Cause I Can Do It Right

Not In Our House

So far, so good. Don’t go away mad Barry, just go the hell away from Minute Maid stuck on 713. I’m so sick of that jerk. I’m not saying I want Bonds to slip in the shower, break a hip, have to retire and die of testicular shrinkage or an enlarged cranium (reader’s choice), but I wouldn’t mind. The king of the a-holes got booed Monday, no surprise. But every single opportunity he has to get some brownie points even if just with one person, he doesn’t. Why? Because he’s a selfish jerk. He was in the on deck circle Monday night when a foul bounced his way. Did he do like every other player does and find a kid to toss it to? Of course not. He’s Barry. Barry just flipped it into the dugout to no one in particular. God forbid he makes a kid’s day. It’d be nice if the Astros won and I know W’s are all that matters in the end, but more than anything else I want that bum outta my city still sitting on 713.


--Pink bats?! What’s next johnnycakes replacing hot dogs?!

--Sure Jason Lane is batting .206, but he’s one of only a handful of players who’ve yet to ground into a double play. Of course, the guys on the list are normally speedsters like Jose Reyes, Alfonso Soriano, Josh Barfield, Dave Roberts, but hey when you’re hitting .206 it’s hard to find a silver lining.

--Adam Everett is the only ML shortstop who has played at least 12 games and has yet to make an error.

--I’d love to see just one fan hold up a sign welcoming former Astros stud now Giants first base coach Luis Pujols back to Houston. The original Pujols played very sparingly in nine seasons hitting under .200 in five of them. His career average- .193.

--The only other Pujols in MLB history is Albert. He only leads the NL in HR, RBI, runs, total bases (most worthless stat ever), slugging %, extra-base hits, RISP batting average, RBI ratio and HR ratio. How he doesn’t lead in walks be they intentional or otherwise is beyond me.

--The Padres have 36 stolen bases while getting caught just 3 times. That’s good…as opposed to the Nationals who have 20 steals while getting caught 16 times!

--For a coke, since 2001 who has made the most appearances in the Majors? Down with the Ray King (417)!

--Alfonso Soriano has twice as many outfield assists (6) than any other NL outfielder?!

--Major props to rookie leaguer Nigel Satch who was traded to Fullerton of the Golden Baseball League for not a player to be named later or cash, but simply a pallet of Budweiser. That would be 60 cases. This is truly the only legitimate measure of a man, how many pallets of beer would he be traded for. By the way, Nigel Satch is none other than…wait for it…Leon from the Budweiser commercials. He signed with Schaumberg of the Northern League last May.


Getting Interesting

Thankfully round two has finally picked up with the defending champs now having their backs against the wall and the LeBrons finally coming out to play. Three starts for Devin Harris and now three wins for the Mavericks. I’d hate to see Dallas in the Western Finals, but it’s hard for me to imagine the Spurs having what it takes to win three in a row. I want to see the Suns as long as possible, but the Clippers probably have the better chance to keep the Mavs out of the NBA Finals. Either way the rest of that series is must-see TV. The last couple of minutes of Pistons/Cavaliers is must-see. Other than that wake me when it’s over. Or wake me when Rasheed runs his mouth again. Hilarious.

--Isiah Thomas coach of the Knicks?! This has to happen. Please. Pretty please with a cherry on top.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--As if it’s not hard enough already to try and wait patiently for Lost’s season finale in two weeks. Co-creator J.J. Abrams says, "The ending of this year in Lost blows the ending of last season out of the water. It's an incredible finale. You'll see what happens, but I can tell you that a lot of it has been there and been building from the beginning of this season. It's not out of the blue, but what happens at the very end of this year, for me, it's the greatest finale I have ever heard."

--I understand a 24 video game, a Sopranos video game, but a Desperate Housewives video game?! Teri and Nicolette might actually look less fake on the video game than they do on television.

