Thursday, December 21, 2006

One Lonely Beastie I Be

10th Time’s the Charm

It would take a Christmas miracle for Houston to break through this Sunday and our miracle of snow on Christmas Eve wasn’t that long ago so I wouldn’t hold my breath for a Texans win. Maybe the Houston will come within 20 points of Indy. Maybe it’ll still be a game by halftime. Maybe David Carr will magically become an average quarterback. Maybe Gary Kubiak will actually play Chris Taylor. Maybe Andre Johnson will run further than 10 yards down the field. Maybe the Texans will run a two-minute drill. Maybe the secondary won’t get scorched. Either way only two years until we’re done with Dubya and only two games until we’re done with David. I know it’s not all David’s fault, but he’s just got to go.

--38 more rushing yards before Vince becomes the first rookie QB to ever run for 500 yards.

--The Cardinals have 12 rushing TDs over the last two seasons. Since November 19th LaDainian has 12 as well.

--Before this season the Raiders suffered the indignity of being shut out at home one time in their history. This season, three times.

Aloha Means You Got Snubbed

--DeMeco got De-jobbed out of a Pro Bowl bid. Leading the league in tackles is kind of a big deal.
--The biggest snub of all to me is Brian Westbrook not getting in over Tiki Barber. Their total yards are pretty much the same, but with Westbrook holding a big 11-2 advantage in touchdowns. To me it’s about what these guys have done down the stretch. New York has lost 5 of 6 and in those losses Tiki didn’t go over 100 yards or even average 4 yards a pop. Over the same stretch Westbrook’s Eagles, sans McNabb, have won 4 of 6 while Brian has averaged 5.1 yards a carry and gone over 100 yards rushing three times. Then there’s the fact Westbrook has been hurt all season, but played through it and only missed one week. Tiki, on the other hand, dropped a retirement bomb on his team mid-season.

--I like Philip Rivers, but over Tom Brady?!

--The three guys Eli Manning ended up getting traded for will all make the trip. Rivers, Shawne Merriman and Nate Kaeding. Kaeding made it despite a three-week stretch he didn’t even have to attempt a FG.

--Your undrafted Pro Bowlers: Willie Parker (Steelers), Jeff Saturday (Colts), Tony Romo (Cowboys) and Brian Waters (Chiefs).

--Because you can never hear these clips enough…

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Because ‘tis the season…

--Martha Stewart and Anthony Hopkins once had a thing?!

--Sharon Stone and Christian “wow, look at that snap!” Slater are officially a pair?!

--Former N*Syncer Joey Fatone in for the next Dancing with the Stars.
Joey that you Vito?

--Every once in a while I record Raw just to see if anything interesting is happening and since last week’s had a battle royal and was three hours I gave it a shot. I zipped through the three hours in about 20 minutes. Apparently Kevin Federline is wrestling John Cena on New Year’s Day. Shockingly Edge won the battle royal. Maybe TNA has something interesting going on. I know ECW doesn’t. WWE killed that.

--Eminem and Kim are divorcing…again.

--Drudge headline of the week: Woman calls cops to complain about ‘bad crack’.

--Sadly Miss Evangeline Lilly’s house in Hawaii burned to the ground. No one was hurt and this is one of the best scenes in television history...

--Those dumbasses on The View are at it again. First it was Rosie ching-chonging her way into the hearts of Asians, then Joy Behar somehow made Donald Rumsfeld a sympathetic figure and then Rosie slammed Donald Trump after the Miss USA press conference including a claim Trump was once bankrupt, had extra-marital affairs and is basically a “snake oil salesman.”

“Rosie is very lucky to have her girlfriend. She better be careful or I'll send one of my friends over to pick up her girlfriend.... why would she stay with Rosie if she had a choice?

--We head to Haynie Elementary in Georgia for our fun field trip of the week. Teacher took her 4th grade class to the Atlanta History Center. She warned the kids if they acted up she’d tie ‘em up with a rope. One kid started talking and he got the rope as did several others who had a long jump rope tied around their wrists. So they got paraded around by teacher until one presumably plump kid couldn’t keep up so she untied them all. One parent said, “He told me he’s been scared to act up in this particular teacher’s class, because he didn’t want to be tied up again.” Poor kid, too scared to act up in class. Oh well, might as well be quiet and learn something.

--You ever see lights from a cop car behind you and instead of, I don’t know, stopping; you decide to call 911? Well, Brian Gullickson is a member of Fergus Falls’ City Council and that’s exactly what he did when a cop tried to pull him over for expired tags at 1:30 in the morning the other day. He told the dispatcher he had done nothing wrong and that “they had no idea who he was.” Long story, short, he finally stopped, acted like a drunk jerk, taser, pepper spray, jail.

--Josh Hartnett can’t act to save his life, but apparently he acts good enough to date Scarlett Johansson while also making time to make out with Giselle Bundchen.

--Apparently Miss USA has nothing on Miss Nevada who had some party pictures taken showing her in the various stages of hot drunkenness. First jam your tongue down another hot girl, take a piss on the side of a building exposing your ass, go back and tongue another girl, show off your Miss Nevada casabas, let a random guy tongue your casabas, show the casabas to the camera one more time and decide your day is done. Didn't take too long for her to get stripped......of her title. Apparently the former Miss Nevada was 17 when these were taken. I guess they finally got out because of Miss USA's stuff and now people are trying to make a buck exposing the whorier (word?) beauty queens.

--The most comprehensive Best Albums of 2006 page out there…

--The perfect stocking stuffer…

--Everyone have a great Christmas or whatever makes you happy.

Questions, comments or if all you want for Christmas is a fantasy football title, just one, I mean sure two would be nice and you’ve been a good boy all year long and open the doors for all people not just old people and you pick up your trash if its still in the same spot on the street the next day and you drink every single drop of beer in your glass even if you’re hammered because you know there are people in the world who don’t get to drink and you give homeless people a stick of green apple Extra and you call your grandmother on her birthday not because your mom makes you, but because your dad does and you make hoecakes because hoes gotta eat too and you don’t curse the Texans every day, but every other day and you support our President because all right I don’t exactly support our President, but, where was this going? Oh yeah, all I want for Christmas is one fantasy football title......or two.....please...

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