Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Now what do we have here an outlaw and his beer. I run this land, you understand I make myself clear.

NFL Bits and Pieces

--The Texans are averaging more offensive yards a game than the Colts and Chargers, which woulda sounded really good at the beginning of the season. And who would have thought that only two AFC teams are in the top 10 in that category. And those two are the Broncos and Dolphins. Houston is actually 3rd in the AFC in that department.

--Last season David Garrard went all the way until Week 13 before throwing his first interception. This season, well Garrard has more interceptions (4) than touchdowns (3). No quarterback in the AFC South has more TDs than INTs. The only quarterback who has thrown a pick in every one his games this season is Tony Romo.

--Another reason is undefeated...Collins has been sacked just once. Nobody has more attempts than Jay Cutler and yet he's been sacked just twice. My boy J.T. O'Sullivan is the first QB to hit the 20 sacked mark.

--Ryan Grant has 2 fumbles and 0 TDs. What I'm saying is I hate Ryan Grant.

--Michael Turner still your leading rusher and scorer at RB.

--Among the 19 guys who are averaging more rushing yards a game than LaDainian Tomlinson is Leron McClain, Julius Jones and 4 rookies including the man, the myth, the Slaton. Steve is 14th in rushing yds a game averaging just over 70. He's also one of ten RBs averaging at least 5 yards a pop.

--Of course the top two receivers in the league are Reggie Bush (38) and Jason Witten (35). Witten's average of 12.6 yds a catch is better than the likes of Brandon Marshall, TJ Houshmandzadeh, and Torry Holt.

--The Packers allowed just three 100-yard rushers last season. This season three in the last three weeks.
Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Nice job Kimbo. It took me longer to type this sentence than it did for Seth Whateverhislastnameis to knock you out.

-- Since when did teams start going nuts complete with champagne celebrations for winning a NLDS? Either way go Rays!

--Saturday is one helluva day beginning at 11AM with that little game in Dallas. At 2:30 we have a decent Big 10 game between an undefeated Northwestern team against Javon Ringer and the Spartans. Georgia gets to beat on Tennessee. Vols RB Arian Foster hasn't talked to the media in more than a month. To interview him Arian has requested you speak to him in Pteradactyl. Uh-huh. After the 2:30 games it's time to make another beer run. Yeah it's the preseason, but at 6:30 the Rockets tangle with the Celtics. At the same time the Red Sox and Rays play game 2 in the ALCS. At 7 Wisconsin hosts unbeaten Penn State who may just be the real deal. LSU and Florida is kind of a good game. The scoreboard may melt down when Missouri hosts Oklahoma State. Mizzou averaged a 2nd best 53.4 points a game while Okie State is right behind them at 52.6 (OU and Texas also in top 6 in the nation in scoring). At 8 Showtime checks in with some boxing. Chad Dawson faces Antonio Tarver while Vitali Klitschko meets Samuel Peter. What I'm saying is Saturday should be a good day.

--And The Seattle Mist is your newest entry into the Lingerie Football League. Good luck Seattle, the Los Angeles Temptation apparently has several ladies ready to receive...

--Of course, Larry Flynt rushed a Sarah Palin-themed porn into production titled Nailin Paylin. Of course, there's a three-way with "Palin", "Condoleeza," and "Hillary." Nina Hartley, the only porn star I ever got an autograph from) is your Hillary. Lisa Ann is your Palin and according to TMZ she, "will be nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door." And oh goodie a flashback when a "young Paylin's creationist college professor will explain a 'big bang' theory even she can't deny!"

--Yes, golf-themed lingerie for you at

--This is why I stopped playing soccer in Zimbabwe...Sixteen players for a second division team in Zimbabwe were told to swim in the Zambezi river before their match last weekend. This was, of course, to cleanse the players of bad spirits. Yeah, a little after the leisurely swim the players noticed that one of them didn't make it out of the alligator infested river. Wonder what happened to him?

--If you're keeping score at home Michael Phelps' girl is 2007 Miss California USA runner-up Nicole Johnson. WithLeather notes, "Eight gold medals got him the runner-up? Who’s the winner dating? Jesus?"

--Whoa, whoa you mean red and yellow cards apply to David Beckham? And of course Becks is going to miss LA's game here in Houston. Way to save yourself the embarrassment David. No one wants a piece of these boys.

--Tina Fey was offered $6 million for a book?!

--Holly dumped Hef?! Oh how, will he possibly recover? Perhaps with 19-year-old twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon.

--The always informative TVSquad mentioned some TV faux incestuous on/off screen relationships on the heels of Brenda hinting that her and Brandon hooked up while the show was going on. I had no idea Dexter and his sister, Deborah are dating in real life (whatever that is). Very appropriate that the lovely Maggie Grace who had that weird relationship with her brother on Lost actually dated. Of course, Claire and Peter have been hooking up.

--A second season for Sons of Anarchy. I watched the first two and liked it, but have recorded everything since seeing as how there are only 24 hours in a day.

--Do we really need Bull Durham 2 with Crash managing a team owned by Nuke and Annie?

--Maybe you remember Lillo Brancato (Matt Bevilaqua - Meadow's guy until he had to be relieved of his life)? He and this guy are accused of killing a cop in New York. They were selecting jurors the other day and one potential juror found a great new way to get out of jury duty. When asked if she couldn't serve she calmly explained that last year her husband stabbed her so severely that she died and came back to life. Then she started complaining that her husband was never brought up on a murder charge for the stabbing to which the prosecutor replied, "To bring an indictment for murder, you have to - fortunately for you - stay dead." Then she complained of memory problems stemming from the stabbing. Finally they just let that crazy bit** leave.

--Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive for 2008 is Halle Berry.

--Jamie-Lynn Spears pregnant again. Wow, who saw that coming. 2-2. Your move Britney.

--Entourage has been picked up for a sixth season. This came before the worst episode ever. What a waste of 23 minutes.

--Our child pornographer of the week comes to us from Wisconsin. 'Twas there that John Kmetz was charged with 29 counts of child porn. Kmetz was asked what he considered underage girls and came up with this nomination for most disturbing quote of the year, "as long as the girls had breasts they were not underage."

--December 9th is your Dark Knight DVD release date.

--Only in Tennessee....We all know the worst drivers in the world aren't those old ones, but those 10-year-olds. What with their excuses about not being tall enough to reach the pedals and never having taken driver's ed and blah, blah, blah. In Tennessee at the age of 10 you sure as hell better be able to drive because chances are your f'd hillbilly parents will need your sober skills. This particular 10-year-old was doing about 90mph when he crashed a van over the weekend. Two other young children, who I presume were getting taught, were also in the van as were the parents. Dad said he couldn't drive because he had drunk 15 beers. As evidence he had on a t-shirt that read: Buy This Dad A Beer. Classy. Moms didn't have any shirt with a revealing slogan on it. Instead when cops pulled up she was swallowing pills left and right. Gotta love Tennessee.

--Dana White is producing a show for FX about an Irish mob?!

--The lovely Anne Hathaway as The White Queen in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland.

Questions, comments or if the time was 6 o' clock on the swatch watch and you got a date, can't be late...hey, the girl is gonna do me...

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