Friday, July 20, 2007

Ad Rock Down With The Ione

Guess Who’s Back, Back Again, Stevie’s Back, Tell a Friend

Well, well, well, if it isn’t Steve “go the playoffs once in five years in Houston frustrating its fans with dribble, dribble, dribble, turnover or occasionally dribble, dribble, dribble, shot clock violation, get traded with no one in Houston disagreeing with the move only for three years later the majority of Houston thinking you’re the missing piece” Francis. I wasn’t against this from the beginning I just thought a lot of questions needed to be answered. Apparently he’s healthy, he’s not going to hamstring the club in terms of cost, surely he’s been humbled by the last couple of seasons, surely he realizes he doesn’t have the physical tools he used to so all that’s left is to endure watching him play point guard. I’ve always been a Rafer guy or at least not as much as a hater as most of you. I think the way this team is built it needs a point guard who doesn’t turn the ball over, gets the team in its offense before there are 4 seconds left on the shot clock and can occasionally knock down a 3. Which of those things has Steve done in his career? Maybe Steve has some gas left in his tank, maybe his knees won’t bother him, maybe he’ll have the right attitude and maybe he’s magically learned how to play point guard. Bottom line is it’s a low-risk move that could yield high rewards. That has been the way to characterize all of Daryl Morey’s transactions thus far and that's a good thing. It’s remarkable how much improved it is than it was at the end of last season. Now if we can just get Morey to swing by Tim Purpura’s office sometime before the trade deadline…

--An NBA official is dirty? Just one?

Who Let The Dogs Out…Only To Force Them Onto The Rape Stand Or Wet Them Down Before Electrocuting Them Or Drown Them Or Smash Their Heads Onto The Concrete Or Let Them Fight To The Death And Then Bury Their Carcasses In The Back Of A Property You Own…Who Who Who…

Federal indictments are kind of a serious matter seeing as how the government wouldn't bother unless it feels pretty certain it can nail your ass to the wall. Whether you're Michael Vick or Michael Scott when the federal government comes a'callin you're in some trouble what with that close 100% conviction rate. And yet the image-conscious commissioner Roger Goodell who was so hard on Pacman and Chris Henry and Tank is taking his foot off the pedal on Vick. Because? Because he's a quarterback? The face of a franchise? A superstar in the endorsement world? Whatever. I understand those previous three bums were repeat offenders, but this isn't the first time Vick has stepped in dog doo-doo. Double rods to home fans ring a bell? A hidden compartment in a water bottle for jewelry that smelled a whole lot like marijuana? The behavior he's been accused of is inhumane, disgusting and something the league needs to distance itself from not tomorrow or next month or after the trial, but right now. Innocent until proven guilty? Hell yeah. But that phrase belongs in the court system and if his employer wants to give him a leave of absence, so to say, then it should do it if it feels like the charges are casting a shadow the league doesn't desire to be under. Arthur Blank should have already given Vick a leave of absence, but that’ll be forced upon him because I think Vick is going down. How could Vick not know just about every grisly detail that was happening on his property? This was not a summer hobby, this is something that's been going on for 5 f’n years! Inexcusable. Irreprehensible. Unforgivable. F'n sickos.

--This may surprise you, but I really like NCAA '08. I know, shocking. It's not like the first night I had it I played it until 6 in the morning while watching an internet feed of the final table of the Main Event at the WSOP. It's very close to that though, like 5:30-close. Anyway, expect to see this happen in the upcoming football season…Jamal Charles will not be tackled, ever. It will be very hard to keep Texas from winning another championship if this holds true and I certainly expect it to because tv, the internets, and video games don’t lie…West Virginia's offense will grab the headlines, but the defense will get it to the championship game…Ian Johnson will keep Boise State in the news…there will be a lot of missed extra points (seriously, WTF, I'm bringing it back and then straight, get the hell through the freakin' uprights already!)…

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Only Tom F'n Brady can get away with having a baby born on the same day as the birthday of the supermodel he's currently dating.

