Monday, January 24, 2011

She's got a gold tooth you know she's hardcore. She'll show you a good time then she'll show you the door.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--It is damn good to have the likes of Batiatus, Lucretia, Oenomaus/future Doctore and of course my boy Crixus. It took about all of five minutes for Batiatus to scream “Jupiter’s cock,” Jaime Murray and Lucy Lawless to have an opium-induced sex scene, and a beheading…so what I’m saying is it looks like they’re taking their time this season. Good stuff. Jaime Murray (Dexter’s Lila) is perfect for this show. I’m not sure how much more production costs are for this season after last season’s success, but I imagine most of the expenses are tied up in hair dye for Batiatus and Solonius both of whom I hope to never see use the Roman equivalent of a port-a-potty again. I know it’s only going to be a handful of episodes, but it looks like every one of them will count. Though I’m not looking forward to the episode that tells us what happened to the future Doctore’s wife.

--Maybe it’s just because I missed Thursday nights, but I thought the returning shows all crushed it. Probably should have guessed that would happen considering the open to Community that brought about guesses as to who was Annie’s crush – Black Michael Chiklis, White George Foreman, capped off by Jeff labeling Abed – Brown Jamie Lee Curtis.

Which one was in True Lies?

It’s nice to have the gang back although I'm still not a fan of any potential Jeff/Annie hook-up, but that just may be my Alison Brie crush talking. Nice to have Malcolm-Jamal Warner Theo on board.
“Nice sweater.”
“Thanks, my dad got it for me.”

--I and every true American needs a poster of the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness. Hell, in my mind the pyramid needs to be hung above the tunnel for every Texans player on their way out to the field a la Notre Dame’s “Play Like A Champion Today.”

America - The only country that matters. If you want to experience other 'cultures,' use an atlas or a ham radio.
Body Grooming – Only women shave below the neck.
Masonry: Building walls makes you strong. Defending them makes you even stronger.”
Fish – Sport Only!
Skim Milk – That’s right. It’s on here twice. Avoid it.

/Points finger – “Ann Perkins!”

Andy with a classic voicemail left for April, “If you're trying to tell me something, I do not know what it is because you will not call me back.” Oh those crazy kids.

--Wait, Deion Sanders said something misguided and stupid? Oh man, that is so unlike him. Weird. Next thing ya know Darnell Docket will too and we know that never happens. The Jay Cutler thing took on a life of its own, but I still can’t get over Aaron Rodgers tackling Brian Urlacher who was on his way to tie things up. No doubt in my mind the Packers would’ve won that game regardless, but that was one helluva play on Rodgers’ part and one helluva “how’d you get tackled by a QB?” play on Urlacher’s part.

--I miss you already Marcel.

--Caleb Hanie became the third QB in history to notch his first NFL TD pass in a postseason game. The others were Ron Jaworski (apparently in his LA Rams days) and Gary Hogeboom.

--I halfway paid attention to Perfect Couples as I was also cooking. Didn’t seem terrible so it has that going for it along with Sunny’s waitress and Olivia Munn. Maybe it’s just the way it’s going to be, but it seemed really frantic or like it was trying to hard.

--I thought the first half of The Office was really strong, but then I couldn’t stop thinking about how awesome it was going to be next week to see David Brent and Michael Scott exchange words or looks or whatever the hell is going to happen.

--Because I wasn’t about to watch Outsourced I flipped on the second half of Jersey Shore. Won’t be doing that again. The first season it was fun to watch the trainwreck, but (not a newsflash) every episode has been pretty much the same since and that's an hour I could be spending that hour on….

--Angry Birds. I was very late jumping on the bandwagon then my brother let me play it on his iPad on the plane to Vegas. Obviously I have become hooked like Pookie because I never imagined I would pay $5 for an app and now I can’t put down that iPipe.

--Awww yeah, it’s getting closer to baseball time which means it’s getting closer to minor league baseball promotions. This, from Akron, isn’t so much a one-night promotion as it is a chance to test your love of all things Swanson. The Akron Aeros are offering a “Nice 2 Meat You” monstrosity. It’s a 1 1/4 pound hamburger stuffed with a 1/2 pound hot dog and a 1/4 pound of bacon, cheese and onions.

