Thursday, January 18, 2007

Now my name is M.C.A. I've got a license to kill

Don’t Cha Hate Moral Victories?

The Rockets were absolutely rolling into the toughest two-game stretch an NBA schedule can bring. Going in the Mavericks had won 17 of their last 18 and it’s not because they were lucky. The team is just flat out loaded and as soon as Devean George came in Houston’s chances went out the window. Tracy was incredible in the first half and the only memorable thing in the second half was his dunk that cost him Wednesday’s game against the Suns. Phoenix was coming in on a 10-game winning streak and yet the Rockets played with the heart and tenacity that you’d expect from a group of professionals coached by Jeff Van Gundy. Nobody and I mean nobody hates losing more than JVG and yet after the Suns loss he told everyone how much he appreciated what he saw over those two nights. How can you not appreciate this team? How can you not love what the guys are leaving out on the court each and every night? How can you not hope that, pretty please with a cherry on top, let Tracy and Yao be fully healthy come playoff time?

--How phenomenal was that Oklahoma State/Texas game the other night? This college basketball season has been fan-freakin-tastic…with the exception of UH. How are you up 24 in the 2nd half on Rice and lose by 5?!

--So Alexander Martinez is minding his own business leaving a California restaurant after his 30th birthday party. He’s got a big cake with him and walks by a club and out comes Ronny Turiaf. Of course, Turiaf being a cool guy agrees to take a photo with Martinez. Then Kwame Brown walks over, takes the cake and shoves it in Martinez’s face before getting into a white limo. Martinez sees Lamar Odom and asks him what’s up with Kwame when Lamar’s bodyguard starts pushing Martinez before Odom tells him to stop. Eventually Martinez made his way to a police station and filed a report of which nothing will come of.

Futbol Americano

--I’ll take the Colts over the Patriots and Saints over the Bears.

--Michael Vick is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year. Let’s roll with Vick to the airport in Miami where he was boarding a flight to Atlanta. Vick had a 20 oz. Aquafina water bottle with him and of course, he was asked by a screener to toss it. At first he balked before finally tossing it. Some Vick-hating screener went over to the recycle bin and retrieved the bottle discovering it had a secret compartment that was filled with dark residue and smelled like marijuana. Airport authorities confirmed through surveillance tapes the screener’s story and the league has been made aware of the situation although I can’t imagine anything happening to him. Either way the Michael Vick Experience seems more fun of a ride now.

--How about Marty Schottenheimer not only returning, but refusing a one-year contract extension through 2008?

--This guy you may have heard of named Reggie Bush can become the fourth Heisman winner to play in the Super Bowl in his rookie year. The last to do it was none other than Ron Dayne in 2000.

--The average margin of victory this postseason has been 7.3 points.

--Not since 1996 have both home teams won the conference championship games.

--Fishing Across America with Dennis Green?!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Cameron Diaz is not looking to good post-Justin. According to the always reliable Page 6 the one-time cute star screamed down Jessica Biel because Justin was chatting her up. Jessica Biel = hot right now. Cameron Diaz = hot up to the point There’s Something About Mary left theatres.

--Thankfully it appears the Lost producers are in the process of coming up with an endpoint for the series.

--Sometimes the only way to win is to go to the dark side…

--Eliza Dushku and Brad Penny?!

--A new trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is out…

--Lindsey Lohan in rehab?! Wow, who saw that coming?

--Mandy Moore and DJ AM?! Quite a drop off from Vince to freakin’ DJ AM.
The good ol' days.

--The annual Harris Poll of our favorite movie stars is out. Topping the list for the first time is Denzel. Tom Hanks’ bid for a three-peat was denied as he got # 2. # 3 is, of course, John Wayne. Seriously John Wayne? Alright. Clint Eastwood at 4 followed in a tie between Will Smith and the only lady on the list Julia Roberts. Johnny Depp (more like Johnny Wanker according to Mr. Bloom) and Mel Gibson knotted at 7. George Clooney and Harrison Ford round out the list. I love Han Solo too, but a top 10 movie personality in 2006?!

--The Harris Poll for our favorite TV personality is out as well. First the ones who dropped out of the top 10: Jerry Seinfeld, George Lopez and Tim Allen (Tim Allen?!). For the fifth straight year Oprah tops the list and for the third straight year Jon Stewart follows at 2. Unfortunately Colbert was robbed, but Papa Bear O’Reilly is 3rd. Hugh Laurie and Letterman round out the top five. Inexplicably Jay Leno at 6 just ahead of Ray Romano. Then three similar personalities tied at 8 with Kiefer Sutherland, Conan O’ Brien and Ellen Degeneres.

--As some of you may know The Big Bopper is buried in Beaumont. Of course, Bopper was on the small plane crash that also killed Buddy Holly and Lou Diam…errr…Richie Valens (anyone else have the movie memorized?). Anyway, Big Bopper Jr. is having Bopper Sr.’s remains dug up, perhaps exhumed is a nicer choice of words, and examined to find out what killed his father. I had never heard this, but a gun belonging to Holly was found a couple of months after the crash. An autopsy was only performed on the pilot and since Bopper Sr.’s body was found 40 feet from the wreckage Bopper Jr. wants to know if anything crazy happened. RICHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

--Tell me Jim did not just tell Karen he still has feelings for Pam.

--This is pure gold…

--New Jack City 2?!
Am I my brother's keeper?

--At some point you have a bad day in a casino and you ask yourself why you put yourself through this and you think about never gambling again. It’s never happened to me because I’m always due, but it did happen to one guy in Atlantic City. We only have his initials to go by, but S.D. had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and marched himself to the Casino Control Commission and put his name on a list of names to be barred from casinos for life. The old self-blacklist, if you will. Of course, within the hour he started trying to get his name off and, of course, that wasn’t happening. Not only that, but my man S.D. started getting letters from other casinos around the country saying he was no longer welcome because what happens in Atlantic City is spread throughout the country.

--In perfect match news…Steve Carell as Maxwell Smart. The Rock and the very lovely Anne Hathaway may be in it as well.

--There are so many negative Taser-related stories that we need to look at the good things Tasers can sometimes do. For example, in Plattsburgh, New York this week a huge deer got its antlers stuck in a rope swing. The cops couldn’t get near it because it did weight a few hundred pounds and didn’t appear happy. So it’s a bullet in the brain or give it a Taser shot and see what happens. The Big Buck Hunters Tasered the deer and it went down like Frazier. The cops unhooked the deer and moments later it awoke and ran off “happy as a clam.”

--My favorite Bauer moment on Monday was when he tossed that random guy from his car, pointed at him, simply said “don’t get up,” and then drove off with dude’s car while dude sat on his ass because Jack Bauer told him to.

--Magnum P.I. with Matthew “awright, awright, awright” McConaughey as Magnum and William H. Macy as Higgins?!

--Tell me Fidel Castro did not have an artificial anus created.

--There are worthy lawsuits and then there are worthy lawsuits. An antique dealer in New York’s Upper East Side is suing four homeless men for $1 million because they’ve been driving away customers for a long time seeing as how they don’t bathe and sleep in cardboard boxes. The dealer also wants the court to order the men to stay at least 100 feet away from his store.

Questions, comments, or if you used to think it’d be cool to have David Bowie sing a song about you and then you saw Extras and now you’re not so sure…

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