--Tell me Rosie is not going to make a 5 or 6 episode arc on Friday Night Lights. Oh God no, apparently she is set to play some volleyball coach who whines about the school allocating more money to football than boring ass volleyball.

--Do yourself a favor and watch the documentary HBO is running on the Brooklyn Dodgers. Great stuff.

--If you haven't seen Tammy Faye Messner lately you're lucky. The former Mrs. Bakker is dying from inoperable cancer and she looks, well I don't want to be mean so…ummm…let's go with she's looked better. And note to Tammy, probably can lay off the tanning beds at this point.

--Your Babysitter/Ex of the Year candidate comes to us from New York. Miss Michelle Rondino, 20, had to find a way to get back at her boyfriend, but first she had to watch the four kids she’s been put in charge of. If there was only a way…Yeah, she chose this way to resolve this difficult problem. Miss Rondino went into the woods near Syracuse’s Inner Harbor and there she had someone take nude pictures of her. Of course, she couldn’t let the kiddies see her so she just straight up left them outside. Some fisherman saw the kids (oldest was 6) crying and alone and so called the police. The 6-year-old told police that “Aunt Michelle” went into the woods to take “nasty pictures.” And so goes the final chapter of The Babysitter Club.

--It's the 10th anniversary of one of the greatest albums ever made, Radiohead's OK Computer, and has a link to a bunch of interesting covers or remakes or whatever by bands I've never heard of, but a couple of the songs standout to me: Exit Music for a Film and No Surprises.

--Seriously Nicole Richie, the father of your baby is down to DJ AM, Brody Jenner, Joel Madden or Jeff Goldblum?! Aren’t we all rooting for Jeff Goldblum?

--Fresh off the ESPYs LeBron will host the SNL premiere coming up in September which is odd since it hasn’t been funny since he was born. LeBron and I have this thing in common.

--Emmy nominations are out…It won’t win, but it’s nice to see Top Chef nominated for Best Reality-Competition Show…Surely The Office walks away with Best Comedy oh wait Ugly Betty is nominated, that’ll win…Where the hell is Weeds in that category?...Make it up to Mary Louise Parker with Best Actress in a Comedy…

Go Hiro for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama!!...Best Supporting, Comedy we got Ari, Johnny Drama and Dwight Schrute facing off. Doogie and Duckie are in that category as well…Gotta love Martin Landau for Guest Actor, Comedy Series. Is that something you’d be interested in?...Biggest screw job? No love for Connie Britton or Kyle Chandler in Friday Night Lights. They, along with the entire cast (I’m imagining you naked Minka Kelly), do a fantastic job that wins critical praise, but results in no Emmy noms. I still can’t see why this didn’t do well in the ratings.

--I’m not remotely interested in watching The Coreys on A&E (I prefer to remember them in their Dream A Little Dream days), but seeing as how Haim cried when told he wasn’t going to be asked to cameo in Lost Boys 2 and they fought when Haim insulted Feldman’s wife, maybe, just maybe if I come stumbling home drunk and it’s on and I lost the remote I’ll watch.

--Holy crap, I like soccer, but this Beckham publicity machine is ridiculous and unnecessary. America doesn’t care! What reasons have we given the media to make it think we give two sh*** about this?

--Promising Drudge headline: “75% of Americans overweight by 2015”

--Entourage has been good the last couple of episodes, but I'm tired of being asked to buy Eric as this tough guy. Whatever. Apparently at some ESPYs afterparty 'E' and Suge Knight of all people were play wrestling (who the f play-wrestles with Suge Knight?) when Suge bit Eric's finger and he started bleeding all over the place. Smartly Eric took it like a man and didn't try to bite back.

--I was a big ECW mark back in the day as you can tell from the first line of my Steve post. I’m sure two people realized I was invoking the brilliance of Joel Gertner. Anyway remember the tag team of Perry Saturn and John Kronus. One of those guys just died. It wasn’t Perry. This will get blamed on steroids in 3, 2, 1…

Questions, comments or if you love you some Red Diamond Tea…

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