Thursday, February 15, 2007

In the place with the bass I'm going all the way

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I have never, ever, ever understood the appeal of Carlos Mencia. So when I see him get verbally b-slapped by Joe Rogan and a bunch of other comics onstage, well, it made my Thursday…hopefully this video stays up longer than five minutes since Mencia is tearing them off the web since he doesn't really come off all that well...

--Some people like, I don’t know, the U.S. military need to understand 24 is, you know, a television show. Brigadier General Patrick Finnegan on the torture scenes, “"I'd like them to stop. They should do a show where torture backfires. The kids see it and say, 'If torture is wrong, what about 24?' The disturbing thing is that although torture may cause Jack Bauer some angst, it is always the patriotic thing to do." Damn straight it is, there are still three freakin’ suitcase nukes out there.
She will be back on someday, right?

--Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker together again?!

--Jimenny is what we’re going with for Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey?!

--Kristin Davis and Rick Fox?!
Shaggy Dog...very memorable.

--We head to Georgia for this…A couple lives at the bottom of the hill and has a problem with speeders in the neighborhood so they installed three video cameras and a radar detector to try to get people to slow down to create a safer world for their child. So one day a cop speeds by 17 MPH over the limit and the couple brings this to the attention of the police. So later they get a visit by the police saying the officer in question is filing stalking charges against the couple. It’s a mad world.

--Note to Bernard Hopkins, who is coming out of “retirement” to face Winky Wright, fans don’t get excited about your fights anyway much less when you talk like this, “If I don’t get any cuts, any injuries and I can stay out of the real hard fights, I could go another 4 or 5 years on my defense alone.”

--Donald Trump and Vince McMahon in a hair match?!

--Definition of scene-stealer: Saracen’s friend Landry on Friday Night Lights.

--Not Jessica Biel or Rachel Bilson or Sophia Bush, but British actress Michelle Ryan is your next Wonder Woman. She was on Eastenders where I presume she had some hilarious scenes with Barry.

--Reggie Bush and Ciara?!

--Oh the links men go to keep their wives from tearing their heads off. In California a 35-year-old man crashed his car and didn’t want to tell wifey because he feared the wrath. So he told police that he was kidnapped by two men and the only way he could escape was to crash the car. Yeah, he couldn’t keep the lie going and so now faces criminal charges for filing a false report although they may just let him deal with his wife.

--A Micky Ward biopic that stars Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg?!

--The “T” in Tim Hardaway stands for tolerant…LeBatard, “Tim, you know what you’re saying is homophobic…flat bigotry.” Tim, “Well, umm, I hate gay people.”

--A live-action Underdog movie?! A biopic on Milli Vanilli?!

--The newest drink item from Japan? Bilk. Yeah, that would be a combination of beer and milk. Apparently Japanese people aren’t consuming enough milk so some liquor store owner whose shop is in the biggest dairy region decided to combine the two and came up with something that smells like milk as 30% of the drink is, but tastes like beer. Beer is an acceptable substitute for milk in cereal so I guess why not?

--The first fifteen minutes of the season premiere of The Shield is on!

--Prescription drugs are now second only to marijuana in getting teenagers high. Now you know although you probably already knew.

--We head to Tennessee where we get an update on our old friend Jobu from Major League. Evidently Jobu spends his days cleaning up debris in a Chattanooga neighborhood. The other day some lady flagged down an officer and claimed a man named Jobu was chasing her around with a pickaxe perhaps for stealing his rum, I don’t know. The officer saw the whole thing and Jobu was cleared and I’m sure the lady brought him a live chicken as an apology.

--This next story only sounds like it’s from Tennessee, but in fact this comes from Pennsylvania. Rebecca Johnson was pregnant and started having intense contractions so she got her mom to take her to the hospital. She stepped out of the car and boom, "I didn't know what happened until he was in my pant leg."

--A new season of The Deadliest Catch begins on April 3rd.

--Heather Mills is not even close to a C-list celebrity so let’s not do anything rash like put her on Dancing with the Stars.

--I heart Marisa Miller.

Questions, comments or if you’re still not sure you were really watching Tony Romo, Mr. Belding and some heavy metal band belt out “Don’t Stop Believin”…

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