Monday, February 19, 2007

I Can't Stop Y'all Tock Tick Y'all

I Miss You Vegas

--Everyone on that East squad should be banned from all-star games the next two seasons. That was just pathetic. Next time open up a can of give a crap and see what happens.

--Gerald Green probably would have won the slam dunk contest no matter what, but Dwight Howard was absolutely robbed of a chance to get into the final round. The man-child did something never seen with that sticker shock to the backboard that measured all of 12 feet 6 inches at its highest point. Oh yeah, he slammed the ball down with more authority than anyone as well. Not to mention the sticker had a bible verse on it. Why does the NBA hate the Good Word? Dwight had wanted to raise the rim to 12 feet to entertain us, but the NBA said no, the slam dunk contest doesn’t need anybody trying to improve it, let’s just recycle the same ol’ crap.
--Nate Robinson had a good dunk planned out, but the Knicks wouldn’t sign off on it. He wanted to put a Playboy Bunny blackjack dealer and table in the lane and dunk over all of it.

--This year we had Barkley/Bavetta and honestly Barkley should be in every single contest for the sheer entertainment value. He may have won the race, but there was a much better chance of him dying at the end of it than Bavetta. And you gotta love Bavetta diving for the half court line and landing squarely on his bony knees. Bavetta + HD is not a good mix.

--George Takei/Sulu/Hiro's Dad had the best take on Tim Hardaway on Kimmel.

--Next year and I don’t care if I have to pay for it, but we need to see Charlie Murphy ball against Prince.

--C’mon Tracy you let Brandon Davis into your party?!

--Pamela Anderson has a couple of grade-school sons and since she’s kind of a MILF she gets into some interesting situations as she told BlackBook magazine, "At a Lakers game, someone was trying to shove these naked pictures at me for me to sign, and [later] in the car, [the boys] go, 'Mom, they were trying to get you to sign naked pictures,' and I go, 'No, I was wearing a bikini' and they go, 'You were not wearing a bikini,' and I was like, 'I was wearing a bikini.' They were like, 'That's disgusting.' "

--The Smoking Gun obtained Joumana Kidd’s countersuit and it’s as good as you’d expect it to be. She says Kidd is a bit of a cad who has had extramarital sexytime with "several different television reporters, as well as strippers in Arizona, Sacramento, Miami, Dallas and Indiana, a Nets season ticket holder, a Nets employee, and a cheerleader in New Orleans.” Wow, stalk much Joumana? It gets better (not that spousal abuse if funny, but) she says he’s hit her with everything from a rock to a cookie. Yes, a cookie. If it was a sugar cookie and that sugar got in her eyes, well let’s just say Jason will be lucky to get only five years in jail. If it was a cookie with nuts in it who knows how long he’ll be behind bars. She also claims that one time Jason kicked her in the stomach causing blood to show up in her urine and Jason’s response was, “I don’t give a f***!”
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Bridget Moynahan is preggers with Tom Brady’s golden child?! Best headline goes to with “Brady Having ‘Protection Problems?’” is always a great read and, on the heels of finding out Tom’s current girl toy Gisele Bundchen was taking pole dancing classes, came out with more Brady headlines that won’t be surprising when they come out:
Tom Brady Wins Lottery. Tom Brady Discovers Fountain of Youth.
Gisele: 'I Have No Gag Reflex.'
Gisele Declares Bisexuality, Brings Model Friends with Her to Bedroom.
Brady: 'I Didn't Even Know 13 Inches Was Big.'
It does not get better than Adriana, Alessandra, and Gisele.

--If you didn’t know and I think you did, Britney has lost her ever-loving mind. That “wig” she was photographed wearing was just ridiculous. Honestly the shaved head distracts from your ever-growing gut so just go with it. How much of a dumb bi*** do you have to be to lose your kids to Kevin Federline?!

