Wednesday, June 20, 2007

ICKY THUMP!!!!!!!!

Sports Bits

--Maybe he’s an Astro after all…Julio Lugo is 14 for his last 112 to drop him to .205 – 3rd worst among AL regulars.

--In Days of Elijah news… Elijah Dukes is up to six kids by five different women if the 17-year-old foster child’s story is true making Big Love Elijah is a daddy for the 6th time before hitting the age of 23. At least he’s hitting something because he’s been terrible this season. By last count he was 5 for his last 51. So with the ladies he’s 6 for his last 10? 15? 20? That’s a high average. Anyway the relatives and acquaintances of Elijah have been coming out of the woodwork to help and hurt his case. The other morning after the soon to be ex-wife (one whose life he threatened with a text pic of a gun) went on the air Elijah heard about it and had enough. So he called the station and embarrassed himself further with quotes like, "Just like the Bible says, If you know it's not true you don't have to say anything and I haven't been saying anything. But I will say something about this situation with my mom out my mouth, because everyone knows I do love my mom. And I am tough on my mom but I know for fact I never told nobody my mom smoked crack because that would be a lie on my behalf. She never told me and I never caught her.'' You can find the entire thing on

--Rice catcher Danny Lehmann is a nephew of Dog the Bounty Hunter?!

--Bonnie Bernstein getting some love and hosting NFL Live?! She’ll be a part of the Three Mikes and a Lady MNF broadcasting team which will be together for all of one game this season.

--Gotta love talking about Chris Brown re-signing with the Titans and mentioning LenDale White in the backfield along with Arizona rookie Chris “Maybe I Should Go By My Middle Name” Henry.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Ladies and gentlemen Flight of the Conchords…

--Rosie on The Price Is Right is a scary idea. I mean is that really the platform for a blowhard like her. Peterman or George Hamilton I can see, but despite her large appearance I can’t see Rosie in that role. How about Steve Sanders getting a look? Mario Lopez is also in the mix along with some guy who used to host Wild On and some guy from The Early Show.

--I’ve only listened to Icky Thump (new one by White Stripes, of course) 14 or 15 times through and…are you sitting down?’s f’n awesome…I know who’d a thunk it? Conquest, I’m Slowly Turning Into You, Little Cream Soda and so on, it just may be their best ever. I’ll let you know after my next 15 listens. And if Houston is lucky enough to get a date with the Stripes this city better f’n represent better than it did when Jack came with The Raconteurs. Helluva show not that you’d know Houston. C’mon now!

--Jimmy Fallon to take over for Conan O’Brien once he takes over for Jay Leno?! Remember that time Jimmy Fallon during a joke or sketch he was in? Me neither.

--Sorry Chance, but Claire’s boyfriend for Heroes next season has now been cast.

--Anthony Michael Hall as The Riddler?! Works for me.

--Is it mandatory that on Hell’s Kitchen every week, Bonnie gets shown in a bikini or underwear? Because that’s a good idea. By the way, I think in the fall Gordon Ramsay has another show coming to Fox. This one will be a take off of what they show on BBC America where Gordon goes to a struggling restaurant and tries to help the owners turn it around. I like that show, Kitchen Nightmares, just as much if not more than Hell’s. Just to welcome his new show to America a chef in New York is suing Gordon alleging that Ramsay got him fired and the show wasn’t honest. What? I can’t believe everything I see on TV? Yeah right and the series of tubes known as the Internets lie too. Pfft, please.

--How good does Hairspray with John Travolta look? Oh boy! Jules Winfield and Vincent Vega should take him out for a ride, put him in the backseat and look for the nearest bump in the road.

--Perennial top three fantasy pick Larry Johnson is going to be in Fantasia’s next video. At first Sony wanted Jamie Foxx, but apparently right after Jamie’s name was Larry’s who “gets” to kiss Fantasia at the end.

