Monday, March 30, 2009

Mike D, Yeah? with your bad self running things. What's up with your bad breath onion rings?

That's Logical

It is a frackin' joke that the Titans are going to wear Oiler uniforms not once, not twice, but three times next season. The Oilers franchise existed from 1960-1996 and that's that. It was a hellua run with lots of highs and more lows than Robert DeNiro and Eddie Murphy's 21st century movie careers combined. It's beyond ridiculous that Tennessee has franchise record that includes marks set by Houston Oilers. Stupid. Why would you even want records set in another city? Don't you want your own?

And I could give two sh*** whether this was Bud's idea or the league's to do this. It's dumb and, to me, doesn't celebrate AFL history, but rather rubs it in Houston's face that we lost the most beloved sports franchise this city will ever have. John McClain defends the move, "There's a lot of us out there who will never forget the Oilers as long as we're on this side of the grass. Deal with it."

Fine, I'll deal with it by ranting. Who is forgetting the Oilers in Houston? Everyone who was alive during their time here isn't forgetting. Everyone who lived during Bum's time isn't forgetting. Everyone who beat their bare hands bloody on concrete after a certain comeback isn't forgetting. Everyone who saw the incredible will and sheer brute strength of Earl Campbell isn't forgetting. Everyone who suffered when Joe Montana and the Chiefs ended our boys' 11-game winning streak isn't forgetting. Everyone who saw Gary Brown come out of nowhere that season and run for over 1000 yards in 8 starts isn't forgetting. Everyone who cheered for the Run 'n' Shoot isn't forgetting. Everyone who knows Mike Renfro had control and both feet in isn't forgetting. Everyone who was at the Dome when our boys came home isn't forgetting. Everyone who mimicked Billy "White Shoes" Johnson isn't forgetting. Everyone who celebrated TDs with an Electric Slide isn't forgetting. Everyone who saw the likes of Stabler, Pastorini, Moon and Bucky Richardson isn't forgetting. Everyone who had a Derrick Dolls poster isn't forgetting. Everyone who cheered Hall-of-Famers from George Blanda to Mike Munchak and Bruce Matthews isn't forgetting. No one is forgetting about this city's history with the Oilers. But it's THIS city's history, not Nashville's and not the NFL's to determine when to let another team don a folded franchise's colors. I believe the song goes, "'Cause we're the Hou-ston Oil-ers. Hou-ston Oil-ers. Hou-ston Oil-ers number one" and not, "'Cause we're the Hou-ston (at least at this exact moment, but life is full of changes and we may change cities and adopt that city's name) Oil-ers (once again, if in the future we change cities we likely will change the team name, but sorry we're keeping the records and reserve the right to be called the Oilers in perpetuity)."

If you want to remember the Oilers, all you have to do is close your eyes. What you should not have to do is see an Oiler uniform on a guy representing Nashville.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The Shamwow Guy had himself an interesting night last month that we're just now finding out about because of the awesomeness of The Smoking Gun. Shamwow Guy, Vince Shlomi, was at a Miami Beach club when he came across a lady of the night. He took her to his $750 a night hotel because he's sold a lot of Shamwows apparently. Later he told the cops he agreed to pay the girl $1000 for "straight sex." Something went wrong because when they kissed the woman allegedly bit his tongue and wouldn't let go until he opened up a can of Shamwow on her ass. TSG has the pics...

--Rita's ex a-hole husband from Dexter is gonna pop up on Lost?!

--Frak yeah! Love me some Battlestar Galactica and sad to see it go, but it ran its course and it was an awesome ride. Loved hearing the old Battlestar theme while the ships made their voyage to the sun and I'll never get tired of seeing the old Cylon Centurions. Sure there were things in the finale that didn't quite work for me like Starbuck vanishing or Bill leaving Lee for reasons unknown or the lucky Raptor nuke shot or Cavil blowing his head off or the heavy handed way they pounded home that we're on the same path again, but all in all it was a helluva frackin' ride. Can't wait to see The Plan for the cylons perspective.

--Al Trautwig has weekly Lost-related podcasts?!

--Bobby Knight/Roy Williams/Mike Kzjfoparithgaipha/Rick Pitino Guitar Hero spot >>>>> Kobe/Hawk/A-Rod/Phelps Guitar Hero spot.

--Congratulations to NBC's The Chopping Block which made it three whole episodes before being put out of its misery.

--Lima Time is now with the Long Beach Armada. So there ya go.

--Nothing like soccer legends laying the smacketh down on each other. First Pele said Diego Maradona wasn't a good role model for children because of, you know, the whole all-you-can-coke lifestyle Maradona. Something about taking bumps while on the pitch didn't sit well with Pele I guess. So when Maradona was asked to comment he came back with, "What do you want me to say? He debuted (lost his virginity) with a lad (a man)." Now THAT is a comeback.

