Tuesday, August 22, 2006

If My Rap's Soup, My Beats Is Stock

Absolutely Shocking

Who would’ve thought that these Astros who have shown such grit, determination, strong relief pitching, intelligent and well-thought out managerial decisions would have started an incredibly important 10-game road trip 2-3? Carnac the Magnificent couldn’t have predicted this. Surely leaving Chad Qualls in there for two innings on Monday was the right move. I mean what was Phil supposed to do go to Dave Borkowski? Can’t do that because you’re saving the guy who has a 1.59 ERA since the break for a possible 13th inning. So that’s easy to understand. Also easy to understand why you double switch out the guy who had two solo home runs. I mean c’mon Aubrey there’s no I in “solo shot.” I’m sure he’ll be back next season, but Phil Garner is destroying the faint hopes this below average team had.

--Am I dreaming or did the Astros actually call up a hitting prospect?

--I went to Round Rock last week to catch my first minor league game. That park is fan-freakin-tastic! That team isn’t bad either. Taylor Buchholz was solid and then Mike Gallo finished things. J.R. House went deep and Eric Bruntlett looked as sad and listless as a fantasy owner who drew the 4 spot. Great park, great announcer, great atmosphere, great beer prices, great souvenirs, great talent (on and off the field), great promotions, a Texadelphia and I’ll definitely be back for more.
Winners play here...for a long, long time...

--Francisco Cordero who couldn’t hang on to the closer’s job in Texas is 9 for 9 in save opportunities in Milwaukee.

--The Mariners went 0-11 on their 11-game road trip. Seattle has also dropped 20 straight in its own division. Ouch.

--Like most people not from or not currently living in the northeast I hate the overexposure of the Red Sox/Yankees games. However, Sunday’s game was out-freakin-standing! The other four were as well. Congratulations to the Boston Astros or is it the Houston Red Sox? Because you absolutely need to know this…After his single Monday Derek Jeter is now tied atop the Yankees all-time list for singles with Bernie Williams and Lou Gehrig.

--The Twins have won each of the last 20 games Johan Santana has started at the Metrodome. Elias says that no team has won 20 straight starts by a particular pitcher since 1900.

--The Mets Carlos both went deep on Sunday making it 8 times this season they’ve homered in the same game. That ties them with Ryan Howard/Chase Utley and Big Puma/Preston Wilson for the most this season. You know Berkman and Wilson will exchange homers at least twice in the remaining Cardinals/Astros games.

--The Indians have not one, not two, not four, not eight, but eleven grand slams this year.

--Have there now been more trades past the non-waiver deadline than before it?

--If you’re keeping score of former Astros at home…Chad Harville has been released by the Devil Rays.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--She’s never going to win a Babe Bracket, but she’s a perennial Final Four entrant in the Marriage Bracket. Miss Pam Beesley/Jenna Fischer…
Jenna's 10 Things You Don’t Know About Women…

--If you see one CD cover this week make it Outkast’s new one.

--Gotta love this site that was pointed out to me by Time Magazine…Pandora.com allows you to enter a music artist and then it gives you similar songs from other artists and you can create your own station a la my Postal Service station. Seriously this and Madden ’07 is going to fill my entire week. That’s sad, but very enjoyable. Oh yeah, I guess I better prep for my fantasy drafts.

--If there’s one show that makes me feel better about my impending fantasy drafts it’s ESPN’s Fantasy Draft Special. Last year’s highlight was Suzy Kolber taking Brett Favre because of the “intangibles” he brings to the table. Some of this year’s highlights from the 8-team draft…Chris Mortenson taking Reggie Bush with the 6th overall pick. We’re supposed to want this guy’s help at our draft?!? I could play in a league with Casserly, Purpura and Garner and Bush wouldn’t go 6th overall. Domanick “haven’t played or practiced in weeks” was taken in the 2nd round by Steve Young. Mike Ditka took the Bears defense in the 4th. Four receivers went before Chad Johnson?! LaMont Jordan went in the 5th to Nick Bakay who seems to have a clue. Laurence Maroney went before Willis McGahee and Chester Taylor.

