Friday, May 05, 2006

No Diggety

Too Easy

I think it’s safe to say the Astros own the Cardinals. Great wins for the local nine particularly beating the unbeatable Chris Carpenter. Not only beating him, but Andy (middle name is Eugene ha-hah) Pettitte hanging in there after a rough start. He hasn’t been nearly as on as he was last season, but Thursday was a step in the right direction. Astros games really don’t start until Brad Lidge comes on in the 9th. Once again he made it fun, but bottom line is Houston is 2-0 versus St. Louis this season. Now it’s off to the road for seven including a make up game against the Giants on Monday. That’s good news for Brad whose road ERA is 0.00 with batters hitting .083 against him. At Minute Maid where he’s thrown nearly three times as many innings his ERA is 7.71 with a .298 BAA. I’m sure he’ll turn it around, but it’d be nice if that was sooner rather than later.

--The Rockies are in first place in the awful NL West. They have the leader in NL batting average with Brad Hawpe at .373. Matt Holliday is catching fire after a slow start. Other contributors you’ve never heard of include Cory Sullivan and Garrett Atkins. For the most part they’ve been without Todd Helton, but he should be returning for this series. Fortunately the ‘Stros will miss their best starter, Jeff Francis, but will see Aaron Cook in the finale. His ERA is under 4.00, which is quite an accomplishment for a Colorado pitcher.

--Seriously Brad Ausmus is 4th in the NL in batting average. He’s hitting 85 points better than two-time batting champ Ichiro.

--No one, no one would have thought that on Cinco de Mayo Jason Lane would have 10 more walks than RBIs.

--Preston Wilson became the first Astro to reach the 30-strikeout mark, but he’s still just 9th overall in the bigs. Adam Dunn leads the NL with 34. Brad Wilkerson leads the world with 41.

--Overall the Astros pitching has been good. The Mets pitching has been great. They lead the NL in ERA at 3.13. St. Louis is next up at 3.56. The freakin’ Detroit Tigers lead the Majors at 3.12.

--Your three starters whose ERAs remain under 2.00 to this point. Jose Contreras 1.41. Mike Maroth 1.78. Tom Glavine 1.94.

--How ridiculous is it that Albert Pujols has over twice as many HRs (15) as strikeouts (7)?

--Los Rangers?! Apparently, that’s how the baseball team up in Arlington is going to celebrate Cinco De Mayo. Los Rangers jerseys on the field and t-shirts for those in the stands.

--Jose Contreras has won his last 13 decisions dating back to last year. He’s the first American Leaguer to 5-0. He’s 16-2 since last year’s Break.

Go Suns!

Easily the most entertaining series has been the Lakers and Suns. I can’t stand him, but Kobe has been incredible. When you can bank in, not one, but two three-pointers in the same game, things are going your way. Fortunately the game went Phoenix’s way. What a fantastic Game 7 we have to watch before Oscar and Ricardo. Can’t hardly wait. If I had one more playoff wish it would be that the Cavaliers dispatch of the Wizards so we can see more of BronBron. All he’s done is average over 36 points, 7 rebounds, and 5 assists per game. Shooting 49% from the field ain’t bad either.

--Remember that shot Kobe took and he didn’t immediately glare and bark at the ref? Me neither.

Necessary Wardrobe Additions

Your eBay item of the week is none other than Bobby’s original Cobra Kai Gi complete with the bad ass Cobra Kai patch on the back. I have to have this. Starting bid- $3,600. Or maybe not. Bobby’s claim to fame: “Yeah!! Get him a body bag!!”
Top 10 All-Time Cinematic Exchange:
Kreese: Sweep the leg.
[Johnny stares at him in shock]
Kreese: Do you have a problem with that?
Johnny: No, Sensei.
Kreese: No mercy.

--If you’re not a Karate Kid fan perhaps you’d enjoy a Vandelay Industries softball shirt complete with T-Bone on the back and of course, the number 7. This one is much more reasonably priced.

