Monday, May 08, 2006

My Name is D-Nice...

That’s Not Good

So far, so bad for the Astros who sit 0-4 on the 7-game trip. Until Colorado the ‘Stros had not been swept since last July 17th. So I guess they get a pass on the weekend. But man, did they look bad. Leading the way was Brad Lidge whose ERA continues to climb up the AM dial and is now at 6.19. Dan Wheeler hasn't exactly been money with just one 1-2-3 inning since the first week of the season. Surely the 'pen will come around, it just needs to happen sooner rather than later. You can't expect to continue to get what you've gotten from Wandy, Taylor, and Fernando thus far. Next up the Dodgers who’ve gone 5-5 since dropping two of three at Minute Maid. Three of those five wins just came in the form of a sweep of the Brewers.

--The ‘Stros are now 0-10 when trailing after six innings.

--Roy O. leads Major League Baseball in wins since 2004 with 45. Next up at 39 are Chris Carpenter, Johan Santana, and who? Think fat. Think hurt. Think fat, again. Think Bartolo Colon.

--Roy also has the most playoff wins (4) without a loss than any other active pitcher. Now you know and …

--Congratulations to Jason Lane for his hit on this road trip.

--Before Monday night Ezequiel Astacio had pitched in games only in which the Astros had won (4-0). Before Monday Astacio had the awesome stat line of 2-0, 27.00 ERA.

--The ‘Stros are 10-2 in one-run games and, of course, 0-4 in two-run games.

--It's freakin' May 9th and Lance Berkman is getting MVP run and yet Brad Ausmus' on-base percentage is 55 points higher. Increible.

--Reason # 3,454 of why Barry Bonds is hated…Big Head Barry refused to sign the 713 ball that was caught by an Air Force serviceman. He did take a picture with him, which was nice, but c’mon Barry you asked the guy to sign a waiver to be on your stupid show. The least you could do was sign the freakin’ ball. Jerk.

--If you haven’t been to a sleepover in a while you can head over to Dodger Stadium on July 9th. You get a field box ticket, dinner from Outback Steakhouse, Dodger pillow, commemorative t-shirt, movie shown on DodgerVision, other on-field activities. All that for the paltry sum of $300 per person. Space is limited to 300 so hurry!

--Last Sunday marked the 36th anniversary of Wes Parker’s cycle for the Dodgers. It remains the only one in L.A. history.

--The Braves haven't done much worth recognizing but the NL's leading hitter, Edgar Renteria, has his hit streak up to 22 games.


Summer is near and so we get set for drunken lawnmowing season. The first case comes to us from Ohio. There Dondi Bowles (guys can be named Dondi?) decided to visit the corner store about a mile away from his house. Of course, he decided on a riding mower as his vehicle of choice. After all he was a little tipsy and he had already been arrested for DUI twice in the past six months. Yeah, make that three arrests in six months. He was just minding his own business riding his mower along a sidewalk when police stopped him. The cops gave him a breathalyzer which he failed spectacularly. The best part of the story is that the cops had dude’s lawnmower towed away.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I watched The Interpreter the other night. That was a mistake.

--So long 7th Heaven. You’ve pulled me out of some tough times in the past and I’ll never forget thee, especially you Mary.
Remember when Kurt Rambis coached Mary on the basketball team and some of the girls got bad grades and so Kurt Rambis locked the gym doors and...I'll stop here.

--I caught (get it?) Bob Uecker on The Tonight Show the other night. Leno kept setting them up and Mr. Owens (streaks on the china…) kept knocking them down. Uecker told a story about his contract signing at a fast food place and talked about the $5,000 signing bonus and how he and his father could barely afford it.

--Using U2’s “City of Blinding Light” to promote The World Cup = good.
Using U2 and Mary J. Blige’s “One” to promote ABC's lineup of shows = bad.

--Oscar took care of bidness against Super Loco Mayorga on Saturday. Watching HBO’s Countdown to De La Hoya/Mayorga was much more entertaining. By the way, Zab Judah was fined $250,000 for his role in that melee when he fought Floyd. That money was his entire piece of the pie for that fight. Ouch. Daddy Judah was fined $100,000. Mama Judah better not expect much this Sunday.

----Why I’m much more interested in watching Suns/Clippers instead of Spurs/Mavs. 87-85 was the final score of the San Antonio win. 93-91 was the score after just three periods in the Phoenix win.

--Kobe sent 20 text messages to Charles Barkley because he got on him a little bit? Sensitive much, Kobe?

--You have to swim a hundred yards before you can graduate from MIT?!

--I thought it was either David Blaine goes nine minutes underwater or he dies. What’s up with simply being pulled up when you haven't even hit the eight minute mark? You know why you set the record for staying underwater for seven days? Because sensible human beings don’t want to be underwater for seven days. Stick to the street magic Blaine. This other stuff is just silly, but pulling some woman's incisors out and then watching her mouth bleed and then "spitting" the teeth back in, now that's entertaining. How about Stuart Scott being the host of that two-hour bore-fest? ABC couldn’t find a role for Stephen A.?

--How come no one told me the man, the myth, the Matt Dillon plays the villain in Li-Lo's version of Herbie? Is it because no one saw it? I can't imagine that. I mean how can you not watch in fascination as Herbie "jumps" over Tony Stewart. Oh and seriously, Breckin Meyer, c'mon man, Herbie and Garfield?! C'mon, you're better than th...nah. But Cheryl Hines you are.
Back when Herbie had style.

--A young girl in Portland received a low grade from teacher, but decided to get her mom's help to make teacher some cookies. That's nice. Well, except for the part where they added ex-lax to the batter. The girl with the help of a couple of friends secretly left the box with a nice note on teacher's desk. Teacher spread the wealth giving the cookies to other students while not eating one for herself. Yeah, sick children = mommy in jail, girls suspended.

--How about that Kentucky Derby? Wow, what a race! Unbelievable!! Sport of champions, I tells ya!! What a horse that Barbaro is! I’m telling ya this is the year! That’s right, Triple Crown, baby!!! Woo-hoo!!!
Kentucky Derby: giving old, white, rich people a reason to live since 1875.

--Is it just me or is VH-1's Celebrity Eye Candy hilarious.

--Knight Rider the Movie?! For a coke, what does K.I.T.T. stand for?
Knight Industries Two Thousand, of course.

--As for Celebrity Poker Showdown the new season is near and apparently Phil Helmuth is in and Phil Gordon is out. I liked Gordon a lot so we'll see how it works out. Apparently Pam from The Office and Lost's Hurley are a part of the first table.

--Uh-oh, Saturday Night Live had another accidental funny moment and no surprise it was another SNL Digital Short. This one featured Tom Hanks and Andy Samberg’s 1991 music video entitled “My Testicles.”

--Is there a worse fate than being a part of Team Shamrock on Ultimate Fighter?

--Remember that MiG-21 fighter jet that a Chinese businessman bought on eBay? Yeah, it will not be shipped anywhere. Probably should have checked that out before depositing $2,000 on its purchase.

--By the way, if you are not spending an hour a day on you’re working too hard. If you haven't heard The Raconteurs, then by all means...

Questions, comments, or if you think the world be perfect if every commercial used music by...

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