Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Girls- To Do The Laundry

How Ya Like Me Now?

Well, fan-freakin-tastic, it’s Monday and Gary Kubiak still has a job. I’m sure you’re a nice guy, but it was your decision to pick Mario Williams over Reggie and Vince and that was the stupidest sports move in Houston’s looong history of stupid sports moves. You know, at least the Blazers didn’t pass up Michael Jordan twice. Reggie or Vince it was that f’n simple and everyone who has ever seen a snap knew it except you. This is entirely on you. You said you could make David Carr into a real quarterback. Now you don’t even trust him to throw the ball more than 10 yards down the field. Well that’s just f’n great. You and Bob “throw 700 million dollars down the toilet” McNair said you needed Mario to beat Peyton. Well, Mario hasn’t, Carr hasn’t, but some guy named Vince Young did it in his ninth career start. You know what’s better than beating the Colts? Beating the Cowboys. Reggie Bush helped the Saints do that as he went for over 150 yards and a highlight reel touchdown reception. You egotistical idiots thought you could just roll in and put in your system and everything would be okay. No, this team was coming off a two-win season and didn’t have one exciting piece that every week you would put everything on hold for just to watch him, even if it’s in a loss. This city deserved someone special to give us hope and you gave them a defensive end who may turn out to be great, but Vince and Reggie are already there. Anthony Weaver and Antwan Peek were just a couple of the Texans who said Vince is great. No, sh**, I haven’t heard one opposing player say Mario is great already. Bob McNair should a press conference tomorrow and fire Charley Casserly again, then off with Kubiak’s head, then sell the freakin’ team to someone, anyone who knows what the hell they’re doing. I agree with everyone who says that if you were rooting for Vince and the Titans on Sunday then you aren’t a Texans fan. Damn straight. Who the hell wants to be a Texans fan anyway? What have they done that you can be proud of? Beat the Cowboys 19-10 and that was damn near five years ago. Everything since then has been all downhill. You can’t help, but like players like Andre, Dunta, Weaver, DeMeco, but I hate this franchise. I will never get over that stupid ass decision. I hope Vince kicks your butt every single time and Reggie Bush becomes as special as everyone was saying he would be. It serves everyone in that organization, right. Eat it Texans! F’n eat it!!!

--Houston now sits 5th in the draft order.

--The Vikings have beaten the Lions 10 straight times, which is the current longest mark. In a couple of weeks the Colts will beat the Texans 10 straight times as well.

--Until the Ravens handled them Sunday the Chiefs hadn’t lost a December home game since 1996 when no one had ever heard of the Houston Texans.

--There’s crazy and then there’s Jeff Garcia putting up three straight 100+ passer ratings. It’s the second time he’s ever done that in his career.

--Congratulations to Philip Buchanon who picked off Michael Vick in the end zone on Sunday. Buchanon is the first Buc to have had the ball in the end zone since Mike Alstott in the first quarter on Thanksgiving.

--Chris Weinke has now lost his last 15 straight starts.

--Barack Obama’s opening on Monday Night Football was great.

--The Raiders have lost six straight and not scored more than 14 points in any of them.

--How awful is Bryant Gumbel on the NFL Network (not that anyone gets that anyway)?

--Pearland stopped the Sam McGuffie express over the weekend. Former Dobie QB Sam Proctor led the Oilers on a game-winning drive at the end to come away with a 16-15 win. Another big day for future Longhorn Fozzy Whitaker. McGuffie had a couple more scores to end up with 43. Oh yeah, the junior RB finished the season with a ho-hum 3,121 yards averaging 8.7 a carry. I can’t imagine anyone reading this who hasn’t seen The Hurdle, but just in case…

At Least the Astros Aren’t Stup…WTF?! Andy’s Where?!

Congratulations go out to the Astros for sticking it to that jerk Andy Pettitte. What’s he ever done in his career? Win a World Series? Or two? Or three? Win 18 postseason games? Come back to his hometown and bring Roger Clemens with him? Finish 2nd to Clemens in ERA two years ago at 2.39? Finish in the top 5 in Cy Young voting four times? Go 7-4 with a 2.80 ERA last season after the break? Pfft, whatever, thank God he’s gone. Houston’s rotation is already stacked with guys whose credentials are far superior than what little Andrew Eugene could bring. Any team would think it a luxury to have Woody Williams as a # 2 starter. What’s that? You’re going to trade for somebody. Oh, okay. See the thing is you could have just spent two more million and brought back Andy and not have to lose any young talent. But I guess you need to open up some roster spots for all those studs coming down the pipe. So what if Andy wanted a player option. Give it to him. He won’t take your money if he’s hurt or ineffective. That’s not who he is. $100 million for a fat, 30-year-old outfielder is palatable, but an extra two million and a player option for a hometown guy isn’t? Thank God, we have the rest of the Rockets’ season to look forward to. What’s that? Tracy’s back forced him to leave Saturday’s game? Sonuva@#$^%&@%!!!!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The LA Film Critics Association handed out some year-end awards. Clint Eastwood’s Letters from Iwo Jima won Best Picture. There was a tie for Best Actor between one of my all-time favorites Forrest Whitaker who knocked it out the park in Last King of Scotland. The other Best Actor, c’mon think about it, who else could it be besides Sasha Baron Cohen for a little movie known as Borat.

