Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Yeah, You Know I'm Getting Silly

--In case you haven’t seen some of these Fantasy Files….

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--If you hadn’t heard HBO picked up Flight of the Conchords for a 2nd season. No-fn-brainer. Entourage got a 5th season and here’s to Billy Walsh not being in it.
--Tell me Vinnie Chase is not dating Paris.

--20/20 doing a report on Dateline’s To Catch a Predator?! Oh, hell yeah, it’s on!

--Criss Angel and Britney?! Once upon a time, I thought Criss Angel's stuff was kinda cool. Then I saw Mind Control with Derren Brown. Criss Angel = bo-ring.

--The spoof of Walk the Line with John C. Reilly and Jenna Fischer in the principal roles sounds promising, but the trailer wasn't all that great. Although how can you not want to see Paul Rudd as John Lennon and Jack White as Elvis?

--According to him and the Moscow site this is from, Maroon 5’s Adam Levine dated Maria Sharapova until, well, "She wouldn't make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration.' It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny."
--Because apparently having Hayden Panettiere around isn’t enough young eye candy Heroes is bringing in Janel Parrish who was in the awesome live-action Bratz movie! Oh and happy 18th to Hayden.
--Tina Fey funny…

--In case you were wondering, yeah, Superbad is OUT-STANDING!

--Last week I nearly had to suck it up and throw down a huge link of sausage because if Bum Phillips offers you a meat product you eat it, no matter how long you’ve been a vegetarian. Otherwise I’d have to tell Living Legend Bum Phillips,
Veggie Boy: “umm, no thanks, Bum. I’m a vegetarian.”
To which Bum would, no doubt, respond, “uhhh, you like men?”
Veggie Boy: “No Bum, I just don’t eat meat.”
Bum: “I reckon it’s that cowboy movie’s fault.”
Veggie Boy: “No, Bum, I’m a vegetarian, not a homosexual.” “Veg-e-tar”
Bum: “Ho-mo”
Veggie Boy: “Veg-e-tar-ian”
Bum: “Ho-mo-sex-u-al”
Veggie Boy: “Fine, just give me that f’n pork product.”
Bum: “Attaboy, we’ll get you back playing for our team in no time.”
--Dammit Tito! Why come back for Roy Jones Jr.?!

--It seems like the UFC has been on vacation forever what with no PPVs in weeks and no Ultimate Fighter to follow. Not good when my MMA fix is provided by Human Weapon on History Channel. Thankfully this week we have UFC 74. Looking forward to watching Kendall Grove face off against Patrick Cote. I’m not complaining, but is Roger Huerta on every card? Georges St. Pierre and Josh Koscheck can’t possibly be any more boring than Koscheck/Sanchez. How can you ever doubt Randy Couture? Couture v. Gonzaga.

--As usual the ESPN Fantasy Draft Special was a classic. It was just eight teams so you think nobody would do anything very stupid, but of course, Michael Smith decided with the 8th and 9th selections he’d go Carson Palmer and Marvin Harrison. Huh?! First of all Marvin was the first WR taken and that probably won’t happen in another draft this year because, well it’s f’n stoopid. Yeah, Shaun Alexander fell all the way to 13th or 8 spots AFTER Laurence Maroney (Salisbury, shock, I know). Salisbury also picked Calvin Johnson 44th overall ahead of guys like Portis, Anquan, Randy Moss, and Ronnie Brown. Just awful.

--A Ferris Bueller sequel?! Apparently the script has been written, but just not by John Hughes. In this one Ferris is turning 40 after a career being a self-help, Tony Robbins-type. The entire cast would be back with Ferris’ sister, Jennifer Grey, married to Charlie Sheen. Cameron would be back. The lovely Sloan is now a Hollywood actress going through a rough marriage. The writer, Rick Rapier, would even like to bring back Ben Stein. Intriguing, but c’mon they’re gonna be able to get all those people back?

--Next week Friday Night Lights comes out on DVD! Eat it Barron!

--The old, suave guy on the next Dancing With The Stars will be Wayne Newton.

--Speaking of Dancing, Mike Modano is marrying Willa Ford.

--You’ve probably seen those promos for Kid Nation where basically kids get to run a town free from the constraints of their adult overlords. Yeah, a parent of one of the kids has filed a complaint and the show hasn’t even aired yet. Apparently her kid burned herself with hot grease when cooking and some kids accidentally drank some bleach and blah, blah, blah. Hello parents? I’m pretty sure CBS explained the concept of no-adults to you before you sent your kids away. Just because your kids weren’t as smart as you thought don’t blame television. Television is our friend and never, ever to blame.

--Greg Giraldo and Jimmy Kimmel killed at Flav’s roast. Brigitte Nielsen was there and her vagina starred in a majority of the jokes such as Sylvester Stallone leaving his car. To Flav, “You look like a skeleton wrapped in electrical tape.”

--Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak and Kathy Griffin?!

--If you’re keeping track at home Kristen Bell will not be on Lost, but will be on Heroes. Lost will get Carter Chong who was Uncle Junior’s crazy friend at the crazy house. Also Ryan Seacrest will be hosting The Emmys and The Super Bowl so we have that going for us.
--Extended cut of Transformers at IMAX late next month?!

--Your unfortunate gaming accident of the week comes to us from North Carolina. There a 14-year-old boy kept having his X-Box 360 cut off on him because it was overheating. He read online that he needed to cool the power supply. He decided to place it in a pan of cold water. But he’s no dumbass so he wrapped the 360 up in plastic and tape first. Yet somehow through the mysteries of science and water and electricity he ended up being knocked unconscious with several small burns.

--Forbes came out with a list of Hip Hop Cash Kings. At # 1 is of course, Jay-Z who pulled in $34 million in 2006. Fiddy at # 2. I hope Kanye outsells him next month when their albums drop on the same day then again I hoped Wild Hogs wouldn't be # 1 for a week in the theatres. Kanye pulled "only" $ 17 million. Diddy at # 3. Timbaland follows him. Dre and Eminem at 5 and 6 and now you know.

Questions, comments or if you’re completely unprepared for your fantasy drafts this year…

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