Not sure even a Swanson would even want to try to knock this out.

If you’re trying to watch your weight they still offer the “3 Dog Night” which is a hot dog stuffed inside a bratwurst stuffed inside a kielbasa and well, you get the idea.
Writing of burgers here’s a link to what chefs like Michael Symon, Tim Love, Bobby Flayare doing for the 2011 SoBe Burger Bash. Yes please to Tim Love’s side dish of manchego-serrano tater tots.

--An E! True Hollywood Story on Kate Gosselin. Shoot me now.

--My childhood continues to get viciously raped by Hollywood. Next up? A movie version of the Choose Your Own Adventure books.

--I need to see this short film from Adam Yauch called Fight For Your Right: Revisited. I mean look at that cast! It has everyone from Adam Scott to Ted Danson to Shannyn Sossamon to Martin Starr.

--If recent stories are any indication Christina Aguilera will be holding a churro and/or a bottle of Jack when she sings the national anthem before the Super Bowl.

--If Grandpa Drascott ever needed Keith Stone it was the other day in West Palm Beach, Florida. Grandpa was taking his 18-month-old grandson out for a little stroll for some of that fresh, crazy Florida air. Grandpa was imbibing a little bit, but when he left 24th street he still managed to get to the convenience store on 26th street for a couple more Keystone Ices which he let the baby play with. Unfortunately for grandpa on the way back down to 24th street he passed out on 25th street. For some strange reason the cops came even though grandpa told them he was just “resting.” Probably a good idea to click and see what constitutes "resting" in grandpa's book.

--If Taco Bell’s actual "seasoned beef" filling is at 36% what exactly is the percentage of "seasoned beef" in Jack in the Box’s tacos? -36%? Bottom line is Taco Bell gives you what you need. And believe me, you need autolyzed yeast extract.

--Sadly, Easy Company lost another member over the weekend. Ed Mauser, 94, was the oldest remaining member of the “Band of Brothers.” Rest in peace.

Questions, comments or if you just made reservations for Frontera six weeks in advance just to be sure…


  1. I read that Taco Bell story while eating a Jack in the Box taco. Never tasted better.

  2. I used to destroy those unidentifiable Jack in the Box tacos. Can't sue what you can't define.

  3. Barry (bcstagg)6:56 PM

    Spartacus is money. Don't change.

    I like that "Honor" is the top of the pyramid. Makes sense. But 2nd on the rung? "America" and "Buffets." Buffets. Love Swanson.

  4. Nothing Like pulling up to the drive thru after out drinking all night with 5-7 of your buddies on a Saturday early morning say 2:00 am and ordering 60 Tacos & 8 Jumbo Jacks.

  5. Pretty much. Whatever is in those tacos does seem to have anti-hangover qualities.

  6. Lights Out is starting to look like a pretty damn good show. I love that they are getting to all the corruption, crookedness that really exist in boxing. Like how they look for the weak opponent who is less risk but still will bring the money, signed...Manny not fighting Marquez and fighting Mosley... Total Bitch Move!

  7. Anonymous7:08 AM

    You think the ground beef you buy at the grocery store is any better?!_ammonia-treated_pink_slime_now_in_most_u.s._ground_beef

    According to today's New York Times, The "majority of hamburger" now sold in the U.S. now contains fatty slaughterhouse trimmings "the industry once relegated to pet food and cooking oil," "typically including most of the material from the outer surfaces of the carcass" that contains "larger microbiological populations."

    This "nasty pink slime," as one FDA microbiologist called it, is now wrung in a centrifuge to remove the fat, and then treated with AMMONIA to "retard spoilage," and turned into "a mashlike substance frozen into blocks or chips".

    Do like I do. From now on buy a whole cut and have your butcher grind it for you.

  8. I want to like Lights Out more than I do. Love the actor playing Lights, but there are just so many cliches.
    Manny vs. JMM woulda been great instead we get something I won't even buy.

  9. I'm sure it's not but I haven't eaten ground beef in about 15 years. Interesting, disgusting stuff and good advice.


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