Thursday, March 12, 2009

Got arrested at the Mardi Gras for jumping on a float. My man MCA's got a beard like a billy goat.

Bravo, Syracuse and UConn. Bravo. Ain't nothing like Big East basketball.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Heathers is getting the musical treatment? Well, fu** me gently with a chainsaw.

--Damn Eastbound & Down that was some depressing sh**.

--Just pathetic, Rihanna. Pathetic.

--NBC and DirecTV close to renewing Friday Night Lights for two seasons?! I'll try not to think about the fact two of the lead creative dogs might not be back with the pack. Either way Minka Kelly has landed in some CW series not named Gossip Girl or 90210. Riggins/Taylor Kitsch interviewed in Vanity Fair.

--How can you not love Lane Kiffin and his non-stop mouth? I mean telling a recruit, "that if he chose the Gamecocks, he would end up pumping gas for the rest of his life like all the other players from that state who had gone to South Carolina" is just awesome in every sense of the word. Note to Lane: Pace yourself. I'm afraid you're going to run out of material before we get to August.

--Howard the Duck gets a special edition DVD?!

--Definition of promising: seeing the words "saber saw blade" and "sex toy" in the same sentence. A Maryland couple wanted to spice up their sex life so they decided a good idea would be to attach the aforementioned sex toy to the aforementioned saber saw blade. Turns out, not a good idea. I don't know if women react the same way guys do when reading about stories involving damage to the groinal region, but prepare yourself ladies. The saw cut through the sex toy like, well a saw through a sex toy and "wounded" the woman. Wounded? Ya think?

--If you're like me and you hate going to the theater and you're lost in the world of bit torrents then April 21st is your DVD release date for The Wrestler. But you've seen it already.

--I'm not sure if there's a higher honor than being called the "next Megan Fox." Odette Yustman...

--Normally I would link to a list of the Top 40 Movies from the '80s compiled by Moviefone, but if Ferris Bueller's Day Off isn't even on the freakin' list...

--Huck Seed over (he wishes) Vanessa Rousso in the National Heads Up Championship.

--We all know Utah is a weird place with the most annoying fans and to keep that reputation intact we have this. A Senate committee has approved a bill, and this doesn't even sound real, to hide the areas of restaurants where alcoholic drinks are made behind walls at least 10 feet high. Because, you know, if a kid never sees a bartender actually mix a drink then he'll probably never drink in his life, right? Under Senator CrazyRepublican's bill it would also make "appearing drunk" illegal. I'm sure no lawsuits will arise from "appearing drunk." Jazz suck.

--Quote of the Week comes to us from Adam "The Gentleman" Jones. The Gentleman: "At the end of the day I can't keep looking at the past from two years or three years back. Hey, I used to love the strip clubs. I was 21, 22, 23 years old. Every gentleman, if you're normal, you love the strip clubs, too. Nice girls, young, nude ... All part of having fun when you're growing up." Indeed.

--Zo in a fight with a Joe too?!

--Sometimes there's really nothing to add after the first sentence of a story. It's from The Berkshire Eagle:
"A woman who allegedly intended to artificially inseminate her wife with her brother's semen has been charged with domestic assault and battery."
Actually the one thing to add was that the crazy woman was trying to inseminate her wife using a turkey baster. Duh, how else would you try and inseminate someone? One other observation, umm, the brother. How did sis come across your "boys" exactly?

--Rest easy Hanshin Tigers, the Curse of the Colonel has been lifted. Back in 1985 when Tina Turner was your "Private Dancer" (shiver) and future Oscar-winning actors, Hulk Hogan and Mr. T, teamed up against Rowdy Roddy Piper and Mr. 1derful; the Hanshin Tigers won the Japanese World Series. Obviously after a championship victory all the fans went to the Ebisu Bridge and the fans who most resembled a particular Tiger player jumped into the river (just like we all jumped into Buffalo Bayou when the Rockets won...thoughts and prayers to those who never came out). So when it came time for American Randy Bass' doppelganger to jump in there was a panic when no one had a beard like Bass. The best the fans could come up with was to yank out the Colonel Sanders statue outside of a KFC and throw that in the river. The Colonel took his 11 secret herbs and spices with him and apparently one of those secrets was the secret to the Tigers winning again because they made Colonel Sanders sleep with the koi fish. Fast forward to now and the relief felt in Tiger Nation when workers building a bridge came across the statue and rescued it from its watery grave. So Hanshin has that going for it now, which is nice.

--I can't believe Jimmy Fallon is still busting out the Lick It for Ten. It's not remotely amusing in any way, shape or form.

--We've all learned by now that cocaine is a helluva drug. The latest example is William Catoe. The 24-year-old was at The Westin at Town Center in Virginia Beach when apparently the coke made him hungry. Because when cops responded to a call Catoe was chomping on? Pizza? A person? Hotel keycard? No, sorry, we were looking for "elevator door." The cop tried to interrupt the guy's meal so obviously a throwdown ensued. Eventually the cop won and the guy admitted that the cocaine he injected was "crazy and bad."

--If you have an iPhone, first, I hate you. Second, here's an app for your NCAA tournament needs so you don't have to go with a vasectomy for the third year in a row...

--Because really you're not a rock star until you are in three bands...Jack White has joined up with Alison Mosshart of The Kills, Dean Fertita of Queens of the Stone Age and Jack Lawrence of The Greenhornes to form The Dead Weather. First album in June. I suggest you see Jack White live before you die.

--David Alan Grier's Chocolate News no more? Shocking.

--Like U2 owned a week on Letterman, apparently Prince owns the final week of March on Leno.

--Your "It's Top Chef Not Top Scallop" shirt.

Questions, comments or if you think the two chicks on the Sonic commercial are pregnant and not just overweight...


  1. Are you surprised that Jimmy Fallon is doing something that is not funny? All he was ever good at was laughing during sketches. One of the most overblown comic acts in the past 10 years. Jack needs to quit the side projects that only have one or two good songs and crank another Stripes album.

  2. not surprised about fallon at all, but it's just such a poorly thought out and executed bit, i can't believe it's been used more than once.

    another stripes album would be nice, but i dig everything he's done with the raconteurs.


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