--Congratulations to Lindsey Lohan for her Just My Luck, which became her worst opening weekend movie yet. That’s right, this one sucked worse at the box office than Herbie: Fully Loaded. Wow, that’s a special kind of suck. I don’t know how they tried to advertise this movie at other malls, but at Baybrook they had these banners with scenes from the movie hanging from the ceiling every five feet.


--You likely missed it, but Surreal Life 6 complete with lifeless Sherman Hemsley and clueless Tawny Kitaen is over. Worst cast ever.

--Vivica Fox on the next Dancing With The Stars?!

--The Maxim Hot 100 list comes out later this week. The top 10 is already out and for the first time ever Eva Longoria takes the top spot in back-to-back years.
She’s nice, but c’mon Jessica Alba is still # 1 despite her “acting.”

On the list she’s # 2 followed by Skeletor Lohan (huh?), Angelina Jolie, and Stacy Keibler (I heart you). After that we find Scarlett Johansson (has to be in the top 5), Cameron Diaz (wrong on so many levels), Kate Bosworth, Keira Knightley and Christina Milian. Kate Bosworth is out-standing!! Maybe next year she can find a way to make Matt and Adam’s Babe Bracket. C’mon guys you’re better than that!!


--For some reason Marathon Man has been on cable lately and I finally checked it out. Don’t think I’ll be going to the dentist anytime soon. I didn’t realize William Devane/24’s Secretary of Defense was in it or Roy Scheider for that matter.


--Another week, another misguided teacher that makes me wonder why I can’t get a job at a school. This week’s example comes from Missouri. Michael Maxwell teaches a beginning drafting class and asked his students to write about who they would kill and how they would do it. Yeah, apparently one parent didn’t think that was very fresh. Actually teacher probably could’ve just visited his student’s MySpace profiles and found out their homicidal tendencies.

--You can buy canned oxygen at 7-11s in Japan?! That’s where all the 7-11s went?!

--AccuWeather says the U.S. will be hit by three major hurricanes this season. Yay! The Gulf Coast will most at risk early in the season in June and July. That could mess with the Gulf’s oil production making energy prices rise. Double yay!!
View of a hurricane from the space shuttle.

--NBC is going to have a Friday Night Lights television show in the Fall?! Of course, it’ll air on Tuesday nights.

--I cannot wait for the World Cup. I’m not soccer freak, but I’ll watch as many games as I can once it begins. If the U.S. can’t win then I’ll always go with Brazil and their lovely fans. YouTube.com has some nice videos of Ronaldinho and Ronaldo. They also have a midfielder named Kaka. He can’t be good or at the least he can’t smell good.
Frightening logo.

--Remember the good ol’ days when you’d see alligators eat huge pythons and not people? It’s now three dead women in Florida over the past week due to gators.

--Last week’s senior prank was dropping baby chicks from a second floor balcony this week’s is less disturbing. At Edgewater High in Florida (where else?) about 35 seniors wrapped their school and also busted out some Hershey’s syrup and shaving cream on it as well. It’s a tradition there and this year the school had a cop keep guard. There were too many students for him to handle so he called back up, which came in the form of helicopters (plural) and heavily armed cops. Fortunately common sense and logic prevailed with the five kids who were caught only forced to clean up the mess. The evidently cool principal even helped and none of the seniors will be suspended or miss graduation or anything.

--Worst thing to happen to me in May, my DVR screwed up and I didn’t tape The Office season finale. Such is life.

--You know what slang phrase I don’t really want to know the origin of? Screw the pooch. Yeah, don’t need to know how that became a saying.

--Ricky Hatton probably shouldn’t have picked Luis Collazo to make his big HBO debut. Go back down to 140 brotha. Good luck to Rocky Juarez this Saturday night against Marco Antonio Barrera. He’ll need it.

--The Raconteurs new CD with Jack White is out and that's a very, very good thing.


--If you haven’t seen Christina Aguilera in a while then by all means…

Questions, comments or if you have Ramonce Taylor’s phone number…