Thursday, May 18, 2006

Buggin' Out

How’d They Ever Win 22?

Wow. That was u-g-l-y. The good news was Barry didn’t go yard. The bad news was everything else. The games lasted close to three hours, but they were really over about 15 minutes in. The Astros didn’t throw the ball, didn’t hit the ball and for good measure didn’t field the ball. Final combined score of the sweep: 34-5. Not since the first year of the franchise did the Astros give up double-digit runs in three consecutive games. The young pitchers looked absolutely lost. Lance Berkman didn’t play. Adam Everett made his first error. Willy Lamb dropped fly balls. Preston Wilson struck out five times, oh wait that’s normal. Bottom line is the Astros aren’t that bad, but they probably aren’t as good as the 19-9 start they got off to either. It doesn’t get any easier wit the Rangers this weekend. Thankfully they’re back to the top of the rotation, well, at least until Sunday.

--I was there for all three beatdowns, but unfortunately never got a chance to speak with my idol Barry Bonds. It was an absolute zoo with the media contingent, which to my surprise didn’t include Pete Gomez. After the game Monday the media poured into the Giants’ clubhouse. Everybody knew Barry had already left, but no one was leaving. After the Russ Springer fun on Tuesday the media piled into Felipe Alou’s office. It was surreal and then out of nowhere the clubhouse speakers start blaring the opening beats of C&C Music Factory’s “Everybody Dance Now.” I don’t think Felipe knew what was going on, but I couldn’t stop laughing. I don’t know who put that song on, but it was an awesome, awesome selection.

--Thank you to Russ Springer for giving us one memorable moment from that sweep. Such a shame he couldn’t harness his control to face Barry.


The Giants have this huge news release that has tons and tons of details and stats regarding Barry’s homeruns and some of the other prolific sluggers in history as well. You know I love looking at that stuff.

--Let’s look at theBabe, Hank, and Barry in a few categories.
Babe and Hank each hit 16 grand slams. Barry has 11.
Babe had 10 inside-the-park homeruns while Barry has 3 and Hank just 1.
Babe hit 16 of his 714 in extra-innings. 14 for Hank and 11for Barry.
In a sign o’ the times Babe hit all of his homeruns in just 12 different ballparks. Hank hit his in 31 different stadiums while Barry has gone deep in 35 different parks.

--Barry has hurt the Padres the most with 82 bombs. He’s hit 37 off the ‘Stros with the last one being # 659 off Roy Oswalt on 4/5/04. He hit # 14 off of Jim Deshaies on 8/30/86. Jimmy D. also served up #’s 51 and 165. That last one when Jim was with the Padres. Barry’s 150th came off of the X-Man, Xavier Hernandez on 5/2/92. # 490 came against Octavio Dotel the last time 9/11 meant nothing, back in 2000. # 613 came off of the worst 15-game winner in the history of the game, Jeriome Robertson in 2002.

--So who’s served up Barry the most homeruns? No, not Jose Lima although LimaTime has given up five to Barry. Terry Mulholland, Greg Maddux, Curt Schilling and John Smoltz have each seen Barry round the bases eight times off of them.

--Willie Mays hit his first HR off of Warren Spahn in 1951 and then nearly seven years to the day hit # 200 off of Spahn. Willie’s 500th came against Astro Don Nottebart in 1965.

--Your top homerun hitters of all-time on August 21, 1931…
Babe Ruth- 600
Rogers Hornsby- 293
Cy Williams- 251
Lou Gehrig- 221
Hack Wilson- 205

It’s On!!

Going in I thought the Cavaliers would win two games off the Pistons. Never in my wildest dreams did I think three, much less three in a row. Unbelievable. LeBron wasn’t MVP why? The guy did get the most All-NBA first team votes. Does that make sense? Anyway, we’ll see how Detroit reacts, but I don’t know if there’s ever been a swing in a series like this one. Cleveland hasn’t even had Larry Hughes at its disposal. Amazing! The Spurs and Mavericks has been just as good as expected. I’m thinking it’s coming down to a 7th game just like I expect the Suns and Clippers to. After just one Game 7 in the first round we could be lucky enough to get three this round.

--Okay, I guess I can understand if Yao isn’t beating out Shaq yet for first time All-NBA. Even though I think Yao had the better season. Shaq is Shaq and he’ll get the votes. But come on, Ben Wallace on the second team ahead of Yao is just wrong. Yao averaged 15 more points and just one fewer rebound. Yeah, Benny Wallace is a helluva defender, but Yao ain’t too shabby either. And Yao is a much better defender than Ben is an offensive player. Whatever.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--C’mon Sopranos you’re better than this. Anytime you want to keep a storyline for more than one week (besides Johnnycakes and Vito) it’s fine with me.