--Unfortunately nowadays, it takes something special to differentiate a teacher/student sex story from the rest of the teacher/student sex stories. In Wisconsin a substitute teacher was having sexytime with a 13-year-old boy. Yawn. The student stole his mom’s car for the ill-fated rendezvous that was uncovered by the boy’s father. Oh yeah. Apparently Miss Substitute Teacher was having relations with the boy at her home while her husband and daughter were there at the house. What the?! The boy’s football coach says, “He was dating the lady's 13-year-old daughter before this happened.” Well, yeah, that separates this one from the run-of-the-mill teacher/student sexytime stories.

--Evangeline Lilly and Dominic Monaghan are done?! Charlie, wtf are you thinking?!
No truth to the rumors Kate is now dating Ol' Smokey.

--We’ve all hit our share of houses or cars or people or wildlife while playing out on a golf course. I had never heard of anyone hitting a shot that caused a brush fire that consumed nearly 20 acres of land. Some hacker at a course in Reno hit a shot well off the fairway and when he played it back his club hit something that sparked the fire. After dude yelled at his boys “look at me I’m on fire today!” the fire engines rolled in.

--A Bret Michaels version of Flavor of Love?! Scott Baio with one coming out as well?!

--This next one is almost like an unofficial kickoff of summer…You know that game your parents played with you or you play with your kids where the kid is under the covers and you sit on him and you go “this bed sure is bumpy. I wonder where little Britney is?”. Usually that game takes place on a bed or maybe even a couch. Not usually in the driveway because it takes on more of a darker humor that very few people can appreciate. A Walton, Kentucky 16-year-old daughter did not appreciate it when she was laying out to get some sun and chose the driveway as her tanning bed. Her dad chose the driveway to, you know, park his car after work. Let the fun begin. She’s scratched up pretty bad, but won’t die unless she wasn’t using something SPF 30+, in that case it’s just a matter of time.

--Christina Aguilera is preggers?!

--Is there not some way we can keep Erin Andrews on-screen for the entirety of these CWS games?

--Our life imitates Surviving the Game story of the week comes to us from Tampa Bay. A 38-year-old man told police he was kidnapped last Saturday and dropped off in the woods. At that point he proceeded to play the part of the deer or pig or choose your hunted animal. Meanwhile he alleges four other men started after him with bows and arrows. He said they told him to run and he did while arrows were landing all around him. This happened in the morning and sometime around 5 PM he managed to make it out of the woods without any new piercings. The guy says the hunters came up to him at a gas station and forced him into their vehicle. Genius tells police that he recognized two of the men because he sold crack to them before. Shocking no arrests have been made.

--Our dumbass of the week comes to us from Glens Falls. There Shawn Breault was going about his usual bartending duties at The Daily Double when he noticed our dumbass, Frederick Stimpson, taking $441 out of the register. As Stimpson tried to get out he lunged at Breault who punched him the f’ out with one blow. See you don’t want to f’ with a bartender who is a former boxer and Toughman participant. Stimpson tried again to escape, but Breault was there. Not with his fists or his feet, but with a bottle of hot sauce that he proceeded to smother Stimpson’s face with. Game over. When police arrived Stimpson told them he only took the money because he was dared to by a couple of bar customers. Apparently Stimpson is a sucker for dares as he’s a four-time felon on parole. Dumbass and it’s pronounced dumb-ass. Officer Swartz is a comedian, “It smelled like chicken wings when I walked into the station.” Move over chicken and waffles, hot wings and donuts about to blow up.

--Oh yeah, bitch it’s f’n on!!!! What now?

--Congratulations America...20 crates of fan mail to Paris in jail. I hope that lands on you on the terror watch list.

--I like pizza. I like beer so I’m down for pizza beer. Tom Seefurth of Illinois is the creator of Mama Mia beer that’ll be available soon in Aurora, Illinois and maybe eventually the world or online or who the hell knows, it might be the nastiest combination since lime juice and Bailey’s. The guy and his wife had a surplus of garden tomatoes and he was already a brewing nerd so he created a tomato-garlic puree and went from there and he even throws in slices of pizza during the brewing process.

Questions, comments or if you got your chocolate in my peanut butter or my peanut butter in your chocolate…

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