--Best commercial I’ve seen in a long, long time...
That's one big ad.

--Jessica Biel is outstanding, but thankfully plans for a spin-off from Blade: Trinity using her’s and Ryan Reynolds’ characters ain’t gonna happen.

--You probably didn’t see The Teen Choice Awards Sunday night, but that’s why I’m here. Big Momma introduces the man who is redefining the word “music” and the “world premiere” of his soon-to-be mega-hit “Lose Control”! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how they closed the show. Wow. What the Internet did for Snakes on a Plane it will do for K-Fed’s “career” except opposite. I mean why Federline is making DrudgeReport for how bad he is that’s not promising. Also, nice dress Britney. Always classy.

--Has there ever been a more hollow threat than “maybe we should fire Ari.” Ari ain’t going anywhere, Vince. Hell, you go before Ari goes. Only one more episode left this season and then you football takes over Sunday nights.

--That coattail-riding slob Vincent “Don Vito” Margera was arrested on a charge of sexual assault of a child namely inappropriate touching. This allegedly happened not once, but twice with 12-year-old girls. Sicko. One scary pic.

--Two words: Stacy Keibler. Your welcome.

--Tiger, Tiger Woods y’all!! When Tiger plays Majors the new Sunday is Thursday.

--Not Garfield, not Shaggy Dog, not even anything Hulk Hogan was in has achieved the ultimate score of 0% on RottenTomatoes. Ladies and gentlemen we have a new zero. Joining the likes of
and SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 is the latest in Tim Allen’s rapidly declining career…Zoom. Congratulations to both Tim Allen and Courteney Cox whose names grace the top of the poster. Let’s sample the reviews shall we?
Commercial Appeal: "Stink jokes, snot jokes, Smash Mouth songs, dependably dull Tim Allen, some truly obnoxious product placement and 'We're more than a team, we're a family' bromides leach the potential pleasure from this overfamiliar story..."
Quad City Times: "Just picture, if you will, Chevy Chase being covered by green slime. From someone's nose. If that's sets you guffawing, you won't want to miss "Zoom," an alleged family movie that is nothing of the sort."
San Francisco Chronicle: "Your ability to tolerate this movie depends on how much music from the band Smashmouth you can stand."

--Maybe someday in a galaxy far, far away I’ll get a job teaching history. Unfortunately I don’t have the brain capacity to do something like Dan Holden did in his Louisville 7th grade social studies class. Mr. Holden was doing a lesson on freedom of speech and thought it wise to burn two small American flags and then ask the kids to write about it. Surprisingly by 8 AM the school’s office was filled with upset parents.

--Tough pick for Drudge headline of the week: Psycho Killer Raccoons Terrorize Washington Town…or…Blackberry addiction ‘similar to drugs.’

--Congratulations to the University of Texas for achieving the top rank of party schools according to the Princeton Review. Second in the nation in hard liquor consumption and third in beer guzzling are noteworthy rankings. Rice was ranked # 1 in best quality of life. I don’t think it’s official, but according to what’s in my box UH is # 1 in junk mail like alumni donation requests and pay your freakin’ fine already requests.

--Poor Leonardo DiCaprio has had to go from Giselle Bundchen to 20-year-old model Bar Rafaeli.
Tough life.

--From Jim Plunkett to Marcus Allen to Tim Brown to Charles Woodson among others this is the first year since 1978 the Raiders don’t have a Heisman winner on the roster.

--Kamehameha Highway in Haalu isn’t the safest stretch of road in the world. Sadly two teenagers were killed on it Saturday morning when their car lost control and hit two utility poles. Later that night some of their friends gathered for a roadside memorial service. Nice idea, but bad execution. There were about 15 people remembering those young lives when a car barreled through killing two more people.

Questions, comments, or if you’ve already wisely stocked up on Simply Sauce’s Hatch Queso e-mail…

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