Sunday, June 17, 2007

Step Up To The Bar Put The Girl Down

Start of Something Big?

Probably not, but a sweep is a sweep is a sweep. It’s nice that the Astros aren’t dead because they play in the worst division in baseball, but they’re just not that good. Maybe they’ll start playing better, but I don’t think they’re any better than a .500 team. My biggest problem is that they continue to have Orlando Palmeiro, Brian Moehler and Trever Miller on this roster. Why? They are all veterans who have been terrible this season and the club has suitable replacements for them in Round Rock. C’mon Tim, get out the release forms already. It’s getting ridiculous.

--You think the Astros take for-ever to make seemingly obvious decisions the Devil Rays are taking their sweet time with a couple that seem fairly obvious. First they sat Elijah Dukes a few games, but need to just go ahead and release or give him a month vacation to take care of his personal business. Last month that business including threatening the lives of his estranged wife and children including a text picture of a gun sent to her. Now it’s come out that he fathered a child with a 17-year-old foster kid that was living with his stepgrandmother. So yeah, the kid’s got major problems not even talking about his 5-51 stretch that has led to a .193 average overall. Then there’s Edwin Jackson whose problems are on the field. He’s 0-8 with an 8.20 ERA and despite a last start that lasted all of 1/3rd of an inning manager Joe Maddon says he’ll be starting come Monday. Maddon, “It hasn’t all been bad – we have a tendency to focus on the bad all the time.” Uh, yeah because well ummm 0-8, 8.20 ERA.

--BradyFan83 is back at it this time with some love for Michael Vick..."I underthrew him a bone"

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Mike James for Juwan Howard?! Thank you Minnesota.

Dear Kobe Bryant,

Please shut the f’ up!


--Four words: Triumph at the Tonys.

--Your underage drunk of the week comes to us from Antioch, California. There 2-year-old Julian Mayorga was at an Applebee’s with his mom. Little Julian wanted apple juice and the waiter took his covered, plastic sippy cup to the bartender who promptly filled the cup with margarita. Smartly they have the apple juice and margarita mix in the same looking plastic containers. So Julian starts slamming his cup down and mommy notices he starts making funny faces and began cursing about how life sucks and bit**** are the root of all evil (presumably). Mommy then noticed that his sippy cup smelled like triple sec and tequila. She was cool about it at the restaurant. Soon after they left little Julian started getting drowsy and like a true first-time drinker ended his night by vomiting. Mom took him to the hospital and he slept it off and the restaurant is taking care of the medical bills. Personally I think they should offer him free margaritas for life once he turns 21, but that’s just me. Everyone has one of those tequila nights that ends up with you swearing off tequila for the rest of your life, but usually that doesn’t happen before pre-K.

--Holy crap, Flight of the Conchords is hilarious!!! And what the hell was that Entourage?

--In news that will make Marc Vandermeer’s day…Buzz Donuts are on the horizon. Each donut contains about 50 mg. of caffeine, which is absorbed by the intestines eliminating the off taste. It’s basically a cup of coffee manufactured into your donut making oh so more healthy for you.

--Yeah, this guy isn't very good at his job...

--This is a great idea that I can’t believe I didn’t make millions off of sooner. A Singapore company is coming out with Whatever and Anything. Anything is a carbonated soda that comes in six flavors ranging from Cola to Cloudy Lemon. Whatever is a non-carbonated tea in six flavors like White Grape and Jasmine Green Tea. The catch is you have no idea which of those flavors you’re going to get when you pick up a can of Whatever or Anything. Genius.

