Step up to the bar put the girl down. She takes a big gulp and slaps it around.

Learn Us O Wise One

The only thing the Astros need to do this season is heed the lessons learned from Mr. Powers...


--Pudge caught Nolan Ryan, but until Tuesday had never caught a Rodriguez?!

--Hard to believe the Cubs are the only team in the last 14 seasons who have yet to start 2-0.

--You know it's gonna be a long season if in Game 2 of 81 at your stadium you, the fan, has already been cut off. That's what's up in Toronto at Rogers Centre. The fans started throwing stuff at Josh Anderson in the opener out in left field that caused a delay on Opening Day. So when fans showed up Tuesday they saw signs from the Alcohol and Gambling Commission stating five reasons why they were gonna have to face the grim prospect of watching baseball while being stone cold sober:
permitting drunkenness, permitting the use of narcotics, selling and serving to apparent minors, failure to request approved identification and permitting illegal liquor on the premises.
Not only were the Bob and Doug McKenzies out of of luck at the beer lines, but the clubhouses were emptied of alcohol as well. And, of course, the best comment came from Tigers manager Jim Leyland, "That has no bearing on me. I don't drink beer, particularly not during the game." That makes one of us.

--C.C. Sabathia had a memorable debut in pinstripes. He was the first Yankees pitcher since the Harding administration not to strike out a single batter in an Opening Day start. For the first time in his career he threw not one, but two wild pitches and he got that out of the way in the first inning.

--Cliff Lee allowed more runs, 7, in his first start than he allowed in his first 7 starts combined a season ago.

--Of course the only Opening Day game that featured a pair of pitchers (Brandon Webb v. Aaron Cook) who won at least 15 games a season ago ended 9-8 with 8 HRs smacked.

--Ken Griffey Jr. has a ridiculous 8 HRs in 12 openers for Seattle. He accumulated all of 0 on Opening Days for Cincy in 8 seasons.

How'd this turn out?

--It took over a hundred years, but MLB finally has a Dexter. Dexter Fowler from the Rockies. Dexter's third season on DVD can't come out soon enough?

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I told Mickey Rourke not to show up to WrestleMania. I don't know how long that whole Jericho/Rourke thing was on television, but it lasted at least an hour in person. I wonder if Kid Rock paid WWE or WWE paid him to perform. The eight-man ladder match was as strong as you'd expect. Same for the Hardys match. HBK and Undertaker delivered the goods. I'm pretty sure 'Taker won since a full-grown adult yelled "17 and 0" the entire match. We left during the Randy Orton/Triple H match because it was Randy Orton vs. Triple H.

Good times, good times...

--If I didn't read the Internets I wouldn't have believed it....On Tuesday Steve Novak was 0-9 from the field and 0-8 from beyond the arc.

--Zach Randolph suspended? A Jaguars receiver busted with coke? Shocking. Absolutely shocking.

--So sad about Ginobili, so so sad. The Onion with the tragic story of a man "whose ability to draw offensive fouls by flopping to the floor with little or no provocation was still only at 'about 85%.'"

--A childish argument on national television between two people I don't like? Awesome. Note to Cheryl: please continue to say "ballers" every five seconds.


--Laura Leighton/Sydney as the landlord on the new Melrose.

--Gladiator v. Apache in the first episode of Deadliest Warrior? I'm in.

--Martellus Bennett finally has a blog in the Dallas Morning News. Took long enough. WWMBD is a way of life.

--The Kal Penn who was in Van Wilder 1 and 2, was Kumar and was a terrorist on 24 is now working at the White House? Okay, just checking.

--Lindsey and Samantha over? Restraining order type over?

--Because I'm pathetic I have yet to watch The Wire though I bought my dad the entire set of DVDs for Christmas so maybe one day...Anyway, it started airing on the BBC so Telegraph did a "Where Are They Now?"

--Jackie Earle Haley apparently the new Freddy Krueger. I don't know if he'll ever scare me again like the way he did on the swing at the end of Little Children. That's an example of good casting. Bad casting would be Tom Cruise and John Travolta reprising Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

--If you had "Fork in the Outlet" as the title of Lost's season finale you win.

Why don't we ever see Maggie Grace's ghost?

Questions, comments or if you thanked God that even though you loved wrestling once upon a time you weren't that 40-year-old wearing Jeff Hardy sleeves on his arms....