--I’m slow so someone needs to explain to me how in Week 6 JJ Watt can lose a sack from Week 1.
--For season premieres I thought Sunny and The League were really disappointing. Maybe it’s because I was comparing them to the entertainment the VP debate provided, but there really wasn’t all that much to them. I thought Sunny had a bounce back season last year and The League was The League, but the premieres didn't bode well for their respective seasons.
--Damn Homeland it’s just episode two and holy crap! Terrific from beginning to end what with assassination attempts in Beirut thwarted by a certain congressman taking it all in in Washington. Carrie with another chase scene. Saul grimacing. Mike and that one angry guy who hates Brody. Well it can’t all work I guess.
Because I was jet lagged (yeah, that’s it jet lagged) I didn’t put it together that Brody’s “May 1” text to Abu Nazir was in reference to Osama Bin Laden’s death date.
--Deb – “I’m the worst f’n detective in the world.” Amen.
Titus Pullo from Rome, yes. Dexter’s talk with serial killer guy, no. Louis, hell no. Deb’s “spaghetti,” never.
I can forgive a lot from television shows especially when it comes to kids, but does the babysitter even go to school because she’s apparently a full-time mother to Harrison. Harrison or Louis has to go and if Louis threatens Harrison and that’s when Deb gives Dexter permission to kill then all the better.
--Community gets delayed and Louie isn’t coming back until 2014 when we’ll all be using flying cars. Sigh.
--There is no more annoying commercial on television than Joe and his boring ass Citicard. Although Lorena Garcia and Taco Bell is making a strong push. And anytime I see Ice Cube shilling Coors Light I die a little inside so you may not be THE worst Joe, but you’re very close and yes very boring.
--I love this footage from a 1979 movie screening of Halloween. THE best scary movie.
--Anthony Bourdain was roasted this week. Huffington Post has some select quotes from the likes of Rachael Ray, Guy Fieri, Eric Ripert and some actual funny people. Although Eric Ripert is apparently a funny guy with this about Rachael Ray, “I haven’t seen a rack like that since the one Batali ate on the way to the stage.” See it’s funny because Rachael, wait, Rachael doesn’t have a rack? Try again Frenchy, “You don’t fuck with Martha Stewart. As we say in French, she’ll ‘cut a bitch’.’”
Willie Geist on Guy Fieri – “What can you say about Guy’s cooking that hasn’t been printed on a packet of cigarettes?”
Or maybe you prefer Mario on Guy, “In case you’re wondering why Guy Fieri is here, he won a contest.
Ted Allen on Mario – “Now that you can find your penis on your own, what do you need Joe Bastianich for?”
--Parents who want to eat their children’s teachers faces…I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this, but whenever you threaten the teacher with a good ol’ fashioned face eating you should not, NOT, do it in writing. Apparently a Rock Hill High student wasn’t being allowed to go to the bathroom so mommy wrote teacher a note: “When she needs to go to the bathroom – YOU WILL LET HER GO! If she is not allowed to go, I will come to RHHS and eat your face off.” Some people are a little too excited about Walking Dead coming back this weekend.
--Well that’s one way to guest star, Walton Goggins. Wow. Let me edit that, WOW! Venus Van Damme indeed.
I’m not sure where this home invasion thing is going, but you knew things weren’t going to go well for the sheriff’s family as soon as they showed them. They didn’t have to make it so obvious.
Nero and Gemma = my time to check twitter.
--Seems like serving roadkill would close your restaurant forever. But in Kentucky it’s probably more likely to get you a Kentucky Michelin star. Apparently a Chinese restaurant there was trying to sneak a dead deer in a garbage can through the backdoor. But no worries Kentucky. The place can reopen as long as they pass a secondary health inspection. Yet food trucks in Houston can’t be parked around tables and chairs or within 60 feet of another truck.
--Sesame Street and Boardwalk. No Billie Kent, but still cute. And probably more happened on the Birdwalk than Boardwalk this week. Thankfully Eli is back in Nucky’s good graces, but then that kid probably thought he was in Nucky’s good graces too and where did that get him? Benny is Bugsy Siegel, right?
--Getting kicked out of a bar because you have a mullet? Seems reasonable.
--If you buy cheap Asian seafood well you may not after reading this. Unless you like tilapia that feed on pig feces cause if so you’re in luck!
--Christie Brinkley as Jerry’s wife on Parks and Rec? Awesome sauce.
--Parenthood with a little Friday Night Lights miraculous sports action this week. Forgiven because I barely remembered it after crying through the ending. NBC may have not done right by FNL, but I’m glad it gave Parenthood a few seasons. I think it’s about to take over my 9pm live slot from Sons.
--Oh so now we don’t believe Lance Armstrong? Everyone knows it takes a minimum of 30 people to testify you’re a liar before it’s actually fact. 26?! Pssh, get back to me.
--Mila Kunis as Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive?
Who am I to argue?
--Finally a celebrity diving reality competition show. Thanks ABC!
--Padma could only pull a $1,000 for charity for allowing someone to eat a slice of Iberico ham off her collarbone?!
--I’ll give you one guess as to which state’s governor gave out a phone number for a sex chat hotline instead of a meningitis hotline. Yep, never change Florida.
--“I chewed the face off an antique stuffed panda bear.”
--I mostly stick to NFL Network as background noise on pregame Sundays. ESPN’s pregame has been dead to me for a couple of years. Frank Caliendo joining it? Yeah, that’s about right.
--Oh I’m not allowed to roast a white winged dove that died by flying into my house? Listen buddy, this is Pflugerville. If you ain’t eating housekill and posting step-by-step pictures and a recipe online of your dove roast then you’re in the wrong neck of the woods.
Because he didn’t “legally” obtain it by hunting license and so on and so forth the Texas Parks & Wildlife thought about charging him with something. No charges ended up being filed and now you know what to do next time a bird flies into your window.
Questions, comments or if you got your ass handed to you in Vegas and your only revenge came from trying to eat as much as you lost at Caesar's new Bacchanal Buffet (excellent buffet btw)…