is no God.

--Deadliest Warrior got a second season and that's a good thing.

--You F with La Parkita and Especrito Jr. you gonna get got. One 65-year-old Mexican prostitute is finding that out the hard way. You may remember this story about our beloved midget wrestlers who were approached by two prostitutes a few weeks ago. Being small in stature, but big in heart they took the prostitutes to their room. Hours later the nightwalkers walked out while the midget wrestlers ended up going to that big ring in the sky. They were apparently drugged and ripped off by the chicas. The drugs probably wouldn’t have killed normal-sized humans, but La Parkita and Espectrito Jr., yeah, well. Btw, 65-year-old prostitute?! Holy crap, they make them that old? I mean sure Helen Mirren isn't bad and all, but damn.

--Well duh Michael Vick celebrated his first night of freedom by going to a strip club. If I know Roger Goodell, and I think I do, this strip club visit will only help Vick’s chances of avoiding further punishment by the league.

--Rhode Island allows underage strippers?! How has Family Guy not hit on this?

--I caught Tracy Morgan on Letterman the other night and have seen him on Conan. There really is no difference between Tracy Morgan and Tracy Jordan is there?

--I don’t care for Jeff Dunham, but apparently I’m in the minority. He’s getting his own show on Comedy Central come October. He has a de facto show seeing as how his specials seemingly run every day.

--Franceour hasn’t been a Met long, but he’s getting the hang of it. Ball = bad.

Questions, comments or if you wish you had named your dog Omar after a certain BMF on The Wire...