Monday, April 13, 2009

Take a sip - you can do it - you get right to it. We had a case in the place and we went right through it.

Only 155 Left!!!

The only thing worse than the Astros play this season is the Astros in-game "entertainment." Although maybe those are about on the same level now. Last season MLB teams were 28-2 in games it hit at least 5 HRs. Astros = 0-1. Weren't the Astros just cute as a button on Saturday when they thought they were gonna pitch to Albert Pujols? Getting out 24 straight times was pretty cool for the Astros "offense" on Sunday. But in all fairness it was Kyle Lohse. Monday was Pittsburgh and well Brian Moehler has gone back to being Brian Moehler and that's not good. Going into Monday the Astros were still ahead of the Royals in runs scored so it's not like they're dead last. And three teams including the world champion Phillies are behind the 'Stros in ERA so...

--Evan Longoria = 5 HRs. Oakland = 1.

--It used to be Jeff Bagwell's game note, but now it's Prince Fielder's. Prince has more HRs, 115, without a grand slam than any other active player.

--Nice tat Varejao...

--Good stuff from SI on Ron Artest including something for everyone to look for next game you’re at. Shane Battier: "After this year, my lasting memory of Ron Artest is, he loves the KissCam. We'll be in the middle of a game and we're all focused, and I'll look over at Ron, and Ron will be on the floor cracking up laughing at the KissCam. We've all seen it a million times, but every time he finds it the funniest thing ever."

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Marilyn Chambers, Mark Fidrych and Harry Kalas all in the same day? WTF Death?! Jerk.

--You're F'n Back for a second season!! As the article points out it's pretty strong when you grow your audience by 35% from the first episode to the final one.

--Saturday night on HBO we got what you'd expect with Paul Williams beating up on Winky Wright for 12 rounds. Before that Chris Arreola knocked out Jameel McCline in the 4th round. Afterwards when Larry Merchant interviewed Arreola, Chris dropped, "I can't believe I'm standing here with Larry Merchant. Whooo. Larry Merchant. Whooo." And those "whoo"s sounded like they were right out of Ashley Schaefer's mouth. If that was on purpose then well played Chris Arreola, well played.

--Last week we had a pimp paying a prostitute with chicken nuggets and the degradation of poultry continues down under. We head to the AFL's North Melbourne team. Footballers Adam Simpson and Daniel Pratt decided to make a little video using a rubber chicken and a chicken carcass. The thought process of Aussies apparently involves hilarity if you simulate sex between a rubber chicken and a chicken carcass. What starts as hilarious turns into ROTFLMAO when you put a condom on the rubber chicken. Am I right? So yeah 4 minutes of that on YouTube somewhere if you're interested. The video was done awhile back, but wasn't discovered until someone saw it on one of the guy's Facebook pages. The idiots have since apologized for degrading women. Nothing about degrading chickens though. When will someone stand up for poultry? Where is poultry's Harvey Milk?

--If you're a Pushing Daisies or Eli Stone guy you'll get your remaining episodes this summer.

--Of course Kanye is getting his own energy drink and fragrance. Apparently Common, Jay-Z and Rihanna are getting their own fragrances as well. Common and Microsoft getting together for a clothing line?!

--Be on the lookout for Top Chef Masters come June 10th. Guest stars and judges like the Lost executive producers, Neil Patrick Harris and the one and only Zooey Deschanel is very promising. Like I talked about earlier, sadly Padma isn't going to be the host. That'll be Kelly Choi.

--Joan Rivers is the next roastee on Comedy Central. That's a helluva lot better than Larry the Cable Guy. Seriously how was that allowed to happen?

--If you really want to feel sick to your stomach then by all means look at the eBay page with Nick Adenhart's autographed card on it. The only thing worse than this jackhole who posted it on the same day Nick's life was cut tragically short are the people who are bidding on it. F'n losers and believe me I know f'n losers.

--I gave Parks and Recreation a shot, but it won't get a second. The guy from Scrubs was funny, but everything else and even with Rashida Jones it was just too Office without the laughs. And scheduling it on the same night as The Office is not a good idea.

--Jeremy Piven and Jessica Canseco?!

--The Masters on Sunday was just sick, sick stuff.

--Andy Roddick will reportedly make an honest woman out of Brooklyn Decker next weekend.

--The Minor League Promotion of the Week comes to us from the Brooklyn Cyclones. On July 19th the team will have Bellies and Baseball: A Salute to Pregnancy. The night includes Lamaze on the lawn so moms can get a free lesson in during pregame. If you're in your third trimester you get to take part in throwing out the first pitch. Barefoot & Pregnant so moms can run or walk the bases with or without shoes. A Craving Station so the expectant moms can get their pickles and ice cream grub on. 7th Inning Stretch Marks allows moms to go out on the field and sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame. If you give birth during the game you get Cyclones season tickets for every member of your family por vida. If you name your child "Cy" or "Brooklyn" moms gets season tickets for life.

--Our Dumbass Lawsuit and Parents of the Week come to us from Missouri. 'Twas last year there that sadly Mr. and Mrs. Keith lost their 10-year-old daughter. The girl was driving an ATV near the freakin' highway when she crossed over onto it getting hit by a pickup in the process. Obviously a terrible situation. So of course the grieving Keiths have now filed a lawsuit against the guy who drove the truck...on the highway...where you're supposed to. The guy wasn't even charged by police because they determined the 10-year-old swerve out of nowhere and the truck driver didn't have enough time to react. But of course there's no way this is the Keiths fault. Parenting 101 - 10-year-olds driving ATVs near highways is as safe a Saturday afternoon as you can have.

--Our Defense of the Week comes to us from Niagara Falls. 'Twas there that Willie Maye was busted selling pot from his car to customers from a bar across the street. His explanation to the cops: "Man, it's just weed. I could be selling crack." Touche.

--If you're missing Breaking Bad, you're missing some really, really good television. Bryan Cranston just kills it as does just about everyone on that show.

--How shocking that Tara Reid is rejoining the American Pie straight to DVD franchise. She seemed to really have some good options at this point.

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Questions, comments or if you finally watched the French Connection...


  1. Anonymous10:32 AM

    Awesome- love the blog D!

  2. Anonymous12:10 PM

    Alot of great images this week but is it weird that the one that stays w/ me the most is Labrons back. He's scary enough w/out the picture looking like survelence of a prision yard.


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