Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I'm the A.D.R.O.C.K.

Rockets = Good, Mavericks = Better…For Now

The Rockets have had a helluva figurative first half of the season. Fourteen games over .500 and just a game and a half out of the 3 spot despite not having Yao for 20+ games is just incredible. A ton of credit to Jeff Van Gundy and every single player on that team. The one player they need to ever have a chance at knocking off Dallas is Yao. The Rockets miss him more against the Mavericks than any other elite team because without him Dallas can roll a bunch of different lineups out there and don’t really have to play Erick Dampier and Desagna Diop and Houston needs those guys to play. We’ll see what happens on Thursday, but whether it’s here or there Dallas is just a superior team while Yao is out. No shame in saying that, the Mavericks are 42-9 and haven’t lost at home since, I don’t know, Thanksgiving?

--Luther Head and Shane Battier each have more 3-pointers than 2-pointers.

--This is just stupid, but Steve Nash has more double-doubles (34) than LeBron (11) and Jason Kidd (20) combined.

--Isiah may have gotten a lot of things wrong, but he got David Lee right. The guy doesn’t even start and he’s 8th in the league in rebounding at 10.8 per.

--This was just amazing…

--Randy Foye has replaced Mike James in Minnesota’s starting lineup. Yeah, that’s not really working out for you Mike is it?

--I picked the Cavaliers to get to the Finals, but they haven’t exactly been tearing it up in that awful East. Having said or written that Cleveland is 12-7 overall vs. the West and 8-1 at home against the Western Conference.

--Bobby Flay is in the All Star Celebrity game?! I’m thinking a throwdown is unlikely.

--For the life of me I can’t figure out why the NBA hasn’t b-slapped Tyrus Thomas right out of the dunk contest after he said, "I'm just going to go out there, get my check and call it a day... I'm just into the free money. That's it. I'll just do whatever when I get out there." If dude doesn’t want to spend a weekend in Vegas and be judged by the likes of Michael Jordan and Dr. J. then piss off. The league has got enough problems that it doesn’t need some rookie who has accomplished zero to crap on All Star Weekend. That is why this is the best NBA highlight from the first half of the season…

How about Doug “Blondie” Collins telling the other guy to tell him what happened because he can’t watch? Geez Doug it’s not like Joe Theismann’s leg getting snapped or something. Man up because part of announcing a basketball game is, well, you know watching it, even the replays.

--Seriously Jason Kapono is hitting 55% of his three-pointers. Sticking with the unlikely Miami producers theme…Jason Williams leads the league in assist to turnover ratio.

--Daniel Gibson is 4th in 3-point percentage at 46% and also has more 3s than he does 2s.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Seriously America 33 million dollars for Norbit last weekend?! C’mon America you’re only encouraging Eddie.

--The first hour of 24 this week was why I like 24. The second hour is why this show is slipping big-time. That and it runs opposite Heroes, which is just gold.

--For a few years now you could hire out Clutch to deliver a Valentine-gram or something to that effect. That’s nice, but if you really want to show her how much you care and you live within 45 miles of Miller Park you can get the racing sausages to deliver your Valentine’s message and what lady doesn’t want a sausage on Valentine’s Day?

--Drudge Report headline of the week: Talking urinals offer drinking and driving device.
That is fan-tastic. I cannot wait until I walk into a restroom and see a guy arguing with a talking urinal cake. And how did those ever get to be known as “cakes.” I mean why not discs or piss targets? Cakes? Although they do look like those snoballs, which I presume are nasty.

--Drudge Report headline that best sums up a crazier and crazier situation each day:
#5: Bodyguard of Anna Nicole Smith: “I could be daddy.”

--A new list of the fattest and fittest cities is out and you can probably guess which list Houston made. The fittest city according to the Men’s Fitness criteria is Albuquerque followed by Seattle. The fattest city in America is shockingly not in Texas. In fact, I’ll give you eight guesses…

The fattest city is none other than Vegas, baby. San Antonio checks in at 2 as the first of four Texas cities on the list. Houston, Dallas and El Paso are 6th, 7th and 8th.

--Because you can never get enough of Dr. Cox…

Did you know Dr. Cox was The White Shadow on The Boondocks? When the hell is that show coming back? Shouldn’t it be easier to roll out those episodes since he stopped writing the strip? Because I like to answer my own questions Huey and company will be back in March.

--A longtime Scrubs cast member is going to die this season?!

--Nick Cannon is getting his Wild n Out on with Kim Kardashian?!

--Last December Wayne Schenk of New York was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer and given a year to 18 months to live. Just over a month later he bought a $5 lottery scratch off ticket and won $1 million. That’s good except a stipulation is that it pays $50,000 over 20 years. So that’s not so good and New York isn’t budging from its rule.

--Tell me Lionel Richie did not sing “Hello” at the Grammys. Hero Nathan Petrelli is married to Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks?! I love Gnarls, but my man, you don’t always have to say yes to awards shows and you don’t always have to play “Crazy.” Did John Mayer just address rumors about Jessica Simpson in Japanese to Ryan Seacrest? Oh crap, am I watching another Red Carpet show?!

--That had to hurt…

--Ghost Rider looks like it’ll dominate next year’s Razzies. Here are 21 signs you’re watching a bad Nicholas Cage movie…i.e. If Nic’s hair is longer than four inches, you are watching a bad Nicolas Cage movie.

Questions, comments or if one night this week you want to come home drunk, make a pizza, flip on the TV and see that Cadence starts in five minutes…oh don’t you know that’s the sound of the men working on the chain ga-ang…oh don’t you know…

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