Friday, February 09, 2007

I'm like Jimmy Walker, I'm dyno-mite!!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--When watching 24 you have to let a lot of things slide and I’m fine with that to a point, but c’mon guys pick it up. How weird is it to see Calamity Jane clean and sober on Lost?! If we can just get Swearengen to battle 24’s new vice president Powers Boothe we can kick that show up a motherf*&* notch!

--24 meets The Mooninites and Aqua Teen Hunger Force?!

--Roy and Pam together again?! How f’n hilarious was it when Ryan swatted away the bouquet that was heading Kelly’s way?

--John Amaechi is gay…and the world yawned. NBA players made stupid ass quotes like Shavlik Randolph, "As long as you don't bring your gayness on me, I'm fine.”

--How sweet that the NFC players voted to let Tony Romo hold the ball on field goals and extra points.

--Kim Kardashian Superstar will be out on DVD later this month. Call me crazy, but I’m thinking her “explicit water sports” (golden shower is an explicit water sport?) action with her old boyfriend Ray J will be online for free a lot sooner. She’s kind of got a good body.
How funny the one with the sex tape just released is having the better week.

--Things are looking up Britney. Getting dumped by a guy no one has ever heard of is a good sign.

--Damn, I love this show…

--This is what Teri Hatcher told UK Glamour, "I don't use Botox or Restylane and I've never had any surgery, no matter what you've read. That's the one downside to fame - on any one day you can find loads of hideously mean things said about you online.” Remember when Teri Hatcher had her lawyers make me write a retraction that one time? That was hilarious, almost as hilarious as her saying she’s never had Botox or surgery. Yeah, right. Passion wagon.

--Hayden Panettiere is dating Stephen from Laguna Beach?! C’mon cheerleader, you’re better than that.

--Oh the lengths women will go to in order to hang onto to their man. A mother in Muskegon, Michigan was recovering from surgery and feared her man was going to run around hunting for another woman to have liquid explosion in so she did what any good mother, good girlfriend would do. She offered up her 15-year-old daughter via a written agreement with her boyfriend. The bar has been raised on the Mother of the Year award.

--For Ex-Wife of the Year we head to Oakdale, California. There 50-year-old Angela Nellany was trying to kill her former husband. She paid a family friend to put a bunch of wasps in his car. The ex-husband is allergic to wasps so there’s the thinking there. Ex had been told his wife wanted him dead, but he didn’t believe the rumors…until he started his car and wasps started shooting out of the vents. He managed to escape without getting stung. She didn’t manage to escape jail time.

--And finally we make it to our Father of the Year candidate who hails from Atlanta. This guy wanted to get some money from Campbell’s by claiming its soup made his children sick. What kind of BAM! did Daddy add to the soup for his 3-year-old and 18-month-old? Well first, that’s right he did this twice, first he put lighter fluid and hot peppers in the soup and that landed the kids in the hospital. The second time he went for it all by kicking things up a notch with prescription drugs Prozac and Amitriptyline, which may have helped their depression problems, but landed them another hospital visit as well. Daddy dumbass called Campbell’s and threatened to sue and Campbell’s said bring it. He did not and now he faces five years in a federal prison.

--A Ben & Jerry’s ice cream called Americone Dream with Stephen Colbert on the carton?!

--No truth to the rumor Brad Lidge came up with the questions that Albert Pujols aced in scoring a 100 on his U.S. citizenship test.

--Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations is new to my DVR list and well worth setting asided 45 minutes for each week. If you’d like to know what Anthony thinks of the Food Network personalities then here ya go…

Questions, comments, or if every week you look at the sportsflash computer’s history folder and tell of its contents in your flash because one particular anchor not named Fizzle, Danny, Rob or Clanton has the hormones of a 12-year-old boy instead of say an adult sports director and yet every day he continues to visit the nude likes of Andie Macdowell and Sherilyn Fenn with no shame and he’s only been emboldened since the door was replaced and now has now window on it…

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