Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Listen to the Sh** Because Both of Them is Boney

No Sports, Just Good Clean Fun…

Well Maybe A Little Football With What May or May Not be Madden’s ’08 Opening

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Whoa, whoa, whoa Lindsey Lohan arrested for DUI and possession of cocaine?! Must be a different Lindsey Lohan.

--Notre Dame and Washington State are going to meet at the Alamodome in 2009?!

--Clearly the highlight of this week’s Flight of the Conchords

--David Barron took a shot at Friday Night Lights the other day noting that it didn’t garner an Emmy nomination, which apparently is the end-all, be-all of whether or not a television show is any good. I guess critical praise and a renewal for a second season wasn’t good enough for him. Lights did win Outstanding New Program from the U.S. Television Critics Association. Of course, what do you expect when you say you wish you were as funny as Norman Chad. Planet Earth, Heroes, and The Office were other big winners so obviously the Association knows what the hell it’s doing.

--Good god, I like soccer, but holy crap this Beckham stuff is ridiculous. America does not and cannot be forced to care. C’mon media, I’d almost, almost rather be overwhelmed with Red Sox/Yankees talk that this Posh/Becks crap.

--Note to Kim Kardashian: First off nice ass. Now that that’s out of the way, your father you might recall helped this guy O.J. get away with murder (allegedly). So maybe showing up at a Nicole Brown foundation fundraiser is not the classiest idea you’ve ever had.

--Scott Baio is 45 and Single = yawn. Charles purposely was never given a last name on Charles in Charge = fascinating.

--Your slice of domestic tranquility pie this week comes to us from New Port Richey, Florida. ‘Twas (‘twas is making a comeback, by the way) there Phillip Spears’ girlfriend was making spaghetti on the stove when SMACK! 3-iron to the head from Phillip.
Girlfriend: “Why did you hit me?”
Phillip: “I hate everything.”
Girlfriend tried to leave the kitchen and WHAP! another 3-iron from Phillip. One more BAM! after Phillip politely ordered that she sit by his feet while he sat on a chair and smoked a cigarette. Somehow girlfriend has hung around with Phillip for 14 years.

--According to the Exxon off of Westheimer and Kirby Barack Obama will be the next Commander-In-Chief. It was a fair vote and as of last Friday afternoon two Obama lighters had been sold, 1 Hillary lighter, and 0 lighters representing any of the Republicans. So if that’s any indication, and I think it’s safe to say the Exxon gas station next to the Bed, Bath, and Beyond accurately represents the melting pot that is our nation, then all hail President Obama.

--Those whorish Bratz! dolls are being made into a movie to further ensure our nation’s little girls dress like Atlantic City hookers who take blasts from make-up shotguns, but apparently this project means a lot to people like, oh I don’t know, this whacked out chick…


--Best food/beverage idea I’ve heard today…if you like your coffees iced then why not use coffee iced cubes for your drink? Almost makes too much sense and how has Starbucks not started doing this? On a related note, sometime over the next week Starbucks will be raising prices by an average of 9 cents for most beverages because of milk prices and some other excuse.

--For the record, Number 5 is alive and be auctioned off on eBay.

--Drew Carey is your next host of Plinko.

--I don’t know crap about The Punisher except I’ve never watched the movies or read the comics. However, if Ray Stevenson/Titus Pullo is the new Punisher and the guy who directed Green Street Hooligans is in charge, I’m down.

--Cherry Jones is your new President of the United States coming up on 24. You may remember her from, well probably from nothing, but maybe you’ll recognize her when you see her. Not that 24 is unrealistic, but who’d have thought back-to-back African-American presidents followed by a female president?
George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, David Palmer

--I loved me some Underdog back in the day, but this movie looks Garfield bad even without Breckin Meyer.

--The Futurama crew is working on four straight-to-DVD movies?!

--Seth Rogen as The Green Hornet?! Stephen Chow (Shaolin Soccer, Kung Fu Hustle) as Kato?!

--Who’d have thought a To Catch a Predator marathon on MSNBC could provide so much hilarious albeit disturbing entertainment. Two Predator all-stars with the second guy having the best line ever uttered on the show…”Gentlemen, have a good night.” (walks out the door)

--Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner?!

--Seriously how has the Jon Lovitz/Andy Dick fight not made its way onto YouTube. What it wasn’t videotaped?! Fights happen that don’t get taped by someone?

Questions, comments, or if you think Family Circus has lost its edge…

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