--What do you do when you hire a prostitute and she dies on you? Probably freak the f’ out like this 39-year-old guy in Lake City, Washington did. The guy’s weekend started off with the prostitute, pot and alcohol. So far, so good until he ran out of beer. So dude decides to go to 7-11 to get more while the 47-year-old lady of the night decided to take a bath. So he comes back and she’s still bathing. He patiently waits 15 minutes presumably yelling through the door that he’s not paying for bath time. Finally he walks in and she’s dead. He started slapping her trying to bring her back to life, but as we know slapping is not as productive as oh say, CPR. So begins a three-day stretch in which the guy doesn’t know what the hell to do. He first decides to drink heavily then he decides to start digging a hole for her, but thinks better of it. Then he fills the tub up with cold water to slow down the body’s decomposition. Finally he does the smart thing and calls his employer. Huh? Whatever, his boss shows up and they decide it’s best to call the cops. Then we find cool cops who aren’t going to charge the guy with anything, “Why add insult to injury? He admitted he picked up a prostitute and this woman ultimately died. At that time, it wasn’t appropriate or prudent for the officers to…make an arrest or file charges.”

--I’m not gonna watch, but I’m thinking Comedy Central’s Lil’ Bush is just a Lil’ stupid.

--New White Stripes this week!!!!

--Sensational or Scary Sherri Martel has passed.

--For the first time in a long time I didn’t watch a UFC PPV. In case you missed it last Saturday afternoon Rich Franklin beat Yushin Okami who had beat Mike Swick in Houston last time out. Forrest Griffin got a much needed win. One of my favorites, Ed Herman, also picked up a win. Can’t wait to see Nate and Gray go at it Thursday then the finals along with BJ vs. Jens on Saturday.

--A professional Japanese soccer player was arrested last week on suspicion of having sex with a 15-year-old. Naoya Kikuchi, 22, admitted to the act and that he knew her age. Apparently they had relations in a parked car and Naoya accidentally left his wallet behind and the girl was nice enough to show the cops the guy’s driver’s license. Apparently Naoya tried to give her $82.00 in cash and forgot his wallet in…wait for it…wait for it…the basket of her bicycle.

Umm, Justin kicked this off of his European tour?!

--Congratulations to 6th grader Matt Porter for winning end-of-the-year school awards from his teachers. Matty won “Sir Clowns-a-Lot” and “Most Likely Not To Have Children.” Yeah, his parents aren’t happy and say the son needs counseling for the embarrassment. The school has offered it, but the two sides haven’t agreed who should do the counseling. The parents want Dr. Melfi while the school wants the more economical Dr. Nick.

--Oh Tennessee when will you ever learn? We have a new candidate for Mother of the Year. Mommy and male companion, 26 years her elder (61), were driving around with mom’s 6-year-old in Chattanooga when they got a hankerin’ for some grub so they stopped at a Cracker Barrel. Supposedly the child was misbehavin’ so old man Raymond Minchew took the boy out to the car and tied him up good so he couldn’t make no mo’ trouble. The man went back into the restaurant and the pair finished their meal. To their surprise the police were curious as to why they found a 6-year-old sweating his little ones off in the car. They were both charged with cruelty to a child and oh yeah, the cops also found a gun in the car. These are your fans, Vince. Good luck with that.

--This is how you end a club fight. Florida offensive lineman Ronnie Wilson got into it with some guy at club back in April. Then they went outside and Ronnie went to his car and busted out an AK-47 and squeezed off some rounds in the air. Fight over. Legal fight now underway.
Ak-47 and wifey.

--C’mon Daytime Emmys you can’t have a tie for Outstanding Drama Series. Guiding Light and The Young and the Restless tied. Good Morning America and Today Show were the only nominees for Morning Show and of course, they tied. What’s the f’in point Daytime Emmys.

--Damn you Shield for taking a week off.

--Since my paper money job and radio job are taking up most of my time I haven’t been watching many movies, but did check out Pan’s Labyrinth. Good stuff. Probably great stuff if, beforehand, you partake in “good stuff.”

--I’m sure you’re Sopranos’d out by now, but put me down for being satisfied with the ending. You should be blown away or surprised, but that’s David Chase for you and if you’ve watched the show through the years ending it like this shouldn’t have been all that shocking. You also shouldn’t have to watch an ending multiple times to “get it”, but I think you will if you watch it a coupla more times.

Questions, comments or if you can tell me why dogs have to die…RIP Percy…coolest Chow ever…

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