Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I'm Doing 120 Plowing Over Mail Boxes

It’s Time

Way to go boys! Helluva regular season. Tracy starts off the season shooting horrifically, has back problems on and off, misses 10 games and parts of others, and yet a career high in assists and his best shooting percentages (not FT, of course) as a Rocket to help make this team a 4 seed. Yao was hearing MVP talk until he went down for over 30 games, but he came back and his numbers ended up being nearly identical before and after the injury to help make this team a 4 seed. Rafer didn’t shoot all that well (that’s being kind), but the offense was ugh-ly if he wasn’t out there on the floor running things to help make this team a 4 seed. It’s not fun watching Luther run the point, but it is fun watching him jack up 3-pointers. He’s at 44% from long-range and if it’s not going to be Tracy taking the last shot, it better be Luther because he’s been a big part of making this team a 4 seed. I hope Shane Battier retires a Rocket because he “gets it.” Some people say they leave it all out on the court, but Shane really does no matter if it’s against the Blazers in October or the Mavericks in May. Go ahead leave him open from the corner and watch him knock it down to help make this team a 4 seed. Juwan Howard’s role changed weekly, but his professionalism and mid-range jumper never did and those borrowed sunglasses helped make this team a 4 seed. Not a lot of players get more out of what talent they have than Chuck Hayes does and now that he’s making lay-ups it’s no wonder how he helped make this team a 4 seed. When the big man went down it was up to Father Time Mutombo to fill in the gap and he did it by grabbing over 10 boards a game in Yao’s place. Here’s to us hearing your voice from a broadcasting booth someday and here’s to you helping to make this team a 4 seed. John Lucas III contributed more than anyone could have hoped to help make this team a 4 seed. Nobody is a better warm-up shooter than Steve Novak and in some way I’m positive that helped make this team a 4 seed. Kirk Snyder was banged up from almost the beginning, but he helped make this team a 4 seed. Billy Spanoulis taught those of us who attended Rockets’ games Greek words and that helped make this team a 4 seed. Nike! Scott Padgett gave us Jake Tsakalidis to help make this team a 4 seed. Jake gave us, ummm, depth and that helped make this team a 4 seed. Bonzi Wells did not help make this team a 4 seed. Jeff Van Gundy and his assistants did a fantastic job piecing together lineups and never letting this team accept mediocrity or a “woe is us” mentality and that helped make this team a 4 seed. Some of you fans and definitely the Red Rowdies helped make this team a 4 seed. Clyde Drexlers’ dancing did not, in any way, shape or form help make this team a 4 seed.
Also a reason this team is a 4 seed.

--Boki Nachbar continues to wreck up in Jersey. The other day he busted out 25 including 6 for 6 from three-point land.

--On Sunday for the 57th time Chipper and Andruw both went deep in the same game. The top three tandems are Willie and Willie (68), Babe and Lou (73), Hank and Eddie (75). I'm still looking to see where Adam and Brad are on the list.

--Ichiro has 40 straight successful steal attempts to tie Tim Raines' AL record.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Damn you walruses for letting that polar bear die instead of feasting on one of you blubbery bastards. Planet Earth and HD were made for each other.
That one didn't get away thankfully.

--Now that's what I expect Sopranos. Not some Bobby and Tony's weekend at the lakehouse garbage. RIP Johnny Sac. I sure hope Phil Leotardo, I mean Leonardo, doesn't share your fate. Leotardo and children should have a five minute gabfest every episode. Crazy ass song at the end was "Chickentown" by John Cooper Clarke.

--Just couldn't let it go, could ya Turtle?

--De La Hoya/Mayweather 24/7 is pretty strong. It’s ridiculous what those guys can do in their training. Floyd and 50 = BFF, shocking.
If he only had more confidence.

--Your tough love story of the week comes to us from Nebraska. There a 15-year-old girl got into the car with her mom after the teenager had a bad game of soccer. So mommy started making her recite lines about improving her performance. Dumb kid messed up the lines and the mom, rightly, pulled over on the Interstate right there and told her to get the hell out, presumably yelling, "Cars are for finishers!" The girl got out and was picked up by a teammate who probably has one of those mothers who believes in her kid.

--There’s a saveltfrommadden.com to ensure LaDainian doesn’t feel the wrath of the cover curse. It musta worked because that one guy, can’t remember his name, went to Madison, UT, won a national championship, drafted by the owner who ripped open Houston’s heart once before, what’s that guy’s name, well, it’ll come to me, but That Guy will be on the cover.

--Congratulations to Vikings cornerback Cedric Griffin who was kicked out of a Minneapolis club because he wouldn’t pull his pants up. That is a very, very good reason to get yourself arrested and get yourself a little taste of mace. Every real man has to know when to take a stand for what he believes in and letting your pants hang halfway down your ass is something that can unite us all.

--Because this has taken waaay too long to make the rounds online…

--Keith Olbermann has been added to the Football Night in America broadcasts. Thank God because that show is still three to five more hosts short.

--The Hulkster and Mrs. Hulkster on the rocks?!

--Edward Norton as The Hulk?!

--Please, please let Wayne Palmer just die. Worst actor on 24 evah! The cougar in season one had more range.
RIP David. Can't the Chinese be holding him too?

--Okay, I can understand how hospitals need to be ultra-secure to make sure babynappings don't happen. So when Baby Lewis was being taken out of the Women's Hospital without permission, the other day, and abduction alarms started going off (what a great sound for other new mothers to hear) I understand the hospital security and police need to get involved. But, ummm, can't we just block the door. I mean, I know we're in Taser Country here in Houston, but I'm thinking tasering daddy while he's holding baby isn't the best way to go about remedying this situation. Apparently the baby checked out okay after being dropped to the floor, but now that kid will always use “you dropped me on my f’n head” every time report card day comes around.

--You missed the West Coast contest, but you still have time to sign up for the East Coast National Texting Championship. Basically it’s a bracket format with two guys, hands behind their backs to start and then a message pops up on a sign and the first to text it to the ref moves on. There’s actually 8 pages of boring rules like no gambling. Huh? Why would anyone go if they can’t bet? You have to take the female every time and if both contestants are female choose the younger one and I don’t see how you would lose.

--Cold Pizza will be known as First Take once it moves from Bristol to New York next month. That’ll make a big difference.

----"It's gotta be hard waking up everyday knowing you got to be you. I know I couldn't do it. You brave, man. You Braveheart."

Questions, comments or if you remember the good ol’ days when Craigers had a talk show…

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