Monday, March 09, 2009

So like a pimp I'm pimpin'. I got a boat to eat shrimp in.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Well duh Pacman Jones got into a fight against a Joe in a Pros v. Joes taping.

--Another outstanding weekend of UFC action at 96 with, once again, knockout after knockout after knockout. Pretty tough to pick just one Knockout of the Night, but it went to Matt Hamill for his kick heard round the world against Matt Munoz. Hamill's shin meet Munoz's jaw. If you didn't believe in the power of Shane Carwin before he faced Gabriel Gonzaga you believe the power now. A short right from Carwin and Gonzaga was KTFO. Matt Brown rolled right over Pete (breathe Drago!....seriously breathe)Sell in one of the worst officiated fights ever. Brandon Vera and Kendall Grove both made up for their recent disappointments. And in the Fight of the Night Keith Jardine gave Rampage all he could handle for three rounds with the 2nd being a great one with each guy getting rocked. The only thing better than the fight was the trashtalking between Rashad and Rampage afterwards. Great stuff.



--Last week we had the lovely story about the dad hosting parties for his teenage son and friends featuring a pole and lots and lots of alcohol. There was also the detail of how his 4-year-old wet his bed and some girls had to change the sheets because I guess dad was too busy. So the father in question, Steven Russo, well let's just say he has some mental issues. This dumbf*** took his 4-year-old son, got into his car, started it, and left it idling with the garage door closed because homocide-suicide solves so many problems. Thankfully the kid's grandfather showed up and opened the garage door in time. The 4-year-old told his mom who, of course, told the police. The mom, who left dad awhile back, was granted a Protection From Abuse order. That's PFA number 2 she's been granted against crazy man.

--Morena Baccarin is your Diana not named Diana on the new V.


--The wussification of America continues from Ashland High School in Wisconsin. Apparently it has a new athletic director and when a visiting fan didn't appreciate Ashland's fans she brought some rules to the new AD's attention. So now the AD, Linda Olsen, is banning certain chants from her students. Such mean, derisive chants like, "overrated," "airball," "fundamentals," and of course the most heinous chant of all, "nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah, hey-hey-hey, good bye." Whew, America is safe once again from bully fans. Obviously the students are trying to find other ways to cheer beyond golf clap. Olsen, "When the opponents were shooting a free throw, our students were turning their backs. Because we’re teaching sportsmanship and doing the right thing, turning their backs on an opponent is not allowed in our gym." Un-be-liev-able.

--Frank TV cancelled? Maybe they didn't show enough ads? I don't know. Just spitballin here.

--You know you have a possessive, jealous, insecure significant other when you find a tracking device they had placed on your car. But when the significant other gets the upgrade so they can disable your ignition and lock you out of the car, well that's just true, honest to goodness love. Right Michael Strahan?

--Hell's Kitchen video game sucks? Go figure...

--If you're keeping score at home, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman back off.

--Your Dumbass Mallcop of the Week doesn't come to us from a movie, so we got that going for us. Michael Olivas worked at a JC Penney store in Washington when he busted two girls, 17 and 18, for shoplifting. What to do? What to do? Mallcop decided he'd go easy on the girls and not call the cops. So first he went through their cellphone pics in the hopes of finding some dirty ones. No luck so he just went ahead and told them he'd let them leave if they allowed him to take pics of their boobies. For some reason the girls actually complied. So one of the girls tells her boyfriend and they decide to go to the cops. Oh and the boyfriend, yeah, he's Mallcop's cousin. Family reunion = awkward.

--Ashlee Simpson is gonna be on the new Melrose?

--How unbelievably ridiculous is it that former Arizona Cardinal employees who left the team, for one reason or another, after the Super Bowl aren't getting their Super Bowl bonus checks? Would love to see Roger Goodell open up a can on Bill Bidwell.

--Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer all in a multi-episode arc on Curb this season? Out-standing! The 10 week season still doesn't have a start date. Is there a former Curb person you want to see again more than Krazee-Eyez-Killa?

--Beastie Boys, Depeche Mode and Jane's Addiction at this year's Lollapalooza?!

--Teacher/student sex stories long ago lost their originality. So when a new twist is presented it is my duty to make the public aware. We head to Bountiful Junior High in Utah. The unfortunate (I've seen the pictures) student in question is a 13-year-old boy. Ms. Nef is or was a Utah studies teacher and cheerleader adviser who had relations with the kid for over a year. Until recently Ms. Nef was unaware the kid was also having relations with Ms. Bowers, a math teacher. Two teachers, one student. Utah. Go figure.

--U2 at Reliant on the 14th of October!

--Your Convict of the Week comes to us from Georgia. At a jail in Camden County Harry Jackson broke out because he needed a smoke. So he strolled down to the closest convenience store and stole 14 packs of cigarrettes. Then because he's a good convict he rolled right back into jail, which unfortunately for him is a smoke-free environment.

Questions, comments or if you rolled right past Jared and Jeremy in the Brawl Sports Panel picks...

3 comments:

  1. Goddster10:46 AM

    Good to see the Diatribes back up. Keep it up D-Man

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  2. Looks like Ashlee got a boob job to go with that nose job. Now if she could only get a talent transplant.

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  3. ashlee is long removed from the girl who broke simon camden's heart, not that i ever watched...

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