Sunday, January 04, 2009

Kick It!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

Tracy, What....The....F***....Was....That?
Have You Seen This Man?

--Bama, What....The....F***....Was....That?

--RIP Doaks. Burn in hell Lila. Yeah, I finally finished Season Two of Dexter. Lost and Damages are very close, but for a one-hour show I don't think anything beats Dexter.
UPDATE: As a commenter pointed out I completely forgot about Mad Men. Out of sight, out of mind, but Mad Men, then Dexter with Lost right behind or ahead since I haven't seen Season Three of Dex and I hear it was not up to par with the first two seasons. I'm still trying to get past the fact that Dex and his show sister are dating in real life.

--Derek Anderson's lovely high school classmate turned Playmate Sara Jean Underwood and Ryan Seacrest?!

--At least Matt Millen isn't delusional. When Dan Patrick asked him about 0-16 Millen responded, "You can say something about the coaching, you can say something about the players, but inevitably, I'm responsible for them."

--Teddy Atlas is one of those guys that I can hear broadcast anything regardless of sport. If Boomer Esiason can be on Iron Chef America as a judge then Padma needs to call Teddy in on Top Chef. Teddy is apparently boys with Eric Mangini and so we had to get his take on Brett Favr-uh, "Brett Favre goes out there with his gray hair, his Wranglers and gets up when he gets hit. I understand why people like that. But there's another side. He's a selfish guy." Word.
Teddy is actually in the Jets media guide listed as "special assistant-boxing."

--Dumbf*** of the week comes to us from Florida (I'll pause for the shock to wear off).... James Smith Jr. was scoping out a bike trail when a woman came riding by. He pistol whipped the woman and took her money and cell phone. The boyfriend of the girl then calls Dumbf*** acting like he was looking for another guy. Boyfriend then asks Dumbf*** if he'd like to buy some guns. Dumbf*** says yes and agrees to meet boyfriend. Dumbf*** instead met the cops. Nice job, Dumbf***.

--I'm not sure if the description of LaDainian's injury is worse than "anal fissure", but "detached tendon that connects the muscle to the pubic bone" doesn't sound comfortable. Where does LaDainian get drafted next season?! Is he out of the top five? Adrian Peterson, Michael Turner, Westbrook, Forte, DeAngelo, Steven Jackson, hell Slaton, Johnson? Either way Andre Johnson is the first non-RB off the board, right?

--Yay English language! Apparently coming up on or around April 29th English will get its 1,000,000th word. This according to some people (stoners I assume) in Austin that call themselves the Global Language Monitor. My vote is for pictoword "dic-tation."

--Welcome back Scrubs and Damages this week. You've never seen Ted Danson until you've seen him as Arthur Frobisher.

--When you aren't clever enough to avoid being busted for robbery, please try to hold back the tears until after the mugshot. I'm looking at you Jason Vibbers...

--Your Breakdown of the Week comes to us from Bismarck, North Dakota. 'Twas there on New Year's Eve that a 17-year-old girl called 911 to report a drunk driver.....yeah, herself. This was before midnight when the cops found her parked on the side of the road. She said her life was spiraling out of control and all she's been doing is drinking over the last two weeks. Surprisingly she failed a sobriety test.

--Eva Mendes, Scarlett Jo, Samuel L. etc so you think The Spirit wouldn't look as awful as it does. Maybe Frank Miller should leave the directing t, oh I don't know, directors.

--When the FBI has to raid your jail you've probably got some problems with your "jail." In this case the jail was in Montague County, up in North Texas. Apparently real authorities have problems with things like disconnected surveillance camera cords, recliners in cells (sorry Barry, apparently that's frowned upon), cells that could be locked from the inside, I repeat cells that could be locked from the inside, prisoners blocked jailer's views with rolled up paper towels. Those funny prisoners also used craft time to tie extension cords between cells and doors to lock out guards. Did I mention that the FBI found pills scattered about on the floor like pistachio shells at an old folk's home (I have no idea if pistachios are popular in nursing homes, but I felt like using an analogy because it's just so much fun).

--I missed 20/20 this past week, but rest assured I came across the story about Robyn Paul who still breastfeeds one of her sons despite the fact he's 6. Apparently when her kindergartner needs comforting he asks for 'nummies.' Uh-huh. In an article filled with creepy sounding quotes she also offers, "We've had conversations about what it tastes like and he says it's very sweet, like vanilla ice cream." Nine-year-old Siobhan apparently would still like to get 'nummies' sometimes, "But I'm getting older and I'm just happy to see them doing it." Okay, moving right along.

--I think the early front-runner for athlete quote of the year may be Ko Simpson of the Bills when he and his boy were arrested NYE because his friend was speeding through a crowded parking lot. His friend was arrested and Ko was shortly thereafter because he was being verbally abusive and apparently the cops weren't amused when Ko repeated, "I'm Ko Simpson of the Buffalo Bills. I'm worth millions (or just over $500,000 a season, but who's counting."

--Kendall Grove and Jason Day at UFC 96. While it looks like Efrain Escudero will meet Jeremy Stephens at Fight Night 19. Nice.

Questions, comments or if you know how to cut citrus supremes because you took a knife skills class at Central Market last weekend...


  1. No "Mad Men" as best 1-hour drama? I haven't seen "Damages", but I always see-saw between "Lost" and "Mad Men". "Dexter" is a solid number 3 for me, but this past season wasn't as strong as the first two. Nonetheless a great show, but the mindfuck of "Lost" and the utter purity/depth of "Mad Men" trump it for me.

  2. Absolutely right. How quickly I forget that I originally lived by What Would Don Draper Do before I lived by The Code. Can't wait for Lost after last season picked things up big time.


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