Thursday, October 16, 2008

We stepped into the wind he had a gun, I had a grin. You think this story's over but it's ready to begin.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--If you aren't watching Life and Times of Tim yet on HBO. What the hell's wrong with you?

--Welcome to Mad Men, Joy. Joy and Jane are welcome additions. Don Draper is gonna host SNL on October 25th. Some completely unqualified and inept candidate for vice president is also making an appearance.

--Your Parents of the Year candidates come to us from Myrtle Beach. 'Twas there that Geoffrey Hale went to the cleverly named Derriere's Gentleman's Club. So far, so good. Unfortunately Geoffrey brought along his infant son. Well, at least infant son got to see some derrieres. Unfortunately infant son was left in the car. The unlocked car. The unlocked car that had the keys inside. Yeah, someone called the cops. Cop comes and gets the name of Geoffrey from his license plate. Cop goes in and starts asking people their names and comes up on Geoffrey who is getting a lapdance. Busted. Cop wants to get the mom to pick up the son, which shouldn't be too much of a problem considering at the time mom was dancing on the pole. In Geoffrey's defense he didn't want to wake up the little one while he went inside to pick up a cell phone. I'm sure much to Geoffrey's dismay a lapdance ensued.

--V is coming back and will be without the original creator. The guy who's doing 4400.

--Another day and another drunken Chinese Olympic medalist stumbling out of a karaoke bar making trouble. Wang Hao won the silver at the Games, but twice last weekend he reportedly rumbled and bumbled out of a karaoke bar and got into it with a security guard. All Wang wanted to do was relieve himself outside the bar because as everyone knows using the actual restroom is for commoners. Wang with perhaps the greatest quote in the history of drunken karaoke bar quotes as he was set to go with security, "I am the famous Wang Hao! I am the world champion! Does it matter if I beat you?" My new favorite table tennis player.

--Ryan Gosling as The Green Lantern?!

--Spanish players were paid their weight in beer by their sponsor for winning Euro 2008?! Best. Bonus. Ever.

--I don't know which is the bigger joke...that Variety reports a Tommy Lasorda biopic is in the works or that Al Pacino could play Tommy.

--Whoa, whoa, whoa Tea Leoni was hooking up with Billy Bob Thornton and that's what led David Duchovny to rehab?!

--A sequel to Wall Street?! Apparently Gordon Gecko will be released from prison and the new and improved financial world awaits him. The powers that be are trying to get Michael Douglas to come back.

--Spike Jonze and Michelle Williams?!

--New Laker Sun Yue is adapting well to the NBA life. He's got himself model Gu Chen.

--Vitali Klitschko stopped Samuel Peter over the weekend. The most interesting thing to come out of that fight was how Klitschko keeps the swelling down on his hands post-fight. Please explain Vitali:
"I wrap nappies filled with my 3-year-old son Max's wee around my fists. The nappies hold the liquid and the swelling stays down. Baby wee is good because it's pure, doesn't contain toxins and doesn't smell."

--Video games continue to get more and more realistic on nine EA Xbox games including Madden Barack Obama signs pop up in the crowd and on billboards.

--Because you need to know this...Rich Franklin's movie, Cyborg Soldier, is out on DVD. It also "stars" Tiffani Amber-Thiessen.

--Because you really need to know how much these "celebrities" make per episode of The Hills...Audrina pulls in $35,000 per episode. Heidi and Spencer each "earn" $65,000. L.C. "works" for $75,000 per show. Nice job America. Nice freakin' job...

--I'm not saying Michael Phelps has 'em lined up, but a fan's sign at a recent appearance read: "In four years I will be legal!"

--I've never been to a baby shower, but if they're anything likes the ones in Edwards, Colorado I may have to start attending. The one in Colorado started out innocent enough, but it's not a baby shower until a guy gets busted over the head with a beer bottle. After Baby Bingo or Don't Say The Word Baby or whatever game the beer bottle bust-er found out he brought a beer bottle to a car jack fight. Four arrests later the shower was over.

--Geez A-Rod, Madonna?! Really? You do realize it is 2008 and you are rich and Madonna hasn't particularly aged well. I mean she was doing Fame, the 1st, 1ST MTV Awards, and Bandstand before you were even 10. Did I mention she hasn't aged well and that you're Alex Rodriguez?

--Gerard Butler and Shanna Moakler?! Aim higher Gerard.

--First, I had no idea Jason Jones and Samantha Bee were married. Second, they're getting a sitcom shot on CBS. Something about Jason Jones being a celebrity chef and we get all the behind the scenes with the two women running his life of which one will be Samantha Bee.

--So Paul F. Tompkins is gonna be the one and only host of Best Week Ever?

Questions, comments or if you shudder at the mention of Joe the Plumber...

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