--Sadly there is but one more episode of Lost left this season. Can’t wait for the showdown. Thankfully Sayid isn’t an idiot unlike Jack apparently. Anyway those of you waiting for Season 2 to come out on DVD will have to wait until October 3rd.

--David Spade and Heather Locklear no more? David Spade and Krista Allen?! What the?!

--If you’re Paul McCartney how in the hell do you not get your future wife to sign a pre-nup?!!! See ya later $300 hundred million.

--One of the message boards I frequent is holding an ugliest athletes draft. Fan-tastic idea! The first round went like this…Jack Lambert, Gheorge Muresan, Al Davis, Ezequiel Astacio, Julian Tavarez, Larry Bird, Scottie Pippen, Marge Schott, Patrick Ewing, Randy Johnson, Lanny McDonald and Sam Cassell. The first pick in round two was Popeye Jones followed by Pat Summit. Ouch. Dennis Johnson, anyone?

--A Tribe Called Quest reunion tour?!

--The Maxim Hot 100 is out and on Tuesday I went through the top 10. If you missed it it’s below. Some other notables…At 99 we find Jennifer Aniston. The FSU Cowgirls at 97 though they should obviously be higher as should sexy cylon Tricia Helfer at 95. Elisha Cuthbert at 92?!

How is she not in the top 20 at least? I like Rachel Perry, but 11 spots higher than Elisha?! Teri Hatcher at 73. Is that a joke? Anna Kournikova is one spot higher. The lovely Evangeline Lilly is 67th. C’mon! She’s top 20 material even if she's dating a hobbit. Well maybe not after watching her on The Tonight Show tell a story of how she accidentally drank a friend's urine. She tried to make up for it by doing 10 fist push-ups.

Kelly Clarkson at 69. She shouldn’t even be in the top 100 despite the fact Matt Jackson is the president of her fan club. Shakira deserves a better fate than 60. Nicollette Sheridan at 48?! Jamie Pressly should be much better than 34th. Kristen Cavalleri at 23. At 19 we find Meadow Soprano. Like I said the top 10 is below.

--Celebrity Fit Club alum Daniel Baldwin is apparently now trying the cocaine diet. He and a friend were busted with the white lady recently. Perhaps a visit from Bibleman/Willie Ames is in order.

--Your crackhead elementary students of the week come to us from Pennsylvania. Apparently some kids thought it would be funny to mix up some sugar and kool-aid crystals, put it in plastic bags, and label it “Happy Crack.” Yeah, they were suspended. That makes sense, I mean it was sugar and kool-aid.

--Your eBay item of the week is a Pamela Rogers action figure. Miss Rogers is that easy on the eyes, mental case of a teacher.

--I don’t even know where to start with this. In Mount Clemens, Michigan some 37-year-old named Wayne Koch needed a place to live back in 2003. So he found a garage he could stay in compliments of some 13-year-old girl. She lived with her father and he had no idea about the houseguest. When it was cold Koch stayed inside the house and underneath the girl’s bed when Daddy was home. This went on for two years! Not only did Daddy not know his little girl was having relations with a 37-year-old, but it was happening under his roof for years. Unbelievable. The girl finally wised up and told her aunt about the freak under her bed and that the freak had threatened her with one of her father’s guns. Aunt told the cops and the police found Koch underneath the bed clutching a Luger (not a Lex). For Koch’s part he said, “I threatened her with a gun. I didn’t aim it at her.” Well, good for you. Not so good for Daddy as he lost custody. Imagine that.

--This week’s Good Samaritan award goes to Jacksonville nurse Alicia Disney who stopped her SUV to assist some people in a car wreck. As she was on the phone with 911 one of the people involved in the accident jumped in her SUV and sped off. Did I mention Alicia’s five-month-old son and grandmother were still in the car? The guy was nice enough to drop them off after a fun ride. The car was found abandoned several blocks later.

--The BBC cancelled Celebrity Pole Dancing before it even started. For some strange reason women’s groups were protesting.

--I’ve never been to the Mall of America in Minnesota, but apparently there was a store you could purchase naps at. Huh? For the low price of .70 cents a minute you could nap there. Store’s name? MinneNapolis. I’ll pause for your laughter.

Questions, comments, or seriously if you have Ramonce Taylor’s phone number…

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