--According to EW, Friday Night Lights has been given two more 13-episode seasons. Unfortunately Tyra and Lila are supposed to be back for only the same type of arcs that Street and Smash received last season. That'll suck, but East Dillon won't.

--A term we should never have heard - Groomzilla. Rob Johnsen of, "It's the rise of Groomzilla. We thought it would be fun to find the biggest Groomzilla in the country, so we launched a contest." Sadly they aren't having any problems finding entrants.

--I haven't had a hamburger in about 10 years, but if any commercial is going to persuade me, well...

--What a shock that idiot "Officer" Robert Powell up in Dallas has a history of being an overzealous a-hole. Apparently last summer Zach Thomas' wife was pulled over by Powell for making an illegal U-turn. Five tickets later she was arrested and on her way to jail for a few hours while being threatened with an overnight stay. Well that's reasonable, I mean it was an illegal U-turn. Can't let that go unpunished or you'll have a nation of illegal U-turners and I think that's one step away from martial law.

--Three more games left in the NCAA basketball season and sadly no Bill Raftery in those. I vote Raftery over Clark Kellogg every day of the week. The NY Times had a good article on Raftery including a story from his daughter who is now a publicist for Sports Illustrated. She says that when she used to bring over boys and if Papa Raftery didn't approve he would have some solid advice, "He’d say, 'Come on, he has no onions.'" ONIONS! Double-order!

--I haven't watched Jimmy Fallon since his first week, but if he's successful in his bid to reunite the cast of Saved by the Bell I'll be back for at least one night.

--Colbert may need to put Bobcats above Bears on Threatdown if this type of behavior continues. In Cottonwood, Arizona a woman got out of her car when she thought she hit a bobcat. Damn bobcat was playing possum and attacked the woman. Then the bobcat was apparently hungry and perhaps stoned because that's the only way Pizza Hut tastes acceptable and that's where he went next. Around 11pm bobcat needed a stiff drink so he went to Chaparral Bar. I guess he paid the cover or maybe knew somebody because for some reason they let the bobcat in and you know how bobcats get after a drink or two. This one skipped the drinks and decided to take a bite out of a couple of guys who didn't get on top of their bar stools as fast as other people did. By the time the cops came the bobcat was in the parking lot presumably looking for a designated driver instead he got shot.

--Our Lush of the Week comes to us from Sheboygan via Washington state. The fun started for the 60-year-old woman on the afternoon of March 11th when a deputy saw her trying to drive out of a ditch. Kind of a clue you're driving drunk, especially if you're only wearing one shoe. I guess blowing a .21 didn't help either. The following afternoon she got her car stuck in the snow at a closed campground and admitted to the cop that she had some drinks and more specifically, "I am still finishing up the box of wine in my car from yesterday." Something to be said for honesty. So she got to spend 12 hours in jail, but was arrested a little after that with an open bottle of wine in her car and a .16 BAC level in her system. Good times.

--Wednesday marks the return of The Ultimate Fighter after another Fight Night. This TUF is the U.S. vs. U.K. edition coached by Dan Henderson and Michael Bisping.

Questions, comments or if you wish you could see the world as Muppet world like Kenneth does on 30 Rock...


  1. Brock Sampson5:02 PM

    Frak Bud. I grew up with the Oilers. My dad had season tickets for 24 years straight, and I didn't miss a single home game from '86 to '95. Watching the Titans in Oiler gear will seriously be painful for me.

    Tyra and Lila may be moving on, but Julie is coming on strong. Coach's daughter keeps getting hotter. I couldn't legally admit that in season 2, but she's over 18 now. Call it blasphemy, but I might take her over the other two. At least we know she doesn't have whatever super STD Riggins has to be carrying around by now. The scene between her and Saracen in the car after their night at the lake sealed it for me.

  2. Anonymous5:32 PM

    3 people are having to get rabies shots because of that bobcat. he tested positive. thank god he stuck around to get shot!

  3. i'll feel more anger than pain to see a titan in an oiler uniform.

    i would call blasphemy going with julie, but who knows what stds riggins gave tyra and between riggins and derek jeter maybe not even lila is worth the risk.

    thanks for reading.

  4. if a bobcat walks into your bar and bites you, you may need to take it as a sign to stop drinking.

  5. Of course "the General" likes the idea. The next time he lambasts the Titans will be the first. When he sees VY in Columbia Blue he will be crying and "doing something one-handed" at the same time.
    I am so sick of Bisping. The only good thing about this new season is that in June we get to see him get destroyed by Hendo.

  6. Anonymous9:24 AM

    Ive never wanted to be a bacon cheeseburger so bad....

    And McClain is a fence rider. Well maybe not a fence rider cuz that guy has gotten FAT! He needs nutrisystem or to get chased by that bobcat and shed a few lbs. Hes got a radio spot in Tennessee so he's got to play political.

  7. Anonymous6:43 AM

    check this out seems prettty cool.

  8. promising. loved cocaine cowboys.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.