Wednesday, August 29, 2007

It's The Joint...

How'd That Taste Cowboys?

I know, I know, it's only the preseason, but holy crap that stadium didn't have any sort of preseason feel in it.

My worthless BCS Championship Prediction: LSU vs. West Virginia.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Nothing screams nutrition like The State Fair of Texas. There are seven new food creations set to be unleashed upon the masses on the heels of last year's hot item, Deep Fried Coke. This year we get Deep Fried Latte, which sounds okay, wait instant coffee powder?! Fried Cookie Dough starts as chilled cookie dough and then is battered and fried, which sounds worse than Fried Coke. Fried Guacamole Bites anyone? Country Pride Peach Cobbler on a Stick? Fernie's Fried Chili Frito Burrito? Chili and Fritos go inside a tortilla, which is ten fried and then topped with a cheese sauce and shredded cheese and whatever else you want. B.W.'s Original Fried Banana Pudding? I don't know banana pudding inside a fried tortilla is genius or nausea-inducing. Finally Mama's Fried Sweet Potato Pie, which starts with sweet potato so yeah, that's nasty.

--If you're high then you might enjoy this more, if you're not high then I think your day is going pretty shi***...

--Your "So Obvious, That It's Bound To Not Turn Out Right" story of the week comes to us from Sacramento. Jaqueline Coats is from Kenya and came over on a student visa. When that expired she married her boyfriend who was from San Francisco and they lived happily ever after, for all of three weeks. Three weeks in they were at Ocean Beach and saw two boys in the water screaming for help. Husband, Marlin, jumped into the water and was able to save the boys, but not himself as he was pulled under. Now the widow faces deportation. Senator Dianne Feinstein is involved and hopefully Mrs. Coats doesn't get deported all because her husband acted like a hero.

--Seriously Owen Wilson, WTF?!

--Heroes and Friday Night Lights are now out on DVD and that's a very good thing.

--So what was the point of the whole Anna Faris thing on Entourage? I mean they build up her and Eric and then it's over just like that? Weak, but the less Eric the better. I only wish the episode would've turned into Final Destination with everyone getting off the plane except E and Billy. And Billy should never be shown without his girlfriend. She makes him almost tolerable.

--Another Faces of Death movie?! Apparently this one is going to have a narrative story. I think I've almost managed to erase the memory of that Asian family who takes the puppy and well, you can imagine. My favorite is the bungee jumper who set up his cord for one floor too many because he didn't take into account the building didn't have an unlucky 13th floor.

--Copycat Carlos Mencia is going to host the Creative Emmys?! The two Coreys hosting the Oscars?!

--Shia Lebouf and Rihanna?!
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--Your Considerate Criminal of the Week comes to us from Greenburgh, New York. There the knife-wielding (not named Rafer Alston) robber saw a guy come out of the store with one of those cheap ass plastic roses and well, let's let Police Captain Joseph DeCarlo tell the rest of the story. "He (victim) came out of the store and was approached by the suspect, who said, 'Give me the rose,'" DeCarlo said. "The kid told him, 'Go in there and get one.' But the suspect says, 'I want that one, and your money, too,' and pulls out a knife. All the kid has is a $10, and the perp says, 'I only want $4.' He tells the kid to go into the pizza parlor and get change. Then the kid comes out, he takes his $4 and he leaves." WTF?!

--I didn't see all the contestants, but I have a hard time believing there was a dumber Miss USA Teen candidate than Miss South Carolina and also that there was a hotter one.

--Your Piece of Crap Dumbass Rapist of the Week comes to us from Alameda County. There a 47-year-old female real estate agent was showing a house to a supposed buyer when supposed buyer turned out to be a rapist who choked the woman, raped her and robbed her for good measure. The piece of crap's name is Howard Moore. During the attack the woman plotted to make this mf'er pay so she tried to befriend him to gain his trust. She said she wasn't going to call the police and would arrange a job interview for him the next day to work as security or a bodyguard. She was afraid Howard wasn't going to ever be arrested so she wanted to exact some vigilante justice. Either way she was going to have to count on Howard being an absolute dumbass. Thanks Howard. The woman decided to go ahead and tell the police about the set-up interview and they probably didn't expect Howard to show up. They didn't know Howard who is now back behind bars.

Questions, comments or if you ever spat out Jager in a casino trash can…

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