Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts
--About damn time Top Chef. You’ve been so dumb I actually thought Brooke might go home over Josie.
--Yeah, if I’ve got a snake stuck in my cheek the next bullet I fire is into the back of my throat. Snake attacks before opening title sequences should be mandatory for all television shows once per season. Of course I’d also demand all television shows work in Wynn Duffy once per season as well. Yeah, this isn’t going to turn out good for you Johnny.
Not sure about Raylan’s girl and her MMA ex. She knew where the money was so why was the place turned upside down?
Art – “If my stiffy lasts much longer, I’m gonna have to consult my physician.”
--Timothy Olyphant on Archer. Swoon. “I snuck into your room with a big bottle of suntan oil, put on some Al Green and…”
Line of the night to Pam – “Maybe you can shut your dick holster.”
--I haven’t watched any Californications in a couple seasons, but thankfully the Diatribes Oversight Committee helmed by @fidoz has alerted me to Maggie Grace being on the show.
Memories. Misty water colored memories.
--Ron’s “I love nothing!” was great. Jerry giggling as Ron ran by him was greater.
--Julius Pepperwood – Zombie Detective. Seriously, Hollywood, every week Nick Miller is trying to make you money on New Girl.
--I like how those annoying CSN commercials on 790 have started threatening that we’re going to miss Astros games. Cute.
--Not sure whether I more enjoyed watching Hannah workout or learn how to cut her bangs via YouTube. Really strong Girls this week after last week’s okay premiere. Hilariously meta to hear Sandy rattle off criticisms of Hannah/the show and get her Missy Elliott quoting reaction.
I hope that’s not the end of Sandy on the show, but wouldn’t mind if Jessa and her husband take a vacation. They could take a vacation and we could get more Ray and Shoshanna.
--The Postal Service reunion?! Yes. Although I wouldn’t mind if they prohibited UPS from running any of their songs into the f’n ground again.
--Tiffani Amber Thiessen turns 39 this week. She did an Esquire “Me in My Place.” She’s still got it and I’m pretty certain she always will.
--Maybe I’m just on an Archer high when watching, but I’m liking Legit.
--Until Thursday I seriously thought “She’s got Bette Davis eyes” was “She’s got better days to decide.” My version is way better.
--Uproxx with a look at 13 actors who came out of the Band of Brothers/Pacific miniseries. Totally forgot Shane from Walking Dead was in Pacific and Tom Hardy was in Band of Brothers. Probably due for a revisit on BoB. I never want to revisit The Pacific and obviously that’s not because it wasn’t good, but damn…
--‘Tis close to the season o’ the brackets. There shan’t be a more entertaining bracket than The Best Chappelle’s Show Sketch bracket on Grantland. Great stuff. His Final Four is:
Rick James vs. Wayne Brady
Clayton Bigsby black supremacist vs. Racial Draft
--Grantland.com also with a nice set of Braverman power rankings from Parenthood. My top five - Amber, Crosby, Max, Joel, Jabbar. (which is odd because I hated both in the first season or so),
Didn’t really care that much for the finale though.
--Today’s dumb: ReviewerCards.
--Community promos? Don’t mind if I do.
--I thought I might like Downton Abbey after its season three premiere. Two episodes later and it’s putting me to sleep.
--If you blinked you missed Wedding Band’s run on TBS. If you blinked and rubbed your eyes you missed Don’t Trust the B on ABC.
--It looks like a movie version of Bored to Death is picking up steam. This is damn good news. In a perfect world upon its release it would be accompanied by a Life and Times of Tim short.
--Mad Men returns Sunday April 7th with a two-hour extravaganza. Hopefully Breaking Bad will be right on its heels.
--Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn?! Tiger is a former golfer I’m pretty sure while Vonn is an Olympic skier…or swimmer.
--Love the idea of these Good Night Lamps.
--Pretty please with a cherry on top.
--If you’re not going to believe the Daily Mail’s story about Rachael Ray’s husband visiting a swingers club multiple times with different females not named Rachael Ray then I don’t know what you’ll believe.
Oh and yes dad, I’m sure Rachael has seen the article. Make your move after the divorce.
--A Giada and Bobby talk show? Oh my.
--A Valentine’s Doomsday Preppers, “Bachelor Prepper”? Oh hell yeah. Finally legitimate Valentine’s Day programming.
--The Lingerie Football League is now the Legends Football League. Carry on.
--Papa John’s is good for one thing. Robbing. A guy in Montana started off the right way with a bandana covering his face, a big knife and handing the clerk a note demanding money. But then the would-be robber started crying which is usually indicative of a poor attempt at a robbery. The guy cried that he was just trying to feed his family and the Papa John’s clerk complied with a pizza and some wings. Poor guy had to go home and explain to his family how Papa John’s pizza was somehow better than cash.
--Very impressive Brazilian inmates. Over 26,000 were given good behavior furloughs over the holidays. All but 2,400 returned. I can only assume those 2,400 were killed by The Runts. Also where the f is my City of God DVD?!
Questions, comments or if you borrowed my City of God DVD…