Saturday, June 30, 2012

Makes his home all over the place. He goes to sleep by falling down on his face.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Just as I feared, the best deal the Rockets made all week was to move to 790. Damn that was one deflating draft night. Back to counting the minutes until Texans training camp…
Royce White seems like an interesting feller. Surely he and Arian are gonna be BFFs.
Michael Jordan is one of the worst executives ever, but even he and the Bobcats can’t screw up Michael Kidd-Gilchrist.
Maybe I hadn’t paid enough attention in recent years, but ESPN’s coverage was flat out terrible. Why they continue to trot Jeff Van Gundy out there is beyond me. He just doesn’t fit the draft as opposed to Fran Fraschilla who they needed much more of rather than JVG and Chris Broussard.
Oh, and David Stern is such a dick.

--Do yourself a Netflix Instant favor and watch Senna. It’s about guy named, well, Senna. Ayrton Senna to be more precise. A Brazilian Formula One driver and his rise through the ranks and his rivals. Really good stuff that relies exclusively on footage from his racing days in the 80’s and 90’s. Definitely on my short list of best sports documentaries I’ve ever seen.

--Erin Andrews leaving ESPN.  Yaaaaawwwwnnn. (sorry if that just made you yawn)...(or that did)...
--As soon as you overhear someone on television talking about masturbation you assume it’s Louis C.K. Good to have Louie back even if it wasn’t one of its better episodes. Here is his explanation for having an ex-wife on the show who doesn’t look so much like she could have given birth to Louie’s two blonde daughters.
My current Make-A-Wish is to analyze NYC traffic signs with Louie.
Don’t know if I would have spent $11,000 just to destroy that car for the show, but that foreman was gold.

--Wilfred included Don Swayze being specific about the type of hug he wanted, “I want it to be tender, like we’re sisters at a funeral” so clearly this was an awesome episode. Okay maybe not awesome, but Wilfred trying to impress Drew through his athletic endeavors was entertaining.
Wilfred - “C’mon Wilfred! Get your head in the game!”
I don’t know who this Allison Mack girl is that was flirting with Ryan at the office, but I like the cut of her jib.

--We all know the only way to truly put a stop to drunk driving over the upcoming July 4th holiday is to heed the words of a talking urinal cake:
"Listen up. That's right, I'm talking to you. Had a few drinks? Maybe a few too many? Then do yourself and everyone else a favor: Call a sober friend or a cab. Oh, and don't forget to wash your hands."
A $21 cake lasts three months if you’re looking for something to have fun with at home.

--About Last Night remake with Kevin Hart? I’m in. Although it seems like it’s a case of slapping an old movie title on a movie that doesn’t really have a core storyline that has to be stuck to. I mean all About Last Night was about was just sex, softball, sex and Chicago right?

--Oh you crazy Philippinos with your cheese on top of a KFC chicken sandwich.

--Wendy Diamond laughs at your life goals. Hers is the one we all wish we could achieve if we were half as awesome as she is. Yeah, Wendy is attempting the break the Guinness World Record for the Most Expensive Wedding for Animals. Really Guinness? The current record is $32,000 while Wendy is shooting for $200,000. Only problem is her bitch named Baby Hope (of course Baby Hope) doesn’t yet have a man. She’s turned Facebook into her own doggie e-harmony in the meantime, but will select a “winner” in July. Now Wendy just seems like an insane person, but she actually does a lot for animal welfare and the bulk of the money has been donated…which doesn’t make the idea of this any less ridiculous.

--Herman Cain: An American Presidency. Most hilarious thing I’ve seen all week.

--How exactly does one pocket dial 911 during a robbery you’re committing? The Williamson boys say very easily.

--I was going to write something about the Oreo rainbow cookie, but thankfully Stephen Colbert came along with his superior thoughts on Oreo’s “homesnacksuals.”

--A look at some celebrity patents and their drawings. You know you want to see what the likes of Zeppo Marx, Yakov Smirnoff, Jamie Lee Curtis and Paula Abdul patented. No? Fine, I’ll tell you. Cardiac-Pulse Rate Monitor, Waterproof Writing Pad, Diaper Pocket and Dynamic Mic Stand.

--I think with a cast like Greg from Brady Bunch, Danny Bonaduce, Howard Hesseman, Bubbles from The Wire and the lovely Sherilyn Fenn (Two Moon Junction was a masterpiece) I’m obligated to watch Bigfoot on Syfy this weekend.

--Apparently Redskins TE Fred Davis is involved in a court case with some pimpette or something or other. They’re representing themselves in court and these have been some of the greatest hits of their cross-examinations of each other. I don’t know who’s right or who’s wrong, but it’s all kinds of awesome.
Por ejemplo:
Chaka: Let’s look at these photos right here. Because I went to college. I go back to my homecoming every year. Why? Because a building on the campus named after a family of my family.
Davis: So, they use a pimp cup, that’s all.
Chaka: Mr. Davis, I’m drinking out of a decorated accessory as many celebrities do.
Davis: Many celebrities as who, Magic Don Juan that’s a pimp?
Chaka: As Paris Hilton, as Snoop Dog, as Little John—I work with celebrities. Don’t you think it could have been a gift from one of them?

--Can you believe Ann Curry is leaving Today? I know, who knew Today was still on?

Questions, comments or if you're taking Italy over Spain…

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