--Because at its core The Shining really is a family movie…

--Whatever brings family together is okay by me. For example, a 12-year-old boy and his sister were on their way to school the other morning when the sister needed some nourishment. So being the big brother he took her into a convenience store to pick out whatever she wanted. She wanted a Rice Krispies Treat bar so the big brother placed it on the counter and pulled out a semi-automatic pistol and told the clerk he was going to blow his head off. Awwww. So the clerk let him have the Treat and a handful of other candy because he probably knew how important family bonding can be. The brother and sister walked out and I assume, will live happily ever after.

--Allen Central High School in Eastern, Kentucky is home to a whole lot of Confederate flag symbols. Not a lot of problems from the all-white student body about that. Let’s hear the wisdom of cheerleader Tiffany Owens, "To us it's not about the hatred. I have colored friends around here and they never say anything." She told you.

--First Boondocks went on a temporary vacation that has now become permanent and now Fox Trot is leaving?! Now Dear Abby is the only thing worth reading in the comics section. Great headline about a week ago: Being Sad and Being Stoned Wrong Mix for Funeral. Really?!

--First off if your girlfriend is Beyonce you pretty much have the life anyway. More so when your girlfriend is Beyonce and she decides to throw you a three-day party on a 270-foot yacht for the small price of $3 million. Yeah, she’s keeper material.

--Because we all have questions about Full House that need to be answered…

--Sometimes the opposite sex calls you out on a lie and you just have to man or woman up and be honest…if your feeble mind can think of a better lie or you can’t find a way to turn a lie into truth. With that we head to Tennessee and the story of 25-year-old Nickie Davidson who told her boyfriend that she had a high-paying job, which was not the case at all. No, this little lady told the lie and so backed it up by robbing houses with her latest theft involving $15,000 worth of jewelry. Sadly she got busted and the cops told the boyfriend. The cops also informed said boyfriend that Nickie was married.

--If you ain't watching Everybody Hates Chris on Monday nights on CW you're missing out.

--Best news you'll get this week...Office is an hour.

--Oregon State doesn’t have the greatest reputation and the agricultural fraternity known as Alpha Gamma Rho isn’t helping. Apparently the brothers don’t appreciate homeless people rummaging through their trash cans in the alley behind the house. So they do what any responsible group of young men would do, they shoot at the homeless. Dennis Sanderson was rummaging the other day when a 19-year-old shot him in the leg with a .22 caliber rifle. The police rolled up and found over two dozen weapons at the house.
Writing of guns…
Outside the Lines did a story on athletes who are licensed to carry guns with Scott saying, "How do you combat a man with a firearm? You don't combat him with a golf club, baseball bat or knife. You combat him with another firearm." For a guy who mentions God in every postgame answer this came as a bit of a surprise.

--Because if you can’t mash up X-Men 3 with Office Space what can you mash up…

--The Sonics are 3-2 at home since coming onto the court to Young Jeezy’s “And Then What?” Now you know.

--Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee?!

--A national drug survey by the federal government found that between 2002-2005 drug use by teenagers decreased by 15%. Drug use among people in their 50s increased by 63%.

--Tori Spelling inexplicably has her own reality show, more inexplicably is writing an autobiography and just had a big garage sale. Among the treasured items you could purchase? Used Sephora lip gloss for $1 and her dog’s shampoo for $20. Wow, that sounds great.

--And we spied on Diana because????

--Kirk Douglas turned 90 the other day and celebrated by passing the depressing buck to the youth, "Let's face it. The world is in a mess. Generation Y, you are on the cusp. You are the group facing many problems: abject poverty, global warming, genocide, AIDS, and suicide bombers to name a few. These problems exist and the world is silent. We have done very little to solve these problems. Now, we leave it to you."
Geez, thanks Spartacus.

--I love my boy Adam Morrison, but 4-34 in his last four games?! --I keep telling you, but this has been the best first two months of college basketball I can ever remember. The latest classic being LSU and Texas. Of course, the Longhorns won in overtime. Sounds familiar.

--Former royalty Sarah Ferguson looks like she’ll be on the next Dancing with the Stars. I can barely contain my excitement with dancers like that coming.

--I’m all for Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley, but two and a half freakin’ hours for Pirates is waaaay too much. (Spoiler-although if you haven’t seen it by now…)The final scene was great with Geoffrey Rush’s Barbossa coming down the stairs. Apparently the director wanted a true surprised reaction from everybody so they were told it was Zoe Saldana/Annmaria who was going to be coming down the steps and not Barbossa. Now you know…

Questions, comments or if you inexplicably went upstairs for simulcast racing from Phoenix when you know damn well the dogs from Phoenix never treat you right…

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous7:28 AM

    At my fraternity we used to hide bear traps in the dumpsters to keep those nasty homeless people out of our garbage.


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