Monday, February 16, 2009

Time and money for girls covered with honey. You lie and aspire to be as cunning.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--You probably had a better Valentine's Weekend than Jayson Williams. Remember him? Basketball player, fatally shot a limo driver, did no time...yeah, you remember. Well Jayson's wife filed for divorce and let's just give a rundown of why she doesn't likey Jayson any longer. Allegedly Jayson threatened to kill her, Jayson faked suicide (we need more details on this), Jayson falsely claimed he had stomach cancer, Jayson had a fun drawer with coke and condoms in it and for good measure, he pissed in the kitchen sink. Oh wait, his wife also didn't like that Jayson would brag about performing in the most oralest of oral ways with "white girls." The filing was a day before the 7th anniversary of the whole kill the limo driver thing. To refresh the jury acquitted Jayson of aggravated manslaughter, but couldn't resolve the reckless manslaughter charge and that trial has been delayed for a mere five years. The only thing faster than our justice system is Tracy McGrady on a fast break.

--The Simpsons have a new opening?!

--Good read regarding Daryl Morey and Shane Battier from The New York Times....Great story about Shane as a high school senior narrowing his choices to six schools — Kentucky, Kansas, North Carolina, Duke, Michigan and Michigan State. So because Shane wanted to keep his studies up he gave each school's coach a designated 15-minute window to call and recruit him. Coming off a national championship Kentucky's Rick Pitino called out of his designated slot and bada bing bada boom Shane crossed Kentucky off the list.

--Scarlett Jo as Black Widow in the next Iron Man?!

--Sadly as "Anonymous" commented last week Important Things with Demetri Martin was a disappointment for the most part. Although Guy Early for a Rave killed for me. On the other hand, HBO's Eastbound & Down was high-larious! Danny McBride and the guys just killed it. Unfortunately I think there's only five more episodes in this mini-run. But those guys have a deal with HBO so they'll be heard from again. And holy crap Will Ferrell in this week's episode?!

--Of course there's an iPhone app that counts cards. The app even has a stealth mode.

--Your Dumbass of the Week comes to us from Major League Baseball and isn't Bud Selig. No, it would be Jim Leyritz. You may remember Jim from such alcohol-fueled crashes as the one that killed a mother. You may also remember that after Leyritz ran that red light and collided with the mother's car he had to get a breathalyzer installed on his car (he's still awaiting trial going on 14 months now). So about three months ago Leyritz wanted to get the breathalyzer removed for fantastic reasons such as he couldn't use a parking valet because of it and eating chicken marsala would register on the breathalyzer. What a tough life. For some reason authorities weren't swayed because apparently they've never had really good chicken marsala. Fast forward to last Friday when Leyritz had his bond revoked and was tossed in jail. Why? Because unbelievably four times since last September Leyritz blew into his breathalyzer and his breath was more stale alcohol than minty fresh. Who knows when the trial will actually begin, but it'll be ugly. Leyritz's whole defense is basically she was the one who ran the red light (contradictory to the cops) and she was drunker than him.

--Your Jeff Reed of the Week is...wait for it....Jeff Reed! Reed was in some small Pennsylvania town when he pulled over at a gas station to relieve himself. Shockingly he actually used a restroom, but the paper towel dispenser was busy. What to do, what to do. What Reed did was trash the gas station bathroom. I mean really? Maybe it's me, but I'd want to touch as few square inches of a gas station bathroom as possible, but Jeff was all over that dispenser. For good measure he also decided to loudly curse the gas station employee. Reed ended up getting cited for criminal mischief and disorderly conduct.

--Obviously after the lawsuit NBC decided to get rid of our national treasure, To Catch A Predator. Apparently war criminals are still game as NBC is gonna bring us the aptly named War Criminals.

--Hayden and Milo no more and, unfortunately still alive on Heroes.

--Back to drunk driving/breathalyzer stories...A guy in Long Island figured out a way around that whole breathalyzer/interlock thing. Marvin Rice Jr. decided to rent a car without one. Genius. Well until he slammed into a pole at 6am. Yeah, he was charged with DWI and he also got to spend some time in the hospital with two broken legs and a pelvis.

--Wow, is that a genuine plastic horsey that Kevin Durant won?!

--Why I hate Big 10 Hoops...

Wisconsin 55, No. 24 Ohio State 50.

No. 20 Purdue 49, Iowa 45.


--Stacey Dales quit ESPN because unlike other broadcasters she had to fly coach?!

--The Rock as Race Bannon and Zac Efron as Jonny Quest?!

--In misguided youth news we have 21-year-old Jillian McCarney. The daughter of former Iowa State coach Dan McCarney is a student at Iowa. She had herself an eventful Saturday night. Apparently she was having a party at her place when the cops stopped by. Of course she threatened a cop and tried to kick and shoulder butt him. Then of course the classic, “Do you know who my dad is? He is Dan McCarney.” Well bacdafucup, she's the son of, wait who again? She went on and, “guaranteed all her charges will be ‘dropped’ because her name is ‘McCarney’ and they have ‘a lot of money.'” So yeah she was arrested for allegedly assaulting an officer and having a disorderly house.

--24 has been fine, but damn I hate every single scene at the new CTU or whatever you want to call it with Janeane Garofalo and Billy Walsh or whatever his name is.

Questions, comments or if you're f'n out!!!!

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