--Least surprising new domain address? or

--The Las Vegas Review Journal probably got this item wrong because it doesn’t sound like the T.O. I know:
Dallas Cowboys lightning rod Terrell Owens, after getting knocked out of Alonzo Mourning's eight-ball tournament at the Wynn on Thursday, whined to organizers that his opponent was a ringer. That after Owens taunted his opponent throughout the pool match.

--Saturday Night Live might actually be worth watching this week with Dwight Schrute/Rainn Wilson handling hosting duties.

--Hooters is coming out with an energy drink?!

--Tell me Fox News isn’t trying a Daily Show-type show. I would post a clip, but it’s just really bad and not funny bad, just Mencia-bad.

--So Roger is 80-20 on not returning huh? Please no more comments until you’re ready to say for sure one way or the other. Until then who cares?

--Smell that?! Smells like someone is bullsh***** all over the place. Yeah, it’s Paula Abdul, "I've never been drunk. I have never done recreational drugs. Just look at my 20-year career. Tell me someone who is into partying and or doing drugs that could have done that." 20-year career? Umm, “Straight Up” and “Rush, Rush” were released within three years of each other and I’ll even give you being a “judge” on a talent show for the last five years so I’m still looking for 12 years of a “career.”

--Sadly not even seeing Amy Smart get nailed in the middle of Chinatown could save the 88 minute pile of crap known as Crank.

--In snow makes you crazy news…In Akron last week 72-year-old Robert Hudson wanted 56-year-old Neal Shafer to move his car which was parked outside of the hotel they both stay at. He wanted it moved so the city could plow. Shafer refused and the two men fought with the win going to the younger Shafer and the loser, Hudson, going to the hospital. Oh well, that’s over... well when the 72-year-old got discharged he went and beat down the 56-year-old and Shafer had to go to the hospital. So we’re tied at 1 going into the 3rd and final round. Yep, a 3rd round. Shafer headed into the hotel lobby and Hudson was waiting on him. And unfortunately for Shafer the only advantage he had was being 16 years younger. Hudson’s advantage? Experience….and a knife. Hudson finished Shafer for good, not for Shafer’s good. He’s dead because he didn’t want to move his car. Moral of the story…never date a woman with the first name of a state…wait different story.

--I don’t know why maybe because of the outstanding soundtrack, but I’ve always liked Rocky V. Sylvester Stallone doesn’t feel the same way, "The fifth Rocky disappointed a lot of people, including myself ... I should have maybe directed it or re-written it. Whatever it was, it was just wrong. Across the board it misfired, and I take responsibility for that. To have made four good films and have the last one turn out so badly left a bad taste in my mouth. It just broke my heart." Geez, Rocko this was the one you put your own son in.

--Whitney Houston and Brandy’s brother/Kim Kardashian’s sex tape partner Ray-J?!

--Seriously how good of a show is Heroes? Not that you're watching, but Rome has been even better than last season and it's a shame there won't be a third season. Damn you Agrippa for taking my Octavia.

--Not that you watched, but Sechew Powell and Ishe Smith should never be on HBO again, maybe a card on VS, but never on HBO. Boxing After Dark is sliding and the only way to get people to start watching again is by having better, more exciting fighters involved or just go ahead and move to UFC After Dark.
--The Oral B Vitality rechargeable toothbrush is where it’s at. Just thought you should know.
--Raymond Snuffer Jr. doesn’t sound like the name of a lucky guy, but it is. The guy is an airline pilot out of Minnesota and hit the lotto on Saturday for $25,000. The next day he played the same first number, 11, and went with five other different numbers following that and yep, he won another $25,000. Let it ride Snuff-man, let it ride.

--Your religious face or symbol on food item of the week goes to a man in North Carolina who says he found an image of Jesus on…grilled cheese- no, cheese nip- no, jelly roll- no, panini- no, this guy says he found his Jesus image on an oyster shell. Yeah, I’m not seeing it…

Questions, comments or if on Monday to celebrate the day you took a shot of Jager for each president you missed as you tried to name them all in sequential order…

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