--Even more fun with eBay now as we combine that with our dumbass of the week. Richard Costello put some motorcycle parts up for sale on the site. Earlier this year Derek Lombardo had his Yamaha stolen and since then has scoured eBay to see if the bike or parts of it would show up. He ran across some pictures that looked like his bike parts and so he called the police. If only there was some way to identify who was selling them. Dumbass Costello laid the parts out on his kitchen floor for pictures to post on eBay. In the pics he also managed to snap his feet. This genius had each of his ten toes tattooed with a single letter spelling “white trash.” Classy tat. The police searched jail records and found out who they were dealing with and then set up Costello. Dumb. Ass.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--How great has Chloe been this season on 24? At least once an episode we should see a drunk guy hit on her.

--Two Sopranos actors recently got in real-life trouble with the law. The guy who plays Artie Bucco, John Ventimiglia, (ever seen him on Molto Mario?) was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving and cocaine possession the other night. Louis Gross, who I believed played the driver/bodyguard Tony made an example of, was arrested after allegedly breaking into some property in New York. Last week’s episode was great, but no Meadow?

--C’mon Matt Leinart you can do better than Paris Hilton.

--A live action Jetsons movie?! Will we get a live concert version of “Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah,” because that might make this worth watching? A coke for you if you can remember what rocker sang this. I didn’t remember (thank God, because that might signal I have a problem), but it was none other than Jet Screamer.

--The mayor of Ault, Colorado, James Fladung, apparently likes to drink. He was arrested over the weekend on domestic violence charges. As for his results on a Breathalyzer: Officers "observed the (Breathalyzer) results climbing at a rapid rate, reaching above a 0.4 (percent) . . . the numbers were moving too fast for the officer to read and the machine shut off and would not turn back on, as if it was broken." The Breathalyzer couldn’t keep up?! You might have a drinking problem if…

--I don't think the pic I put up on Tuesday of cylon Tricia Helfer worked so let's try again...

--Oscar and Ricardo on Saturday night and I have no idea what to expect. It’s not like De La Hoya has looked good lately. Mayorga always has a shot. I can’t wait to see what happens. I’ll take Oscar by decision.
Props to Contender Champeen Sergio Mora for his win over Archak TerMesupercalafradgalisticexpealadocious. If you remember old man Jonathan Reid, he stopped his three-fight losing streak in a non-televised bout.

--If you’re in love with Svetlana from The Real World, and who’s not, then enjoy her FHM spread.

--Reese and Ryan Witherspoon no more?!

--Is Season 2 of Lost better than Season 1? Note to any future cast members of the show, if you want to be a long-term part of the cast then do not get arrested for DWIs.

--Halloween: The Missing Years?! Apparently it’s in the early stages and focuses on the years before the man, the myth, the Michael was placed in a mental institution.
Scariest dude evah!

--Coming soon on TV Land…I Pity The Fool. Yes, it’s with Mr. T. It seems Mr. T, whose single best performance was as Ricky’s bodyguard on Silver Spoons, is going to go about the country to give his unique advice to those in need.

--I now proceed with extreme caution because we’re entering Teri Hatcher Zone and you know how sensitive her lawyers are. Miss Spectacular was on Oprah the other day and was talking about those pictures with Ryan Seacrest where the two are k-i-s-s-i-n-g. She said, “Interestingly enough, I haven't seen him since that day. We knew that the (pictures) had been taken, which must have bothered him enough. An hour after he dropped me off, he called to say, 'I don't think I can do this with you.'" Seacrest out!

--Rest easy Florida you now have a state pie. 106 House votes for key lime…14 votes for sweet potato. Key lime is the official pie of Florida.

--The Sopranos is coming to a video game near you. I’m thinking there’s no reason to leave the Bing!

--Congratulations to Jack White and his lovely wife on the arrival of their first child named Scarlett Teresa. If anyone was going to have a tripped out baby name I’d figured it’d be Jack White’s, but Scarlett Teresa is nice.

--Donna D’Errico and Nikki Sixx are no more.

Questions, comments, or if you think Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with Caramel taste exactly like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups e-mail…

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