Monday, February 25, 2008

We need body rocking not perfection

Let's All Go to the Movies

First the worst, so we can get Norbit out of the way. I assume Norbit won every major Razzie. Congratulations to Eddie Murphy for hitting the trifecta for Worst Actor, Worst Supporting Actor and Worst Supporting Actress for Norbit. You would think Lindsey Lohan would get a break seeing as how she did show us her freckled boobies just last week, but no she gets Worst Actress for I Know Who Killed Me, which beat out Norbit for Worst Picture. Lindsey's picture set a record (until Hottie and the Nottie is eligible next year) by winning 8 Razzies. Those eight, one better than what Battlefield Earth and Showgirls (hey Jessie Spano) garnered. Worst sequel fell to Cuba Gooding Jr.'s Daddy Day Camp. Seriously Hanes stop showing those Cuba/MJ spots, they're the awfullest thing on television (excluding anything involving New York on VH-1).
As for the good movies...well you know all about those....or maybe you don't seeing as how no one apparently watched the Oscars. I presume No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood dominated, well except for any sound editing categories because as I was watching Bourne Ultimatum all I could think about was how this movie was gonna clean up in Sound Editing and Mixing.

--Star of Silver Bullet and D.C. Cab, Gary Busey, scared the living hell out of Jennifer Garner on the red carpet...

--Anne Hathaway is about as close to perfect as you can get...

--When the Rockets went to commercial I was fortunate enough to catch Regis interview some 86-year-old woman who sits in the bleachers every year. So Regis asks the 86-year-old when she started this tradition of sitting in the Oscars bleachers. She said, 1986. Really slacker grandma? Cause this has been going on 80 years so maybe you coulda made it down there before you turned 66. Not your fault though it was Regis who put your fascinating story on the air.

--One of my favorite (does that make me a bad person) parts of the Oscars is watching the ummm, well, death montage. Maybe it's just me and I know he wasn't in any Oscar-winning movies, but geez ya really gonna leave out Brad Renfro?! Bitch move, Oscars, bitch move. And my boy Roy Scheider?! Cut-off date for including deceased Hollywood contributors?! Really?!

--As always HBO knocked it out of the f'n park with its Joe Louis: America's Hero Betrayed. Just great stuff for 90 information filled minutes. Didn't expect to see Bill Cosby talking about what it was like when Joe Louis beat James J. Braddock, I mean that was in 1937. Exactly how old are you Bill?! Jerry Lewis' story was great and marked the first time Jerry Lewis made me laugh. If you really want to dig in more on Louis and Schmeling and the hysteria surrounding the fights including all of the interesting Nazi aspects of it all than I highly suggest you check out Beyond Glory Joe Louis vs. Max Schmeling, and a World on the Brink. That book barely edges out Unforgivable Blackness as my favorite boxing related book I've ever read (I've read two).

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--In an awesome move NBC is putting some of its classic series online. Classics like Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers and who really cares about the others. Not me. I remember the good ol' days when Starbuck was a guy and cylons didn't look quite like Tricia Helfer...

--CBS is doing the same thing with shows like Star Trek, The Twilight Zone, and Melrose Place.

--There's no real good reason to watch all 9 minutes and 49 seconds of this...except that every several seconds they show THEM again. THEM's looking good...

--By the way these shirts are out-standing...

--A major Ghostbusters announcement at ComicCon?!

--It was just a matter of time before bus drivers started feeling left out on the whole teacher-student sexcapades. Enter Joyce Sheldon of Ocala, Florida. Apparently the 45-year-old bus driver was sending sexually explicit text messages to some students and for good measure she was also making sexual comments (I assume to the tune of Hail to the Bus Driver or perhaps The Wheels on the Bus Go Round n Round). It goes without saying said bus driver is u-g-l-y who ain't got no alibi, otherwise this would be completely acceptable, right?

--Oh Ocala, will you ever have a boring week? We head back to Florida for some shoplifting fun. David Clark was swiping items at a Bealls when police were called. Some detective got there first and saw Clark jump into a car and speed off...well, until some fast-moving trees jumped in front of Clark's car. So Clark jumped out and ran into some nearby woods while police went in after him and also set up a perimeter (I assume this perimeter is better than any perimeter ever set up on 24, I mean has a 24 perimeter ever worked?). Now Clark ain't no dummy, he knows he's got to immerse himself in the woods, become one with the ground. So Clark stripped naked, rubbed mud all over himself, and tried to cover himself in leaves. That may have been good enough to fool us humans, but not Titan the police dog. Vick...err Clark punched Titan and grabbed the dog by its ears twisting its neck. By that time a cop came over and told Clark to let the dog go. Clark didn't so cop let his baton go on Clark. I hope you're happy David Clark. All of these charges...possession of less than 20 grams of cocaine, fleeing and eluding, offense against a police dog, possession of drug paraphernalia, retail petty theft, and driving with a suspended license. All of that so you could steal two Panama Jack hats and a pair of Hager pants. Advantage: You.

--We have pot vending machines in California and now we have Nathan's hot dog vending machines coming outta New York. Now if we can get pot dogs invented I think we'll all be set.

--I watched about 30 minutes of Knight Rider, but much to my dismay Val Kilmer's K.I.T.T. sounds like Val Kilmer and not Doc Holliday. What a waste.

--Despite weekly reminders from a friend of mine I'm late in the Fight Quest fun, but holy crap that's must-record TV every Friday night on Discovery. It's basically like History Channel's Human Weapon except (at least from what I've seen) more hardcore and both guys fight at the end. The Israel episode learning Krav Maga was just insane.

--Movie I can cross my Must Revisit list....Garden State.

--You do not want to miss Israel Vasquez and Rafael Marquez on Showtime next Saturday night. Solid night with that and UFC 81 or 82. And a thank you to Planet Hollywood for sponsoring the Hopkins/Calzaghe fight on April 19th ensuring it'll be on regular ol' HBO instead of PPV. Obviously Klitschko/Ibragimov shouldn't have been on TV at all much less fought in Madison Square Garden which has enough crap to deal with what with 41 Knicks games.

--Did you see the ugliest, most hideous uniforms in college basketball history? Obviously they came courtesy of Oregon.

--You know those arguments you get into with your girl when y'all are trying to decide which one of you is less drunk to drive? In Florida we find Richard Zubowicz and his wife in a grocery store parking lot. They step out of the car to presumably give each other sobriety tests. Wife failed seeing as how the husband pushed her to the ground and she couldn't even get back up. We know she couldn't get back up because husband circled the parking lot once and then went back to the spot of the argument. But wait, where's wifey? I didn't, no, I couldn't have, well let me just get out of the car and che....awww sh**?!?! What the hell are you doing underneath the car honey? She's in critical condition, he's in jail.

--Because you can't afford to forget the lessons and sometimes the raps of the ninja...

--There's a Scott Baio is 46....and Pregnant?!

--I stumbled across Paula's Party late the other night, just in time to see Paula say, "I'm here with one of my heroes. One of America's heroes." Wow, with an introduction like that this should be good. "Y'all put y'alls hands together for....Henry Winkler." To refresh Henry Winkler = American Hero.

Questions, comments or if your friend hooked you up with the Beastie Boys' The Mix-Up and now you realize you underestimated just how good a Beastie Boys instrumental album could be....

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